Posts Tagged ‘Canadian writer and author’

Temptation

 

We are all made victim of temptation and of course every rose has it’s thorns.. for every cause an effect or consequence. But what would society be without some false pretense of morality? How would we sell sex if it wasn’t sinful? How could we promote religion without the sin of sexual temptation? Of course we will all be Fallen Angels..but who is to blame..is it the tempted or the tempter? ..as they say ” You cannot be seduced unless you want to be.” But what is life without seduction? What is love without lust? But then what is lust without love.. as it dies as quickly as it began? Why does the human species deny it’s own innate nature by definitions and dogma? Is it because we think, if we are fucking all day we will become a sexually addicted race and destroy ourselves by our base natures? Do we think that we will never achieve our long term goals if we are busy getting busy under the sheets? Looking at this rationally.. eventually we all have to put our clothes back on and get other things done.. if we fucked it all out of our systems don’t you think the world would be a better place? Imagine all of that underground sexuality that has been made unhealthy by our own immature repression, surfacing and becoming healed by our own awareness of our sexual retardation .. our sexual retardation as nations repressing the feminine sex as being made responsible for the seduction of men by being too sexy? How silly humans are.. That make rules of conduct for what comes natural to the rest of the animal kingdom.. and we wonder why we are the ones destroying our own natural environment.. it’s all that repressed sexual energy going into war and conquest .. imagine how much better the world would be if we put all of that hot sexual energy to good use between the sheets?

Bill Maher touched on this topic .. speaking about the sexual repression of the young boys in the US that shoot up schools.. he talked about their sexual repression and their hatred of women because they felt they wouldn’t ever get laid.. about the religions context .. going with that topic.. imagine how much happier men would be if they stopped repressing women’s sexuality..? Imagine women not being threatened by being sexy? Like Bill said .. there wouldn’t be so many guns and violence if men were actually courting women and doing  IT..rather than shooting at shit. Look at the sexual repression in the Middle East.. women being totally covered from head-to-toe .. being stoned and acid burned .. cut down and gunned down should they show any flesh.. now lets look at what the men are doing.. total self destruction and social destruction..absolute unchained violence..Bill is right.. they all just need to kill the religion that caused the sexual repression ( The three major world religions ) stop taking it out on their women and make love not war. Imagine if men stopped trying to own the world by using sex as a weapon? Isn’t the gun shaped like a penis.. the chamber the balls, the bullets like sperm..and the barrel the shaft? What if men stopped scaring the shit out of women..what if they were actually kind and loving..considerate, romantic and affectionate? What if men were actually gentlemen instead of self entitled bullies? ( by men I mean those who use the patriarchy or religion as an excuse to abuse women )

What if we stopped chaining each other down by false morality and self inflicted laws of conformity that causes us to be judge and jury to each other? I know this is starting to sound like a John Lennon song..but he had the right idea.

As a single woman I have noticed that romance, courtship and dating are on their death throws .. gasping for that last breath..the death rattle..Sex, love, lust ..bind us together in humanity…we have become a touch deprived society.. everyone is on their cell or just having quick hookups at best.. The rules are so fucked up and varied no one knows what to do anymore.

Yes I like writing about the Goddess archetypes.. yes I love expressing her ..but I am an ordinary woman.. I am a human being.. I would like to see humanity embrace being human so that we can show each other humanity.. and that begins be accepting our base nature as sexual beings.. if we don’t have that solid foundation on our basic psychology, we are doomed to self destruction by the lack of true human connection.. we need to emotionally mature.

Sex ed 101

Contemplating my bad

 

Mentally reviewing the last 3 years attempting to network my book in my local community.. I realize my bad was dramatically reacting to their bad.. but of course I didn’t know what I didn’t know.. and that is what I know now…and it’s that I wouldn’t ever be accepted or be welcomed in their house of belonging due to the subject matter of my book ” Women’s sexuality ” Even though my book is tasteful and factual.. even though it is artistic and intellectual.. although very amateurish.. I wouldn’t ever of been accepted into their polished, conservative perspectives.. as they are comfortable in doing things the way they always have done them.. and I had no idea that the art culture in Kelowna and area.. are to support professionalism.. vs professionalism supporting the arts.. or any form of balance between the two. I had no idea of the fact that the people who create the culture in Kelowna, through the arts they decide to promote or show.. through the networking groups and organizations that they have created and run.. are groups and organizations based upon professional conservatism ..and that they are subject to their perspectives of good clean family values or MORALS.

My bad or my fault was to keep trying to break down their barriers and prejudices.. my fault was to keep trying to break through their walls and to try to change them after I had realized they all held the same views and they were not going to change them. Yes what they did and how they do things is wrong.. it is black and white..if you profess to include everyone in your groups and organizations..but exclude me due to the subject matter of women’s sexuality that is sexism..that is prejudice and that is black and white.. WRONG..But by me getting beside myself with anger and frustration.. with that anger and frustration turning inward inside of me ..to lead to suicidal thoughts a year ago ( I am doing really well now thanks ) but by allowing them that room in my mind, and heart they had won..and it gave them an excuse to call me crazy and a drama queen.. it gave them an excuse as a group..as individuals.. to keep excluding me..to never let me in..to not allow me to network in their groups or have speaking platform.. because of my emotions.. me attempting to hold them accountable on my blog by writing about every experience .. it made them feel justified.. so the did win. I should of realized that it was a battle that I couldn’t win after loosing so many rounds in the fight.. I should of seen it was draining.. sucking my vitality and life force.. it was taking away my confidence..as I was starting to see myself through their eyes.. I should of just walked off that battle field and realized not a single one of them was ever worth it.. that belonging or being accepted by them wasn’t ever worth loosing my sense of self over.. I should of seen much earlier that they wouldn’t ever be my audience.. because they are afraid of change.. even though they peach change and equality.. even though they go on and on about authenticity and having the courage to be different and follow your dreams.. I should of seen much sooner that these were just words of self promotion.. but I didn’t know, then what I know now.. now that I have watched them..now that I have gotten to know their patterns of make believe personas .. I sure wish I knew then what I know now..  but I am headstrong…and sometimes being headstrong can be a double edged sword..it can make you tough..but also it can make you blind to your own stubborn.. and gawd I am that.

I have a temper and righteous anger.. but now I know how to spot them because they all sound the same.. the all run in the same circles and all spout the same self-righteous crap. I can see the arrogance ..as they think they can do no wrong..and they have the power in numbers to keep their delusion of grandeur. But my bad was believing it.. comparing myself to them.. feeling like I don’t measure up because I don’t have the qualification or the professional experience that they all seem to have..but I have learned that most of their qualifications are hyped up bullshit.. my bad was not seeing it sooner.

The truth is I was and still am, their mirror.. a mirror that doesn’t work through the lens of their own rose colored glasses..but a mirror that shows them their lies and prejudices.. a mirror that shows them the truth…and that is ” Same as it ever was.. same as it ever was.” and it will always be the same old..for them..and that’s exactly why they don’t want to let me in or anyone else in that doesn’t communicate or network with in the frames of their comfort levels.. because they are afraid …

And there is my bad again..I didn’t understand it was really their fear and ignorance..it really didn’t have much to do with me.. change is a painful process..that they don’t want to face.

If there ever is a similar circumstance in my life again.. I walking away sooner.. I not going to fight battles I cannot win when I could change my strategy and change what I can.. I will accept much sooner..what I cannot not change.

The story of the runaway horse

 

My son really wanted me to write this story down.. as we were waiting for an hour in the car, staying out of the rain.. waiting for his big sisters to get out of middle school and high school..he asked me ” Mom what is the scariest ride you have ever been on. When we were at the IPE this weekend dad said that when he was married to you, that you liked to go on all the scary rides?” I said to my son ” The scariest ride I have ever been on was on the back of a runaway horse named Silver.” and since we had time to kill I entertained my son with the entire story.

I was 13; I had a pony named George..and to keep him I did trade work for a local horse breeder. I would shovel poop; haul water, feed, groom and work the horses..that’s how I kept Georgey in style. Silver was a 2 y/0 Arabian/Quarter cross.. and yes he was silver.. he was shiny and very sassy. One of Silver’s favorite tricks was to kick up his hide legs and fart poop bombs.. it was hilarious..except for when he was successful.. then it was just gross..and he would actually celebrate when he got you..by snorting, prancing to the side and flicking his head backwards to get a good look at your shock and rage.. he was a sassy bastard.. My George liked to bite…and Silver like to launch his shit..between the two of them .. I always had to have my game face on..

I learned all about the birds and the bees working for a breeder.. and I learned about money.. The most expensive horses were inseminated .. It was an exciting day in horse breeder world when I was allowed to watch a pair mate.. I got to watch with some of the richest people in the business.. they played classical music and drank expensive wine ( at 13 I didn’t get all the fuss ) but the horses that were allowed to do it..did it tethered and padded up.. they didn’t want any rips, bruises or any injuries on the top quality Arabian race horses.. the adults acted like I was being let in on some very special ritual..it made me feel special and very grown up..but back to Silver..

Mr. Jones had taught me how to feed Silver a training halter..and he guided me in learning how to guide Silver with just a light touch of a training whip..and so I began to work him in circles around the small coral.. Silver and I started to bond..but he was still cheeky.. he was always trying to pin me up against the fence..I am sure just for kicks.. Mr. Jones was trying to break him into a saddle..and so he would tie Silver to the fence and lean on his back.. eventually he was able to get up on his back and ride him bare back around the coral.. then he would have me sit on Silver while he would lead him around the coral by the reins.. by the end of summer I was taking Silver myself out into the bigger more open coral and riding him bareback.. Mr. Jones said he was almost ready to saddle.. but Silver had a wild spirit and so it was taking a lot longer for him to break ..Mr. Jones couldn’t give him to the guy who had bought him until he was ready.

But one day I was a little too brave .. A little too foolish with Silver.. It was bright and late in the morning. I had cleaned about 10 stalls..groomed the horses and now I was leading them into the bigger coral to work them.. I was riding my pony George and leading Silver by the reins.. Silver was in a great mood..he was behaving.. he wasn’t prancing about and launching shit balls..and so I had this great idea that I would just hop on him bareback and ride him to the larger coral. He was great at first.. He let me get right up..and I had my George’s reins as well.. it was September.. just like it is right now.. September 1983.. The morning was turning to afternoon and the sun felt so nice on my hair..so warm and soothing..and riding Silver bareback felt nice and warm and soothing too.. I was so relaxed.. it felt great to ride and relax after shoveling shit all morning…and throwing buckets of water on the stalls to clean them.. but then a stick .. a big black stick surfaced in a puddle..and Silver spooked.. First he side stepped..and George’s reins slipped out of my hands…and Silver’s reins were only in one hand..as he BOLTED!!!

All I could do was hang on for my very life.. there wasn’t any thinking.. only surviving..He dashed down the dirt road..and he ran..and ran and ran.. I couldn’t get the reins under control without loosing my grip on his mane .. all I could do was grab his mane and inch up to sit up as close to his neck as I could.. I couldn’t even look or see were we were going.. and I used all my thigh muscles to cling to him.. my long hair whipped me in the face….and got stuck in my open mouth..choking me..then his mane whipped into my eyes as I tucked in as close to him as possible.. by instinct I knew I had to make myself as tiny as possible..because we were entering the woods.. and he could easily rub me off on a tree or two.. I felt him leap over bushes.. leap and leap..but all I could do was hang on.. and I felt branches hit me.. I felt my hair being pulled out by branches..but I couldn’t even scream..I just hung on.. there was no thinking.. and it seemed like the ride lasted forever.. I felt my legs ache and cramp ..and that is when he finally started to get tired and slow down.. just when I thought I had nothing left.. he slowed to a prance..and then a walk.. and then finally Silver stopped.. I raised me head from his neck and main.. my hair was tangled into his mane from the wind and branches.. My hands were locked into his mane in a death grip.. my hands hurt..as he started to shake his neck..because I am sure my grip was hurting him.. I couldn’t get off him right away because my legs were numb from clenching my thighs so tightly to him.. and when I did dismount ..I fell down on my knees.. I was totally drained..and I was numb with shock..he looked down at me and snorted..almost like he was saying ” Sorry about that.” we both just stared at each other..then he started to much on some greens..

Then I had to pee really bad..I was so happy I hadn’t peed my pants..I thought to myself ” Most grownups would of peed their pants” with that thought I went in the bushes.. and as all my senses came to me I realized were were probably 10 miles into the bush..so I had no other choice but to get right back up on Silver and ride him out of the bush.. and that’s how Mr.Jones and some of his employees found me when they came looking for us.. They were happy to find me alive..they couldn’t believe a little girl like me had the strength to hang on that long.. and Mr.Jones said to me .. a few days later.. after he got over being pissed at me for being so foolish.. he said ” Seeing you ride him out of the bush after that, was one of the bravest things I have ever seen little lady.”

And that fall Silver got saddled up and shipped off to his new home.. I never saw my wild friend again.. but what a ride! HYO Silver!

The Goddess

In my book I use photography and writing to express seven different Goddesses or aspects of The Divine Feminine. The Goddess that is my main archetype is Artemis.. she is the FEMINIST.. she fights for the rights of all women and their children.. she fights for The Underdog. I am also very athletic; very strong willed, proud and strong minded.. I am strong. I have had many women tell me I need to tone it down so that I can attract a man vs scaring them off with my intensity ..but I can only be who I am.. we can all only be who we are. Artemis is quick in every way.. her bow and arrow represent her quick wit…her intentions flying high and true.. she stands for justice..she was Wonder Woman before media made her into an Americanized Super Hero.. 

From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

Artemis

 

Isis was the main Goddess of the East in which all Goddesses that came after were emulated from. This means that the different aspects of the Goddess Isis were broken down to being named as separate parts and personalities; but Isis was the first archetype or template of the wisdom, of the feminine aspect of the Divine.

Artemis is understood as the huntress; she was an independent, strong athletic Goddess. She resided in the woodlands and she was considered the Mistress of the Animals. She was also seen as the Mother Bear that would hunt and protect her young with her life. She was not to be taken for granted as she could do for herself and her young. She is the single mother, doing the job of both mother and father. Artemis is also the athlete; she represents endurance and great strength. In childbirth she was seen to oversee the mother; giving her the endurance and power to carry on through the pain and long hours of birth.

If she were to be a real person; her personality would be of a very earthy woman; she would bait her own hook if she was fishing, she would gut the fish, cook it and feed it to her young and clean up when all the eating was done.

Today she would be the single mother; if she was emulated today, she would be the woman bringing home the bacon and then mothering all alone. She would not take “NO” for an answer at work or at home; that is the reason today why many women find themselves alone. They may be alone for a while but soon they will meet the man that is man enough to understand her strength and respect her for it.

She is the tomboy; she is not afraid to get dirty, she is not afraid ofa rainy, windy day outside; she is the woman of the earth; she craves the race. For the right man she is his best friend and his lover; she keeps him on his toes. The woman that has the personality of Artemis is sure to be seen leading the pack; if it be in business or even in the home front; this woman know what she wants.

Compassion

 

What if I said to you, it is all right to feel blue?

What if I held you close to my heart and let you cry?

What if I understood your pain?

What if I didn’t make you feel ashamed?

What if I offered you comfort instead of blame?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I let you talk until you’re done?

What if I stayed with you through and through?

What if I wiped away your tears and cried with you?

What if I didn’t tell you to get over it?

What if I stayed strong for you through your weakness?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if through my past pain I learned to care?

What if I learned mercy and released bitterness?

What if I chose to take up wisdom instead being a victim?

What if I shared my treasure with you?

What if through my understanding I could help you?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I opened my heart instead of closed it?

What if I used my own lessons to unfold it?

What if I chose to show tenderness instead of selfishness?

What if I held my hands out to lift you up?

What if I brought hope to the hopeless?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

Surrender

 

Sweet sorrow

Sweet like the summer rain

Moist and tender like my heart

I surrender

 

I give in to the pain

I release myself to the rain

I fall softly in to myself

I surrender

 

I let go of control

I know to fight the tears is pointless

I cry

I surrender

 

My heart it bleeds

The red fresh pain released

I feel at least

I surrender

 

My heart so tender

Raw and alive

Oh how I cry

I surrender

 

I love the hurt

The pain it teaches me

Who I am supposed to be

I surrender

 

I surrender all of me.

Links