Posts Tagged ‘canadian arts’

Coming To My Senses

 

When I wasn’t even fully awake this morning; my eyes not yet even open, the thought that came into my consciousness was ” No more assholes.”  I was waking up in the country to open my drapes to see the snow covered mountains to the sound of the early morning train. I love the sound of the train at night and the coyotes. The coyotes sound so hauntingly beautiful and mysterious on the cold and snowy winter nights. I woke up to waking up; to a feeling of coming back to my senses or the center of myself. It was a peaceful yet a radical awakening as I realized I didn’t ever have to fight anyone for anything when I was living in the city of Kelowna. I realized I didn’t even have to move to Kelowna to create my book and I realized, I can and I will, create whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want to. When I left the city I left them to their own devices and I realized upon awakening that I always should have. I should of never cared what they thought of me or how they labeled me to suit their own purposes and insecurities. There ignorance was theirs to own not for me to trouble myself with even addressing, towards giving them or their issues any of my time.

My soul feels nourished once more and I do feel whole once more and reborn into myself and my own internal power. It is like I walked back into a mirror to walk into myself. All the names that they called me and all the things that they would have me believe myself to be, have fallen away and they are with them in Kelowna.

Before I awoke to my thought of ” No more assholes.” I had a dream. In my dream I was in a hologram and I was erasing parts of the illusion until it was gone. I stepped out of the hologram and back into my own life.. and so it was that Kelowna, I was in a 6 year bad dream that I allowed to be real by accepting the illusions that others projected towards me. My dream was my subconscious becoming conscious and awakening me to myself while I awoke. It was a dream of everyday magic; and that my friends is true awareness.

I have a new attitude towards my life now, I have a new attitude towards others who question my life and me as a person ( You are not my problem and I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you about my choices or my life )

I don’t need to fight anyone to be heard. If you don’t want to hear me that is your choice and it’s my choice not to give a damn and my choice to move towards life and happiness and way from assholes.

I am not going to waste my life and that is my time here on this planet, attempting to be the asshole whisperer. I am going to walk towards the light and happiness and teach my children to do the same. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who respect me, love me and who want to hear my message. I am turning my attention towards love, hope and joy. I am being fully emotionally present with my children, as in the past asshole’s nasty energy took my energy and time away from my kids. Not anymore. I am turning my back on all those who don’t matter and giving my love and attention to those who do..including myself.

I know logically it will take another 100 years or so before women have the same sexual freedoms and rights as men. I have done my part for society and for the human race upon writing my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) available on Amazon.ca

So now I am going to let it ride on the hands of fate. I will keep writing, but I am not pushing and I am not fighting.. what is meant to be will be.. I am going to enjoy my life and peace.

Justin Trudeau you had me at Feminism

 

You had me at feminism but you probably will not read this poorly unedited, blog written by a self educated woman that isn’t included into your Camelot Circle. I am not a wealthy or connected person and so from what I have seen of you I will not matter. I am a commoner. I was really reminded of that watching the Royal Convoy speed past me and my children in Kelowna BC yesterday afternoon. The Liberal Government has been reminding common folk that they are common folk, as they surround themselves with only the best and most important people in the world. I simply don’t matter. I am just another number or statistic. I am just a single mother doing the single mother struggle. I am a renter caught in the middle of a greedy monster of a market brought into BC by the Chinese laundering their money through Vancouver real estate.

But anyways.. you had me at feminism, and so I watched you appoint many women into your government and I watched you support aboriginal women to work for you in your government..and then I watched you to see what actions you would take in supporting all women, all over Canada.. but I have to say that since your appointment I haven’t seen much from you. You have traveled to create positive relationships towards trade to other countries like China, you have taken multiple vacations and you always seem to be jet setting somewhere to do something ” important” you did increase family allowance and that was very helpful towards single mothers like me.. but…

Did you take notice of the Canadian judge that told a 19 year old rape victim to keep her legs together? Did you notice that he wasn’t fired right away, I have been watching the press and as far as I can tell he is still on the payroll.. So what are you going to do about it? How are you going to address and repair our judicial system towards educating judges and their misogyny?

Did you know that if a woman on welfare lives with a man for only 3 months she can have her support taken away from her as she is deemed to be in his care? Doesn’t it seem reasonable to assume then that she would be forced to stay in an abusive relationship so as not to become homeless? What are you going to do about it? Why haven’t welfare rates been raised to match inflation? Do you know how many women and children are on welfare, do you know how many children go hungry because the government refuses to give the common and poor dignity? What are you going to do about it?

Did you know that according to The Province male landlords in Vancouver are placing adds for female tenants to pay for their rent with sex? Don’t you think if women made equal pay and had the same opportunities as men that situations like this would and could be minimized? What are you going to do about it? The Province reported that the police will do nothing about it until women come forward individually. I think that is sexist and I think you should make the police.. police and put them up to an undercover sting operation.. am I the only one thinking about this? Why are you not thinking about this? Are you to busy hobnobbing with the snobs and really important people to be thinking about the common people? It seems so.

Why are you allowing rents to increase with out creating a law that stops landlords from asking for such unreasonably high rents? Why are you not capping the rent increases so that cities like Vancouver and Kelowna will be affordable and enjoyable for all Canadians? Don’t you think that if the rents were capped that it would decrease the amounts of men asking for sex as payment of rent and don’t you think it would make it easier for single parents to find homes to raise their children in? Don’t you think that capping rents would make it so that people can afford to eat? How can people afford these unreasonably high rents when working full time on minimum wage as it still puts them below the poverty line? Did you know that landlords are now making unreasonable request towards renter’s personal information and personal business because the market is so cut throat .. so they can invade on people’s right to privacy.. they are picking and preening.

Or is it more important to you to bring more Chinese money into BC to make it a tourist destination or a rich only destination to create more wealth for the wealthy?

You were born to privilege, you were born into the political life.. so are you so blinded by your upbringing that you cannot empathize with the common people and their basic needs to human rights? Is wealth and giving and getting privilege the goal?

Of course there are surmountable responsibilities towards running a country and being Prime Minister .. I would like you and I think other Canadian’s would like to see you sit your down in your office and get to work.I think it is time for you to be practical and down to earth towards the simple things that matter to the public, because you were appointed to serve us not your rich and very important friends and associates ..all women deserve equality and safety not just the select few that you have selected.

All Canadians deserve respect and dignity not just the select few that can afford to buy into a hugely inflated real estate market. I think as a Prime Minister your first course of action should of been to take care of societies most vulnerable.

But of course what do I know.. because statistically speaking, I am one of them.

The Power of Ritual

The above image is a painting that I created a year ago of The Moon Goddess or Selene.

I have been doing my New and Full Moon ritual’s on my YouTube channel for several months now. I was inspired to do so by going to a few New Moon Ceremonies in my local community that I found to be very unorganized and lacking in depth or meaning by the lack of organization. Ritual’s are very organized by the use of symbols, music and words.. etc, to create intention. Without intention a ritual or ceremony is meaningless and washed out.

Looking at ritual through the lens of psychology .. a ritual is like an affirmation. When we give ourselves repeated affirmations it’s like self hypnosis. Hypnotherapy helps towards wiring the brain down new pathways that lead us towards better or worse behaviors. Many athletes use rituals or patterns of behavior to help them concentrate their energy on achieving the intended goal. A ritual pattern like using a lucky piece of equipment, lacing their shoes a specific way and saying a mantra before competing help’s athletes and all of us to focus internally towards what we wish to accomplish. To give weight to the power of ritual is to see it through common sense not just a spiritual practice. Ritual’s actually calm and comfort the psyche ” soul, mind or spirit” That is why so many recovering addicts turn to religion or spirituality to help them to over come their addiction.. so looking at it factually it isn’t actually God or the gods that they believe in that helps them beat the addiction..but rather it is the ritual in religion or spirituality that helps them to stay calm, centered and focused on the outcome of health and inner peace.

In this post I am teaching you how to create your own ritual’s so that you can set intentions to help you manifest your desires or goals..and so that you can hone in on what it is you need to release or let go of that is holding you back from your goal or optimal health. The Serenity Prayer is a prime example of this wisdom.

” God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Traditionally the New Moon is used to plant seeds of intention so we can manifest or harvest those intentions by the Full Moon..and the Full Moon is about letting go of what no longer serves your greatest good. The moon is a symbol of femininity, the mother and nurturing as well as the mysteries. The word menstruation comes from the Greek word Mene meaning Moon, the Moon represents ancient wisdom, it is associated with the owl,, the bird of wisdom and silver the color that represents the Goddess and so that is why we have many Goddess Circles that create rituals around the moon; as the cycles of the moon represent death and rebirth ..and the mysteries that wait for us upon the death of the flesh. Looking at this through a spiritual lens, rituals are more powerful when they are performed with the cycles of the moon. Using the astrology of were the planets and stars are placed at the time of the full moon further concentrates the intentions, manifestations and what needs to be released by designing a ritual around the energy of the solar system with the cycles of the moon. Thanks to the internet you can go and research the astrology yourself to design your own ritual.

1. A ritual should start by knowing your intentions, what you wish to manifest or what you wish to release.

2. You can start your ritual with a mantra or pray to open up your psyche ” Psyche was a Goddess by the way.” or subconscious towards making yourself susceptible towards suggestion.

3. You must have symbols of meaning like wine, flowers, crystals or candles and have them arranged in way that is meaningful to you. You can use ancient symbols like tarot cards or ordinary household items that are dear to you. You can use these items to concentrate your intentions .. or towards releasing. Like writing down what you wish to release then ritualistically burning it as a symbol of release.

4. A closing mantra or prayer to close the subconsciousness towards further suggestions towards self hypnosis. To return mind, body and soul to it’s normal state.

 

There are many things that you can use in rituals .. like food, music, essential oils or even Tantric Sex. There are many cultures that use sex or sex magic in rituals.

Here are some examples of what you may wish to manifest { Love, health, money, justice, equality, victory, marriage, children, fame.. etc..}

When I underwent hypnotherapy I was told by my therapist ” You will go inside of yourself and ask your higher self or “Genie” to help guide you towards your greatest wishes and desires.”

Looking at manifesting through a practical lens.. we must not only wish but we must act or take actions towards our goals to achieve them..but setting our intentions and releasing what is holding us back from success is a start towards building a foundation of success and towards staying on the path of success. Because every athlete has had to train many long hours towards winning an Olympic Gold.

The Goddess

This chapter in my book is very special to me; as she represents wisdom and intelligence.. she is the female Albert Einstein..and that is why I based this chapter on infinity..or the contemplation of reality. Albert Einstein also understood music as mathematical. As he was so is she. Sexy woman are also very intelligent and intellectual people.

~From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine ~ Amazon.ca

click on images to enlarge them

Hecate

 

The Triple Headed Goddess; The High Priestess; she has many names. The keeper of the crossroads and the hidden places; she lifts the veil to the Inner Temple, the subconscious. She is the woman who dreams, dreams of long forgotten places and remembers things. She dreams, dreams of the future that come to pass, she sees past lies and deceit by using her inner compass.

 

She represents the lunar cycles in all phases; the new moon is the virgin; the full moon the mother and the waning moon the matron. She is daughter, mother and grandmother, as all women have been and will be in each state within their lifetimes. She is mystery and secrecy, as all women keep their secrets from men; as it isn’t any of his business how many men had come before him or how she felt about them; because she knows the fragile male ego needs not know for it’s own good. She keeps her secrets from her own mother and even sometimes from her best friends, as secrets are secrets.

 

She is feline; sleek and sexy in her mystery, she can overwhelm a man with her inner sight as just when he may think that he has fooled her, he finds her looking deep inside. She looks right through him like a cat looking into the spirit world; this does scare him because in her coldness he knows that she has seen strait through him. His only defense is to call her crazy; but as wise as she is she knows to ignore his pitiful attempt at hiding from her.

 

She is a woman that keeps her own council; she knows her intuition very well; wise and strong, this makes her very sexy, but in a dangerous way to men. But the danger of her deep wisdom causes him to want her more, because he just cannot grasp her inner mystery.

 

This is woman whom men will come to asking for advice; because they know that it will be given with unfaltering truth and deep wisdom. She is the woman; that with her intuition sees around corners, she can connect the past, present and future. This mysterious woman understands that time doesn’t run in lines it runs in circles, understanding the rhythm of life, knowing that it all conjuncts back to crossroads, she can see the next entrance. Light and darkness; youth and aging, life and death all circle into infinity.

Infinity

 

 

Oh to contemplate infinity.. Where to start.. First with the symbol of infinity the # 8 turned on its side.. This is the number of abundance and endless possibilities, as this is what infinity is.. It is nothing=everything and everything=nothing.. If you look at the symbol were the lines meet in the middle; if you were to crop this, it would look like and X marking the spot where the treasure of the infinite is propelled out from the center.. The center is the symbol of the # zero which really isn’t a number at all as it holds no value.. As it equals nothing.. but the zero is infinite as it holds place value ( following me here.. )

The place value is, it holds the other numbers up to equal, lesser or greater value.. This is the nature of infinity..(Sorry I love this) this is the number of infinity on the digital clock 10:01.. The 10 the completion the 01 the beginning of the journey.

To look at the symbol of infinity is to see that reality, space, time and mass all conjunction to meet at nothing.. Making everything come together to become NOTHING…ahh infinity..So does this mean that there is no mass, space, time or even reality.. Or does this mean that when they join they create timelessness.. Does this mean that nothing is really as it seems that we are deluding ourselves into perceiving reality?..(I love this…mind bending isn’t it?)

Zero is the womb waiting conception…10 is the conception brought to fruition and one is the conception..(Interesting isn’t it?).. Infinity is based on numbers.. Negative and positive.. When they pass through the conjunction of infinity.. The cross roads on the path to nowhere and everywhere they become Zero.. They become the possibility of negative or positive numbers or experience.. Or time, or space or mass…

Is the journey ever really complete? Has it ever even been started? Does time hold a place in the everything or is it nothing at all.. If everything is nothing and nothing is everything then the possibilities are endless.. Limitless.. Fathomless…

I hope I gave you something to think about.

Sacred Whore

 

The Sacred Whore was the High Priestess of the temple. She was not the whore of today; the reason that she is known as a whore is that she accepted payment for her services.

 

When we envision a whore; we see a rundown woman with no self worth or respect, stung up on drugs, using the payment from her customers to buy more drugs so that she can numb herself into living through her terrible life. This was not the whore of ancient times.

 

The High Priestess was from noble blood or family; giving her virginity to paying noble men was seen as a sacred sacrifice to the divine. She was encouraged to enter into the Priestess hood upon puberty. Men would pay her as a sex therapist and councilor; this was a sacred bond of secrets between her and her client; who were mostly high ranking men, she was the soft place to fall into; they could divulge all of their inner most secrets; wishes and fears to her and then make love to her and with her. This was the place where he could fall to pieces but still keep his self-respect.

 

When the High Priestess was ready to re-enter normal life; she would more than likely marry one of the noble men that she had been a consort to; she was revered and respected for her contribution to society and to the divine union of the masculine and the feminine.

 

Today she exists in every woman as the understanding wife, girlfriend and lover. Her payment is still the same (respect and trust) to trust and respect her; she too will do the same for her man; if she is a dignified woman, a woman of class and grace, she will take his inner most secrets to the grave with her. She will not use his secrets against him; it will be and stay bedroom talk until he mentions it to her again as she will understand and respect his vulnerability.

 

In the tarot deck she is seen as the Strength card; The Whore of Babylon, she tames his inner beast with beauty, sweetness and grace; as well with a good amount of lusty lovemaking.

RHYTHM

 

 

I love to dance and sing

Music is everything

I hear and feel such passion move through me

I can’t help but move my feet

My heart burst out across my lips

As the melody takes over me.

 

The drum beat sends me

The piano owns me

The strings touch my heart

The strings of the guitar and the harp

The violin so sad and sweet

Soulful and so spiritual

Music swirling sends me twirling

 

Like a child again

I am wild again

I am freed by this passion

Fiery euphoria sweep me up

I fly to the stars

I grove hard

 

Music, music be my muse

I swing as I move

Fluid as the waves of bliss that send me

Send me, ohhh send me

Send me to sweet poetry

Oh the dance of life it courses through the score

 

Fiero, sotto voce, furioso

Boldly, softly, wildly

Take me to the angels

Take my body and my soul

I sing and dance

I make music for the sake of it.

 

Ohhhoohhhooh Bliss!

MAGIC

 

 

Suddenly I can see past reality

I can see eternity

I understand infinity

I am everything and everything moves through me.

 

In a place deep inside of my soul

I can learn to let go

I know that my gifts are my tools

My natural born abilities create more for and of me.

 

When I learn to soar on the winds of change

When I let myself float down stream

When I cease to fight

When I chose to do what feels right I win.

 

There is magic inside of each one of us

A magic that is powered by faith and trust

By following our hearts and souls

We find our way to this enchanted space and place.

 

Destiny is given room

Destiny and fate are found in a quieted state

It is in the place of surrender

Surrender where we create and find our miracles.

 

The miracle is the magic

The magic of turning sorrow into treasure

The magic of wisdom matured

We chose tenderness over bitterness.

 

Creation is at your finger tips

We can cause miracles by following our hearts

It is through living our dreams

That God lives through each and every one of us.

 

Magic is the infinity of the possibilities

That nothing lived through the heart is impossible to conceive

When we manifest our dreams

We become one with God and live in our own divinity.

 

So quiet your mind and still your soul

You have the power at your calling

To call upon all of creation

You can become whatever you chose as infinity is within you.

 

The Goddess

In my book I use photography and writing to express seven different Goddesses or aspects of The Divine Feminine. The Goddess that is my main archetype is Artemis.. she is the FEMINIST.. she fights for the rights of all women and their children.. she fights for The Underdog. I am also very athletic; very strong willed, proud and strong minded.. I am strong. I have had many women tell me I need to tone it down so that I can attract a man vs scaring them off with my intensity ..but I can only be who I am.. we can all only be who we are. Artemis is quick in every way.. her bow and arrow represent her quick wit…her intentions flying high and true.. she stands for justice..she was Wonder Woman before media made her into an Americanized Super Hero.. 

From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca

Artemis

 

Isis was the main Goddess of the East in which all Goddesses that came after were emulated from. This means that the different aspects of the Goddess Isis were broken down to being named as separate parts and personalities; but Isis was the first archetype or template of the wisdom, of the feminine aspect of the Divine.

Artemis is understood as the huntress; she was an independent, strong athletic Goddess. She resided in the woodlands and she was considered the Mistress of the Animals. She was also seen as the Mother Bear that would hunt and protect her young with her life. She was not to be taken for granted as she could do for herself and her young. She is the single mother, doing the job of both mother and father. Artemis is also the athlete; she represents endurance and great strength. In childbirth she was seen to oversee the mother; giving her the endurance and power to carry on through the pain and long hours of birth.

If she were to be a real person; her personality would be of a very earthy woman; she would bait her own hook if she was fishing, she would gut the fish, cook it and feed it to her young and clean up when all the eating was done.

Today she would be the single mother; if she was emulated today, she would be the woman bringing home the bacon and then mothering all alone. She would not take “NO” for an answer at work or at home; that is the reason today why many women find themselves alone. They may be alone for a while but soon they will meet the man that is man enough to understand her strength and respect her for it.

She is the tomboy; she is not afraid to get dirty, she is not afraid ofa rainy, windy day outside; she is the woman of the earth; she craves the race. For the right man she is his best friend and his lover; she keeps him on his toes. The woman that has the personality of Artemis is sure to be seen leading the pack; if it be in business or even in the home front; this woman know what she wants.

Compassion

 

What if I said to you, it is all right to feel blue?

What if I held you close to my heart and let you cry?

What if I understood your pain?

What if I didn’t make you feel ashamed?

What if I offered you comfort instead of blame?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I let you talk until you’re done?

What if I stayed with you through and through?

What if I wiped away your tears and cried with you?

What if I didn’t tell you to get over it?

What if I stayed strong for you through your weakness?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if through my past pain I learned to care?

What if I learned mercy and released bitterness?

What if I chose to take up wisdom instead being a victim?

What if I shared my treasure with you?

What if through my understanding I could help you?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

 

What if I opened my heart instead of closed it?

What if I used my own lessons to unfold it?

What if I chose to show tenderness instead of selfishness?

What if I held my hands out to lift you up?

What if I brought hope to the hopeless?

 

This is the heart of compassion.

Surrender

 

Sweet sorrow

Sweet like the summer rain

Moist and tender like my heart

I surrender

 

I give in to the pain

I release myself to the rain

I fall softly in to myself

I surrender

 

I let go of control

I know to fight the tears is pointless

I cry

I surrender

 

My heart it bleeds

The red fresh pain released

I feel at least

I surrender

 

My heart so tender

Raw and alive

Oh how I cry

I surrender

 

I love the hurt

The pain it teaches me

Who I am supposed to be

I surrender

 

I surrender all of me.

The Goddess

( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca

The Martyr

 

You will find her busy all day and night; she seems to take on the world single handedly, she chooses suffering as service. She chooses to suffer by neglecting herself, by putting others needs before her own. Her house is never clean enough, her children never quite live up to her high standards and her mate cannot do as good of a job with the chores as she can.

 

She wears her suffering as a badge of high standing; the world owes her for her enduring suffering. She sleeps little; she doesn’t sit to eat, because she is still puttering around the kitchen. But those she serves are never at ease as they are made to feel uncomfortable with her steady glare as they sit down to eat. She is not enjoying her dinner, but you must enjoy yours to please her. But she cannot sit to eat; but you must, as it will make her happy to be unhappy.

 

She takes up every cause; she works at every charity, she works her fingers to the bone, she is out of shape, she says she doesn’t have the time for such things because someone has to do all the work; of course she means her. She tells you that it must be nice to sit and read, she tells you it must be nice to have time to have your nails done. She says she doesn’t have the time to do these indulgent things; the entire world would fall apart without her running things.

In her presents you must do as she thinks is right. Your house must be clean, just the way she cleans hers, you should live your life through your children as she does hers. She puts them first at all times, they are in all the sports and extra activities, even if it means she cannot afford things for herself. The Martyr puts herself last as all good women should. She suffers so much for you; but you don’t seem to care, she thinks, as you do not take care of her the way she takes care of you. She does everything for you; she thinks of you first, she doesn’t sleep at night so that all the coffee beans are ground just right for you. She folds all the laundry just right in the middle of the night; she gets up at 5 am to start making bread from scratch, she cleans the walls, she cans veggies from her garden and just like in the good old days; she hangs the laundry on the line. She does it all just for you. She smothers you with her advice that you are too selfish to take. She would die for you and she tells you so; but she says you don’t care enough about her to do the same.

 

Her husband pushes her away; he is so sick of the nagging, but he is spoilt by her constant care, the Martyr needs a jailor and he has taken up the role in the dysfunction by accepting and the expecting her constant care. She blames him for her over working and he blames her for his emotional misery; the circle is constant as they feed off each other’s codependence.

 

The Martyr lives in every woman to some degree as we have been taught by women throughout the centuries in these behavioral patterns. Good women cook and clean; good women do not complain; good women make the man the head of the household; good women are under him as his servant. A good women exist to make his life more comfortable at their own expense. Good women do not enjoy life; they do not play, they do not nurture themselves they nurture everyone else while becoming depleted, boring and bitter.

 

This woman is a child; she manipulates like a crying infant to get her way. What she wants is to be is the one taken care of by others, she manipulates by using her suffering to inflict guilt and shame on those she loves to bind them to her. If she gave herself love and nurturing instead of giving it all away to others she could find her emotional maturity. If she stopped playing the game of “Poor little me” she could have time to live her life instead of trying to live her life through others. The truth is she is afraid, she is scared of taking responsibility for herself, for her life and to take risks on her own of her own creations and passions. The Martyr hides behind others so that she doesn’t have to blaze her own trail; so that she doesn’t have to risk, fail and succeed on her own. The Martyr is afraid to live.

 

All women are socially conditioned to be her; we have been conditioned by princess fairytales through Hollywood; to live our lives through our men and children. It is time woman took control and responsibility of our own risk to succeed, fail and succeed.

Art 4 Love

Over the last several years I realize many of my paintings have been inspired by love; or the lack of it. I did some of my paintings in an attempt to stop my ex husband from leaving me.. trying to cast a magic spell of love and understanding. Of course it didn’t work..by the time we were done renovating or building our new bedroom that I created the art for; I ending up sleeping alone in it. I slept alone totally heartbroken and suicidal, hoping and praying with all my might that it was his truck I heard pull up in the driveway.. of course it never was… I was so cold sleeping alone for the first time in 14 years.. my heart was totally broken..

Then as I went on to date, after being celibate for the first year…to give myself time to heal.. I met many men who played with my heart and emotions.. I didn’t sleep with all of them..( but I did paintings in memory of them..) I just trusted them to be honest, open and caring..but all of them were incredibly selfish..so incredibly self absorbed.. while I was pining over them they were traveling .. hanging out with their friends..seeing other women..getting laid.. living it up in their selfish worlds.. while I was feeling too much.. caring too much.. thinking too much..blaming myself too much..

The guy that I recently fell for and that I am still getting over..same thing..same as it ever was.. they come into my life and pick me apart.. because they are so perfect and untouchable..more like so selfish.. and silly me.. silly dumb me.. I give them room in my heart..I make magic out of bullshit.. I make princes out of bullshitters..

Of course I am stupid. I cannot believe how stupid I am..as I am crying on my pillow..my heart ripped wide open and bleeding like a silly fool.. me painting pretty pictures of love that doesn’t exist ..but in my own head ( making love out of nothing at all ) he is out with his friends.. my heart on the tip of his sword as trophy… just like the rest of them..basking in the glory of my foolishness.. so I guess he was right I am a victim .. for who else would leave their heart open for a good solid kicking..but a silly little victim..

 

I am a silly stupid girl..to be vulnerable..and open to those who wish to steal what they don’t deserve and that is my heart and affections..

When will I ever learn?

Free The Nipple and Goddess Movement

To the point – Both of these movements are about sexual liberation and gender equality.

            

 

Free the Nipple is an equality movement focused upon the double standards regarding the censorship of female breasts started by activist and filmmaker Lina Esco.[1] The campaign is not a crusade that exclusively advocates for women to bare their chests at any and all given times; rather, it seeks to strip society of its tendencies toward the sexualization of the female upper body, addressing hypocrisies and inconsistencies in American culture and legal systems that enforce its taboos. Ultimately, the campaign resolves to decriminalize female toplessness in the US and empower women across western nations in a greater effort toward global gender equality.

 

Of course not every woman wants to go topless were men can go topless; like the beach.. but not every man wants to take off his shirt either.. and that’s called freedom of choice.

Many old school feminist bash the movement because they have been taken in by sexual shaming and so they unknowingly shame their own sex by believing if a woman is sexy or sexual she cannot be professional, moral, ethical or taken seriously; because she is using her sexuality to get male attention.. they believe feminist need to minimize their sexuality to take on the stereotype of what a feminist looks like.. to be taken seriously..but that is exactly why women’s equality has stalled out. The new feminine/feminist movement promotes that BEING SEXY IS NOT A CRIME. The double standards promote that the world’s morality rests on the control of the womb.. or women’s sex..the over sexualization of women and girls is brought on by repression and objectification..the fine balance of natural sexuality becoming unbalanced by the polar opposites.. natural sexuality is body positive.. not sexual shaming or making women into sex objects to be bought and sold by a male based society.. an example of the double standards are.. men who have many sex partners are studs.. women who do are sluts.. men are encouraged to loose their virginity while women are made to feel dirty, or to have fallen from grace when they become sexually active.

     

 

 

Chris was very professional and easy going; he made me quite comfortable. We wanted to tell a story with these images; a story of natural sexuality, innocence and sensuality. We took these images first thing in the morning of the Summer Solstice.. I felt very much like Mother Nature .. It was a spiritual and artistic experience. Chris and I are both passionate artists.. we really enjoyed every second of the shoot.. even when the parks keepers seemed to be worried about what we were doing; but like true artist we kept shooting anyway. The water was very cold, but there were few people to worry about.. we saw eagles, deer and hawks.. it was a beautiful country morning. The images were shot at Bertram Creek Regional Park Kelowna BC Canada.. of course I was in my legal rights to go topless..but most people in Kelowna are not ready for that..it’s a repressive, conservative community…but that is why we needed to do this.

I am the country girl that decides to challenge social taboos and go for a swim topless.. just like every man has a right to do. The images are meant to show natural sexuality..sensuality and playfulness.

I know I will get a lot of hate from my local community for doing this.. I always do. People are really afraid of change and evolution.. but religion is outgrowing it’s usefulness to society.. traditions are now prejudices that cause inequality..

I hope to enlighten my community..but .. ” The truth will set you free but first it will piss you off ” ~ Gloria Steinem

You can find my book at this link http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx

 

 

Irrelevant

 

I had a conversation just now with a younger woman from my gym who goes topless at a local beach. I went topless with her last summer when Lori Welbourne was pretending to give a shit about the issue to get on the Ellen Degeneres Show.. to recap Lori found out about my book and website through Facebook.. used the issue of women’s sexual repression and many of my ideas to float her own show boat. It didn’t work out for her because she is an asshole ..she couldn’t handle the heat..and a lot of the stuff she did was intended to secretly make a mockery of me so that she could gain favor in our local community clicks..” well Karma is only a bitch if you are Lori..” but anyway Lori promoted this younger woman on her Facebook.. me still thinking Lori was my friend..well I showed up and actually went topless with this girl.. while Lori was missing in action ( Typical of people in Kelowna.. not practicing what they post ) bullshitters.

But the young woman showed me a picture of herself topless on the same beach.. with her graduation cap on.. when I was putting my make up on in the gym change room. I told  her she was brave.. she told me how passionate she felt about women’s topless rights..then we started to talk about my book.. basically her message to me was that my book was irrelevant to intellectual circles and women’s advocate groups because it’s just me, my story.. my image as seven different Goddess archetypes .. my perspective was a mute point because it wasn’t based on hard core data or I didn’t cite my research in the book..but she was relevant because she just graded with a degree and she was on the beach not looking for attention but making ground in Kelowna.

I tried to tell her my book isn’t just for intellectuals ..but for every woman and that every woman’s story is relevant just based on their experience and perspective.. like the micro in the macro.. I tried to explain the archetypes because she wasn’t aware of them. I tied to explain the prejudice in our local arts community due to patrons of the arts being very religions and conservative. Tried to explain to her that my book was much bigger than just a beach.. that putting my website out to the whole world was meant to cover much more ground than just a small unknown beach.. not that what she was doing was irrelevant at all..

I tried to explain world wide religious repression of women’s sexuality, including in our culture, that has caused the repression of my work and my personal sexuality due to my work in our community..but she wanted data.. just like a good student that just graded would.. I tried to explain to her reality vs just hard, cold data and stats.. and then I tried to explain to her that even if a woman was going topless on a beach for attention it doesn’t matter because lots of men go topless for sexual attention.

I tried to explain to her about artistic expression and how that it is just as intellectual as data..if not more so because you have to use your own mind and perspective to appreciate art and literature ..it’s not just data it’s painting with words and images.. but she clearly didn’t understand that.

She didn’t understand what it’s like to put it out there on a larger scale.. what it’s like not to have a boyfriend to sit with me topless on a beach..as I am topless on the web without male protection.. and she didn’t understand that the cops on the beach in the background of her cell phone pic; were actually protecting her and the other woman that were going topless on the beach.. I don’t have that protection.. this is the hard cold reality of a woman expressing her sexuality .. it’s not all hard cold data and studies.. this is the real deal.. a real woman’s story and I think every woman has or will go through the shit I write about to some degree or another.. just for looking sexy or being a sexual being on her own terms or on male patriarchal sexual control forms, like playboy..

I don’t think my story; writing or work..is irrelevant.. just as I think every woman’s story is relevant.. including hers.. I truly hope she totally wins that beach over for all women who want to practice their right to be topless were men can be topless..as I hope for my success as well..to be found and picked up by a publishing house or some big time celeb who will help me fly this dream for the sake of all women..

As for Lori.. it’s a damn shame that other women have to attempt to build a false dream on the real dreams of other women.. that is sad..very sad.. women must stop the competition for a true sisterhood and or Goddess Movement to emerge from the ashes of a Patriarchy we wish to burn down to the nasty roots it sprung from.

http://bookstore.balboapress.com/Products/SKU-000576933/The-Goddess-an-Expression-of-the-Divine-Feminine.aspx  find my book on this link

Listen to the music

I created these art selfies in the park while being inspired by the piano man. I wanted to show you what the music looks like.

So many things and so many people have broken my heart.. my mind has been greatly troubled and my demons had their way with me.. Everything surfaced when I met with another person who is quite popular and well know in my local community. I knew our experiences were night and day.. I knew that meeting with him would prove to be painful.. yet I had to try.. just try. But afterwards I saw that he was very good friends with many of the people who deliberately hurt me.. by excluding me from organizations.. by being prejudiced against me as an artist..because I don’t create safe wine art..or coffee table art..or decor.. my art is raw and meaningful..sexual and passionate.. intellectual and intelligent .. my art is controversy and so I am controversy.. but the old wounds that didn’t have time to heal..that were still seeping in pain..burst open.. and my mind was filled with the worms that came from the can of worms that was reopened.. upon meeting with a man who has so much more than I have.. one that is my direct opposite in comparison towards being fully accepted vs being labeled as inappropriate..

musical magical spell

So I finally cried myself to sleep last night.. finally the damn burst inside of me..the frustration weeping from me ..turning into silent hot ..scolding tears of the words that couldn’t give verse.. to expressing the rage..that words cannot explain..but only hot silent tears can tell.

I was still in my funk when I took my kids to city park.. my oldest daughter wanted to sunbathe as she did her sketching..and my son wanted to skateboard with the big boys.. I was bitchy from feeling surrounded by Kelowna..feeling sick of Kelowna; as we drove up to find some event going on in the park.. but as we set up..and spread our blankets..unpacked our snacks..the music started to play.. live music..and I felt my self .. start to relax.. I felt the anger start to leave me.. as my children played..and the music played..and the burning sun, kissed my shoulders..

musical bliss

Then a man who wrote his own music and lyrics started to play the piano..it was only him..his heart..and the piano.. and he played it will all heart..

the music in my heart

I felt the tears well up..and my heart climbed into my throat.. his music was so rich.. opulent .. he turned joy to sorrow and sorrow to joy.. it was as if his fingers played the keys and then my heart at the same time.. it was the music.. it broke the evil spell that was cast over me..by me comparing myself to them again.. knowing that they all laugh at me because I am nothing like them.. I, myself knowing, I couldn’t ever be like them.. knowing I will never fit in.. I will never be accepted by them or be appropriate to them.. but somehow the music cast a new spell..a sweet spell of magic that brought me to my knees on the inside.. I prayed to the music as I was present with each note.. fully there on each scale..and then the crescendo broke my heart wide open.. raw and vulnerable .. pure but damaged.. I was with the music..with the passion and purity..with the sweetness and the rage.. ripped apart..wide open ..a bloody heart full of feeling..ripe and bleeding..

music

And I knew this artist playing.. I knew he knew that none of this shit matters.. none of these people matter.. it’s the art that matters.. it’s the music.. it is the creative bliss that makes one bleed on the keys of the piano.. they all listen to him..but it is just him and the piano and they are one.. one with the universal flow of creative energy.. the life force.. and so artist die to their craft to be truly alive…

crazy artist

Every artist walks with a heart that is never fully mended.. we take our pain and we use it to paint our bliss..

blissful surrender to the music

Many who read this will never understand what it is like to walk the earth with your heart bleeding droplets of ruby red…

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