Posts Tagged ‘brave’

Stay Sweet

 

We all live in a world were everyone is pretending .. it’s just the way it is. It starts in high school. Everyone wants to fit in.. be popular.. liked and accepted. We are shown through media projections; by branded personalities how to be cool.. how to put on the social masks that everyone worships and adores. But by doing so we loose ourselves and our true identities and so we become bitter. We become bitter by fear.. fear of rejection.. we become bitter because we sell ourselves out.. for social acceptance, and we think social protection. But if one becomes popular and adored by many people for projecting a image that they want.. we are truly not accepted at all..because we are not really being ourselves. So you can have the love of many while not being loved at all..and worse… you not loving yourself.

The most difficult thing to do is to really be yourself and love yourself past other’s insecurities and social rejections… but it is the only way to stay sweet..it is to stay and be vulnerable; to be humble. Courage is putting your heart out there..while knowing far well, that you will probably be rejected. When you are truly authentic, open, raw and vulnerable you are a threat to those who wear the thickest social masks.. because you are their mirror. A truly authentic and raw person is clear and blinding truth to those who are in the greatest denial of the social mask that they wear; and so it is that the nerdiest, nicest, sweetest and strangest people are the most rejected by society. We make people uncomfortable..because conformity is comforting.. the sweetest and most loving people wear their hearts on the outside..so we are labeled as victims by those who would victimize the open hearted for the very fear of being open and vulnerable themselves.

In the worldly way.. being truly vulnerable is labeled as weak.. but who is really being weak? I think those who have lost themselves in groups of people and organizations have lost.. those who are vulnerable and have the courage to constantly lay their hearts on the line.. well this is true strength..to put your heart out, even though it is wounded..bloody and raw from being constantly rejected.. attacked for being open.. seen as a target.. this takes in credible strength.. people like me .. we are true spiritual warriors.. because we are giving the world and example of the compassionate heart.. even thought it is constantly being torn and ripped apart by those who fear true depth and feeling.. those who have been hurt and cut.. sometimes they are the one’s that will cut us the deepest. But being truly vulnerable, real, raw, authentic and open regardless of constant emotional, mental and spiritual attacks, takes the greatest strength.

We live in a very cold and plastic society.. not just in my city.. even though outsiders confirm that their is a higher than normal concentration of assholes in Kelowna BC.. but the only way to open other’s cold and fearful hearts is to stay open and brave.. to stay vulnerable .. raw.. broken .. and compassionate.. it is to do our very best to forgive them..because in their, inner terror, they are lost..lost to themselves.. washed away .. in the conformity of fitting in..rather than standing brave.. being nerdy.. goofy.. making mistakes..failing..being perfectly/imperfect ..

Stay sweet.. stay open.. an love no matter what.. because love favors the brave.

Don’t let fear and bitterness make you bitter.

Too fat and fucked up to be his girlfriend

 

Doesn’t seem to matter what a woman does, it’s just not good enough for many men. It seems to me many guys have this make-believe perfect, weird science bitch living in their heads. I think she is different for most men; but she has similar traits expressed by most men. First off she is calm and kind ( a push over ) and she has the perfect body type. She isn’t too tall or too short; she isn’t too muscular or too thin.. and she never ages. She never gets mad and she does what he expects her to do without having to be told what to do.. she just knows exactly what he wants ( mind reader ) she is a lady in public but a sex freak in private for him.. but not too freaky least she should make him feel insecure ( that she may of had better than him or that he isn’t enough to satisfy her ). She doesn’t ever upstage him.. she gives him all the glory and the limelight .. she worships him and treats him like a GOD.

I am not her. I have my good moments I guess ???…but I have a temper..my temper is like a summer storm; it’s hot, fast and then it blows over just as fast.. makes you wonder if it even happened at all. I am short, I can be shy and then I can be a show off. I like the little bit of fat on my tummy.. it’s just a little bit..but I find it feminine. I am fit and I think fabulous but I am not a bodybuilder chick.. I train for strength and conditioning..but I am the one who will save us all from the zombies when they attack. I am not going to starve myself or go on ultra strict diets to please men or any man.I like my curves and my muscle.. I am aging and I am going to do that gracefully. I am not going to lie about my age and I am not going to feel shame about my body changing.. I am not going to compete with other women for a man’s attention of affections.. I have too much dignity and self-respect to jump through hoops like a trained poodle to coddle some guys ego.I am strong willed and strong minded.. I don’t want some guy in my head taking up all my intellectual space .. I have better things to think about then what the fuck he might be thinking about..

It’s so ironic that people preach about being authentic when they are too chicken shit to be truly authentic..being authentic means accepting your imperfections.. if they be physical or personal..

I just cannot imagine ever being in another relationship with a man who has to pick me apart to feed his own fragile ego.. I was married to a guy like that.. always looking over the fence to see how much greener the grass was.. because he wasn’t taking care of our relationship or putting his full intentions into our relationship..and I find that most of the single divorced men my age still haven’t taken full ownership of doing that themselves in their last relationships.. yet they say ” My ex wife was a bitter angry woman ” my thoughts on this ” Yes I bet she was since you were always comparing her to that make-believe, weird science bitch that lives in your head.. and you were always comparing her to every perfect looking or seemingly perfect woman that walked by.. yes I bet she was right pissed off at your shit ” I am thinking as he sits beside me on our coffee, meet up date..and he weighs and judges me with his eyes.. seeing something or hearing something from me that just doesn’t look or sound perfect enough.. because I am too short.. or my hair is the wrong color or length.. my boobs are not perky enough.. my teeth are not strait enough and I have a blemish on my chin… I am bloated because it’s the first day of my period..and no, I don’t want to body build and shred my body fat to look like the bitch in his head…

I wonder how many men have passed up some pretty damn amazing women because they can’t get past their own bullshit and insecurities..because they are getting older, and fatter and shorter.. because things are sagging on them…and their male hormones are making them softer..they just ain’t as hard as they used to be.. I think if they came to their own acceptance and grew the fuck up.. they would find that imperfections are uniqueness ..and character.. imperfections are endearing .. and imperfections are sexy ..

So I guess I need man who just as fucked up as I am… I am sure he going to be sexy as hell.

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