Posts Tagged ‘being spiritually present’

Spiritual Ego Persona

 

The spiritual ego persona is the branding of a person or persona towards the marketing of a spiritual practice. Examples of spiritual practices – yoga, meditation, reciting and creating mantras, fasting or vegan diets, prayer, sweat lodges, spiritual retreats, readings and vision quests. The marketing of these practices turns the spiritual practice into dogma and even into fundamentalist beliefs and perspectives. Spiritual practices are meant to be given by a spiritual teacher towards helping the seeker find away towards breaking negative and destructive patterns of behavior. Spiritual practices are meant to be uniquely crafted by the spiritual teacher for the seeker so that they can make their specific unconscious patterns of behavior conscious, or raise them up towards the surface of awareness to be healed.

I am writing this because I am seeing an online trend towards just about anyone picking up a deck of tarot cards or oracle cards and doing live videos on Facebook, then projecting a spiritual ego persona that is leading people away from true awareness and  spiritual health. I was working for a YouTube famous astrologer who had a media lady take over her marketing. I learned through her trying to create a spiritual persona for me, to market me, just how fake spiritual marketing can be. It is dangerous. Many people who are hired by people like this media lady are often just as misguided as the people they are selling their guidance to. I was hired by the astrologer before the media lady came on board, and because I wouldn’t lie I was soon phased out and given no promotion by her and so I quit to go and work on my own; choosing to release myself from the negative energy. The people that her media specialist chose to hire after she phased out the many like myself that had a true talent and connection to a higher place; well they are desperate people who are willing to be puppets of manipulation just for money. I am sorry to tell you that many spiritualists and readers online have a persona and are willing to sell you endless readings leading you in circles just to keep you paying for more.

I recently had a client tell me I was wrong in one of my readings, she was upset. I told her the truth ” I am wrong sometimes because I am a human being. I am not a guru but I do have a natural talent and high intuition.” but many of the fake spiritualist online will tell you they are 100% accurate all the time. I see people as paying for my time and my 90% accuracy and so that is why my rates are affordable. A reader or spiritualist cannot affect your free will or the free will of others, we can only tell you what our guides and the cards show us.

And so as synchronicity would have it,  as I was thinking about writing this post I asked my guides and angels to help me find more information towards confirming my thoughts and towards helping me explain myself, or to clarify. I came upon a page on Facebook called Tantra where they posted a video bite from Stephen Wollinsky called ( Nothing comes from Nothing ) on Youtube, were he was talking about the spiritual traps or the illusions of spirituality, then by comments they sent me to the full video, that is just over 2 hrs long. I took some short notes on what I gathered from him and his wisdom to share with you.

The spiritual ego or persona perpetuates the need for perfection or purity for the sake of lifestyle or trends, as to how you look, the clothes you wear, how you act or behave that leads one more towards the material world than awareness.

Spirituality or the trap of being caught in spiritual practices for the sake of ego persona leads to ego illusion instead of towards the nothingness or absolute. Spirituality becomes a game and it leads to dogma and manipulations when practiced through a persona rather than as a path towards higher paths that lead to the state of zen, that brings us to the absolute or cosmic mind.

The place of zen or the way towards the cosmic mind is through the paradox of ( I am and I am not ) ( There is everything and there is nothing ) it is the space between the breaths or the cracking of an atom.

False Gurus or spiritual teachers are about who they are rather than about who you are, they are about you following their spiritual personification or ego rather than helping you find the right path towards becoming your own Guru or awareness.

Real Gurus are not popular because they practice the zen of being within the paradox; not being within their personifications. They know I am and I am not. I real spiritual leader or teacher will not sell you instant gratification or glamour, they will not sell you on sugar coated words; a real Guru will crack your ego personifications wide open. A real Guru or teacher will show you the unconscious parts of your soul and help you expose them to the light. There is nothing glamorous and glitzy about the real teachers.

A false Guru or teacher traps you with spiritual games such as dogma and guilt trips; a real Guru sets you free.

We also see some that preach about manifestation, really preaching about desire that promotes lack rather than abundance as it draws our attention to what we don’t have, rather than gratitude. Some abundance manifestation is really the greed of the material world rather than seeking the abundance of love and health as well as worldly wealth. Some abundance manifestation practices can lead us to attachment rather than awareness and true enlightenment.

The awakened do not desire through the perception of the ego for there is nothing to desire in a world of illusion but to become aware and conscious of the dream or illusion.

The dangers of New Age Marketing is that it is leading us away from the soul’s journey, and towards more ego density or desire.

Coming To My Senses

 

When I wasn’t even fully awake this morning; my eyes not yet even open, the thought that came into my consciousness was ” No more assholes.”  I was waking up in the country to open my drapes to see the snow covered mountains to the sound of the early morning train. I love the sound of the train at night and the coyotes. The coyotes sound so hauntingly beautiful and mysterious on the cold and snowy winter nights. I woke up to waking up; to a feeling of coming back to my senses or the center of myself. It was a peaceful yet a radical awakening as I realized I didn’t ever have to fight anyone for anything when I was living in the city of Kelowna. I realized I didn’t even have to move to Kelowna to create my book and I realized, I can and I will, create whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want to. When I left the city I left them to their own devices and I realized upon awakening that I always should have. I should of never cared what they thought of me or how they labeled me to suit their own purposes and insecurities. There ignorance was theirs to own not for me to trouble myself with even addressing, towards giving them or their issues any of my time.

My soul feels nourished once more and I do feel whole once more and reborn into myself and my own internal power. It is like I walked back into a mirror to walk into myself. All the names that they called me and all the things that they would have me believe myself to be, have fallen away and they are with them in Kelowna.

Before I awoke to my thought of ” No more assholes.” I had a dream. In my dream I was in a hologram and I was erasing parts of the illusion until it was gone. I stepped out of the hologram and back into my own life.. and so it was that Kelowna, I was in a 6 year bad dream that I allowed to be real by accepting the illusions that others projected towards me. My dream was my subconscious becoming conscious and awakening me to myself while I awoke. It was a dream of everyday magic; and that my friends is true awareness.

I have a new attitude towards my life now, I have a new attitude towards others who question my life and me as a person ( You are not my problem and I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you about my choices or my life )

I don’t need to fight anyone to be heard. If you don’t want to hear me that is your choice and it’s my choice not to give a damn and my choice to move towards life and happiness and way from assholes.

I am not going to waste my life and that is my time here on this planet, attempting to be the asshole whisperer. I am going to walk towards the light and happiness and teach my children to do the same. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who respect me, love me and who want to hear my message. I am turning my attention towards love, hope and joy. I am being fully emotionally present with my children, as in the past asshole’s nasty energy took my energy and time away from my kids. Not anymore. I am turning my back on all those who don’t matter and giving my love and attention to those who do..including myself.

I know logically it will take another 100 years or so before women have the same sexual freedoms and rights as men. I have done my part for society and for the human race upon writing my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) available on Amazon.ca

So now I am going to let it ride on the hands of fate. I will keep writing, but I am not pushing and I am not fighting.. what is meant to be will be.. I am going to enjoy my life and peace.

A New Life

 

It has been about a month now since I moved out of Kelowna. I know it’s very hard for nonspiritual people to understand this; but it was my guides or my Angels that guided me out of Kelowna. I was told by them under the full moon light, to go north. I was shown clearly in a vision and in dreams that north was home; I was shown that I was supposed to be close to nature so that I could heal from the pain of the many rejections that I experience in Kelowna. You know the spirit works in mysterious ways, very much like the 12th Lord or the 12th house in astrology. These mysterious spiritual ways are very Neptunian, dream like, like mists of figures that you see out of the corner of your eye, or when you hear your name called out just before waking.. and so they called to me to follow the north star home. I completed my spiritual purpose or mission in Kelowna. I created my book and I did all the things I had to do to set the hands on the clock of fate.. and such is divine timing..but they haven’t let me know much about that. Somethings like divine timing are mysteries to those of us in the flesh, and that is why we have faith. But I was told to lay it all in their hands and go into obscurity, to set my ego down and let go and let God. And so I have. I pulled these runes to let them tell you and me as to why I had to do what I did.. when I moved back into the country.. were you can leave your doors unlocked and walk around naked with your drapes open because there is nobody to see.

 

Ansuz ~ To be with the Divine and know the true nature of my own divinity, to give my children peace and a stable home.

Inguz ~ To find harmony and balance through better personal relationships with more grounded and centered people. To clear away old relationships to bring in people into my life who are real so that I can experience the wholeness of myself by being able to be my true self around them. By being able to be my true self without other’s inhibitions being placed on to me; I will come to wholeness and then meet a mate who will love me for my true self.

Sowelu ~ My life force returning by my regeneration of not giving my energy to others who refuse to see me or respect me for who I truly am. The retreat was a retreat of strength as I no longer will be present for others to drain me of my energy because they cannot find their own light within. Many mistake the light in others as a way to drain and feed their own egos with it; by my leaving such people or such a society I am now keeping my life force to myself. I will grow stronger as I become more and more of who I am by not allowing them my time or the space to ego feed off of my light or spirit. I will regenerate and heal my aura or light body. I will develop the art of doing without doing.

 

Kelowna or the city life was a rat race. Kelowna’s society was highly competitive without completion; in other words all their striving was for nothing but to say ” I am the most popular.”  If  I would of stayed in Kelowna I would of lost my freaking mind. I just couldn’t make sense of the fake business world that was not professional or the fake spiritual world that was based on trendy clothes, popularity, ass kissing and PURE EGO. My sensitive soul simply couldn’t tolerate it.

When I fell in love with a man named Matthew Cipes upon our first meeting it was just that, it was me seeing his soul and loving him unconditionally. I still do. But even though he is apart of the spiritual community he couldn’t trust me or that love. And I forgive him because it is uncondtional. But many in the spiritual community came at me to hurt me for daring to feel that way ,to tell him about it and to write about it. That is what is maddening about Kelowna and Kelowna society. I wasn’t considered good enough or pure enough or something not enough to dare feel love for someone who was considered to be way above me by societies standards or financial standards. He and they wanted me to feel ashamed for my feelings, he and they were so intentionally mean. But so many things about Kelowna are just awfully mean.

The thing is this; the refection of how I feel about him is a projection of the love that I have inside of me…and so doesn’t it make sense that the cruelty that they showed me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or what is inside of them? I have absolutely nothing to gain here by saying that I loved him instantly upon laying eyes on him almost 2 years ago as I have left the city. I am sure I will never see him again. I have nothing to gain but to attempt to alchemize or transmute hate into to love.. but then I am not responsible for how others react or how they behave towards me; as that is their own perceptions to take responsibility for.

He or many in the spiritual community would say to me ” How did you attract this situation into your life.” it is a spiritualistic way of not taking responsibility for how they or he treated me. I didn’t attract other’s willful ignorance they are responsible for their own humanness or shortcomings. The point is I saw through the lens of love it was their bitterness that I allowed to eventually taint me.

But now I am free of that energy and I have cleared the way to let love, love through me once again and I will open up my heart wide again to let the light shine through me .. to let love find me as I find love once again in my new life.

Through a spiritual lens again; I have 6 major planets in my 1st house. This is the house of individuality or identity and that is what I played out in Kelowna. I found my identity and I used my identity as art or expression in my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine) I used my image in the photography and I used my own life story to express the story of womanhood. My north node is in Pisces and now 6 major planets are going into the house of the 12th Lord and this is about me loosing my identity or my ego to find my pureness or higher-self. According to my chart I will be reborn spiritually by the 3rd of January. My north node was my coming home to my guides or moving north on and in this earthly reality. It is a beautiful spiritual mystery as towards what will happen. But I know this I just have to let go, let God and flow.

Infamous

The Eclipse in Pisces has been a real emotional and spiritual roller coaster ride for me.. as my spiritual guides came back to me with a force. I was reminded of my souls purpose and life path; and I was told to let go of my ego or be dragged along an ugly path by it. You see it wasn’t ever my intent to become or try to become famous by writing my book or putting up my online profile. It was my soul’s intent to deliver a spiritual message to the world for the divine, or cosmic energy. After I put up my profiles and started to self promote my book and message.. I was told by others that I was fame hungry and that I was self branding by going topless in the photography in my book, and on my website. Of course this is how worldly people would view me as they are socially brainwashed by what exists in the media towards how women’s sexuality is promoted. Need I remind my reader that society deems, that a woman who uses her body or sexuality to promote herself is judged as an attention whore or quite simply a whore..and so I was told by many over and over again that my message wasn’t spiritual in nature but selfish and pretentious.

The first dream from my guides was given to me 2 nights before the eclipse .. in the dream my Angels had me put my book ( Message ) in a bottle. I walked with them on a sea of stars as the told me to release my message in a bottle to the cosmos..and so I set it free to float down the river of stars…and then they reminded me ..they said ” The message was for you to let go of. You are an instrument of the divine, yet you will not see worldly fame for this message, the message will reach the right place at the right time.” In the dream I wept; and my tears became one with the stars..and the Angels said ” Let it go Grace, you have lived out your divine purpose by creating what will inspire the next generation of Goddesses.. let it go and let us do the work now. Go on and enjoy the rest of your time on Earth.. go and find peace.” As I began to awaken, I heard them call out to me ” We will send you a sign that you cannot deny as the truth..that will set you free.”

And so in my waking life I waited for a sign.. but they brought another dream to me.. I was with the pop star Madonna in my dream. She wasn’t dressed to be on stage; she looked relaxed like she was on vacation. She wore little make up and she was dressed in loose fitting white clothing..she said ” Grace come and sit will me, I have a message from your Angels for you.” and so I sat with her on the wicker and she played with my hair like a mother does to her daughter..and she said to me ” George Stroumboulopoulos was right Grace.. the message is for the next generation, the world is too fucked up to get it. Do you give women of power permission to promote this message? Grace will you let your ego die?.. now is the time.. the time to throw your ego’s pride onto the fire.. to ashes with it Grace.” I looked at her with tears in my eyes and I said to her ” I only want the message to make it through. I want women to be free from a culture that sexually shames us and own’s us as things for sale.. that blames us for being raped and murdered…that tells us it is our fault for being to open, loving, beautiful and vulnerable..that tells men with this, that it is their right to own our bodies and sexuality.. yes I am ready to release the message to whom ever will do it justice.” and I wept. Then she said to me ” Grace you are to pure for fame. You were never meant to be famous because the world eats people like you up. There are horrible empty souls that walk the entertainment industry that would drain you of that shine. You are like a child.” as she said so I became a child on her lap.. with a round face as she twirled my hair in her hands to make it into a twisted bun shape..and then she held up a mirror..and said ” See your soul self.” and I saw a child in pure white, with a pure round face.. and then I awoke..

And then all day I looked for the sign.. or waited for the sign.. I read my dream book..and looked up the images..and in searching for the meaning of the dream I went to Madonna’s twitter to look at images of her..and that is when I came upon this picture of her and her children..and yes this is exactly how she and I looked in the dream.. I was the child on her lap

 

I know my reader.. you may think I made this all up. That I went to her twitter and found this image and then made the story up around the image.. but I didn’t. That is the way the spirit or the divine does these things though.. it’s unexplained.. many times there isn’t any real tangible proof; yet the sign is real to me that I was spoken to directly from the other side. Carl Jung believed that souls meet in dreams to speak to one another..This eclipse took place in the North Node of my astrological star map.. Pisces is my North Node or my life path direction.. Pisces is about spiritual sacrifices made to benefit all of creation..and so it is very Christ like..to make a sacrifice with out any personal benefit to the self..

There were many other slight things that happened to me as well that were meant to drive home the message..a friend telling me she wanted ” 15 mins of fame” and my guides telling me.. ” Not everyone is meant to be famous.” and then just today another parent brought up the famous in a conversation with me..and it was deep.. the end of the conversation I knew my guides were speaking through him as some people whom I don’t know, know me because of my online work..and they will come up and tell me. I am not comfortable with fame.. I just want to listen and watch .. to hear the spirit world talk.. and let my ego die..

I like being infamous because as a spiritualist and artist I need to walk unnoticed.

Being Spiritually Present

I watched a documentary about ancient Buddhist monks. They spent their entire lives eating twigs, berries and other herbs that would mommify them or start to preserve their flesh while they still lived. They spent their entire lives meditating on overcoming the urges of the flesh. I know some so called spiritual people in my local area that deny the flesh as well. They tell themselves they are moving into their ” Light body ” so they don’t need to eat very much.. that they are needing less and less food.. while they only do yoga for spiritual enlightenment, meditation and for mild fitness. I have had them say to me ” I believe in the future that we will not need to have sex.” once again this is denying the present and the flesh; yet ironically they quote from Eckhart Tolle’s book ” The Power of Now” a book about being in the present moment. It seems to me that these spiritualists are mixing religion with spirituality..and of course religions view the flesh and earthly needs like sex as sinful ..of lower urges. Many spiritualist say they want only Agape love..vs Eros love.. there are many types and stages of love.. but Agape, they feel is the higher-self or God form of love.. yet were are here in this reality to experience all of love in all it’s forms including lust.. we are meant to master the emotion of love by tempering it with logic.. yet we see this great imbalance..this denial of life in spiritual belief systems and groups.. the denial of transmuting light and shadow to transform or rather balance spirit and flesh.. this isn’t enlightenment this is ego.. this is an ego using spiritual impunity to compete against others for the title of Guru. But just like someone doing a 24hr race.. running themselves into and early grave.. wearing their bodies away ..burning the candle at both ends.. to walk away with a title.. this is truly a meaningless waste of time and energy..the ancient wisdom of ” all things in moderation” holds true.. You have won nothing but an empty cup..or in the spiritual sense an empty title to feed a struggling ego..this isn’t strength..it is weakness..the truly enlightened know that life is for living.. that it isn’t the destination but the journey that matters..and the meaning of life is in the moment..for that is truly all we have.. all is for naught.. all the posturing and the struggling.. the funny flaky talk, the hemp clothes.. the endless yoga poses.. mean nothing at all if you are not in the still center of yourself..because the universe burst forth from the inside out..

They try to brand the Divine Masculine and the Divine Feminine .. yet these aspects of nature and humanity cannot be owned ..they are wild..and they exist in the moment.. they are raw, wounded, vulnerable, sexy, free, untamed ..they can be owned by no one.. every man that lives to love and uphold women is him.. every woman that wishes to love and up hold men is she.. and they are aspects or archetypes that shape shift within each and every soul..and that is what makes spirituality so different from religion..it is an individualistic personal perspective on how the viewer views reality.. it is your own lens of perception.. and so no one woman or group of women can say ” Be the Goddess like this” and a singular man or group of men can say ” Be your inner God like this” and that is how The Divine says wild.

Denying the needs of the flesh is futile..and in essence it is self harm..as the flesh and spirit together are the alchemy of the self.. sex, love.. lust.. passion and peace.. are all meant to be experienced .. hence the term ” lust for life” or ” The newborn’s first cry was a lusty cry” We are meant to burst forth.. we are meant to sow our wild oats..and then settle when we feel it is time to take up root .. and then seed out our dreams.. we are of the earthly realm.. we are children of her..we eat of her..sleep on her.,drink of her and make love on her..

And so I will dig my feet into the earth..and I will run with the sun in my hair.. and wish for a good man.. a Divine Masculine man to be between my legs and in my heart..and I will drink up life.. I will eat up life..and I will be in this moment.. moment to moment.. I will love every sunrise and sunset..every changing of the seasons..and I will cry tears of passion, frustration and joy.. yes I will cry and I will sometimes laugh in the same moment..for this life.. and it is for the living..

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