It has been about a month now since I moved out of Kelowna. I know it’s very hard for nonspiritual people to understand this; but it was my guides or my Angels that guided me out of Kelowna. I was told by them under the full moon light, to go north. I was shown clearly in a vision and in dreams that north was home; I was shown that I was supposed to be close to nature so that I could heal from the pain of the many rejections that I experience in Kelowna. You know the spirit works in mysterious ways, very much like the 12th Lord or the 12th house in astrology. These mysterious spiritual ways are very Neptunian, dream like, like mists of figures that you see out of the corner of your eye, or when you hear your name called out just before waking.. and so they called to me to follow the north star home. I completed my spiritual purpose or mission in Kelowna. I created my book and I did all the things I had to do to set the hands on the clock of fate.. and such is divine timing..but they haven’t let me know much about that. Somethings like divine timing are mysteries to those of us in the flesh, and that is why we have faith. But I was told to lay it all in their hands and go into obscurity, to set my ego down and let go and let God. And so I have. I pulled these runes to let them tell you and me as to why I had to do what I did.. when I moved back into the country.. were you can leave your doors unlocked and walk around naked with your drapes open because there is nobody to see.
Ansuz ~ To be with the Divine and know the true nature of my own divinity, to give my children peace and a stable home.
Inguz ~ To find harmony and balance through better personal relationships with more grounded and centered people. To clear away old relationships to bring in people into my life who are real so that I can experience the wholeness of myself by being able to be my true self around them. By being able to be my true self without other’s inhibitions being placed on to me; I will come to wholeness and then meet a mate who will love me for my true self.
Sowelu ~ My life force returning by my regeneration of not giving my energy to others who refuse to see me or respect me for who I truly am. The retreat was a retreat of strength as I no longer will be present for others to drain me of my energy because they cannot find their own light within. Many mistake the light in others as a way to drain and feed their own egos with it; by my leaving such people or such a society I am now keeping my life force to myself. I will grow stronger as I become more and more of who I am by not allowing them my time or the space to ego feed off of my light or spirit. I will regenerate and heal my aura or light body. I will develop the art of doing without doing.
Kelowna or the city life was a rat race. Kelowna’s society was highly competitive without completion; in other words all their striving was for nothing but to say ” I am the most popular.” If I would of stayed in Kelowna I would of lost my freaking mind. I just couldn’t make sense of the fake business world that was not professional or the fake spiritual world that was based on trendy clothes, popularity, ass kissing and PURE EGO. My sensitive soul simply couldn’t tolerate it.
When I fell in love with a man named Matthew Cipes upon our first meeting it was just that, it was me seeing his soul and loving him unconditionally. I still do. But even though he is apart of the spiritual community he couldn’t trust me or that love. And I forgive him because it is uncondtional. But many in the spiritual community came at me to hurt me for daring to feel that way ,to tell him about it and to write about it. That is what is maddening about Kelowna and Kelowna society. I wasn’t considered good enough or pure enough or something not enough to dare feel love for someone who was considered to be way above me by societies standards or financial standards. He and they wanted me to feel ashamed for my feelings, he and they were so intentionally mean. But so many things about Kelowna are just awfully mean.
The thing is this; the refection of how I feel about him is a projection of the love that I have inside of me…and so doesn’t it make sense that the cruelty that they showed me is a reflection of how they feel about themselves or what is inside of them? I have absolutely nothing to gain here by saying that I loved him instantly upon laying eyes on him almost 2 years ago as I have left the city. I am sure I will never see him again. I have nothing to gain but to attempt to alchemize or transmute hate into to love.. but then I am not responsible for how others react or how they behave towards me; as that is their own perceptions to take responsibility for.
He or many in the spiritual community would say to me ” How did you attract this situation into your life.” it is a spiritualistic way of not taking responsibility for how they or he treated me. I didn’t attract other’s willful ignorance they are responsible for their own humanness or shortcomings. The point is I saw through the lens of love it was their bitterness that I allowed to eventually taint me.
But now I am free of that energy and I have cleared the way to let love, love through me once again and I will open up my heart wide again to let the light shine through me .. to let love find me as I find love once again in my new life.
Through a spiritual lens again; I have 6 major planets in my 1st house. This is the house of individuality or identity and that is what I played out in Kelowna. I found my identity and I used my identity as art or expression in my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine) I used my image in the photography and I used my own life story to express the story of womanhood. My north node is in Pisces and now 6 major planets are going into the house of the 12th Lord and this is about me loosing my identity or my ego to find my pureness or higher-self. According to my chart I will be reborn spiritually by the 3rd of January. My north node was my coming home to my guides or moving north on and in this earthly reality. It is a beautiful spiritual mystery as towards what will happen. But I know this I just have to let go, let God and flow.
The Universe is asking us to ask this question ” Who have you been pretending to be so that everyone will like you?’
With the New Moon Eclipse in Virgo we were energetically being purified of ego; purified of our own ego lies or shadows from within that were coming to the surface or to the light of our awareness. Many of these shadows were things that we were doing to fit in or to gain favor from our peer groups or from society. Did you personally experience it? I was forced into seeing it by being shocked by the selfishness of others around me in my community; and forced to see that I had been slowly selling myself out to belong or get along in a community that was totally submerged in deep and heavy ego energy. I was forced by shocking events into becoming suddenly awakened towards my own ego and the fact that I had been drawn into their games unconsciously by trying to play games with them. I learned that I live in an area that is overly competitive and that I was drawn into that overly and unhealthy competition by constantly trying to prove my worth to them. By a shocking event my Neptunian rose colored glasses shattered and the ego fog parted and I was able to see just what they had made me into or rather what I had allowed them to make me into; I knew if I didn’t purge myself and distance myself from that community, I would become just like them. I knew then I had to move away..and go back to myself. I also saw my own horrible ego that got caught up in materialism and pride. A part of the Virgo Eclipse was to forgive them and myself and to cut all ties that bound me to them.. to go back to a pure state spiritually and back towards a healthier state of mind and being.. a very Virgo-nian way of making life simple, pure and orderly.
In between these Eclipses we are being asked by the Cosmos to find the zero point or still center within to ride out the intense cosmic energy of going from ego back to the pureness of spirit; simply put the ego doesn’t want to die back or be released; pride and prejudice both die hard and being critical of the self and others can be very seductive, destructive but mostly addictive. The way to the way is to just allow the mind to think while being aware of it’s thoughts and then just letting them go.. just letting them flow like waves; while not allowing them room to stay or become a reality as they once were before becoming aware of them. This is letting go of old patterns; old addictions and mine has been to be overly critical and easily frustrated by ignorance.. by fighting every ignorance and taking it personally into my ego or energy, I am keeping myself and soul from growth and inner peace.
The Eclipse in Pisces is here to show us the way back towards a higher state of being spiritually; to remind us that this is the material reality, but this is just a stop over for the soul or a school for the soul; this material reality is not the soul’s true home.. and so we are being drawn into the place of.. the infinite or cosmic void and being shown that what we think we are is not what we are. We are being brought deep inside to the seat of the soul, to the very essence of our being where hope resides eternally. In the shadow of the Pisces Eclipse we will all be given a peek behind the veil of mystery..all of us who are willing to sit within our center will be brought into the Cosmic flow or void..and we will simply be in awe of being present with the soul, so that we will no longer pretend to be what we are not to make other’s happy but we will be busy being and that is the way towards true happiness.