When I wasn’t even fully awake this morning; my eyes not yet even open, the thought that came into my consciousness was ” No more assholes.” I was waking up in the country to open my drapes to see the snow covered mountains to the sound of the early morning train. I love the sound of the train at night and the coyotes. The coyotes sound so hauntingly beautiful and mysterious on the cold and snowy winter nights. I woke up to waking up; to a feeling of coming back to my senses or the center of myself. It was a peaceful yet a radical awakening as I realized I didn’t ever have to fight anyone for anything when I was living in the city of Kelowna. I realized I didn’t even have to move to Kelowna to create my book and I realized, I can and I will, create whatever the fuck I want, whenever I fucking want to. When I left the city I left them to their own devices and I realized upon awakening that I always should have. I should of never cared what they thought of me or how they labeled me to suit their own purposes and insecurities. There ignorance was theirs to own not for me to trouble myself with even addressing, towards giving them or their issues any of my time.
My soul feels nourished once more and I do feel whole once more and reborn into myself and my own internal power. It is like I walked back into a mirror to walk into myself. All the names that they called me and all the things that they would have me believe myself to be, have fallen away and they are with them in Kelowna.
Before I awoke to my thought of ” No more assholes.” I had a dream. In my dream I was in a hologram and I was erasing parts of the illusion until it was gone. I stepped out of the hologram and back into my own life.. and so it was that Kelowna, I was in a 6 year bad dream that I allowed to be real by accepting the illusions that others projected towards me. My dream was my subconscious becoming conscious and awakening me to myself while I awoke. It was a dream of everyday magic; and that my friends is true awareness.
I have a new attitude towards my life now, I have a new attitude towards others who question my life and me as a person ( You are not my problem and I don’t have to explain a damn thing to you about my choices or my life )
I don’t need to fight anyone to be heard. If you don’t want to hear me that is your choice and it’s my choice not to give a damn and my choice to move towards life and happiness and way from assholes.
I am not going to waste my life and that is my time here on this planet, attempting to be the asshole whisperer. I am going to walk towards the light and happiness and teach my children to do the same. I am going to spend my time and energy on people who respect me, love me and who want to hear my message. I am turning my attention towards love, hope and joy. I am being fully emotionally present with my children, as in the past asshole’s nasty energy took my energy and time away from my kids. Not anymore. I am turning my back on all those who don’t matter and giving my love and attention to those who do..including myself.
I know logically it will take another 100 years or so before women have the same sexual freedoms and rights as men. I have done my part for society and for the human race upon writing my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) available on Amazon.ca
So now I am going to let it ride on the hands of fate. I will keep writing, but I am not pushing and I am not fighting.. what is meant to be will be.. I am going to enjoy my life and peace.
On a personal level Gaia or Mother Nature is another powerful archetype for me. I am an Aries but 4 of my astrological houses are in Taurus .. my Venus, Mars, Mercury and Saturn .. I am an nurturer by nature. I love the idealism of purity by organics. To me dirty is clean living. I have always loved the smell of fertile soil and getting my hands dirty in it. In the photography of me as, Gaia I had to fight my own ego.. I had to step into being round, plump and soft to show fertility; I had to channel or step into character of The Great Mother..so I had to release the image of myself as the athlete .. to be fully in her.. she is the VOID.. the womb.. the waters of all creation. Love the Earth..for she is your MOTHER. I am sharing this chapter of my book on the day of the Full Moon Blood Eclipse in Aries.. I hope that it creates MAGIC and CHANGE.
From the book ~ The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ Available on Amazon.ca
click on images to enlarge
Mother Earth manifest herself through every woman and through every female aspect of nature as, she is the seed and the womb; she is pregnant with ideas as well as her children; she gives birth constantly like the Queen Bee in the honey hive. She nurtures life at all cost and her creations that spring from her life giving forces. Her opposite is Father Sky; like her, Father Sky manifest himself through the masculine forces of nature that seek to impregnate the feminine force for the pure sake of the expansion of all life. Father Sky holds Mother Earth in his constant embrace of enduring passion and love for one another; hence we are reminded through our feet on Mother Earth and our eyes on Father Sky, of the divine force within us.
She is endless abundance; she adorns herself with her creations; her butterflies, flowers, ladybugs, snowflakes, and waterfalls are her jewelry. She has no need for the superficial as she is pure and sweet in her natural beauty. She is beauty. She is life. To her the man-made world is needless as she supplies through her breast ( heart ) all that is needed to nurture and sustain life. She feeds the world as she is everything in everything; even what has been perverted by mankind through the manipulation of her elements comes from her as all matter; comes from her source. As we can pervert anything through the perception of the ego we pervert her landscape and we make her dirty with our greed.
As she is all women and all women have manifested from her energy we pervert a woman’s sexuality as we pervert our earth with our pollution. When we pervert something or someone we alter it for abnormal purposes; this means that we manipulate what was once pure to suit our greed or lusts. Having lust is not necessarily a bad thing; it is healthy to be passionate and lustful towards life our one’s lover; but it is when lust turns into obsession and a need to control or own another, or an aspect of society that greed turns lust into perversion. It is this perversion that causes us to hurt, destroy, control, manipulate or take away the rights of others, for the sake of selfishness. This selfishness has been inflicted on Mother Nature since the Industrial Age; since this time we have concentrated our pollution on what was once a pure landscape.
Our return to Mother Nature is to respect the abundance of what has always been; not to take her for granted or use and abuse her resources as we have come to use and abuse her manifestation of womankind.
In your greed you have forgotten,
In your greed you have lost your way,
In your need to be put above others,
You have gone astray.
In your race towards fame and fortune,
You have become bitter and selfish,
You have put your wants above justice,
You have learned to lie so well,
You don’t even see yourself.
Your need to own me and society,
Has brought such great suffering,
Your children are raped and beaten,
Your women are owned and berated,
The old are put away and forgotten,
You have brought in shame.
My skin you have polluted,
You pour oil in my waters,
You spill your chemicals in my veins,
You build up concrete on my meadows,
And you alter what was perfectly made,
You say you do these things to make life better,
But you believe your own lies,
As all you do is just for your own gain,
Everything is just to own the masses,
But evil is what you have created,
Children starve worldwide,
They are left in graves unmarked.
You will never know their names,
You will never feel their mother’s pain,
As you turn a blind eye,
You are cruel and so jaded,
I call to you my children,
I call to you as it is almost too late,
In these unmarked graves of your women and your children,
I have placed your name,
I am Mother Nature,
I will have the final say,
You have been so arrogant,
You have turned into my cruel children,
Do you really think that it can go on much longer?
You have become my cancer,
This disease you have created,
You are my cancer,
With your evil cruelty to one another,
You have polluted reality,
I will shake you from my skin,
As all creation must go on without you,
Did you really think you are my only children?
The world is teaming with life other than yours,
I will cut you out like a bad cancer,
Like the parasite that you have become,
I will do away with this evil.
You fear hell,
You fear damnation,
But it’s your fear you have created,
You have dug your own graves,
You have created your own karma,
And I will give you your way,
You can save yourself by your own hand,
If you learn to become a hero,
If you do to help others,
If you lift up the weakest ones,
If you can feed the starving children,
By loving the women that created them,
This is how you will change this imbalance,
By doing good just for the sake of doing,
By spreading love instead of greed and hate,
Stop trying to own the world,
Stop trying to take all there is to take,
Share with one another,
This is the only way,
Greed is your undoing,
Greed has caused this hate,
Greed has caused all the killing,
Religion has just been your excuse,
To execute the blameless,
To bring the balance back you must be honest,
Be honest with yourself,
Be honest with your ego,
Be honest with your manipulations,
Be honest with your motivations,
Bring up the weak,
Bring up the meek,
Bring up the sick and the broken,
Bring up you women, your aged and your children,
This is the only way,
To a new day,
To clean your soul,
You will clean the world,
To save yourselves,
Please listen, my dear children.
Sometimes I get so tired of the world. I hear young people say all they want is to make lots of money. I think to myself; they are missing the point of existence. I think we have all been put here to make the world a better place.
There is so much selfishness; and we are groomed from the time we are young to think and act selfishly. We learn that all the popular kids are the best looking and they wear the most fashionable clothes. My children are starting to inform me of this as they approach middle school. It makes me feel so sad; what happened to making your mark by what you do, not by what you look like, what you have or who you know?
I just need to turn the TV off; it makes me sick how we are so brainwashed; everything is just so disinfected and so fake and perfect, we have forgotten how to be organic. We have become artificial; like the food that we eat; like the plastics that store our food and that we wear in our clothing, we have forgotten about the soul.
So I turn off the TV and I stay away from Facebook and I stay away from the mall; because it starts to make me feel so hopeless; it starts to make me physically sick. I get pulled into the undertow; just like everyone else, before I know it I am watching what I say, what I do, what I wear, so that I can fit in and not be judged too. It is such a hard thing to walk away from, to retreat from; the worldliness it surrounds us.
Even the artificial spirituality wants us to believe that if we only concentrate on happiness it will magically come to us. If we only say nice things and think nice thoughts; we will manifest a magical world, but this too is artificial; because we have to FACE what is WRONG to make it RIGHT! It will not fix it’s self. It will not go away if we ignore it! This is not organic thinking this is not real; this is not facing reality. Problems must be dealt with; they must be worked through; emotions must be felt, vented and expressed to be released. We must clean up our messes to get rid of them.
For the world to come into NEW REALITY we have to face the one we live in to make the world what we want it to be; what is it that we all want? EQUALITY! We want everyone to have a fair chance at life; we want everyone to succeed and grow into the fullness of who they are.
But we are shown through the world we should want fame and fortune only for ourselves, we should want to stand out of the crowd; of course it means that others should have less than us; it means they should be and feel beneath us. It isn’t that we shouldn’t have what we have worked for; it isn’t that we should give to others who are lazy and would just use us; but we should share and bring other’s up who need and deserve a break; others who work hard to make a difference but don’t have the opportunities that we have; so we should share our good fortune to make the world a better place.
Real spirituality is real; it’s not fluffy words; IT IS WORKS! What are you doing to make a difference that doesn’t just make you money? How are you reaching out to others instead of just reaching out your hand to receive for yourself; how are you giving back? Words are empty without ACTION; simple as that, Meaningless dribble without participation! ACTION WITH INTENTION IS THE CHANGE.
I am human too; I get sucked in too; to the artificial, superficial, fake and faceless world; so I retreat to take the time to get myself strait again.
I hope that by writing my book I help to make a difference it the world; I am not looking for fame and fortune; I am not looking to feed my ego. I am hoping that bring the Goddess Archetype into the awareness of society will bring about compassion, justice and equality.
We have forgotten mercy, grace, love, empathy; we have forgotten how to feel for strangers; we have forgotten that everyone is us. If we cannot feel for others than how will anyone feel for us?
What is more organic than kindness?
My soul longs for tenderness; my soul needs mercy; as I am a part of you, the world longs for mercy.
I wish to help end suffering; through love.
( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca
Isis the Star
Isis is the root of all the Goddesses of ancient times; she is the Divine Mother. Isis is the soul of the Star Sirius. Sirius is believed to be the gateway to the higher consciousness through the River of Stars. Therefore it is believed that Isis brought forth the higher consciousness of the Divine through her incarnation on this earth. Isis represents Mother Nature or the Mother of all humanity and all living things.
Isis incarnated to become The Muse of the civilized world; she was known as The Lady Of Love, protection, healing, beauty, fertility, art, music, abundance, mystery and magic; to name a few of her attributes.
As civilization sprang forth from Egypt it is believed that the root of all religion comes from this era in time. Isis, Osiris (her husband) and Horus (Their Divine Son) were all molded into Greek and Roman Mythology and through the Roman Catholic Church they were woven into Christianity. Mary Mother of Jesus is said to be Isis and Horus.
Jesus has been called the Morning Star in the bible as he originated from the belief that Isis and her descendants came from the Star Sirius and Sirius is the heavenly proof of their Divine Origin of the Higher Consciousness of Divinity.
It is believed that Isis and her family were real living people and that all of us come from this pool of DNA; our Divinity is our divine birthright. It is the established organized world order that wishes to keep control of their elite status through controlling the masses by fear. The fear that this so called cult or paganism will damn us all to hell; but in truth all is one and the root of the Egyptian Ancient culture taught that all originated from one divine source.
In moving away from sacredness and the wisdom that sex is an act of sacred union, we have soiled the sacred and lost ourselves in our own profanity. It is the goal of the elite to keep those under them down; the divine teaches that all is equal and that the truly civilized are wise enough to love and cherish the differences between the sexes and to understand the duality of the soul. A truly divine civilization lives in a state of compassion. This is and was the Divine plan.
Heaven sent me to love,
Heaven filled me with light,
A light so bright,
Soft and white,
To pull you into my heart.
Heaven sent me to you,
To show you the right thing to do,
I am filled with warmth,
To comfort you,
I am here for you.
Heaven sent me to guide,
I am the pureness of truth,
I am to show you,
I will bring you joy.
Heaven sent me to understand,
To show and bring wisdom in,
Into your heart,
To show you,
The soul you are.
Heaven sent me here,
To help and protect,
I am here to remind you,
You are all,
You are light.
Heaven sent I am,
I bring in a higher way,
A pathway to the stars.
Heaven sent me to open your heart,
To show you the way through,
I will walk with you,
Through the pain and fear,
To bring you back,
Heaven sent the light,
The light is love,
Through the heart,
We all are saved,
We all have Heaven.
You saw me leave my body
But I am not gone
I am here as energy
I am here for eternity
I will never leave your side
I will guide you gently on
I was never gone
I am in the great beyond
I speak to you in your dreams
I live within a song
I move on the wind
I am and I will live on
I will fill your heart with love
I will bring hope
I am your shining star
I will carry you through
I whisper to your soul
I come to you unexpectedly
I come to you when your heart calls me
I will always be with you.
I am nothing without you
I am your instrument
I need you to hold me
Hold me in your hands,
I empty myself
I make room for you
I need your divinity
Please use me,
I understand that I am your creation
I understand through this wisdom
I know that I live for this
For this time and place
To be in this space of nothingness,
Please use me
Play your music through me
Create using me
Bring peace through me
I live for this and nothing less,
I am your instrument
I am your paintbrush
I am your canvas
I am your pen and your paper
Please use me,
Nothing I want more than this
Is to set my ego aside
To see that I am more than this
To be your tool to create bliss
Please use me,
I surrender to this
This is my reason to exist
To be one with you
I must surrender myself
I must use my gifts,
I am filled with your light
I will help it shine
I will bring it forth,
By putting me aside
I am yours
When I chose to be the submissive
( From the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca
You will find her busy all day and night; she seems to take on the world single handedly, she chooses suffering as service. She chooses to suffer by neglecting herself, by putting others needs before her own. Her house is never clean enough, her children never quite live up to her high standards and her mate cannot do as good of a job with the chores as she can.
She wears her suffering as a badge of high standing; the world owes her for her enduring suffering. She sleeps little; she doesn’t sit to eat, because she is still puttering around the kitchen. But those she serves are never at ease as they are made to feel uncomfortable with her steady glare as they sit down to eat. She is not enjoying her dinner, but you must enjoy yours to please her. But she cannot sit to eat; but you must, as it will make her happy to be unhappy.
She takes up every cause; she works at every charity, she works her fingers to the bone, she is out of shape, she says she doesn’t have the time for such things because someone has to do all the work; of course she means her. She tells you that it must be nice to sit and read, she tells you it must be nice to have time to have your nails done. She says she doesn’t have the time to do these indulgent things; the entire world would fall apart without her running things.
In her presents you must do as she thinks is right. Your house must be clean, just the way she cleans hers, you should live your life through your children as she does hers. She puts them first at all times, they are in all the sports and extra activities, even if it means she cannot afford things for herself. The Martyr puts herself last as all good women should. She suffers so much for you; but you don’t seem to care, she thinks, as you do not take care of her the way she takes care of you. She does everything for you; she thinks of you first, she doesn’t sleep at night so that all the coffee beans are ground just right for you. She folds all the laundry just right in the middle of the night; she gets up at 5 am to start making bread from scratch, she cleans the walls, she cans veggies from her garden and just like in the good old days; she hangs the laundry on the line. She does it all just for you. She smothers you with her advice that you are too selfish to take. She would die for you and she tells you so; but she says you don’t care enough about her to do the same.
Her husband pushes her away; he is so sick of the nagging, but he is spoilt by her constant care, the Martyr needs a jailor and he has taken up the role in the dysfunction by accepting and the expecting her constant care. She blames him for her over working and he blames her for his emotional misery; the circle is constant as they feed off each other’s codependence.
The Martyr lives in every woman to some degree as we have been taught by women throughout the centuries in these behavioral patterns. Good women cook and clean; good women do not complain; good women make the man the head of the household; good women are under him as his servant. A good women exist to make his life more comfortable at their own expense. Good women do not enjoy life; they do not play, they do not nurture themselves they nurture everyone else while becoming depleted, boring and bitter.
This woman is a child; she manipulates like a crying infant to get her way. What she wants is to be is the one taken care of by others, she manipulates by using her suffering to inflict guilt and shame on those she loves to bind them to her. If she gave herself love and nurturing instead of giving it all away to others she could find her emotional maturity. If she stopped playing the game of “Poor little me” she could have time to live her life instead of trying to live her life through others. The truth is she is afraid, she is scared of taking responsibility for herself, for her life and to take risks on her own of her own creations and passions. The Martyr hides behind others so that she doesn’t have to blaze her own trail; so that she doesn’t have to risk, fail and succeed on her own. The Martyr is afraid to live.
All women are socially conditioned to be her; we have been conditioned by princess fairytales through Hollywood; to live our lives through our men and children. It is time woman took control and responsibility of our own risk to succeed, fail and succeed.
( from the book ~ The Goddess an Expression of The Divine Feminine ~ ) Available on Amazon.ca
Before the formation of the Christian church brought about through the Roman Emperor Constantine the 1st through the First Council of Nicaea in 325 AD; The Goddess was held in high esteem.
The temples of Egypt, Greece and Roman were filled with Priestesses and High Priestesses. The Priestesses existed to glorify the soft, beautiful sexuality of women. It was believed that a man came closer to the Divine through intercourse and intimacy of the Priestess; since the Goddess existed through all women, the intimacy that men and women shared glorified creation. It was thought that through her body his animal instincts could be tamed through the release of his sexual tension. This release of all sexual tension brought both the man and the woman closer to the wisdom of the Divine.
Men would enter a temple to be sexually intimate with a Priestess. It was common for a Priestess to have sex with many men, as it was her sacrifice that caused the betterment of all society.
The new emerging Christian Religion was causing problems for the rulers of that time. The religions were overlapping, causing a lack of organized rule. Jesus the man or the believed son of God had been gone for hundreds of years. Many books had been written about the history leading up to his birth and the New Testament was written long after his passing. Jesus the man showed through his actions and words that he saw women as equals; it is proposed that Mary Magdalene was a whore, that Jesus drank wine and that his followers were dirty low life fishermen. Yet the simplicity of the Man and his teachings were eaten up by doctrine, and the roles and the equality of women were marginalized; eventually the equality of women in the Christian faith was stripped away from women due to the rules of religion (doctrine).
Quite simply the Roman Christian faith used sexuality as a road to piety and away into purgatory; the way out of purgatory was through payment; whether the payment be through trade or money. This “damned if you do and damned if you don’t” scenario goes on to this day through all major world religions. State and Country rule through this moral code; a good man who is worthy of Office has a good puritan woman that behaves by his side. He parades his family and wife around with him while he sees to his daily work functions as a politician or as a world leader. The world has been caught up in this unhealthy state of our sexuality for thousands of years.
We are damned sinners for liking sex and then we are over sexualized by the media; as we are sex starved and sex as a taboo sells product.
The Goddess has been cast down from her holy and sacred throne by the need for power and control of the masses; simply put the powers that be, have the men by their balls and the women by their ovaries; it is that simple.
By the wisdom of seeing sex and the body as a sacred temple society will be set free of this emotional, mental, physical and spiritual bondage. Sex is not a sin; sex is sacred, the body is sacred, the copulation of men and women is wholesome, pure and natural.
God, The Universe, The Divine; however you wish to see or understand all that is; made men and women to make love, not just for the sake of marriage and babies. We were made to create love and lust to lead us to ecstasy and bliss. This sacred place is found in the sharing of each other.
Women have had the burden of hiding their sexuality through the ages; of behaving as society dictates in order not to be shunned by friends and family, church and country.
It is up to us to take back the sacred Goddess in each of us; the Goddess that has been hidden through dogma and doctrine; to control the masses through mass fear of damnation. It is true that most women feel damned no matter what direction that they take in life. To be a stay at home mom means not working, to some; even to their husbands, this can be seen as lazy. Mothers that do work out of the home are seen as being neglectful to their children and competing financially with their husbands. Women who chose not to have children to pursue their work and passions are seen as selfish. The Goddess is damned in each woman, if she is a virgin, she is to be respected but then she can be seen as frigid or even freakish. If a woman has sex with more than say 10 men in her life time she can be judged as a slut. If a woman enjoys sex and knows her body; she is sinful and dirty.
It is up to women to reclaim their inner Goddess; to live their lives as they see fit; to own their sex and their bodies. Men want to see us do it; men have missed her, the one that tames him and makes him more of a man by loving him with her body. It is time the Goddess rises to her rightful throne; beside her God, beside her man.
We have damned ourselves in hiding her way in dogma; we have raped the earth and depleted our resources out of control and rule. It is time that all becomes sacred again through her rising, it is time to come out of the Dark Ages, it is time for the Golden Age to begin through her wisdom.
The Goddess has been made dirty by society and religion; through this book, through this work, through the photography I mean to clean off the cobwebs and the dirt. To show The Goddess again renewed, reborn, and shining in her true priceless worth.
The Queen of the Universe shall take her rightful place beside her King. It is through their sacred love and the sacred union of their flesh that we come to the New Golden Age. It is the Age of The Compassionate Heart.