Posts Tagged ‘Amazing Grace’

Don’t let them dull your sparkle

 

It really felt like the last day of summer in Kelowna BC today.. because of the intense smoke from the forest fires the beaches were almost empty today.. not normal for the end of August in a summer tourist destination.. My kids were away for the entire week on vacation with my ex husband; their father.. I hit the gym hard.. and stayed in to work online. But it being my last day of freedom I decided to brave the smoke.. get off line..and out of the gym and get the hell outside.. I just wanted to get one more paddle boarding in before the weather cooled down. I didn’t want to rent from this one woman because she is in with the clicks in Kelowna.. the snotty bitches and the snotty bastards.. those people who judge me for my book.. for the topic of sexuality.. who just judge me for being different period; but as I drove from beach to beach they were the only rentals that I could find that were renting.. and that’s what I told the young woman working for the snotty woman.. she told me that she wanted to pack everything up and not rent to me.. but I told her ” You have all your rentals out.. your trailer is open.. you haven’t packed anything up..it’s only 1 pm and I ready to give you my money.” Unbelievably she got her “boss” on the phone to ask her if it was ( Ok) to rent to me.. I haven’t ever experienced such rudeness as a customer in my life!.. Then she only wanted me to rent for 1 hr.. even though I am a paying customer, I had to talk her into letting me rent for 2 hrs { I NEVER! } I just couldn’t believe the rudeness as she tried to guilt trip me of the likelihood that I could loose a $200 paddle and end up owning them? It was truly twilight zone material.. the shit just blows my mind.. but fuck them.. “rent me a board ..get your drama and your bullshit outta my face.. “and then off I went..off to open water and the wild blue yonder .. but what a bunch a shit..

The beginning of my stay vacation on the paddle board, I was thinking about my Summer of Fuckery in Kelowna BC.. 2015 Summer of Fuckery.. first it was the photographer on the first day of summer…that pretended to be my friend.. to have me believe that he was going to take lovely well finished professional shots of me for my Free The Nipple post on this here blog.. to send me totally unfinished shots just to fuck with me for his snotty Kelowna connections.. of snotty bitches..and other snotty photographers..and other snotty artist .. etc.. etc.. that blew my mind.. Oh the fuckery..from the fuckers..

Then it was meeting with a local man ..who was oh so charming at first.. and I fell for him hard.. I feel in love at first sight.. Like a stupid, childish girl.. only to see that he met with me and followed me on facebook to get revenge on me, for his snotty friends in Kelowna Society.. and I was heartbroken.. truly broken by that.. I cried.. I wept.. I got angry.. I was shocked.. I was metaphorically run through by an arrow well aimed .. not for love or passion ..but for the pure sake of feeding his ego..and his friend’s egos..for the sake of fuckery.. from the fuckers.. I thought as I paddled ..

But then something wonderful happened after I paddled under the bridge.. I found a spot were the water was greener than green… and as I sat down on the board I felt like I was looking into a perfectly decorated fish tank.. long green underwater plants spiraled up to meet me and little blue minnows danced between then.. and I was present with them..with the peace and serenity .. the tranquility that I craved.. that my soul needed to heal.. to breath .. to let go of them.. and I thought ” Fuck them ” Fuck them and their bullshit posturing for social popularity.. I am Amazing Grace.. I am peace and I am Grace Under Pressure.. I am beautiful despite their nastiness and pettiness .. I am like these little minnows swimming sweetly in their bliss.. I don’t care what they think.. I just don’t care..” just give me the board and the paddle and get the fuck outta my face.’” And then I came to a place were the osprey nested..and they called out ..and I called back to them..and they got louder and I sang back to them..and they swooped and swooshed over my board.. and then a flock of Canadian geese flew big circles around me before deciding to land close by me..and I heard the music in their wings..their perfect timing.. and the water ripped greens, purples and blues..the smoke from the fires didn’t bother me at all..as I sat in a yoga posture..to meditate in nature.. the board under me rocking in the soft waves like a cradle..and I knew they just didn’t matter.. not at all.. not at all.. I am in my center.. in my own still center.

When I brought the board back..they were just as rude.. they had packed everything up.. I brought the board in 10 min early..but the didn’t even acknowledge me..they practically ignored me.. they didn’t even hand me my belongings from their trailer.. I had to reach in and grab my beach bag and purse myself..and then search for my shoes ..

I sat on the park bench to put on my shorts, shirt and shoes..I said to an older man sunbathing ” I will never rent from that woman again.” I told him what happened.. we talked for a bit.. He was a real estate developer from Montreal .. we talked about my book.and his business.. he asked me ” Should I buy some land here.. ?” I told him too.. I said “Kelowna is a goldmine for real estate development .. everyone wants to retire here or own a summer condo.. if you have that kind of money.. you should do it.” he told he was traveling all over Canada looking for land to purchase for developments.. then he said to me ” You are someone very special.. you sparkle.. your energy is amazing.. you have that certain something..a star quality that not many people have but wish they had.. when you first started talking to me, before you told me about your troubles here in your city.. I thought you were already a famous person on vacation here.. you don’t fit in here because your energy and sparkle are bigger than here.. you belong in high places.. you shine..don’t let them dull your sparkle.” he proclaimed in a thick French Canadian accent .. the he said ” Beat them with gratitude .. you are beautiful, healthy and very intelligent..be grateful that you are not like them.” And then he shook my hand.. he had a nice firm hand shake… and as I left we wished each other well and blessed…

And then I stopped to smell the flowers.. because I am grateful for the tiny bit of summer we have left..

I am grateful.

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