My Christmas Wish was granted.. I just wanted my ex to sign the separation agreement and for the war to be over between us….and that wish came true.

But this Christmas I will not hear my children’s laughter.. as it was and is stated in the agreement that he has them for Christmas this year… It will be my first Christmas with out my children.. It is going to be tough to say the least.. but because they have spent six weeks away from their dad I have agreed to let them stay with their dad for two weeks of their Christmas break.. Christmas is for kids and I want mine to be happy, even if it is at the expense of my happiness.. but my happiness is theirs.

It is going to be so hard not to feel sorry for myself; when the Christmas season realy starts to gear up… when couples go to Christmas parties together and families start to visit… but on the up-side I will not have to do much shopping or make a big dinner for my family.

I can use this time alone with myself to search within me for the true meaning of Christmas.

I am not like the Little Match Girl from the old fairytail… I do have a roof over my head, my health, friends and good food to eat.. I can use the time alone to paint and to write.. I can kick my own ass at the gym instead of gaining weight I can practice being healthy.

Of course on writing this I am not asking my friends who read it to invite me over.. all though I know you would.. I will not bother you with my problems on Christmas.. you have your own families and plans to attend to.. and besides I am way to independant and stuborn to be your charity guest for Christmas LOL!

I am writing to whine for sure; make no mistake about that LOL!

But really I have already recieved my Christmas gift and that is PEACE.

I love you all my friends and readers.. I hope you all have a very MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!