Look At Me Now!

Look at me now is the inspirational message that is written on my chocolate therapy bar ( My Therapy Bar )mmmmmm just a second,.. I am having another piece LOL. It says on the packaging ” changing generations.. one woman at a time ” www.delisschocolate.com

Anyway LOL.. I was thinking about my ….Hey just a second a piece of paper fell out of the package with a quote on it, it says ” you cannot fully understand your own life without knowing and thinking beyond your life, your own neighborhood, and even your own nation.”

Ok that just really happened right NOW!.. This is how the spirit speaks to me, stuff like this.

I was thinking about writing about my experience with my broudior photo shoot today and thinking about some of the women in my life that have told me not to post the pictures on the blog.. I was thinking about what they said to me.

Basically.. that because I am a mother this could embarrass my kids in the future, that my ex may try to use it against me.. that I am possibly living in my own ego seeking attention for myself. Of course all these pionts are very relevant and to some extent true. But the greater truth is stated in the message just given to me above.. I wish to change the world.. I know it’s a big deal right? LOL

I want women to be freed from the constrants that society and that we as women place on each other.. I am a mother that loves and respects my children.. but I am more than a mother.. I am me. If I respect and honor me so will my children and the will learn by my example to respect and honor themselves.

This entire blog and all of it’s contents has to do with freedom, with artistic thought and action.. to me everything and everyone is in essence creation waiting to be created and that is being created..I am my own canvas and my own experiment.. I chose to live with out fear.. and with our remorse of experiencing life to it’s full extent.

I have been told that if I post these images of myself that I will regret doing so in the future; but I see it as the complete opposite.. if I don’t post them I will regret it for the rest of my life.

Yes my ego comes into play.. I am the images and I have an ego as I am human.. there is healthy and unhealthy ego.. the unhealthy ego says ” I am the best, I am better than you, you can’t top this, so don’t even try.” the healthy ego says ” I am beautiful, and so are you.. we are all beautiful and I wish to show you, your beauty by celibrating my own.”

My sister told me I had the pictures done to help myself feel better after being married to a man that ignored me and flirted with other women.. and then ended our 14 year marriage with an affair. She is right! DUH! Of course this pictures help me to feel good about myself.. that is the entire piont! I have a right to love myself.. even if he couldn’t or wouldn’t or both. I have a right to rise from the ashes of sorrow.. and find my own joy!

Don’t you think I should put my past suffering to good use? Don’t you think that I can use the old hurt to teach others how to rise above the hurt that they maybe experiencing right now? I do; I want to take what seemed wrong and make it into something right.

My photo shoot was out of this world. I started out shy and nervous, but the women from ( Miss Sassy Pants in Kelowna ) were wonderful. They put on music.. and I put on my black tassle mini dress and I started to dance while they started to shoot the pictures. They coached me on my expressions, and how to move my body. The told me when I looked cute, and were truly happy when they got an exceptional shot.

They would sometimes get a really good one, they would be so excited about it, that they wouldn’t let me look at that certain shot.. as they wanted it to be a surpise for me when I would view them the next day.

As the shoot continued.. I relaxed so much so .. that we were all putting sticky jewles on my back and powdering my body with shimmer powder and then they sprinkled confetti stars all over me.

The shoot was different from what they were used to.. as I used a lot of artistry myself in setting up the shots with props.. like feathers, glitter and body shimmer.. strands of long peal garlands..and satin material. The end result was very artistic.. old 1930s Movie Star feel.. it was classic, classy and dignified.. but very, very sensual.

I pick-up the photos tomorrow and I plan on posting every last one with my writing.

I loved the experience.. to say the least.. words really can not express.. the joy!

It would be so much fun.. to have a girlfriend party with something like this.. to just get the girls together and feed off of each others creativity and ideas. It was more than just empowering.. and freeing.. it was the time of my life.

Next to holding my newborn babies and hearing my children say “I love you mommy”

This was the heaven!