About the games that he plays

 

I just wanna talk about the games that he plays.. how he takes what is whole to break it down.. just because… he is broken..

I wanna tell you how he is afraid to feel.. to face the emptiness he fills with brutality and cruelty.. just so he doesn’t have to cry.. I know why.. I know why.. why he plays these silly games to hide.. to hide from what he feels inside.. it’s so much easier just to fuck than it is to make love… so much easier it is for him.. conditioned as he is… to run away from a gentle touch.. as it hurts so much to look inside and not hide.. not hide from all the fears buried long ago.. long ago when he was a little boy.. and he was told he was a coward when he cried so now he hides behind guns and knives.

He hides behind the steel and the iron that he lifts to make strong on the outside… but inside he crumbles in the night.. alone with his thoughts he cannot hide.. any longer,.. and that is when he cries.. silent tears full of pride.and shame.. so much shame in having a tender heart.. so much shame in feeling everything.. that when he is given love.. when he is given compassion and a hug… he pushes away.. refusing to give way.. least the tenderness inside she should find… for if she did what would he have, to power play..to game her away..

Under all the steel, the bullets and the blades.. through the razor wire .. through the brutality and the mock cruelty is a little boy inside.. just wanting to be freed from the man in the beast..

But the closer that she gets to setting the child in him free the more he shows coldness and calculations to manipulate her away in fear.. he will do whatever it takes… pulling out his bag of tricks and snakes… anything to get her away..and off the path to his heart least it should break.. but little does he know.. and little is he aware.. that if he should let her in the pieces of his heart she will repair.. but he will not relent.. he has to win. .. he is hell bent…because he lives in the hell that he creates by not turning on the light inside of his own soul that only love can make bright..

And so it is he lets his demons out.. hell fire and brimstone .. bullets blazing, knives glazing soft exposed heart.. bruising and abusing her very soul..and her skin… he refuses to let her in… chasing her away with all it takes.. not relenting not giving in or giving her her a break from the storm within him… and so she runs to save herself from him..

And even though she grieves for the little boy inside of him.. she knows she must surrender ..it is a battle that cannot be won by either one..and so he has the field.. the swords all belong to him..and the knives and the horses and all the men.. and all the metals and power.. but even then.. the battle inside rages on inside of him.. as his heart remains broken..

Shattered and torn, red and raw..bloodied and bleeding sorrows uncried least it should shame him as not a man.. as weak as weakling.. as the boy he has abandoned that was abandoned long ago.. he sits alone… all alone..

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