What Scares Me About Love

 

When I fall in love.. I fall hard.. it scares me because I want to trust him completely. When I fall in love I am loyal to a fault. I will fight for him, I will let no one hurt him. When I fall in love, I love him; not his money, not his social status, not his things, his friends or his family..  When he falls I want to be the one to pick him up. I want to nurture him.. heal him .. I want to be the one he vents all of his fears and frustrations to..and then I will be the one to keep every one of his secrets.. I want him to know I am safe for him to be who he really is.. I will be his best friend.

The world is so broken to think it is all just about sex and money.. when it is the heart to heart connection that I crave ( it is why I am still alone.. I have not found a man brave enough to let me into his heart ) I have not found a man that can love with the vulnerability that I can.. I have not met my partner.

What I fear the most about love is simply that the world has forgotten about love. The world has made sex so dirty. The relationships between men and women so empty..

I fear being in a relationship just for money.. I fear the control and the coldness..the lack of self respect leading to no respect in a relationship based on finances and sex.. I fear being with the broken down cold hearted majority.. I can not live that way.. I would rather be alone.

The thought to being alone for the rest of my life also scares me..because the ghost of the man I long for would follow me..but like a dream..fade in the light of day.. leaving me longing for what might of been.. this also makes me sad.

But after years of being married to an empty man I can not allow coldness back in..as my heart is finally warming.. filled with passion and life again.

I would rather be alone and dream of the man that would make me feel loved and safe again.. I would rather struggle on my own with lack of money and the finer things.. then let someone else’s ice settle around my heart again..

I would rather be alone and dream of my dream of him than settle for anything less than true love again.

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