It seems like such a sweet thing; two people meet and decide they love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together. But……
All the old school traditions of marriage seem to seep in.. a little at a time. Oh I started out a free woman, working along beside him at our family business..but then…
We decided to start a family and that is when the tables turned.. all of a sudden he decided he was the MAN..and he started to make decisions without me..and about me..as if he owned me and my womb..because his unborn child resided inside of me.
Soon he started to slack off.. leaving his messes for me to clean up..and all the domestic work became mine..as all of his REAL work was more important.. he was more important..as I needed to slow down due to a difficult pregnancy ..well you know.. he was doing all the real work now..and I was starting to belong to him.
Within a year.. I had no say.. it was like yelling into a dark cave as he took my voice away. He took advantage of the fact that I was busy with a baby; that I had no family, and no one to take a stand for me. He depleted me.
Next he was looking at other women; fit, younger, single, child free women and he was comparing them to me. But when I started back at the gym; when I went to the gym to take care of myself, to get my body back.. I was selfish..because of course he was doing all the real work.. I was just staying home with a baby.
Soon I was expected to let go of my dreams; as writing a book and being an artist was just silly to him; nope my dreams had to become his dreams, my interest his interest, my thoughts about him and what he wanted..and his wants were to change constantly.. there was no keeping up for me.. I was drained.. I was trapped as he had me lost in him.
He disrespected constantly; he undervalued me, he would undermine me .. he took me away from me.
He left me because I wasn’t good enough.. he left me because we had three kids and he wasn’t getting enough attention from me..because he was the biggest, whiniest, wimp.. our children are growing up but he never will…
But when he left me.. he left me to find myself again..
And I did.