Little Black Kitten

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

 

 

This is the dream I had last night.. I am writing this while drinking my first cup of coffee at 6 am..while my kids are still sleeping.

In my dream I am with my ex husband.. he has a little black kitten.. he carelessly buts the little black kitten by a big hungry dog’s bowl while the dog is eating..the dog starts to growl in protest at the kitten being by his bowl.. I tell my ex to please pick up his kitten before the dog’s instincts kick in and the dog attacks the little kitten.. my ex says to me full of arrogance that the kitten is his and that it will be fine.. just then the dog pounces on the little baby kitten, grabs the little kitten by the scruff of the neck and violently shakes it nearly to death.. I scream and pick up the little kitten off the floor..the baby black kitten has a open wound in the back of her neck.. I can see teeth marks and blood..she is barely alive.. I show my ex what he has done out of his carelessness and arrogance.. he says the little kitten will be fine..and he wants the kitten back.. I run from him crying with the little black kitten in my arms.. I will not give the baby black kitten back to him.. I nurse the little baby kitten back to health.. I take her everywhere with me.. I feed her from a bottle..she sleeps with me at night.. I take her shopping with me in my purse.. she heals and gets stronger.. her fur gets thick and shiny..she purrs all the time..and she wants to play..to get down out of my warm loving arms and play..but I say to the little kitten… not yet little one.. soon though.. your getting stronger..

Then I wake up.. and I remember the dream as clear as this..then fall back to sleep and dream this as my little 6 year old boy sleeps beside me..because earlier in the night he has crawled into my bed to cuddle..

I dream of a little girl of about 5.. I hear her bare feet on the hard would floor..as she patters over to my bed.. just like my son did earlier.. but she is me..at 5.. she has come to cuddle..and I let her in with a big warm hug..

I dreamed these dreams..because last night an old high school girlfriend messaged me..she said she was worried that I was becoming hardened by attempting to promote my book.. from all the adversity that I have faced..all the names I have been called..all the rejection..all of the court cases with my ex.. having my brother and sister reject me..all of the social rejection..she noticed me purging negative people off  my facebook..she noticed me fighting back..and she was worried that they were winning and hardening my heart..

Yes sometimes they do win.. sometimes I have to walk out of my house with a very thick skin..to protect my many wounds..because I am that little black kitten.. I am me taking care of me.. I am that little girl..that no one cuddles but me..and I am a single mother with no family..and I have to keep these pieces of me for my children..to be present for them.. I have not been able to date..because many men treat me like my ex husband..they are careless of my feelings..the will put me in harms way because they feel like I deserve it for my website and book..because I use my own sexuality with my topless Goddess photography to teach about sacred sexuality.. and so I take myself in my arms..and nurture myself..and protect myself from this adversity.. until I am strong enough to brave it and face it alone..again.

But I have learned many do not deserve me..

Links