Chapter 1 continued

These next paragraphs were written by me along time before he left and as I am writing this sentence it has been nine months since I wrote the paragraphs above. It is a little bit of a mind trip, but I think you can follow. This is a layered story, the first parts of every chapter will be my journey through devastation and were I was before I was broken down by the end of my marriage. First it was my miscarrages that lifted the viel for me and then it became evem more transparent with my sisters dying and death; then my borken heart fully awakened me to a greater understanding. So here is the part I wrote before he left me.

The spiritual journey;

It is at the bottom were we find teh best of ourselves. It is in teh darkest reaches of the soul where the richest treasures are mined and brought up to the surface of our conciousness. When we are faced with are deepest fears, this is when our strengths are revealed to us, this is when we find our truth.

In darkness we find richness. the richness that lies in wait, deep within the soul. In this dark place treasure a waits hidden deep within, buried under the rubble of every day life. When we feel lost in our darkness this is when we find our mystery and power. It is in these times when we feel at our lowes low that we begin to know our own souls worth and we come to fulfullment.

In darkness we are lifted so that we come to see the beauty that we once ignored in everyday living. This is the darkness that is needed and is necessaru for spiritual growth and development. Like the diamond formed under pressure and deep with in the darkness of the earths womb, we beome strengthened and enlightened.

If we choose we may use these lessons to our advantange to build character or we may turn towards bitterness and anger. With facing fear we can surface from pain holding onto the priceless gift of wisdom earned by life’s hard lessons, or we may chose to remain broken and defeated. There are many people who have come upon the hardness of life, who have chosen to stay beaten down from their experiances, they have become victims of circumstance or have taken their anger out on others and have become victimizers. There are few who chose to use the darkness to search for and find their hidden potential. There are spritual gifts that are given in sorrow and pain, yet it is only in forgiveness and compassion that they are fully realized.

The darkness is needed so that we can fully apprecieate the light. Without darkness we would not fully experiance our own depth and explore the many facets of our existance. When we free fall into bottomlessness we come to see the greatness of who we truly are and the power that is our spirit. Yet darkness has negative affects on those who will not move through it. These souls never surface but wallow in dysfunction and negative emotional energy; they stay living in darkness taking up residency. These people hide in the darkness using it as an excuse so that they will not grasp the significance of their true potential and move on to greater spiritual development.

In hopelessness we lose sight fo the light that hsines within and of the potential for the spirit. How sad and sorrowful it is not to have hope, not to feel at home on the inside. It is when we are lost to ourselves that our lives are thrown off balance and we act out with dysfunction.