I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.
I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.
In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.
What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pure..so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it created..as all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)
I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..
As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!
But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom
I can tell you this ..as an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything ..it is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within it..to learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.
As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.
The persecution of women’s sexuality is exactly why I wrote my book…… so it shouldn’t be such a shock that I have faced intense persecution for writing said book. ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) you can find it on Amazon.ca
This madness has been going on since the dawn of the Christian age, or since the dawn of all male based organized religions.. do you really think the witch burnings were about witchcraft? No.. it was a way of controlling women’s sexuality and power. Usually the women that were burned were attractive, intelligent, natural doctors and healers, midwives, or just very independent women.. and by being so in charge of their own bodies and sexuality.. very powerful indeed.. as I have found out still very feared by society..and even by other women who have learned through social ( norms ) to work within this system..they find it a threat to have to face their own power past male approval.. and they find women in their sexual power to be a threat and so they compete with cruelty and social shunning of these women ( like me ) that they feel threaten their position with their men.. Yet it is women like me that will eventually free them from their sexual slavery in this male based ( still in the dark ages ) society..but some women have learned to love their captivity as it takes too much strength and courage to take a stand themselves..and to stand alone for themselves..and so instead they eat from the hand that metaphorically or actually beats them… because they fear the responsibility of being grown women striking out on their own.. doing it for themselves.. 99% of women cannot become successful without male money or approval..
Even if we look at the world of modeling and adult movies.. or Playboy.. these women are actually pimped..they earn a fraction of what the big male based, male run media structure makes off of them, their images, their sexuality..that is twisted into what they think men want to see.. not as to what, and who women actually are… so do you think they want to see my book succeed? How would that rock this industry if a woman, without male money, without male approval, backing of any sort..sold her own sexuality, her own image, in a raw and natural non pornographic form to teach other women how to own and stand in their own sexuality.. can’t say that revolution would go over to well.. and that is why women’s sex is either pornographic or puritan..because it takes power away from women..and puts their sexuality into the hands of men.. men who say that you are either a slut, whore, good girl or wife material.. that women can only be.. this or that..but not the full spectrum of who they are..because we can be wives, mothers, scientist, artist, and raw, sex and lustful when we want to be..when it suits us..not when it makes men comfortable…not when it makes us sellable, and objectified.. or weakened under control.. this is what many insecure men are afraid of.. being held accountable, being made to grow the fuck up and see women and accept them ( us ) for the fullness of who we are..
Why do you think we are made to feel dirty for menstruation? Why do you think women are made to feel dirty for liking sex and wanting lots of it? Why do you think women are made to feel like sluts for having multiple partners or for having sexual fantasies of sleeping with more than one man at a time? Why do you think these double standards exist? It is because men are insecure.. and other women who buy into this crap are afraid of being out-ed as bad girls, afraid of being ( ABANDONED) and so it is that the power holds sway..
I have had women say things to me like ” Stop pushing your body and sexuality onto everyone” meaning I am too afraid to do what you are doing so stop doing it because it shows me my fear..I don’t want to aware of this fear, my ignorance is bliss.. or men say to me ” How many men do you need?” meaning I am afraid of your sexuality because I am insecure that I am not enough for you..so I need to make you feel shameful because it makes me feel powerful, because when I am around a woman like you that knows her own body, knows what she wants, and what she likes.. I am afraid that I am not man enough to give it to you..so I am going to label you a bad girl and a slut..that way I don’t have to face this fear..instead I can be brutal and mean to you because you are putting it out there asking for it.. I am afraid you will laugh at me for not being able to satisfy you …
Of course all of these situations exist in every woman’s daily life to some degree or another.. when she goes to the beach and shows her body, when she get as a little drunk and a little loosened up.. when she is liking sex with him and suddenly he gets insecure about being enough for her..or who she was with before him.. ( was he better ) that is his worse fear..and that is why virginal good girls are wanted by these types of guys..
Yet there are men out there just waiting for our ( hell cat ) to become unleashed.. just yearning for a woman that can challenge him and get him burning hot.. those are the guys that are evolved and living in their true masculinity..they don’t feel the need to control a woman..actually they set her free..
I think I have nailed the root of the evil of religion..and that is the belief that ” Women were created for men” that idea or dogma creates instant inequality and makes women instant servants to men..
By practicing these fundamental beliefs, we still live in the dark ages, humanity has yet to evolve into it’s full potential and because of this women and children are brutalized world wide. Yes this does effect western culture, due to religion seeping into our Government we still do not have equal pay or opportunity, abortion is still up for debate, and made political instead of personal; therefore women’s bodies, women are owned by men, and men are able to keep power over women by holding world wide power positions and by this men over all are monetarily wealthier.. meaning that women are made to submit through need.. the need to cloth and feed themselves and their children. This is why I wrote my book ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine) because once women begin to own their sexuality and bodies they come into their power.. this is why genital mutilation happens in many countries..it is to render women powerless..because the patriarchy knows this is our power source. This male based social structure is built upon the blood of women and children, built upon our suffering.. of course this doesn’t make all men bad.. many men want to see women raise into their power.. many of our sons, fathers and brothers.. who love and admire us, who respect us.. will be willing to support The Rise of the Divine Feminine.
Seriously it will be through awareness and education that we will make this change.. I keep writing the same things, I keep posting the same things. I hope this post is concentrated enough to pack a bigger punch. I am including some painful but truthful images..
The thing that the patriarchy really fears is the education of women, of women becoming ( unbrainwashed ) by their religious upbringing..that is why they called the new age “The Whore of Babylon” because the see The Divine Feminine or women in general as whores.. to them we are dirty and unclean. like animals that must be owned and mastered..it is time women awakened to this religious slavery..it is time ( at the very least ) that religions be amended to create true equality and to be truly about love..
‘But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.” (I Corinthians 11:3)
“For the man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.” (I Corinthians 11:8-9)
“And the daughter of any priest, if she profane herself by playing the whore, she profaneth her father: she shall be burnt with fire.” (Leviticus 21:9)
‘When men strive together one with another, and the wife of the one draweth near for to deliver her husband out of the hand of him that smiteth him, and putteth forth her hand, and taketh him by the secrets: then thou shalt cut off her hand, thine eye shall not pity her.” (Deuteronomy 25:11-12)
“Speak unto the children of Israel, saying, If a woman have conceived seed, and born a man child: then she shall be unclean seven days; according to the days of the separation for her infirmity shall she be unclean.” (Leviticus 12:2)
“But if she bear a maid child, then she shall be unclean two weeks, as in her separation: and she shall continue in the blood of her purifying threescore and six days.” (Leviticus 12:5)
“Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds. And I will kill her children with death; and all the churches shall know that I am he which searcheth the reins and hearts: and I will give unto every one of you according to your works.” (Revelation 2:22-23)
“Behold, here is my daughter a maiden, and his concubine; them I will bring out now, and humble ye them, and do with them what seemeth good unto you: but unto this man do not so vile a thing. But the men would not hearken to him: so the man took his concubine, and brought her forth unto them; and they knew her, and abused her all the night until the morning: and when the day began to spring, they let her go.” (Judges 19:24-25)
“Let the women learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” (I Timothy 2:11-14)
“If a man find a damsel that is a virgin, which is not betrothed, and lay hold on her, and lie with her, and they be found; Then the man that lay with her shall give unto the damsel’s father fifty shekels of silvers, and she shall be his wife; because he hath humbled her, he may not put her away all his days.” (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)
“Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church.” (I Corinthians 14:34-35)
Lilith is a character who appears in passing in the Talmud and in rabbinical folklore. She is a figure of evil, a female demon who seduces men and threatens babies and women in childbirth. She is described as having long hair and wings (Erub. 100b; Nid. 24b). It is said that she seizes men who sleep in a house alone, like a succubus (Shab. 151b). She is also mentioned in midrashim and kabbalistic works, in which she is considered to be the mother of demons. Her name probably comes from the Hebrew word for night (laila). She is similar to and probably based on a pagan demon named Lulu or Lilu that appears in Gilgamesh and other Sumerian and Babylonian folklore.
In recent years, some women have tried to reinvent Lilith, turning her into a role model for women who do not accept male domination or a rival goddess to the traditions that they think are too male-biased. For example, a number of female musical artists participated a concert tour called “Lilith Fair” a few years ago, and the name “Lilith” was clearly chosen to represent female empowerment.
This revisionist view of Lilith is based primarily on a work called the Alphabet of Ben Sira, which portrays Lilith as Adam’s first wife who was rejected because she wanted to be on top during sexual intercourse. Lilith was replaced with Eve, a more submissive second wife. The complete story is presented here. Many modern commentators describe this as part of the Talmud or midrash, or at least a traditional Jewish source, and claim that this story reflects the traditional rabbinical understanding of the roles of men and women. Feminists reject the negative characterization of Lilith’s actions in this story. They claim Lilith was a hero who was demonized by male-chauvinist rabbis who did not want women to have any sexual power.
Actually, Ben Sira is a much later medieval work of questionable authorship. Ben Sira appears to be a satire or parody, possibly even an antisemitic one. It tells many stories about biblical characters envisioned in non-traditional, often unflattering ways, often with slapstick humor at the expense of traditional heroes. Frankly, to treat Ben Sira as a reflection of traditional Jewish thought is like treating Cervantes’ Don Quixote as a treatise on chivalry, or Mel Brooks’ Blazing Saddles as a documentary of the American West. See this scholarly critique of the use of Ben Sira to turn Lilith into a feminist hero.
I am looking at this book through a revolutionary new perspective as I am taking it out of biblical context or out of religious context to see this ancient text for what it was in the first place.. it seems it was a series of love letters written to and from Solomon and his lover Sharon.. I believe religion .. Christian and Jewish used it to regulate sexual activity into the binding of marriage, when both religions were formed they were driven by the need to control mass population through the manipulation of sexual shaming, Governments and religion moved hand in hand to keep track of, and control the masses, one way was through a documented marriage contract through religion and state.. that explains why these love letters were used in both religions to turn this lust and love into something that God had for his people..but it was this lust that was the driving force of this couple’s passion.. so lets begin with fresh eyes.. eyes that see the human condition of sex, love, lust and passion.. as natural not a SIN
The book starts with Sharon..( as she named herself in Chapter 2 verse 1 ” I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.” ) Sharon is sitting beside King Solomon at his table and she says ( ” While the king sitteth at his table my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breast.” Chapter 1 ; 12 & 13) she is saying that she is so turned on sitting beside him, thinking of making love to her king that she is starting to smell like her own sex, and that he can smell her.. This is lust.. she may have been nothing more than a concubine to him as stated in ( Chapter 6 verse 7 ” There are threescore queens and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number”) Sharon was a part of the king’s harem ..
Though out the book Sharon brags to the other daughters of Jerusalem about how beautiful and fair her lover is, she brags about their lovemaking though out the vineyards, fields and valleys of Solomon’s kingdom.. in this verse it sounds like she is giving him oral sex.. today this would be called “Tea Bagging” ( Chapter 2 verse 3 ” As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”)
Yet Solomon and Sharon had lover’s fights, it seemed they liked to fight often.. it was because she was jealous of sharing the king with other women, and because she was mad at him for not making her a priority over his kingly duties ..something that happens to couples today.. In the 3rd Chapter Sharon awakens to find him gone..she goes out into the night to search the city for him ” I will rise now and go about the city in the streets and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth” She finds him and holds him close.. I can imagine desperate for his love and affection..and surrounded by his men of arms they go and find a place to make love.. you can see in The Song of Solomon were he addresses her and she addresses him as she calls him ” Brother” and he calls her ” Sister” in Chapter 5 they are ready to become intimate.. he says ” Open to me my sister, my love, my dove.” but then something happens .. Sharon says ” I rose up to open to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone, my soul failed when he spake; I sought him but could not find him; I called him but he gave no answer”
Sharon then goes crying out into the night searching for him once more, she is assaulted by the watchmen… she then writes about how much she loves him as she describes him in detail and her deep soulful love for him.. in Chapter 6 Sharon turns to her girlfriends who tell her how lovely she is and how lucky he is to have her.. ( women do this today) .. It seems that in Chapter 6 vs 9 they unite as he says (” My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her; Yea the queens and the concubines, and they praise her”) It seems to me that Sharon was the one woman in his harem that had a true chemistry with the king..with Solomon..and that is why he favored her above others..she was his and he was her obsession.. she says to him in Chapter 8 verse 6 & 7 ( ” Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.’)
I am going to publish parts of the submission as an example and I hope to inspire other writers. I am not sure how perfect or professional my submission is..but sometimes you just have to wing it..
My cover letter..omitting my address, and my publishers address and name..for privacy of course
My sole and soul’s objective is to liberate women. I love how simply that just rolled off the keyboard onto this document. As a young girl it seems I was born knowing that this was and is my life’s purpose; A life time of many lifetimes rolled up into this grand moment; to bring the Goddess back into the forefront of human awareness, she once was (The Queen of the Universe) the beginning and ending of all things. The Goddess is life, and life is the Goddess. In ancient times she was worshipped and respected above all male Gods, as they were born of her. It simply was womb jealousy by the powers that be, way back in ancient Roman times; that usurped her power to gain control over the masses; and so it is that we are still living in Roman times. The (Goddess Rising) or (The Rise of the Divine Feminine) is the (Great Shift) in human consciousness. It is through the ancient archetypes of the Goddesses that women will be restored out and away from the shame of “The original sin”. Bringing forth this liberty and freedom also helps men to become responsible for how they view and judge women and their sexuality; as it ends (The Double Standard).
My book has been self-published by Balbo Press a Division of Hay House Publishers. I have a book signing at my local Chapters Store, on June 8th. I have a website to help me promote my book www.sexassacred.com I have worked very hard at self-promoting using YouTube, Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, google, and Instagram. My book can be purchased off of Amazon.ca
I am very willing to compromise with Hay House; as to the editing of the book; if they should wish to publish it; I know it is a very delicate and controversial topic. It makes me smile and laugh a little as to how, even in our modern day society women’s sexuality is still seen as volatile and taboo; I wish to change that.
Thank you for your time,
Chapter Break Down
The beginning of the book is a short series of small write ups leading into the chapters, meant to captivate the reader by the whimsy of the adventure. The first page is a biography about me the author and then a short write up about my female photographers; Claire Barnard and Joan McEwan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography. Then a write up about the adventure of the photo shoots. I write about what it means to be an artist. I explain why many women are mad about the double standard. I explain the martyr archetype. Lastly I write about the hidden Goddess; how the Roman Emperor Constantine buried the Goddess under shame with the creation of the original sin.
The first chapter is Isis The Star; when the chapters begin in the book the photography burst out as well; as the photography is placed within the chapters that contain the archetype of each Goddess. In a deep spiritual wisdom I have built the Goddesses to represent each chakra. Isis is one of the most ancient Goddesses so I see her as the root of the Goddess. Within in each chapter I include small poems with the written word that describes and expresses her unique wisdom. Each chapter works within this template.
The second chapter is Artemis
The third chapter is Venus
The forth is Athena
The sixth Mother Nature
The seventh The White Goddess
I then do a write up about the Goddess of Light and dark; the demonization of women’s sexuality through explaining Lilith, to cleanse her of her demonization that has been placed upon her archetype by religious dogma. I explain how pornography and purisms have created the duality of women’s sexuality, and what needs to change to heal it.
Lastly I write about The Goddess in Me; I express how each Goddess archetype has moved through me and my life, and I use my own sexuality as an example.
Qualification and Author’s Biography
I have a worthy online media profile; I have my own website www.sexassacred.com, my book has been self-published by a division of Hay House Publishers, Balboa Press and it is available on Amazon.ca and from Balboa’s website. I have over 300 videos on YouTube, I am on Twitter, google, Facebook and Instagram. I have a book signing on June 8th 2014 at my local Chapters Store here in Kelowna BC Canada. The subject matter is highly controversial, so it has generated much attention.
My qualifications would also include “The School of Life” I have self-educated in many ancient magical practices such as the study of ancient symbols; I have learned the tarot in depth, the runess, Angle cards, and crystal reading and palm reading. I was born being able to see auras. I was sort of just born knowing; and it led me to educate myself more deeply into ancient wisdoms; yet ,I just knew. The book is steeped in symbolism ; the book only needs to be 88 pages, as the images are much like the tarot and Angel cards, they speak to the reader much deeper than words, yet the writing and the poetry take them even deeper into their own ancient knowing or wisdom; it is magic, dare I say spellbinding?
Gracie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian house hold; she was taught that women didn’t really like sex and that men liked it way too much. As a girl maturing into a woman, this was very confusing. She thought about boys all the time; she daydreamed about a man holding her in his arms and what the actual act of lovemaking would be like. But she was taught these thoughts were sinful and that touching her own body was gross and dirty. It seemed to her that everything natural was a sin.
Gracie found that the Christian bible was full of contradictions; The Song of Solomon was supposed to be about the Church being The Bride Of Christ; she read it many times because it was so erotic; to her it was about a man and a woman longing for each other above others, finding each other after they had a fight and then having great make up sex! But it seemed to her, somehow when the books of the bible were put together this became a disinfected metaphorical look at the Church being married to God?
In all religions the Goddess or the Feminine aspects of God have been hidden under doctrine and dogma. The root of equality left trampled in the ruins of the ancient temples that scatter the globe; Gracie created this book is to bring her back to her original glory.
This book is to help women love their flesh; their original beauty, to do away with the plastic and the pornographic; real women are organic; their bodies unique; their bodies their own.
Gracie’s dreams led her down this path; because of her vivid, spiritual and mystical dreams she began to study Jungian dream analogy; Jung led her to Albert Einstein; these two brilliant minds could connect the mysteries for her. Gracie understands it is the mysteries that lead us.
It is Gracie’s intention to bring into awareness, sacred sexuality through the God and Goddess archetypical wisdom of healthy, mature sexuality for the sake of love, lust and spirituality.
It’s funny that once a dog has puppies she is called a bitch.. It kinda works that way. Once you become a mother your less likely to take shit from people.. you go from maiden to mistress.. in that you learn to own it. You learn to own you body for the first time in your life.. you learn about morning sickness and leaky breast.. you are baptized in poop..those wonderful breast milk poops that come out of your babies bottom like hot squirting lava.. you learn about blood.. you learn that childbirth has been made romantic and dreamy by media bullshit.. in birth you learn it’s a blood bath.. it’s all blood and water..birthing water mixed with blood..shit yes you learn to own your body and you learn that you need to be a bitch to get shit done.. to get your message across to your partner when your so sleep deprived that words escape you.. just a grunt and a point .. ” just hand me the fucking bottle!”
My girlfriend and I are both now single mothers; contending with nasty pouting exes.. both of them keeping money and assets away..both of them abusive and controlling .. mine still owns me $24,000.00 My girlfriend is going broke paying lawyers just to do simple things.. I know that I have to go after my ex without a lawyer because lawyers fees would eat up the entire amount in the attempt to get him to pay what he legally owes. Both of us are concerned for our safety as both of our exes seem to be capable of harming us.. I really am afraid to go after him for the money.. this also is the messy part of single parenting..Divorce and separation of assets..and of course to our exes we are bitches that deserve nothing.
Being a single mother on mother’s day sucks.. both of us didn’t want to take ourselves out for a mother’s day brunch or winery tour.. or buy ourselves flowers and chocolates.. knowing that other married mother’s were being spoiled by family was a real downer for us.. we took our kids to the park.. and when our kids were busy playing we got down to bitchen in a good way.
Both of us are highly sexed women.. meaning that sex means a lot to us..so guess what we talk about most of the time….?? The lack of good sex. How sex deprived we both were in our marriages .. and how on earth were we going to meet someone worth it? Seriously.. we both just want that guy we want to molest constantly..and the guy that takes pride in giving a woman pleasure… not just getting himself off.. no way! There are so many guys like that..
“No overly religious guys” I blurted ” I hate that fucking ..be a good girl and let me be the head of the house shit” My Friend says ” Oh my God.. when they start talking about how God has done this or that.. I run. There is a woman I know that married a guy that was a Muslim..he was so anal.. he made her cover her head and shit.” I laughed ..she said ” I don’t think they believe in divorce.. I would rebel and come home with cum in my hair..” I BURST OUT LAUGHING..the way she said it touching her hair like it had globs of cum in it.. I was rolling on our picnic blanket busting a gut…I said ” Like with cum on your breath?” OMG.. we laughed ” I am gonna pee!” we both said..
Then we talked about living with just enough while or exes had all the freedom to work and play at will..while our entire income went into raising the kids..while they traveled and bought new vehicles.. we talked about the endless cycle of housework, cooking and grocery shopping.. about all the responsibility and about how hard it was to find free time to work, to take care of ourselves, to have any free time..and then the mother guilt that the ex husbands didn’t have..
Than back to sex again.. and eating watermelon and mango..both sexy foods you know? “What kind of sex do your crave?” she asked me ” I want someone who is physical like me and has my energy..someone who isn’t afraid to explore..and who will like it when I tell him what I need him to do.” ” What about you” I asked her. ” The same fucking thing!” She said.. I told her ” A man that makes you feel marked by him.. you know he is so passionate that you couldn’t imagine being with any other guy but him.. like he owns your mind and body..because no one can make you as hot as him.” “FUCKING EXACTLY.. that’s fucking hot..do you think we can find it?” ..” I hope so.” I said depressed.
” I am so sexually frustrated..doing the passion parties and reading about great sex and even having someone to re-start a spark with.. you know I am so sick of taking care of my own business.. it has been so long since I have been with a man..and then the last couple of guys that I have been with in the last 3 1/2 years since my marriage ended..well they were a disappointment .. I have been deprived for fucking years!”.. I said with utter frustration..” I think I am just so fucking frustrated.. I am on match.com but it’s just ..like yuck..guys that don’t give a shit about their bodies..don’t have my level of energy..they all seem boring as hell.. my vibrator will do compared to these guys.. no fucking thanks!
” Me too Gracie… me too”
So what is the fucking point to this post.. the point is mommies are not all sunshine and cookies.. we are that as well but we are also real women.. with real issues and real bodies and real needs.. that’s the point.
The neat thing about this is that I own the deck of cards that Doreen is reading off of..and she is reading in my city of birth Vancouver BC
She is reading the cards as an over all feeling of energy throughout the planet.. I went and pulled these cards out of my deck and put them on my dresser on display early this Monday morning..and I received this news in the mail late in the afternoon.
Below is my comment to Doreen’s video on facebook.
“”You were right Doreen.. I received bad news in the mail today ( Monday) I filed a claim with the BC Human Rights tribunal..due to the fact that I have been sexually discriminated against by 2 of my cities networking organizations and some of their members against my website and self published book based upon The Goddess Archetypes..dealing with women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality..they will not hear the claim due to what they see as lack of solid evidence. They told me I could try filing against one member if I could prove the sexual harassment .. but I can’t..so there is no point. I have also been bullied online by these people as they use fake or no identities on my blog to comment..so I cannot prove nothing.. only that I can not be successful in my own city due to the fact that I cannot use these organizations to network.. it is a major loss and grief for me..as I know they are all gossiping and gloating at my failure to bring justice ( yet I am somehow relieved as their energy has brought my energy down and drained me for sometime.. it will be good to let them go) .. I am hoping with bated breath..that fortune will turn my way..and somehow I will get some financial help promoting my book and the message of women’s empowerment and sex for the sake of love.. the erotic not the pornographic..because I use myself as a model for my book..I express the Goddess through sensual yet classical artistic type photography.. I have been labeled as a whore in my city..and in the professional community.. promoting and living in the sacred..and believing myself in sacred sexuality.. I am far from a being a whore. I am going to share this comment on the blog part of my website..and I can link up your video above I will share it with the post I am going to write tonight.. but a least with your reading I had some emotional for-warning.. when I picked up the mail..and saw that it was from the Human Rights Tribunal.. I just knew this was going to be # 13.. the death and purification card.. death of the idea that I could bring justice..but purification of old, negative energy .. of people who are nothing like their online profiles say they are.. Thank you Doreen.. many blessings .. if you would like to read my blog”"
As much as I am very sad that my claim will not be heard.. I know because of this reading it is for the greater good.. it simply is not the will of the Universe..for reasons I just can’t see yet.. at the very least this reading gives me hope that something better is just around the corner..and that I am learning a positive life lesson staying in my grief and sorrow.. and that I can let these people go..as this has done nothing but drain me of my positive energy.. now I can move on and look forward to summer..I really want to write another book..
I see now this is for the best.. I can not even attempt to network with these people.. I can not even attempt to attend any of their supposed public functions.. were everyone is supposed to be welcomed.. for I simply am not welcomed but shunned by these people..it is something that I will have to accept..because by God I tried to change it.. but I can not change other’s perspectives..but I can go on and live my life..and do what I love to do..and that is to create and do the will of the higher good.
Compassion or sympathy for yourself is not being weak.. having compassion brings us to the understanding of our feelings.. or our emotions.. this is very important as our emotions are the internal compass that guides us and directs us down the correct path or paths of our lives.. when we turn off our emotions and deny our pain we loose direction in life.. so we must be honest and truthful as to our intentions, needs and wants.
My intention has been to become as free as possible.. it has been to help others experience this freedom with my intention to be as honest and as compassionate with myself as possible by honoring my feelings and my journey..as I am on a very human journey and our journeys mirror each other..there is much in my writing that many can relate too.. I hope to help other’s find their own compassion for themselves..
I have found it.. I have found self love.. I have found it down a very dark and sometimes scary path of intense loneliness.. but we all need to do it..we all need to have an amount of time in our lives to go into those dark places of the soul to mine our treasure.. to find meaning.. without other’s approval and with out material baggage..both of these things we can use to define us..but they truly do not.. for it is the heart and the intentions in the heart..that define the soul.. it is in the heart of compassion that the mind becomes clarified and cleansed of past experiences and traumas.. and so it has been this way for me.. I have found my treasure and it is my strength.. I have not failed.. I thought I had as I was defining myself through other’s eyes.. I was defining myself as the world would define success.. but on a spiritual definition I have found in myself so much more than I have ever thought possible.. I found compassion..and in that compassion for myself.. I have found compassion and the ability to forgive others.. I have learned that forgiving happens it steps and stages.. it takes time..as one has to feel each emotion to follow the pathway to the destination of forgiveness; as it is also a journey along the heart..
I have learned there are many that are not capable of understanding deep wisdom.. the wisdom of the Goddess..and other Divine wisdoms.. and in that knowing I can begin to forgive them ..as they simply do not know any better than what they are able to understand.. with this.. I can let them go and continue down this trail that I am forging.. that I am creating as I go..as it is my Divine Purpose to do so… and with that I can love myself and others… I can love the journey.. I can love the experience..and when I come to those times of intense hopelessness.. ( as I will again) I can forgive again and come to compassion.. I can love regardless of how other’s treat me or how they affect me,, this is true unconditional love.
I have learned not to give myself away to those who do not deserve me.. but I have learned to let them go with love..
Even if my book is not worldly success.. my spiritual journey with The Goddess Energy.. has been my success
As love is the destination.
Before there was Christianity the first holy couple were Isis and Osiris.. and their son Horus.. many of the mythical ways in which this holy family came into being are expressed in the Christian story of the Holy Family.. and isn’t amazing that the Jewish people were the slaves of the Egyptians and their savior’s story expressed in the biblical old testament are almost exactly the same?
Before I go into the birth and life of Jesus I would like to explain to you through a history lesson how the bible was constructed.. it was in 325 AD that the Council of Nicaea was held by the Roman Emperor Constantine.. you see the Roman Empire was in dire straits due to the fact that everyone was fighting over the sake of religion.. Pagans and the Christians and all the other sects could not get along.. this was causing Constantine much grief.. I mean who do you kill and punish when there are so many to kill and punish to get control..and of course the first order of any empire is to support it`s self off the surf.. it`s really hard to collect taxes when people are fighting and not working to create a taxable income..and so it was that they decided the majority of people in Rome were following Christianity so lets make it a legal religion so we can get some control here and make some money to buy more gold and create more trade..
They left some Paganism in to help smooth things over.. like holidays sounding similar and practicing some of the same traditions on those holidays..and so it is that we do this today..we are both pagan and christian in our western society..when most call themselves and think of themselves as only being christian..
They added the virgin birth..and paying out of purgatory to create and functional guilt machine..that produced lots of money!.. They made the society a patriarchal society..taking women out of spiritual roles..and there by giving men all of the power..by making the Mother of God a virgin they induced shame towards women`s sexuality to further the control over the weaker sex.. shame and guilt were and still are the big humdingers that keep people in check..and keep them PAYING INTO THE CHURCH..
Even the bible it`s self was created in that many Gospels were kept out of the bible..many of them feminine books that included female prophets, the words at the end of the bible..saying that nothing more can be added or taken away or this would be seen as blasphemy ..was indeed away of putting owner ship on GOD..and making sure that no one would dare defy the power`s that be..and of course a MAN the POPE had the final say as to how the world at large could and would hear and understand GOD..and so it was we were taught intense separation and the ego took hold of the world..and the TEMPLE OF THE EGO .. ORGANIZED Religion.. they thought they had all the books..but later on in the 1800s what is known as the Gnostic Gospels survived through the passages of time The Gnostics predated Christianity..the Gospels of Mary of Magdalene, Thomas.. The Gospel of Truth, of Philip and even Judas..but of course these were not seen as biblical by the ROMAN Catholic church.. or the CHURCH as a whole..because Mary Of Magdalene can be understood as The True bride of Christ.. Imagine sex in the holy family.. there would be no SHAME AND NO CONTROL OF THE MASSES..
If we look at the story of Jesus`s mother Mary in a realistic way..we could easily see that at the time in history she was probably raped by a Roman Soldier..to save her from being stoned to death Joesph stepped up and married her.. I really do not think they even had to tell anyone that she was a virgin carrying the son of God.. but they may of had to if word got out by rumor to save her life…even to this day in the middle east women are still stoned to death for this reason.. ( have we evolved people) I do not think so..we are still shaming women and holding them accountable for rape even in what we consider civilized society.. we say did she deserve it..was she drunk..how was she dressed.. slut. This is what the virgin birth has done to society.
Jesus was a man that was a savior; if not just by the way he lived and that he saw through the ego.. this is the understanding of the ( Christ Consciousness) He wanted to TEAR THE TEMPLE DOWN..the EGO.. the was sent to cleanse the TEMPLE and he taught the TEMPLE WAS WITHIN.. he taught us that we are directly connected to God or the HIGHERMIND..and He was in direct connection to the HIGHERMIND or GOD..He had a wife.. Mary of Magdaline..that the CHURCH made into a whore to shame women..but their story was a love story..she washed his feet with her hair and tears..telling him that he was her lord that she loved him above all others.. when he told her to go and sin no more.. he was saying..be with no other but me..and of course this is what she wanted..no other but her beloved lord.. his friends were a jealous ..as they knew he wouldn`t come fishing as often..he would and did favor her above all others.. he would of shared more meals with the woman he loved..and in the Gnostic Gospels..her Gospel you can read that she was his equal in being a prophet and knowing the GODHEAD or HIGHERMIND..and this is why they belonged together.. when they murdered him for being a rebel against the organised Jewish religion the Pharisees ..she dressed his body with his mother.. only a wife and a woman in deep love would..and she was the one asleep at the entrance to his tomb..when she saw that his body was not there she wept at the thought of them taking her beloved`s body away..it was she who spoke to the Angel that told her not to cry as he was risen.. it was she whom he came to first in spirit..and it was she he told not to touch him..not because she was dirty but because he was not of the world anymore..he was pure spirit..but she was his beloved and this is why he came to her..and he left for her the work of the spirit.. to make the world as one.. This was their love story.. hidden in shame.. hidden away the key to all of this ego density that we all suffer in..the hell that we have made for the sake of greed and control.
Jesus and Mary were humble.. the lived simply and the lived for LOVE.. we are told through them that the temple is within..that we are all one in the same..bother`s and sister`s in the Christ Consciousness.. we are the same as them..the key has been in true equality and the purity of letting go of greed and control..
The key is knowing that the Royal Couple has existed throughout time..that sex is sacred in the TEMPLE OF LOVE
She is the Goddess he is the God in every man and women.. it is time humanity that we evolve and grow up.. you see this Royal Couple exists in every spiritual understanding through out the ages.. we just hid them behind shame.. Every man and women in deep love..they are this couple.
It is time to turn to love again to be saved..