I am the likening, I am the symbol.. I am similar .. I am the poetic .. I am the poem.
In the deepest darkness, the soul was driven.. deep into the shadows…hell was known.
There was no escape from this damnation…I was the dark horse…it was my termination. My death. There was no hope, no faith, no love..I had no salvation. My reality was my disintegration.
In this place..of nothingness I let go.
I stopped fighting.. I stopped trying to change what I could not change..
The death was.. it was a long death.. but then like a light in the gloom.. like a lighthouse penetrating the impossible blackness.. my inner light began to glow.. somehow.. somehow..and it became stronger..it became brighter..and I became more..I was in the process of transforming.
It was the next morning.. when I felt a universal flow take me and send me and become me and make more of me than I ever knew was possible.. it felt like the impossible but it became and I became the possible..and I did transform.
I stopped looking outside of myself. I stopped looking towards a broken society for the answers.. I stopped and I stood still..and I flowed.
I accepted I am the metaphor.. I am the fringe.. I am the seeker and the keeper of truth.. I just am.
I have no need to fight the society that is now.. I have no need to compete… because it is not necessary as it is the way it should be now..and all will change..I am truth.. I am the symbol.. I am myth..the spirit knows the myth..the spirit will flow.
I let go.
I will find the others,
The others that keep the truth,
The others will find me,
We will no longer be the fringe of society,
We will remake and renew the tribal ways,
I let go to make way for a new way..
As the ancient ways are reborn.
I think it is fun to play mind games.. I like to play them with myself most of all.. this is a mind game.
Lets say I behaved myself and acted as society would dictate a good woman to be. What would that look like?
First of all I would have to stop pointing out the elephant in the room..right..I would have to stop pointing out injustice and unfairness. I would have to swallow my shame and help others ignore their shame; just doing that would make me an astoundingly acceptable normal woman.
Of course this blog and my writing would be very boring..ordinary and safe.. NOT FUN AT ALL!!
Here are the shouldn’t and shoulds that we deal with in society daily.
As a woman I shouldn’t love to have sex. I shouldn’t speak about sex. I shouldn’t make a statement, or business based on sex.
I shouldn’t dress sexy.
I shouldn’t want to see sexy movies or be attracted to sensual things.
I should do as men tell me. I should get him a beer, make him a sandwich with bacon. I should shut up when the game is on and pretend I like to watch the game.
I should expect to be treated like a cheap tramp for looking good, looking sexy and wearing make up. I should be insecure and dumb myself down around him to make him feel more like a man.
I should accept it when a man ignores me.. it is his right.. he is a man after all.
I should make everyone happy, and I should sacrifice my happiness to please my man, my family, friends and strangers..because that is what well behaved women do.
My interest should be what others think are acceptable. I shouldn’t become to independent because men find that unattractive. I should let him be the boss and have the final say.
I shouldn’t laugh to loud and I shouldn’t like attention.. I shouldn’t admit to being a drama queen and liking it.
I shouldn’t create drama just for fun..cause it amuses me.
I shouldn’t be so damn smart..it just keeps me single.
I shouldn’t be a smart ass.. like I shouldn’t tell a man I get off on telling him off.
I shouldn’t tell men off.
I shouldn’t be such mischief.
I shouldn’t use my intellect to poke the dragon.
I should keep the politics for the men..
I shouldn’t like to tease in every way possible.
I should bake…
I should do a cookie bake circle and shut the fuck up.
I should shut the fuck up.
It is a good thing I am crazy because doing this shit would drive me nuts..
Here is to FREEDOM WRITING..and FREEDOM.. my friends :)
This is the story of The Little Black Sheep.
One spring morning.. lets say April 9th 1970.. A little black sheep was born amongst a corral full of white sheep. As the little black sheep grew she became aware of her difference by the way others treated her.. and by the way she saw the world so opposite from the white sheep. Of course she was always asked “Why are you so weird and strange.” The little black sheep was asked this question so often by the white sheep that she learned to simply reply ” I was born this way.”
The white sheep did everything the same way every single day. They would pace the corral in a circle each morning upon waking..they would pace waiting for the farmer to bring them food and water. The circle that they marched in had become a rutted path; and it was filled by their own shit. The corral was muddy and shitty, so ugly and stinky..but the white sheep did not seem to mind as it was all they ever knew.
But as the little black sheep became older she became wiser.. she looked through the slats in the corral fence to see a beautiful open meadow..it was lush and green..full of sweet tender, purple clover..she heard the bubble bees buzz and hum.. so bright and yellow as they danced to the song of creation. The little black sheep stood quietly..it was then she heard the creek .. the sound of fresh clean water running over stones..
The little black sheep said to the white sheep ” come and look through the fence..come and see how beautiful and free it is..there is so much to eat and drink..there is so much to explore!!!” She was so excited!! But the white sheep became very angry with her.. ” You stupid crazy little black sheep..there are wolves out there.. it is dangerous to want freedom.. your nuts.!!!” They called her names to scare her to make her submit to there way of being, and when that did not work they ignored her, and pretended like she didn’t exist.. but the little black sheep knew she was right..she knew they were nuts, as she would rather brave the wolves then spend her life walking in circles in shit.
One day the little black sheep had enough! She jumped up on the feed tray and then onto the top of the fence. The white sheep freaked out ” Get down!!! Get down!!! You crazy little bitch!!” But she did not listen.. and she jumped off to the other side of the fence!!!
The white sheep were glad she was gone; as now they need not be reminded of there captivity. Now they did not need to be reminded that they were weak and she was brave.. now they did not need to take responsibility for their freedom and their own lives… but little did they know.. the little black sheep had done something so completely off the wall different they didn’t even see it..as it was right in front of them.. THE LITTLE BLACK SHEEP HAD OPENED THE GATE!!!!
In time the younger white sheep..looked through the gate to see the little black sheep frolic and play in the clover that was so sweet..they saw her drink from the clean fresh creek..and they saw that she had made friends with other black sheep that had found their way..and then something wonderful happened..some of the younger more open minded sheep..turned coat..and came out to play…. The end
Yes I am the Little Black Sheep.. my birthday is April 9th 1970.. and ” Baby I was born this way!!!!”
I am the wild child that wants to expose shame.. I am the one that others in my family blame..as they have called me crazy and trouble; simply because I saw the rigidity and over morality of our lives as captivity..and it is.. Being a woman is not a sin. How stupid is that??? Because I have a vagina, religion teaches that I am dirty.. ahhh NO! What the fuck???
I love my vagina.. I love my femininity and I love the pleasure and power my sex gives me. I am a sexual being as it is in my core nature to be so, I will not be shamed for liking and wanting sex..that is shit.
I am here to leave the gate open..as are other artist..writers..and others who protest stupidity.. I see the wide open spaces and I will bring freedom to others by the way I live my life ..to show the white sheep how to be brave.
So I stick up my middle finger ..with both hands.. I rebel with a cause.. and I dance in the clover.