Me and Albert had a cup of tea and a great chat in dreamland last night.. We set up on the cortex.. he showed me equations .. that I didn’t understand at all.. math isn’t my strength so he very kindly explained them to me..he took me on a ride on the finest cord of golden energy.. yes it was very mind blowing.. this morning I wrote down my dream .. short notes .. see if you can follow it.
His most important concept was that time is just a concept.. he said ” The human mind constructs time to give it’s self relevance ”
This is the meaning of the equations that he showed me in words ” The importance of time and space..is simply to equate. Without time and space the answer always equates out to it’s self – meaning that zero represents the infinite or infinite possibilities. Time and space are simply functions that create reality or realities. Energy shows it’s self in matter using time and space as creative elements. The infinite is shown by the elements making us aware by action of their existence that energy exists through their creation. Humanity is simply an expansion of this energy as is all matter. Time and space exist only in the realities of form.”
The lesson that he was showing me.. The Universe is a vibration.. we are all simply channeled energy.. there isn’t a beginning or ending.. energy cannot be destroyed or created because it simply always was and always will be.. on this we base our fundamental beliefs on God..or humanity as a whole creates religion on this base line intuition. Because we are all energy experiencing it’s self through multiple layers of different realities.. all woven within one another.. we are Gods. Because we exist outside of time and space ..with that knowledge we can create a new reality.. because..
It is in the knowing that anything is possible.. we can create new possibilities outside of our past understandings..
We can create a new reality buy expanding our minds past what we thought was possible.
My imagination was and still is my saving grace.. my special place to run when the world has caused me to come undone.. my inner world, were tame becomes wonderfully wild.
My first memories are memories of abuse from my father.. I escaped into books and art.. I walked the cosmos inside.
I walked on stardust.. I danced on moonbeams.. and then I played on soft beams of sunshine.. no one could touch me on the inside.. the journey and the adventure deep within my soul.
I gained this wisdom early on.. it helped me through the death of my sister ..as she died and even after she was gone we walked the cosmos together .. we communicated in this magical place.. she came to me in dreams telling me of her impending death ( transformation) she came to me in the great void to give my heart fair warning.. and there she visited me ..as she died ..we went hand in hand to walk on stardust and moonbeams.. clothed in mystery we found wisdom in death together..and after her transformation..she showed me how to fly.. how to transcend this word .. how to rise above the earth to the temple within..she brought me into the light…a beautiful sacrifice .. accepting change.
The babies that passed on within me.. they meet me there.. because love lives on and on.. they taught me how to swim in the sparkling sea of brilliant tears..they taught me how to swim through my emotions.. in this inner place of soulful mystery.
As my marriage ended..as he went to another woman to find his fun.. I found my solace here in the inner sun.. I walked the cosmos.. I walked within to find my strength in adversity..and as I walked the earth outside in the sun..crying tears alone .. I felt the cosmos hold me.. as it was within me..
I found my comfort, as I felt the spirit of the stars and planets guiding me .. the holy and the sacred..saying ” This way.. walk away into infinity.”
And now as I ascend the world from the inner door.. I look down and see how he stayed were he was while I journeyed on and on.. higher and higher .. like an eagle on an upwind.. I rise.. I walk the cosmos..
I walk through the doorway..to this magic place..through my art and self expression.. I find myself.. when I forget myself..
I humble myself.. swim in and through tears.. flow..as I let go of what I thought I had known..facing weaknesses..building strength..
I learned in this place of wisdom.. that the doorway though is deep inside me and you..
You can walk the cosmos.. by just letting go.
Through creativity you create vastness..
There are many people and influences that work at taking a woman’s voice away.. it’s why I have not written on my blog for awhile.. I have felt very tired. You know it seems like a lot people want Hollywood..that want things perfect; they don’t want reality. I write about reality.. my writing is very journalistic and honest. Many people want to escape reality so they come down on my as a downer. Even those in spiritual circles don’t want to face their own humanity and imperfections..as they believe in pure manifestation of only good thoughts and energy.. while not realizing that to write about darkness brings it into the light of awareness.. it’s so easy to just want to read fluffy, beautiful, positive words.. instead of seeing reality..They think I am broken and negative..they don’t see I am paying my dues.. I am paying my dues.. I am. I am the battle hardened warrior.
Having my book accepted into The Erotic Art Show is my first success since self publishing the book in June last year.. I have met with so much resistance and even outright hatred. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew it was going to be a battle..but to this extent..I had no idea. There have been many tear filled nights. I have had many moments of hopelessness and loneliness .. you know I am human. I am a woman and sometimes there is nothing more than I wanted then strong, masculine loving arms around me.. in the night..when all the names that others called me came to haunt me in my dreams..but the men that I did meet this year after starting my website..were cruel and or controlling..and so I have been alone since June..and I have not dated because I need my strength to continue to fight the battle of promoting my book in a society that shames women.. I cannot give my power away to men who only seek to use me.. but how I do wish for a true partner to love and uphold me..and of course for me to do the same.. I am very much a woman and warm and human.
People don’t understand how difficult it is to rise up every morning and stand my ground and continue on.. to face people in the professional world that would love nothing more than my silence..I make them uncomfortable..I make them mad.. I make them think about what they don’t want to think about.. that they themselves cave to social pressure..and this why they want me to go away..to give up.. because by me standing up and making a difference or at least attempting to make a difference.. I am being their mirror..showing them that they are not..that they are weak because they fear standing out being shunned like me.. and so they shun me, shame me and call me down..so that they don’t have to be reminded of what courage is.
So the PRESSURE.. is to stop.. go way. Don’t be the voice of reason and truth. People don’t want to see reality! They don’t want to see the social class systems ..they don’t want to see the inequality for women.. many of us single women that don’t have a man and his money ..his protection to give us the seal of approval from society..I have no man ..and so it is I have no voice.
But I am still standing.. I am still here.. I am yelling into the wind
One day someone who will help me make a difference for all humanity will hear me..
At the very least my book and blog will stand as a testament .. of the battle
I suggest that you listen to the music above to submerge yourself into this writing.
It is now that we are being asked to surrender ourselves, to dive deeply into powerful emotional, sexual and spiritual waters.. it is now that all the energies are merging into the unification of the sacred marriage of the light and the dark.. it is the time of the New Golden Age as all of the most ancient of memories and wisdoms combine upon us.. and yes it is the Masculine and the Feminine that Unite.. as Mother Earth rises to her Groom.. Father Sky and we are the re-born children of this sacred submission and surrender..as they both..both of these energies surrender and submit in their sacred love to one another.
We are over taken by the flow of this energy as it is like two rivers converging upon each other in a new ocean of divine understanding.. we are taken over by emotions.. by passions..of the need to express love and compassion.. this we do when we ourselves are expressed in the postive.
Those that I am concerned for are those who are living in the negative as the negative expression of this is hate towards the opposite sex.. it is expressed in the need to do harm to other’s or to the self.. this is an important message to those who are heart-sick with bitterness, revenge .. those who live for only money wealth or greed.. it is time to put yourselves in order..as these feelings will only intensify as we approach the middle of this month November 2012.. as all will come to to a climax then.. it is important that you reach a stage of forgiveness as this hatred will not be felt by those you will not forgive but will manifest it’s self 100x within the self.. as it is never those that we hate that feel the hate.. it is only you that feels the hate within your heart.. it is you that will sink under these emotional swells.. these huge waves of intense emotion that are beginning to gain momentum right now.. you must unload your burdens are you will drown yourself.. as all that you carry now must be let go of.. it is sink or swim.. or better yet float with the current..
It is important that we ground our root chakra deep within.. deep roots to maintain balance..take care of body and soul.. as the roots need to anchor you so that you are not swept away in what feels like madness..express your sexuality.. eat healthy..get outside.. move your bodies.. and then go deep within..
This the age of wisdom.. and so it is this month we will feel it rushing in.. those who are sensitive to spiritual energies..will feel down loaded.. we will share our message..we will make new connections..and we will keep connecting out..as the hive of the mind buzzes with new life and new thought..as the DNA is re-connected..and the passages of the mind that have not been of use in the past..will take up life..the will make connections..and a new awareness shall take up like never before..or it will simply be understood by that of memory..we will remember of the time before this time..were we will know our divinity and that we are all indeed Gods..the Christ Mind takes up..all and everyone a divine spark..we come together..and the Divine Fire.. explodes.. THE AGE OF WISDOM.
Wisdom from each and every culture from every understanding upon the Earth..and then the Wisdom of the Heavens shall flood the Earth..
This is the time to set yourself in order..all that needs to be sorted within the self..shall be rearranged; it is now..this is the time of cleansing..
This energy is very sensual..very deep as it takes place in the sign of Scorpio..and then when the cleansing of deep emotion runs it’s course the wisdom of Sagittarius and Mercury takes up.. wisdom with swift movement..all comes rushing in..the new begins..accelerated change..The Golden Age.
Will he remember?
Will he remember?
Will he remember that we knew each other..before time began?
Will he remember his Divinity?
Will he remember the bed were he lays me.. is the Altar?
Will he remember that I am his Queen and he is my King?
Will he remember as I thrust up to him and he thrust into me..that this is the Throne of Royalty?
Will he remember as we explode together..will he remember as we loose identity in each other..that he is divine like me?
Will he remember through the love and the lust..to channel the sensuality.. into spirituality?
He who says yes
He who says yes
He is the God..
Ready for the Goddess.
I found myself deep within the darkest, mystery.
I darkness so dark that I can not express it’s depth.
I saw the glowing phosphorescence in the liquid flowing.
Phosphorescent living little things.. rainbows lit within.. in the darkness of this living cave.
Oh the scent it was so sweet, musky and so heavy.. like flowers ripe with dew.
It was then that the walls moved back or was it me that moved?
Soon I found myself out side looking at the crystal labia that surrounded me like the gates of eternity.
It was then that she sat back..she who I was in.. she sat back away from me giving me room as she took up..
He dark black thighs they closed as she rose so high.. oh so high..she rose clothing herself with the night sky.
The stars they glittered in her robe..her robe the velvet night.. she pulled it closed across her breast so full and so round.
I looked up to see her so immense.. so powerful she is.
Upon her head was a crown made up of many stars and constellations.. of worlds, planets and moons.. she IS THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING.. her POWER is the POWER of EVERYTHING.
I looked into her eyes..as she was darker than the night..so dark indeed her contrast stood out from the night sky..dressed in her robes of glory and dignity she looked down at me..and in her eyes I saw eternity..the moons, the stars.. universes so far away we have never seen.. in her eyes.. space and time.. one and all the same..forever I could see as she looked at me..and this is what she said to me.. without speaking a word.
I give birth to you..this is the life that you take up all yourself that lived before.. this is your time..it is now that I give birth to you.. it is through you that I live through to rise up reborn.
I was overcome by her power rushing in.. I was and I am overcome with such respect it feels like fear..as I fear the power of a mother protecting her young..the power of love can be so fierce as she filled me up.. my heart did rush my blood took up my heart did burst as it was filled with a power so strong and so fierce..and I was overcome.
It was then that I awoke within my bed..cold with sweat.. my heart beat hard; fight or flight inside my head.. in between sleeping and awake I saw her there at my bedroom door..watching me..making sure I knew what she had to say.. it was then that I prayed.. please, please are sure it is me? She nodded her head..and slowly like dark velvet rich smoke she drifted away.. to the places in between this place and the next.. the place were words are never spoken but everything is understood..
I have searched for love out side of myself.. only to find it evade me like the mist… to evaporate as I tried to grasp at it.
I have listened to others tell me who I am and what I want.. only to be left wanting.
I have had my emotions controlled by men who tell me what I want to hear..as they feed off of my my energy.. and I have been left ..not empty..but with just parts of me..as I have given away to them what they truly stole away from me.. and so it is that I have searched for the key..but I have searched for this key outside of me.
I blamed myself.. for their lack.. I saw this lack as something lacking in me..and so again the pattern emerged inside of me..as pieces that I missed.. ohhh how I missed myself ..all the time thinking that it was someone else that I missed.. feeling lonely for what I thought was him.. but all along it was me I missed.
I listened to words of idealized romance.. I listened to him speak only of himself.. I listened to him tell me what his needs were.. I listened to him as he told me who he was and what he believed in.. I listened to him as he tried to make me into what he thought was his ideal.. I listened and I listened as I was nothing but stealing away from myself..but I blamed him.
And so it is just very recently it happened again..a man that seemed like a God.. who told me when I was dreaming of Angels it was him I was dreaming of.. he told me he was the other half of me..and he believed that women were empty without men but men were filled endlessly.. yes he said he loved me, yes no one could compare to the love that he had for me and that I should have for him.. just believe in him..and only him, faithlessly as this would prove my enlightenment and that I am indeed worthy of such a great love that only he.. my Twin Flame could give to me and I to him..and so it is the power began to shift from me to a man. It was all to be on his timing and his plan.. as it was all in his sense of good timing that we should be together..and then I felt the drain again… but this time..a light came on.
I found the key..to my patterns.. I found my heart.
I found that love has always been with me and that I have never been empty.. and any man or person who needs to steal energy from me.. has not found this key.
I found the love.. I found that it exists in the moment..of gratitude for all that is.. I am complete.. I am in contact with my higher self.. I am the Angel in my dreams..not him or anyone else.. I am the love that I seek..and it has always been so.. am The Bride and The Groom..in knowing this I am whole.
I walked in to the shadows.. In the light of my awareness of who I truly am..my shadow self becomes so much less..as I am so much more in my new awareness.
My Angelic Self.. lifts me up from the ashes.. as I am transformed.. I am that I am.. there needs be no more..than this.. I am love
And so it is…
I wed bliss..
It is that time is but a spiral..and like the wormhole spinning inward and in on it’s self and then again back out. Darkness and light..matter and spirit form a circle so tight that they merge into one..what was once unseen becomes reality and what was once reality becomes the dream. Everything goes into the center, bending and molding together..flipped inside out..and outside- in as we approach the Universal Center. The Earth she rises up to the sky ..to the dark rift she lifts..with her we rise and twist.
Time as we know and understand it in the mass flow..speeds up with the gravitational pull.. time shortens, days feel like hours, time looses it is not relevant in these events. In the core of this hour-glass.. all will hang, all will stop as the pendulum halts it’s swing..this is everything merging as one.
Those who relate to mass..those who relate to logic..those who can not live in the image’, those who can not see through the internal sight..will become blind. The fright of the dream becoming real, the fright of everything that they thought was everything becoming nothing and nothing becoming everything will cause them to become what they relate.. mass and only this..as it is their relative. Yet those who have even the slightest understanding of the mysteries they shall be reborn. Those who carry within them the wisdom of the image.. those who already have walked between the worlds..with knowing the energy that lives within all things..their rebirth shall be painless and one of joy.
From this nothingness..these dark days..comes the birth of new light..and it is in his arms he carries her through the night.. in his hands he holds The Earth.. and with love in his hands he holds the cup of their love..silver and so sweet.. they then give birth to a new reality.. the cup of love is turned onto The Earth..golden nectar so sweet..and with that love the Golden Age is ushered in, and the people of the new birth walk in the body of light..and it is the weakest ones that come first..the innocent inherit The Earth..and The Crystal Children shall lead them.. to Age of Wisdom.
Once Upon A Timeless place.
I am the likening, I am the symbol.. I am similar .. I am the poetic .. I am the poem.
In the deepest darkness, the soul was driven.. deep into the shadows…hell was known.
There was no escape from this damnation…I was the dark horse…it was my termination. My death. There was no hope, no faith, no love..I had no salvation. My reality was my disintegration.
In this place..of nothingness I let go.
I stopped fighting.. I stopped trying to change what I could not change..
The death was.. it was a long death.. but then like a light in the gloom.. like a lighthouse penetrating the impossible blackness.. my inner light began to glow.. somehow.. somehow..and it became stronger..it became brighter..and I became more..I was in the process of transforming.
It was the next morning.. when I felt a universal flow take me and send me and become me and make more of me than I ever knew was possible.. it felt like the impossible but it became and I became the possible..and I did transform.
I stopped looking outside of myself. I stopped looking towards a broken society for the answers.. I stopped and I stood still..and I flowed.
I accepted I am the metaphor.. I am the fringe.. I am the seeker and the keeper of truth.. I just am.
I have no need to fight the society that is now.. I have no need to compete… because it is not necessary as it is the way it should be now..and all will change..I am truth.. I am the symbol.. I am myth..the spirit knows the myth..the spirit will flow.
I let go.
I will find the others,
The others that keep the truth,
The others will find me,
We will no longer be the fringe of society,
We will remake and renew the tribal ways,
I let go to make way for a new way..
As the ancient ways are reborn.
My Sweet Son;
The moment you were born the sun came into my life; as you emerged from the darkness of my womb, with a splash into the doctor’s lap my life became enriched and all the more meaningful. Upon your first cry, before I even had a chance to gaze upon you, my heart swelled and burst with love and pride. As the nurses cleaned your tiny little body, as you screamed out the cry of new life my heart exploded; when they placed you into my arms, I looked into your eyes to behold the wisdom of a newborn soul; I placed you onto my breast, and the feel of my body nurturing you was pure bliss.
I knew your name before you were born, I just knew as a mother knows things that your favorite color would be yellow..and so it is. I felt your athletic little spirit and I knew you would be mischief..and so you are.. today my son you are 5 and what I am writing here are my wishes for you as you grow up, and become the man that you are intended to become.
My darling son, I hope for you this, I hope that you will never fight in a war and I hope that you will never seek out violence. I hope that you question everything, do not take orders from authority that go against your heart or your moral code. Do not fight in war that is war of greed, only fight to bring up the people in need. I hope that you will never grow up in a world were you have to point a gun or use any weapon against another human being.. I hope for you a life of peace.
My son, I wish for you to seek out wisdom and love above all else, seek out wisdom and love over material wealth. I hope the person you compete against the most is simply yourself, I wish for you to become more of the best that you can be in every given situation in your life. Do not compare yourself to others, do not wish to take what others have, only work and work hard to make more for yourself..and then learn to share your wealth .. always give to others. Give your time, your wisdom and your love as well as your material wealth.
Always respect the opposite sex, always make a woman your equal and never let her use you for status or wealth, and do not use her as a trophy, do not use her for sex.. I hope for you a partnership of equals, I hope for you a lover and a best friend. Hold each other up when times are tough and share the joys of life when times are happy. If you decide to have children, be the father that changes many a dirty bum, be the man that cooks and cleans, share the parenting as one. I hope for you a mate that is your equal, so that when you are weak she is the one to be strong as you should be as well. I want you to experience and share true unconditional love with another. I hope you are the father that has the strength to confront his emotional problems so that you can be emotionally available for your loved ones.
My son do not always follow logic but learn to follow your heart. Have the heart of the lion, the heart of true courage, the heart of a man that brings up the weakest ones.
You are in a world that uses and abuses the weakest ones in our society.. I hope you have the strength to blaze a new trail.. I hope my son that you will become and show the world what a real, true and honest man is like.. he leads by example, with love, kindness, wisdom.. and a strength that shines from the inside out. The greatest gift a man can give the world is his heart.
Follow your heart.. my sweet son