Archive for the ‘spiritual evolution’ Category

I dream of Albert Einstein

 

Me and Albert had a cup of tea and a great chat in dreamland last night.. We set up on the cortex.. he showed me equations .. that I didn’t understand at all.. math isn’t my strength so he very kindly explained them to me..he took me on a ride on the finest cord of golden energy.. yes it was very mind blowing.. this morning I wrote down my dream .. short notes .. see if you can follow it.

 

His most important concept was that time is just a concept.. he said ” The human mind constructs time to give it’s self relevance ”

This is the meaning of the equations that he showed me in words ” The importance of time and space..is simply to equate. Without time and space the answer always equates out to it’s self – meaning that zero represents the infinite or infinite possibilities. Time and space are simply functions that create reality or realities. Energy shows it’s self in matter using time and space as creative elements. The infinite is shown by the elements making us aware by action of their existence that energy exists through their creation.  Humanity is simply an expansion of this energy as is all matter. Time and space exist only in the realities of form.”

The lesson that he was showing me.. The Universe is a vibration.. we are all simply channeled energy.. there isn’t a beginning or ending.. energy cannot be destroyed or created because it simply always was and always will be.. on this we base our fundamental beliefs on God..or humanity as a whole creates religion on this base line intuition. Because we are all energy experiencing it’s self through multiple layers of different realities.. all woven within one another.. we are Gods. Because we exist outside of time and space ..with that knowledge we can create a new reality.. because..

It is in the knowing that anything is possible.. we can create new possibilities outside of our past understandings..

We can create a new reality buy expanding our minds past what we thought was possible.

The Art of Pleasuring

 

I believe that we have forgotten how to truly pleasure ourselves, we have been duped into thinking that pleasure is expensive when it is the simple things that bring the most pleasure. Women have become manicured, well behaved and seeking male approval and by doing so they have not learned how to pleasure their own minds, bodies, spirits and hearts. To be tamed is to become dried and brittle.. to be wild is be wet and and playful.. but we are made to believe that is when a woman becomes a slut. . I am always redefining everything.. even words are but nothing without the meaning that we put on them by our perspectives or social conditioning. Social conditioning is what tames the wild out of every woman.. when in fact a pleasure seeking slut is what she needs to become to set herself free… free to explore her own body, her sexual fantasies .. to touch her own skin, caress her own heart.. to think her own juicy thoughts..to run down that path.. to let her spirit guide her..

What does this contentment look like? How is it found? It is found in giving yourself permission to explore the sensual..if it be a lazy day in the sun, sleeping naked, savoring melted chocolate on your tongue.. to move your body through sensual dance our pounding strength workouts.. it comes by saying no.. no to those who drain a woman of her essence, demanding that she give all of her energy and time away, no to the games people play, saying no to others to make room for the self. To care about you, so that you can be more present in taking care of others..but truly even more succulent is to secretly not give a shit.. to rebel against the social norms of the well behaved woman.. to go deep into your own world and sexual fantasies and not be sorry one damn bit..

To imagine what you will about whom you will..to imagine him fucking you just the way you want him too.. to take the time alone in your room to eat dark chocolate, read erotica, listen to your favorite mood music and touch between your own softness.. to gush, to wither, to moan and thrash.. to be dripping, moist, fleshy and juicy just for you… to explore your darkest, dirtiest fantasy and not regret it.. don’t be sorry.

Succumb and submit to the erotic self… love your erect nipples, the the catching of your breath, the sweet softness of your own feminine flesh.. no matter your age or size.. no matter .. for you are a Goddess..

The wild calls to us.. it calls us back to our primitive nature.. to fill ourselves once more with sunshine, playtime,  this horny lust for life that women have forgotten competing for male attention, competing as to who can work the hardest; complete the most tasks, work the longest hours.. while she should be sleeping, soaking up the sweet beauty of the night when she can… moonlight on her voluptuousness..star dust on her breast..

This dirty sin that we label as slutty .. that we call bad..this badness is so good, so right and erotically it is the elixir that we need to cure us..to make us and keep us wet… the climax of life, the orgasm that never lets up.

Sending out love.. a message in a bottle

 

I have found, through experience, Kelowna BC Canada is a loveless place…

Just seems that no matter how much I have reached out to people I just find I get nothing back. Nothing but empty promises of friendships or an echo of a promise of a potential lover.. So many say that they stand for this or that.. love, courage, bravery, equality, justice.. but it when it comes down to showing it through actions.. it never materializes into reality.. instead they don’t show up, or they remain silent when they should speak up..

Even now writing this I am washing things (memories) recent an old; around in my head thinking ” What is the point to even writing this” selfish people don’t care. I think the most fucked up thing is.. when I have the guts to write about what others don’t have the guts to even dare to think about.. these cowardly people are the the first to attempt to shut me up.. they are the ones who stood by and watched me get bullied out of my old gym.. they are the ones that shut me out of networking events and organizations.. making it impossible for me to promote my book on a local scale.. making it then even harder for me to promote my book on a global scale with out a local platform.. These are the ones that said they were my friends within the local arts community.. who never spoke up for me..when they had the power to make a difference.. because they didn’t want their own personal comfort put at risk with in Kelowna’s social network.. nope they sit and stuff their faces with wine and cheese, take in the local events, network with the organizations that I am not welcome to attend.. yet they know deep within that they are selfish cowards…

Even looking at the men that I cared about.. whom I thought were my friends, whom I thought could be my friends..and a very select few whom I had considered as lovers… they shrank back too.. professing to be about courage, masculinity, authenticity, truth, upholding what is right.. justice.. yet I had nothing to offer them.. no social connections, no money, and of course.. I suppose love and sex was not worth the risk .. of taking a stand for a woman who has been labeled and reputable .. a socially scorned woman..and worse yet a single mother..without family or social status.. why risk their own worth for someone whom society has labeled so worthless?

And yes I know I am not worthless..so don’t be stupid about this.. ( no messages telling me how negative this is.. no messages telling me..” But Gracie your not worthless” I fucking know I am priceless..)

I know that what I did for society was out of love..that my book was written out of love..and that I still write this out of love.. to help others see that they are not alone.. not alone in sending messages of love.. out in bottles.. out into the deep dark sea of unconsciousness.. the unconsciousness of a city… A city that is superficial .. full of people wearing thick masks.. to afraid to do what I am doing for fear of being treated how I have been treated.. using authenticity as buzz word for self promotion.. using spirituality as fucking TREND.. using religion as an excuse to be self righteous hypocrites.. conservative professionals using ” It’s just business” as an excuse to dehumanize. But yet somehow love has to win ..

And strength has to prevail.. through adversity..the dream cannot be abandoned and crushed by the cruelty of greed and cold hearts.. of assholes who only see people as worthy if they have something for them to use.. like social connections, money or some form of status…

Somehow the pureness of heart, the purity of dream has to survive the rough, tough seas of hatred and sorrow, of those who would do anything to stab an open loving heart just for the false power-trip..

Somehow..they say.. love floats.. on hope..

Love floats on the hope..that someone will have the courage to open up .. to actually hear the message, and to share it.. someone.. who has the connections, the heart, the courage.. to make those who chose to be unconscious.. conscious of facing their own inner demons.. so that they too.. can have the courage to send out..

A message in a bottle

 

What if Women Manned up?

 

I tried it..and it isn’t working for me.. I thought I was expressing my inner divine masculine.. trying to be one of the boys..but I am not one of the boys..  I have had to accept that and embrace my Femininity.. not expressing my emotions isn’t tough..it is weak.. a strong heart is brave enough to feel, to care..it doesn’t mean I am to sensitive or that I am taking things to personally..it means I am brave enough to FEEL.. a scary prospect for many people in an overtly masculine society.. as women think they need to man up to be taken seriously in a male based society and professional world..but then we are left with insensitivity, repression and denial of emotions..because women don’t want to be called dramatic and overly emotional in a professional world.. what is professionalism anyway..it was created by male based logical thinking.. it wasn’t created to encompass the female mind.. our minds are based on instinct of nurturing..women read body language more than we read words..we are highly sensitive to other’s moods because our feminine DNA created us to nurture ..to be highly sensitive to an infant’s body language and tone.. because babies cannot use language..and so to not allow the feminine qualities to be seen as valuable as masculine qualities stops humanity and society from the full expression of the human condition.. what do we loose when we deny emotions .. compassion and empathy, intimacy, unconditional love, nurturing, we loose softness, kindness and tenderness..

The rise of the Feminine brings balance back into our world…

I am not going to repress my womanhood anymore..to make others more comfortable.. I am not going to “suck it up” and I feel sorry for people who are to repressed to express their emotions..because if you cannot have compassion for the self, softness and kindness for the self.. you cannot express these things towards others..

Truly men are trapped in their tough guy social conditioning.. I have a son..and I know how much he loves his mother’s softness, tenderness and long hugs.. I think men crave women to be women.. I think he wants someone he can fall apart with ..someone he can fall into that isn’t going to expect him to ” suck it up and be a man”

This tender heart..the heart of compassion is missing in society.. strong women are the ones who are brave enough be fully women and express their emotions..and love their bodies.

To answer the question ” What if women manned up?” The world would become a hard cold place ..barren of all intimacy, love and affection..and we would grieve the mother in every woman.

My Submission to Hay House Publishers

 

 

I am going to publish parts of the submission as an example and I hope to inspire other writers. I am not sure how perfect or professional my submission is..but sometimes you just have to wing it..

 

My cover letter..omitting my address, and my publishers address and name..for privacy of course

 

Dear; *****

 

My sole and soul’s objective is to liberate women. I love how simply that just rolled off the keyboard onto this document. As a young girl it seems I was born knowing that this was and is my life’s purpose; A life time of many lifetimes rolled up into this grand moment; to bring the Goddess back into the forefront of human awareness, she once was (The Queen of the Universe) the beginning and ending of all things. The Goddess is life, and life is the Goddess. In ancient times she was worshipped and respected above all male Gods, as they were born of her. It simply was womb jealousy by the powers that be, way back in ancient Roman times; that usurped her power to gain control over the masses; and so it is that we are still living in Roman times. The (Goddess Rising) or (The Rise of the Divine Feminine) is the (Great Shift) in human consciousness. It is through the ancient archetypes of the Goddesses that women will be restored out and away from the shame of “The original sin”. Bringing forth this liberty and freedom also helps men to become responsible for how they view and judge women and their sexuality; as it ends (The Double Standard).

 

My book has been self-published by Balbo Press a Division of Hay House Publishers. I have a book signing at my local Chapters Store, on June 8th. I have a website to help me promote my book www.sexassacred.com  I have worked very hard at self-promoting using YouTube, Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, google, and Instagram. My book can be purchased off of Amazon.ca

 

I am very willing to compromise with Hay House; as to the editing of the book; if they should wish to publish it; I know it is a very delicate and controversial topic. It makes me smile and laugh a little as to how, even in our modern day society women’s sexuality is still seen as volatile and taboo; I wish to change that.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time,

Gracie Ackerman

Chapter Break Down

 

 

 

 

 

The beginning of the book is a short series of small write ups leading into the chapters, meant to captivate the reader by the whimsy of the adventure. The first page is a biography about me the author and then a short write up about my female photographers; Claire Barnard and Joan McEwan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography. Then a write up about the adventure of the photo shoots. I write about what it means to be an artist. I explain why many women are mad about the double standard. I explain the martyr archetype. Lastly I write about the hidden Goddess; how the Roman Emperor Constantine buried the Goddess under shame with the creation of the original sin.

 

The first chapter is Isis The Star; when the chapters begin in the book the photography burst out as well; as the photography is placed within the chapters that contain the archetype of each Goddess.  In a deep spiritual wisdom I have built the Goddesses to represent each chakra. Isis is one of the most ancient Goddesses so I see her as the root of the Goddess. Within in each chapter I include small poems with the written word that describes and expresses her unique wisdom. Each chapter works within this template.

The second chapter is Artemis

The third chapter is Venus

The forth is Athena

The fifth Hecate  

The sixth Mother Nature

The seventh The White Goddess

I then do a write up about the Goddess of Light and dark; the demonization of women’s sexuality through explaining Lilith, to cleanse her of her demonization that has been placed upon her archetype by religious dogma. I explain how pornography and purisms have created the duality of women’s sexuality, and what needs to change to heal it.

Lastly I write about The Goddess in Me; I express how each Goddess archetype has moved through me and my life, and I use my own sexuality as an example.

 

 

Qualification and Author’s Biography

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a worthy online media profile; I have my own website www.sexassacred.com, my book has been self-published by a division of Hay House Publishers, Balboa Press and it is available on Amazon.ca and from Balboa’s website. I have over 300 videos on YouTube, I am on Twitter, google, Facebook and Instagram. I have a book signing on June 8th 2014 at my local Chapters Store here in Kelowna BC Canada. The subject matter is highly controversial, so it has generated much attention.

My qualifications would also include “The School of Life” I have self-educated in many ancient magical practices such as the study of ancient symbols; I have learned the tarot in depth, the runess, Angle cards, and crystal reading and palm reading. I was born being able to see auras. I was sort of just born knowing; and it led me to educate myself more deeply into ancient wisdoms; yet ,I just knew. The book is steeped in symbolism ; the book only needs to be 88 pages, as the images are much like the tarot and Angel cards, they speak to the reader much deeper than words, yet the writing and the poetry take them even deeper into their own ancient knowing or wisdom; it is magic, dare I say spellbinding?

 

 

Author’s Bio

 

Gracie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian house hold; she was taught that women didn’t really like sex and that men liked it way too much. As a girl maturing into a woman, this was very confusing. She thought about boys all the time; she daydreamed about a man holding her in his arms and what the actual act of lovemaking would be like. But she was taught these thoughts were sinful and that touching her own body was gross and dirty. It seemed to her that everything natural was a sin.

 

Gracie found that the Christian bible was full of contradictions; The Song of Solomon was supposed to be about the Church being The Bride Of Christ; she read it many times because it was so erotic; to her it was about a man and a woman longing for each other above others, finding each other after they had a fight and then having great make up sex! But it seemed to her, somehow when the books of the bible were put together this became a disinfected metaphorical look at the Church being married to God?

 

In all religions the Goddess or the Feminine aspects of God have been hidden under doctrine and dogma. The root of equality left trampled in the ruins of the ancient temples that scatter the globe; Gracie created this book is to bring her back to her original glory.

 

This book is to help women love their flesh; their original beauty, to do away with the plastic and the pornographic; real women are organic; their bodies unique; their bodies their own.

 

Gracie’s dreams led her down this path; because of her vivid, spiritual and mystical dreams she began to study Jungian dream analogy; Jung led her to Albert Einstein; these two brilliant minds could connect the mysteries for her. Gracie understands it is the mysteries that lead us.

 

It is Gracie’s intention to bring into awareness, sacred sexuality through the God and Goddess archetypical wisdom of healthy, mature sexuality for the sake of love, lust and spirituality.

 

A Higher Ferquency

 

I must say that I am pretty humbled by this epiphany .. I understand now.. what it means be a higher frequency..

 

I see that I am misunderstood by my local community..mainly the professional community..because I am the living shift of the higher consciousness that they do not understand. I have to be of the higher soul evolution to help birth the souls evolution for creation.. and they have not yet caught up..and so they see my authenticity .. the butterfly, as a strange thing indeed..because to them.. to evolve seems like death..as we have to let the old die back for the new self to be reborn. I am the reborn. I wear no mask. I walk my talk. I am the change..for I have become one with change.. to them this is dangerous.. it means having the courage to go within..turn and face the death of the old ways of being… to them I am their devil or the death of their egos..they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel..they only see the darkness at the beginning of the tunnel..

I brave their hatred.. and I brave their rejection.. because I know it is but an illusion .. they exist were I once was.. I wore the masks of social nice.. that suffocated me slowly … I played their games of pretending not to feel what I was feeling least I should offend someone..and not be liked or accepted by a person, a group of people or an entire community..and like them.. like they all do now.. I lay in bed thinking ” No one really knows me.. ”

But I shed that skin.. she is dead.. long gone..and how glad I am.. to have shed the bad marriage.. to let people really see me..to speak to be heard..to live out loud..and to run outside of the fences of social norms..that turn us grey and invisible..blending us into each other.. making us all conform for the fear of what it means to truly be free..

This is ” The Hero’s Journey” it always has been..the perfect metaphor.. for the leap of faith..

It takes courage,, to let go and be guided by faith.

 

Understanding The Devil

 

I am going to speak to you in terms of psychology.. seeing the devil through the lens of his/her/it’s archetypical pattern or template.

The devil resents fear because fear is repression, repression .. the repression of the shadow self.. meaning the aspects of your personality that you wish to hide from the world..and the self denial that you preach to yourself. We repress when we push something into the unconscious..this is dangerous because then we have not learned coping skills as to how to handle what we have repressed…the devil is the darkness in your own psyche.. the more we restrict ourselves to not acting out on our base natures..the more chained and trapped we become by them.. we become deeply inhibited and locked down to the false personas that we have created in our own denial.

Once we face what we are hiding from ourselves and others.. a healthy positive release takes place..blocks and inhibitions are lifted causing one to bloom and expand..this takes place on an inner level..but of course one’s outer life also becomes free.

The devil does live in every single one of us..the most negative aspects of the devil are greed, addictions, selfishness, and intentionally hurting others..

Yet the devil has much to teach us about accepting and living in our flesh and bone.. the devil can help us see that we must manipulate to make our way with in a world that we have all created.. we must maneuver to find our place and make headway on the game board of life.. is this earthly playing field.. We are all “The Prodigal Son” born to fall and make mistakes.. prone to devil’s play.. to throw caution to the wind.. spend all of our money, having fun and playing games.. having sex for the pure sake of slaking lust.. ” What happens in Vegas..stays in Vegas”  We must all indulge in the lusts of life..fall hard..and then come to asking the self for forgiveness ..as it was ourselves that we had forsaken.. the higher Christ like self..responsible, passive..

But to deny the self of the entire self..the shadow aspects.. or the aspects of high awareness or enlightened thought and behaviors.. is to be in ignorance..

Many on a spiritual path..deny the devil’s lust with in..to have it surface with explosive and destructive behaviors.. when we put ourselves up so high..the fall will be a mighty fall..

To deny the root of ones humanity.. is to lay a path of ignorance and darkness within.. the search for the light being taken over by the ego after all..

And so it is..give room for your devils..sit with them..and have drink.. they are more helpful than you think.

Leadership isn’t just for men

 

The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..

But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..

Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to shine..to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..

Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the abuse..to outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..

The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to lead..to carve a path..

It is the message of my book..of this website..it is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..

Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..

Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..

One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..

Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..

For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..

One woman at a time..

And so ” I gladly offer myself”

Little Black Kitten

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

 

 

This is the dream I had last night.. I am writing this while drinking my first cup of coffee at 6 am..while my kids are still sleeping.

In my dream I am with my ex husband.. he has a little black kitten.. he carelessly buts the little black kitten by a big hungry dog’s bowl while the dog is eating..the dog starts to growl in protest at the kitten being by his bowl.. I tell my ex to please pick up his kitten before the dog’s instincts kick in and the dog attacks the little kitten.. my ex says to me full of arrogance that the kitten is his and that it will be fine.. just then the dog pounces on the little baby kitten, grabs the little kitten by the scruff of the neck and violently shakes it nearly to death.. I scream and pick up the little kitten off the floor..the baby black kitten has a open wound in the back of her neck.. I can see teeth marks and blood..she is barely alive.. I show my ex what he has done out of his carelessness and arrogance.. he says the little kitten will be fine..and he wants the kitten back.. I run from him crying with the little black kitten in my arms.. I will not give the baby black kitten back to him.. I nurse the little baby kitten back to health.. I take her everywhere with me.. I feed her from a bottle..she sleeps with me at night.. I take her shopping with me in my purse.. she heals and gets stronger.. her fur gets thick and shiny..she purrs all the time..and she wants to play..to get down out of my warm loving arms and play..but I say to the little kitten… not yet little one.. soon though.. your getting stronger..

Then I wake up.. and I remember the dream as clear as this..then fall back to sleep and dream this as my little 6 year old boy sleeps beside me..because earlier in the night he has crawled into my bed to cuddle..

I dream of a little girl of about 5.. I hear her bare feet on the hard would floor..as she patters over to my bed.. just like my son did earlier.. but she is me..at 5.. she has come to cuddle..and I let her in with a big warm hug..

I dreamed these dreams..because last night an old high school girlfriend messaged me..she said she was worried that I was becoming hardened by attempting to promote my book.. from all the adversity that I have faced..all the names I have been called..all the rejection..all of the court cases with my ex.. having my brother and sister reject me..all of the social rejection..she noticed me purging negative people off  my facebook..she noticed me fighting back..and she was worried that they were winning and hardening my heart..

Yes sometimes they do win.. sometimes I have to walk out of my house with a very thick skin..to protect my many wounds..because I am that little black kitten.. I am me taking care of me.. I am that little girl..that no one cuddles but me..and I am a single mother with no family..and I have to keep these pieces of me for my children..to be present for them.. I have not been able to date..because many men treat me like my ex husband..they are careless of my feelings..the will put me in harms way because they feel like I deserve it for my website and book..because I use my own sexuality with my topless Goddess photography to teach about sacred sexuality.. and so I take myself in my arms..and nurture myself..and protect myself from this adversity.. until I am strong enough to brave it and face it alone..again.

But I have learned many do not deserve me..

I Plea Celibacy

 

It wasn’t my initial intention to turn to celibacy .. like many places we find ourselves in; it is the journey of life that takes us there.

I am a very sexual and sensual woman; I am healthy, I have a high sex drive; I am in the prime of my sexuality..being in my forties; but I am a very sensitive, loving woman..and I found that I couldn’t get that back from others.

I have been celibate for over a year..well over a year. I found that the men I was with were very selfish in bed..and out of the bedroom. They objectified me, and expected me to fit into their lives while making no room in their own lives for me; accept for when it suited them. I found myself becoming emotionally depleted, I found them to clutter up my thoughts with their neediness and selfishness; I felt a lack of any spiritual connection ( soul to soul contact) and I was very physically sexually frustrated.

Simply put; sexually I can pleasure myself and satisfy myself without all immaturity and head games of men who really don’t know how to be men.

I would rather go on living my own life then waste my time on men that simply do not deserve me.

It has become a journey of self nurturing and learning how to channel my need for intimacy into being intimate with myself on every level..

But of course I still long for someone who is able to actually be present with me. Someone with similar interest, of health and who is as driven as I am. Someone who accepts me for me, someone to talk to, to cuddle, to share food with,  I long for deep lasting eye contact, and passionate lovemaking .. sometimes it seems like it will never happen again..and I get very sad; but I am not willing to be with a selfish man, I am not willing to hurt myself even deeper by letting myself down..to let someone emotionally injure me just so I can meet a sexual need.

I am not judging others; and I am not saying this should ring true for anyone else..it is just were I am at in my life and were I have been for over the last year..

I pour myself into my workouts and my writing; into mothering my children.. into life.

Professionally I have been called many names because of my website; I have endured so much prejudice and outright hatred ..because I am seen as a whore; I am seen as a woman asking for it; as I put myself out there sexually; even in a professional way, I am not seen as professional because I am a woman using her own nudity to express sacred sexuality..and healthy sexuality and women’s freedom of expressing and living in their own sexuality.. I am seen as asking for abuse by others in my local community..

And so I have to self protect; I have to draw my energy and all my resources into me; to be there for me, because no one else has loved me and protected me..

And so it is I Plea Celibacy.

 

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