Archive for the ‘love poems’ Category

About the games that he plays

 

I just wanna talk about the games that he plays.. how he takes what is whole to break it down.. just because… he is broken..

I wanna tell you how he is afraid to feel.. to face the emptiness he fills with brutality and cruelty.. just so he doesn’t have to cry.. I know why.. I know why.. why he plays these silly games to hide.. to hide from what he feels inside.. it’s so much easier just to fuck than it is to make love… so much easier it is for him.. conditioned as he is… to run away from a gentle touch.. as it hurts so much to look inside and not hide.. not hide from all the fears buried long ago.. long ago when he was a little boy.. and he was told he was a coward when he cried so now he hides behind guns and knives.

He hides behind the steel and the iron that he lifts to make strong on the outside… but inside he crumbles in the night.. alone with his thoughts he cannot hide.. any longer,.. and that is when he cries.. silent tears full of pride.and shame.. so much shame in having a tender heart.. so much shame in feeling everything.. that when he is given love.. when he is given compassion and a hug… he pushes away.. refusing to give way.. least the tenderness inside she should find… for if she did what would he have, to power play..to game her away..

Under all the steel, the bullets and the blades.. through the razor wire .. through the brutality and the mock cruelty is a little boy inside.. just wanting to be freed from the man in the beast..

But the closer that she gets to setting the child in him free the more he shows coldness and calculations to manipulate her away in fear.. he will do whatever it takes… pulling out his bag of tricks and snakes… anything to get her away..and off the path to his heart least it should break.. but little does he know.. and little is he aware.. that if he should let her in the pieces of his heart she will repair.. but he will not relent.. he has to win. .. he is hell bent…because he lives in the hell that he creates by not turning on the light inside of his own soul that only love can make bright..

And so it is he lets his demons out.. hell fire and brimstone .. bullets blazing, knives glazing soft exposed heart.. bruising and abusing her very soul..and her skin… he refuses to let her in… chasing her away with all it takes.. not relenting not giving in or giving her her a break from the storm within him… and so she runs to save herself from him..

And even though she grieves for the little boy inside of him.. she knows she must surrender ..it is a battle that cannot be won by either one..and so he has the field.. the swords all belong to him..and the knives and the horses and all the men.. and all the metals and power.. but even then.. the battle inside rages on inside of him.. as his heart remains broken..

Shattered and torn, red and raw..bloodied and bleeding sorrows uncried least it should shame him as not a man.. as weak as weakling.. as the boy he has abandoned that was abandoned long ago.. he sits alone… all alone..

A Touch of Madness

 

A touch of madness as he smiles slyly to the side.. looking over his shoulder and I don’t know why.. and then he cries.. as the blood paints the moon.. a ride, a tide of rawness, make vulnerable brute force..  a contradiction, paradox.. a question answered with a question only leading to more questions that have no answers.. a chest of mystery.. red washed in passion and shame.. unspoken broken dreams..shattered hearts..brought together,.. repelling ..and then compelling .. magnetic pleasure and pain.. his expression masked then it falls and I see what he hides… or do I …

When the blood hits the moon.. when the blood hits the moon..

He tells me nothing, while meaning everything.. nothing matters making everything so plain… as there isn’t a tomorrow, the night is day..and what was sane is really crazy or is there no definition to anything.. and then he touches me .. I listen to his heartbeat from the inside.. mighty but exposed, protected but defenseless because I know the unknown.. but yet the thickness of the walls uphold .. the ultra-sensitive genius .. the caul..the mark of the mad, or is it the wise old soul.. the heart trembles as the blood rushes home..

When the blood fever takes hold.. when the blood fever takes hold..

I try to speak but no words can I make as his nakedness presses against mine, and entwined we become nothing at all but seeing more than what we can comprehend .. we forget everything we have ever known..but blood and wine, pleasure and pain, beauty in the brutality of sweet things left alone.. unopened gifts, and mysteries, things yet to be discovered.. to not know them, but the taste is so sweet, and the heartache so bitter, so bitter to know the honey that dwells there in.. there in the nightmare, the hellish places lives a thrill that makes me cry out.. and the tears release the pressure of heart about to explode..

Blood on the moon.. Blood on the moon..

The intensity gravitates us to the emancipation of the soul.. blood and bone.. bruised fruit.. ripened with fear..the emotions exposed..the juice flows and drips.. gushes forth..laughter on his lips.. the potion the poison and the elixir..to drive out the demons.. lovely demons.. the voices that speak quietly when no one listens.. playing games and tickling the lips of words not spoken.. closing in ..a heart again.. mushy and raw..pulp and all.. sometimes the decay is so sweet as it creates the wine that we drink.. it down.. the poison that cures it all.. all but the madness of the blood red moon..

 

The Song Of Solomon & The Rose Of Sharon

 

I am looking at this book through a revolutionary new perspective as I am taking it out of biblical context or out of religious context to see this ancient text for what it was in the first place.. it seems it was a series of love letters written to and from Solomon and his lover Sharon.. I believe religion .. Christian and Jewish used it to regulate sexual activity into the binding of marriage, when both religions were formed they were driven by the need to control mass population through the manipulation of sexual shaming, Governments and religion moved hand in hand to keep track of, and control the masses, one way was through a documented marriage contract through religion and state.. that explains why these love letters were used in both religions to turn this lust and love into something that God had for his people..but it was this lust that was the driving force of this couple’s passion.. so lets begin with fresh eyes.. eyes that see the human condition of sex, love, lust and passion.. as natural not a SIN

The book starts with Sharon..( as she named herself in Chapter 2 verse 1 ” I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.” ) Sharon is sitting beside King Solomon at his table and she says ( ” While the king sitteth at his table my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breast.” Chapter 1 ; 12 & 13) she is saying that she is so turned on sitting beside him, thinking of making love to her king that she is starting to smell like her own sex, and that he can smell her..  This is lust.. she may have been nothing more than a concubine to him as stated in ( Chapter 6 verse 7 ” There are threescore queens and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number”) Sharon was a part of the king’s harem ..

Though out the book Sharon brags to the other daughters of  Jerusalem about how beautiful and fair her lover is, she brags about their lovemaking though out the vineyards, fields and valleys of Solomon’s kingdom.. in this verse it sounds like she is giving him oral sex.. today this would be called “Tea Bagging”  ( Chapter 2 verse 3 ” As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”)

Yet Solomon and Sharon had lover’s fights, it seemed they liked to fight often.. it was because she was jealous of sharing the king with other women, and because she was mad at him for not making her a priority over his kingly duties ..something that happens to couples today..  In the 3rd Chapter Sharon awakens to find him gone..she goes out into the night to search the city for him ” I will rise now and go about the city in the streets and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth” She finds him and holds him close.. I can imagine desperate for his love and affection..and surrounded by his men of arms they go and find a place to make love.. you can see in The Song of Solomon were he addresses her and she addresses him as she calls him ” Brother” and he calls her ” Sister” in Chapter 5 they are ready to become intimate.. he says ” Open to me my sister, my love, my dove.”  but then something happens .. Sharon says ” I rose up to open to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone, my soul failed when he spake; I sought him but could not find him; I called him but he gave no answer”

Sharon then goes crying out into the night searching for him once more, she is assaulted by the watchmen… she then writes about how much she loves him as she describes him in detail and her deep soulful love for him.. in Chapter 6 Sharon turns to her girlfriends who tell her how lovely she is and how lucky he is to have her.. ( women do this today) .. It seems that in Chapter 6 vs 9 they unite as he says (” My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her; Yea the queens and the concubines, and they praise her”) It seems to me that Sharon was the one woman in his harem that had a true chemistry with the king..with Solomon..and that is why he favored her above others..she was his and he was her obsession.. she says to him in Chapter 8 verse 6 & 7 ( ” Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.’)

Organic Love

 

I think this is the ideal of love but not the reality of love.. so I am going to do something completely different.. I am going to turn it around.. from a purified, pasteurized love into something realistic, organic, whole and honest..

 

I will not always be patient.. but I will still love you

I will sometimes be unkind.. but I will still love you

I will get jealous from time to time.. but I will still love you

I will brag, be arrogant and forget myself in my ego.. but I will still love you

I will be rude sometimes.. but I will still  love you

I will be selfish now and then.. but I will still love you

I will get angry and loose my temper now and then… but I will still love you

I will tell little white lies .. but I will still love you

I will loose hope and become sad and depressed from time to time .. but I will still love you..

I know that love cannot always endure all things.. like big lies, and affairs.. addictions..and abuse..

I know that loosing trust breaks the bonds of love.. and I understand that is the reality..

That things can be forgiven but never forgotten..and sometimes we have to love each other from a distance..

Sometimes we have to move on and find another to love..

I understand that love is not perfect.. because people are not perfect..

But when we really love someone we don’t hold them up to impossible standards..

We just treat each other the best we can..

Because real love is raw..

It is passion..

It is compassion..

Deliverance

 

Deliver me the light that shines inside of me

Help me give birth to me

Set me free from adversity

My enemies wish to hold me here

In captivity of their ingnorace

Light inside, shine so bright

That all is made known

To them and me

Set us all free

The Hero on Heaven’s Mission

Walks alone,

The path unfolds

Faith made known

The journey walked by the Fool

Light inside shine bright

So all my let go of the fight

To do what is right

The star of hope

I call upon you

Break through

Light of Truth.

Exposed

 

I opened up my heart.

I made myself vulnerable to you,

it is the way of love.. the walls must come down.

It is the way of love to have to open up.. to make one’s heart known.

But with these open gates..  will arrows to come rushing through?

It is the way of love.

I am exposed to you.

What will you choose to do?

Will you see it as away to use me?

To abuse me?

Or will you love me 2?

It is the egos way to use the vulnerable to play cruel games.

But it is the way of the Angels to enter into Heaven’s Gates.

What will you be to me.. Angel or Ego?

It is a risk to take,

will I feel the blade?

Or will you rush through Heaven’s Gates?

What Scares Me About Love

 

When I fall in love.. I fall hard.. it scares me because I want to trust him completely. When I fall in love I am loyal to a fault. I will fight for him, I will let no one hurt him. When I fall in love, I love him; not his money, not his social status, not his things, his friends or his family..  When he falls I want to be the one to pick him up. I want to nurture him.. heal him .. I want to be the one he vents all of his fears and frustrations to..and then I will be the one to keep every one of his secrets.. I want him to know I am safe for him to be who he really is.. I will be his best friend.

The world is so broken to think it is all just about sex and money.. when it is the heart to heart connection that I crave ( it is why I am still alone.. I have not found a man brave enough to let me into his heart ) I have not found a man that can love with the vulnerability that I can.. I have not met my partner.

What I fear the most about love is simply that the world has forgotten about love. The world has made sex so dirty. The relationships between men and women so empty..

I fear being in a relationship just for money.. I fear the control and the coldness..the lack of self respect leading to no respect in a relationship based on finances and sex.. I fear being with the broken down cold hearted majority.. I can not live that way.. I would rather be alone.

The thought to being alone for the rest of my life also scares me..because the ghost of the man I long for would follow me..but like a dream..fade in the light of day.. leaving me longing for what might of been.. this also makes me sad.

But after years of being married to an empty man I can not allow coldness back in..as my heart is finally warming.. filled with passion and life again.

I would rather be alone and dream of the man that would make me feel loved and safe again.. I would rather struggle on my own with lack of money and the finer things.. then let someone else’s ice settle around my heart again..

I would rather be alone and dream of my dream of him than settle for anything less than true love again.

Dreaming of Him

 

He was a small boy once.. he missed his mother when he was at school. He was different than many of the other children, from a different culture..his skin was dark. They were not used to him, the small little brown boy..who was sensitive but kind. They ignored him..because they just didn’t know what to do with him. He watched them play in groups..he watched as the birthday invitations were passed out..but most of the time he was not invited. He longed to belong.. being shunned was the worst part. He longed to be heard, to be seen to be loved by them. He would rush home to his mother, to his culture..he would burst through the door to throw himself into her arms ; to press his cheek against her warm skirts that smelled like her cooking. He would nestle himself into his mother’s lap to listen to the sound of her heartbeat.. like he did as a baby. How he longed to fit in… his mother’s love comforted him from the pain of social rejection.

 

It was deeply rooted in him to belong..he decided as a young child that he would learn about people.. he would find out about everyone of them..and he did. He learned about human nature. He learned about love and belonging..he learned how to manipulate them with sweetness.. but it was not to hurt them.. never to hurt them; it was so they would never hurt him again..because he would make them see the love that was in him ..and he did.. he was successful!

 

He grew into a man that glowed with power.. he told them all how to be the best they could be..he gave them advice about how to be successful..and they were..but somehow along the way he got lost.

 

He found that he had built walls around himself.. he couldn’t find away to drop the social mask. He had trapped himself in his own perfection..and slowly he lost the path to his heart. He had money, status, and some fame.. he had external power..but somehow his flame was being smothered..because he had forgotten to build a window in his glass house.

 

Today this day he is in intense pain.. he can no longer deny.. he can no longer lie to himself.. by searching outside of himself .. he had lost the key to his own heart; an now this day … his heart is empty..his mind is busy and heavy.. his flame burning so low.. but there is no one to turn to.. as he is surrounded by those who believe the story he told himself that he told to them .. that he knows all the answers..but now he eats his ego slowly alone.. a quiet long death.

 

He eats his pride, he eats his success, but he is not filled.. he hurts but he cannot cry out to them.. he cannot cry out. Now he sees he is still the small boy that was misunderstood, neglected and ignored..because he didn’t embrace that he was different..they still don’t see him.

 

But sweet man..with the tender, tender heart.. you will transform in your death and in your darkness.

 

As I write this you must know that I am the key to your heart..I love you, I have always loved you.. I always will.

I am waiting for you to come to me .. I will keep your secrets forevermore.

Maybe I will just take a lover

 

I don’t want to get married and I don’t want a traditional relationship.. I don’t want to clean up all his shit.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be and to feel like I am smothered and most of all I don’t want to be his mother.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to wait at home for him to show up late for dinner and then bicker.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

 

I don’t want to dress the same and do the same things with him everyday; I would rather play with him, not like the old fashioned way.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to watch TV in bed with him; I want to make passionate love with him instead.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t need constant attention and I don’t want to use manipulation to get it from him.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be told what to do day in and day out; I don’t want to be told who I am and I don’t want to scream and shout.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I like to be alone most of the time, I like to have my things to be mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

 

 

He can have his place and I can have mine; we don’t need to be attached at the hip all the time.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

All I need is one good man, a man that is free and in his own power and only wants to sleep with me.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

We can live our private lives out of other’s prying eyes; I will keep his secrets and he will keep mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

HELL IN DISGUISE

 

 

The seduction is the world, it is the ego telling you your lies are true, it is the ego saying give them sweet lies.. give them words that you don’t live by..and then confuse them by telling them that is how they will find a storyteller; but the entire time it is you..tell them to be kind while secretly you are cruel..tell them to include others while secretly you and them only live for you.. living in a lie, if it is told to a select few it is so easy to do.. give it them with tears in your eyes..being kind to those who don’t need you to..and exclude from your party of fake and phony friends..the real people who need you to extend a hand.. this how you end up in the place were you are.. in a place of the back biting snake den that you thought was heaven but it is really your self created hell. You call them friends, but they only will accept your lies as soon as you try to break free they will be pulling you back in..they will whisper seductions of conformity..they will tell you just to calm down as they like the illusions that you have built with them.. cause you can feast with them, and you can have speaking engagements with them and tell yourself and them it such an important message..that never leaves your circle or your snake den.. you and your fake friends.. no you can never leave magician your caught in your own silky smooth talken..so eat your nice little chief’s surprise..and your specialty deserts.. and stab it with your knives.. and keep living in your sweet seductive lies.. like your bullshit, like your fake friends, like the shiny brass lives you love to lie in.. I would rather die.

 

Hotel California

On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
Ad she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here

Her mind is Tiffany-twisted
She got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said ‘We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine’
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say

Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They’re livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (What a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis

Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice
And she said ‘We are all just prisoners here, of our own device’
And in the master’s chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
‘Relax’, said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can checkout any time you like

To all the fake in Kelowna..fluffy..fluff blowing in the wind.

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