Archive for the ‘love of adventure’ Category

Being a Bitch


I think the word bitch was created to make women behave. I don’t just think so I know so. If a woman behaves like a man, tells it strait up, takes no shit, doesn’t ask for permission, goes and just gets what she wants..she is bitch..she I have been called ” too assertive” .. my thoughts exactly.. ” Fuck you”

A bitchy woman..stands up for herself, stands her ground on her dreams.. oh hell..she has her own dreams..what a bitch! Women are taught to support men who have dreams… lets take a look at how wonderful it is to be a ” First Lady” ya fuck that!.. Fuck that! That’s right your supposed to be happy and honored to take second place as a figure head that wears the latest fashions and puts up with your husband jamming cigars up an interns vag.. that’s right BITCHES!  Women don’t have real authority and those who strive for it.. yup..bunch a bitches!

A woman that has a presence .. you know..she takes up room when standing in a room.. she has a voice, she has thoughts of her own and shares them openly, she has sex appeal .. she has a walk, she has charisma.. yup what a bitch..

But the only way a woman is going to get anywhere in the world is to love her inner bitch.. it is so seriously a part of being a Goddess.. it is being an unapologetic bitch that makes her a super star..but first she has to have the inner strength to stand up to the boys.. those wimpy men, the ones that need a woman to kiss up, make nice and suck their metaphorical dicks.. she has to be able to get it across to them ( metaphorically speaking ) that she too has a dick and if they don’t like it they can suck it! She is a bitch, and she loves her inner bitch.. she ain’t making nice..and she will never be ready to make nice..cause like the boys..she is what she is and she says what she means and she means what she says…  she going to be called a lot of names.. but eventually she just has to find a few truly good men, who will be her friends and supporters.. we just need more women willing to embrace their inner bitch.. more women to take a stand.. and love that they are who the fuck they are..

This good girl bad girl’s just shit to control women.. if women are always afraid of offending some poor guy and seeming too bitchy to get hitched up to some pathetic guy that digs this shit.. the world will be missing out on some GRAND BITCHES.. bitches that have that chip on their shoulder that they carry with pride..bitches that have been told ” your a piece of work” but they like that..those bitches are goddamn proud of the lessons they have learned in life that made them what they are..that made them broads that made them ballsy .. that’s right.. fuck em.. those are the GRAND BITCHES society needs to turn it around and make equal fuck the double standard HARD.. FUCK IT HARD and RIGHT PROPER!

Women need to fight for their dreams, fight for their voices..stop over eating to appear safe to fragile men, stop under eating to disappear make yourself small and fragile for fragile men.. we need some women to TRAIN these fuckers up .. to toughen men give them some tough love.. cause

Enough is Enough


Near Death Experience and the Ego


I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.

I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.

In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.

What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)

I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..

As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!

But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom

I can tell you this an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.

As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.

Leadership isn’t just for men


The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..

But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..

Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..

Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..

The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to carve a path..

It is the message of my book..of this is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..

Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..

Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..

One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..

Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..

For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..

One woman at a time..

And so ” I gladly offer myself”



Deliver me the light that shines inside of me

Help me give birth to me

Set me free from adversity

My enemies wish to hold me here

In captivity of their ingnorace

Light inside, shine so bright

That all is made known

To them and me

Set us all free

The Hero on Heaven’s Mission

Walks alone,

The path unfolds

Faith made known

The journey walked by the Fool

Light inside shine bright

So all my let go of the fight

To do what is right

The star of hope

I call upon you

Break through

Light of Truth.



Nature is my church and my prayers are energy that radiates from my heart..

Once again I am becoming intimate with you my reader..sharing with you the inner most callings of my heart.

When I prayed today I needed to be one with the earth and sky.. I needed to hike and to walk to the edge that over looked the water; to feel as if I could be lifted up.. lifted with the tendrils of the rain clouds that flew on gust of late spring air.. I saw them.. the mist, just touching the surface of the lake.. and they blew up against me, into me as I became drunk with oxygen.. the wind filling my lungs with crisp, cool dampness.. I didn’t care that the rain washed over me.. it was a soft clean mist.. soft and sweet.. I felt one with the earth and the sky.. one with water of the lake and the clouds.. matching my emotion of humility.. and I asked just for this.. I prayed just for this..

” I don’t need much.. just someone to to put all my love into.. I have so much to give him when he arrives.. and I wish to be filled with his love.. I don’t need much money.. just enough to get by..and a little more for comfort.. I just need softness and comfort.. I don’t need much.”

” God, Universe, Energy.. I did what you wanted.. I pushed myself past anything I thought I could.. I created what you told me to do.. I gave my heart, my soul, my money.. I  braved my worst fears..and I am still scared to death..but I am still facing fear.. like you told me too.. please.. please, pay it forward.. this message is yours..the book, the website..this blog.. put please.. please … just pay it forward.. just a little bit to me.. I don’t need much.”

A simple prayer.. from deep within my heart center..

I raised my eyes to see a huge golden eagle coasting up .. up with the updrafts.. he flew free and easy.. gliding higher and higher into the misty tendrils of the rain clouds..and I said.. ” Take my prayer with you.”





The word is mainly used as a vulgarity, generally to describe people who are viewed as stupid, incompetent, unpleasant, or detestable.


My girlfriend decided that she was going to bring a date with her to the white party Okanagan Pride.. So I picked her up and then we went to pick him up.. I didn’t like him.. even before we picked him up because he couldn’t give me proper directions .. and we ended up driving in circles, wasting gas to pick up some asshole ( makes me laugh because it just keeps getting better )

So he seems nice enough  ( fake) as we are driving there buttering me up with his bullshit because he can tell I am not impressed. As we parked and made our way to my first gay party ( that I was really exited about) he let some stupid gay jokes out.. pissing me off and furthering my annoyance of him.

As soon as we got into the party I could leave them both together and I could go and meet all the wonderful Queens and their partners. It was so much fun! Everyone dressed up and strutting their stuff.. what I love the most.. is that I understood that they were showing their beauty from the inside out.. that gay people are some of the most authentic people in society..and the bravest..and the most heartfelt.. having to fight a society full of prejudice and sometimes outright hatred, but still living out loud wearing their hearts on their sleeves. I ran into my landlord who is gay and married to his partner.. he is such a sweet heart. I ran into a hairdresser that I know that is hottest boy man ever.. he is like naughty Peter Pan..very cool energy. I ran into a woman that I know from my favorite costume store.. she was dressed like a vampire-gypsy ..with black contacts.. so artistic and expressive. I was given the most wonder full hug by Glitter Man.. he had glitter all over his hair and bare chest. He said ” I am gonna glitter hug you..and make you sparkle.” He pressed his chest up against my cleavage and sparkled me all up.. he was so adorable. I loved his energy.. like a wild little child,  wiggly and dramatic.. he was so cute.. I just loved watching him dance. I loved seeing all the big tall Drag Queens.. it was just fabulous.. I saw the star of the night.. in his silver ball gown..and helped him get his dress out of his cream colored.. metal spiked high heels.. they were all Goddesses.. everyone of them.. I handed out some of my passion party business cards..and the reactions to me selling sex toys were priceless.. it was like had handed them the keys to heaven ( giggle) and of course that is exactly what good sex and sex toys are like  😉

But then ASSHOLE wanted to leave.. fuck. I think I missed the last Drag Queen Show.. Here I was the one driving but the pushy little prick wanted to go. I was worried that stupid fuck face would say something homophobic so… ya know it was smart of me to get him and his negative energy out of such a higher and positive energy place.. honestly he wasn’t worthy of being there or with us..but anyway.

Turns out fuck face had a gambling problem.. as soon as we left he wanted us to go with him to the Casino to watch him waste his money. I said ” We came out to party and dance not sit around with old people in depends playing slots to watch you ignore us to loose yourself in your addiction.” can you tell I had enough right early on? I said ” If my girlfriend wants to go with you and if you both want to make it into a date night, I can leave, go do my own thing and you two can take a cab home. Just let me know what you want. I am not going to the fucking Casino.” Oh he tried to run it..but I put my foot down.. as the night progressed and we hit a few pubs and night clubs.. asshole got worse.

Every time my girlfriend even just turned her back on him.. he put his hands on me. And then he would be all over her (((((( ASSHOLE))))))….FUCK… *SIGH*.. {eyes rolling} OMG!.. once when my girlfriend went to the bathroom.. he got up really close to me and told me ” If I wasn’t with your girlfriend I would love to fuck you. Your so cute, classy, adorable, sweet ( blah blah blah blah)” and during all that bullshit talk he had his hands all over my bare back and neck.. I fucking had it. I said to him ” If my friend wasn’t here, you wouldn’t be here. I would tell you to fuck off.”.. I said ” OH you think your smooth….. don’t you? It’s all just bullshit. You really think you can get both of us? Do you really think so?” .. he backed off some then.. and I told her what happened ( I am honest.. I would want to know..and it is what good friends do)


So we went out to another pub..just before closing..and the faces he made looking down my dress.. OMG GROSS!

Finally the night was over..we dropped off ASSHOLE.

Guys …….don’t be him.. please!!

Maybe I will just take a lover


I don’t want to get married and I don’t want a traditional relationship.. I don’t want to clean up all his shit.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be and to feel like I am smothered and most of all I don’t want to be his mother.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to wait at home for him to show up late for dinner and then bicker.

Maybe I will just take a lover.


I don’t want to dress the same and do the same things with him everyday; I would rather play with him, not like the old fashioned way.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to watch TV in bed with him; I want to make passionate love with him instead.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t need constant attention and I don’t want to use manipulation to get it from him.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be told what to do day in and day out; I don’t want to be told who I am and I don’t want to scream and shout.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I like to be alone most of the time, I like to have my things to be mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.



He can have his place and I can have mine; we don’t need to be attached at the hip all the time.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

All I need is one good man, a man that is free and in his own power and only wants to sleep with me.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

We can live our private lives out of other’s prying eyes; I will keep his secrets and he will keep mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

His Divinity




Will he remember?

Will he remember?

Will he remember that we knew each other..before time began?

Will he remember his Divinity?

Will he remember the bed were he lays me.. is the Altar?

Will he remember that I am his Queen and he is my King?

Will he remember as I thrust up to him and he thrust into me..that this is the Throne of Royalty?

Will he remember as we explode together..will he remember as we loose identity in each other..that he is divine like me?

Will he remember through the love and the channel the sensuality.. into spirituality?

He who says yes

He who says yes

He is the God..

Ready for the Goddess.

Little Black Sheep


“Here’s To The Crazy Ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round pegs in the
square holes. The ones who see things differently. They’re not fond of rules, and they have
no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them.
About the only thing you can’t do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the
human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.
Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world – are the ones who DO !”
Apple advert..Steve Jobs


This is the story of The Little Black Sheep.


One spring morning.. lets say April 9th 1970.. A little black sheep was born amongst a corral full of white sheep. As the little black sheep grew she became aware of her difference by the way others treated her.. and by the way she saw the world so opposite from the white sheep. Of course she was always asked “Why are you so weird and strange.” The little black sheep was asked this question so often by the white sheep that she learned to simply reply ” I was born this way.”

The white sheep did everything the same way every single day. They would pace the corral in a circle each morning upon waking..they would pace waiting for the farmer to bring them food and water. The circle that they marched in had become a rutted path; and it was filled by their own shit. The corral was muddy and shitty, so ugly and stinky..but the white sheep did not seem to mind as it was all they ever knew.

But as the little black sheep became older she became wiser.. she looked through the slats in the corral fence to see a beautiful open was lush and green..full of sweet tender, purple clover..she heard the bubble bees buzz and hum.. so bright and yellow as they danced to the song of creation. The little black sheep stood was then she heard the creek .. the sound of fresh clean water running over stones..

The little black sheep said to the white sheep ” come and look through the fence..come and see how beautiful and free it is..there is so much to eat and drink..there is so much to explore!!!” She was so excited!! But the white sheep became very angry with her.. ” You stupid crazy little black sheep..there are wolves out there.. it is dangerous to want freedom.. your nuts.!!!” They called her names to scare her to make her submit to there way of being, and when that did not work they ignored her, and pretended like she didn’t exist.. but the little black sheep knew she was right..she knew they were nuts, as she would rather brave the wolves then spend her life walking in circles in shit.

One day the little black sheep had enough! She jumped up on the feed tray and then onto the top of the fence. The white sheep freaked out ” Get down!!! Get down!!! You crazy little bitch!!” But she did not listen.. and she jumped off to the other side of the fence!!!

The white sheep were glad she was gone; as now they need not be reminded of there captivity. Now they did not need to be reminded that they were weak and she was brave.. now they did not need to take responsibility for their freedom and their own lives… but little did they know.. the little black sheep had done something so completely off the wall different they didn’t even see it was right in front of them.. THE LITTLE BLACK SHEEP HAD OPENED THE GATE!!!!

In time the younger white sheep..looked through the gate to see the little black sheep frolic and play in the clover that was so sweet..they saw her drink from the clean fresh creek..and they saw that she had made friends with other black sheep that had found their way..and then something wonderful happened..some of the younger more open minded sheep..turned coat..and came out to play…. The end



Yes I am the Little Black Sheep.. my birthday is April 9th 1970.. and ” Baby I was born this way!!!!”

I am the wild child that wants to expose shame.. I am the one that others in my family they have called me crazy and trouble; simply because I saw the rigidity and over morality of our lives as captivity..and it is.. Being a woman is not a sin. How stupid is that??? Because I have a vagina, religion teaches that I am dirty.. ahhh NO! What the fuck???

I love my vagina.. I love my femininity and I love the pleasure and power my sex gives me. I am a sexual being as it is in my core nature to be so, I will not be shamed for liking and wanting sex..that is shit.

I am here to leave the gate are other artist..writers..and others who protest stupidity.. I see the wide open spaces and I will bring freedom to others by the way I live my life show the white sheep how to be brave.

So I stick up my middle finger ..with both hands.. I rebel with a cause.. and I dance in the clover.

I am Gonna Marry The Night… like Lady GaGa does..

I am Gonna Marry The Night… like Lady GaGa does...