Archive for the ‘healing the soul’ Category

About the games that he plays

 

I just wanna talk about the games that he plays.. how he takes what is whole to break it down.. just because… he is broken..

I wanna tell you how he is afraid to feel.. to face the emptiness he fills with brutality and cruelty.. just so he doesn’t have to cry.. I know why.. I know why.. why he plays these silly games to hide.. to hide from what he feels inside.. it’s so much easier just to fuck than it is to make love… so much easier it is for him.. conditioned as he is… to run away from a gentle touch.. as it hurts so much to look inside and not hide.. not hide from all the fears buried long ago.. long ago when he was a little boy.. and he was told he was a coward when he cried so now he hides behind guns and knives.

He hides behind the steel and the iron that he lifts to make strong on the outside… but inside he crumbles in the night.. alone with his thoughts he cannot hide.. any longer,.. and that is when he cries.. silent tears full of pride.and shame.. so much shame in having a tender heart.. so much shame in feeling everything.. that when he is given love.. when he is given compassion and a hug… he pushes away.. refusing to give way.. least the tenderness inside she should find… for if she did what would he have, to power play..to game her away..

Under all the steel, the bullets and the blades.. through the razor wire .. through the brutality and the mock cruelty is a little boy inside.. just wanting to be freed from the man in the beast..

But the closer that she gets to setting the child in him free the more he shows coldness and calculations to manipulate her away in fear.. he will do whatever it takes… pulling out his bag of tricks and snakes… anything to get her away..and off the path to his heart least it should break.. but little does he know.. and little is he aware.. that if he should let her in the pieces of his heart she will repair.. but he will not relent.. he has to win. .. he is hell bent…because he lives in the hell that he creates by not turning on the light inside of his own soul that only love can make bright..

And so it is he lets his demons out.. hell fire and brimstone .. bullets blazing, knives glazing soft exposed heart.. bruising and abusing her very soul..and her skin… he refuses to let her in… chasing her away with all it takes.. not relenting not giving in or giving her her a break from the storm within him… and so she runs to save herself from him..

And even though she grieves for the little boy inside of him.. she knows she must surrender ..it is a battle that cannot be won by either one..and so he has the field.. the swords all belong to him..and the knives and the horses and all the men.. and all the metals and power.. but even then.. the battle inside rages on inside of him.. as his heart remains broken..

Shattered and torn, red and raw..bloodied and bleeding sorrows uncried least it should shame him as not a man.. as weak as weakling.. as the boy he has abandoned that was abandoned long ago.. he sits alone… all alone..

A Woman’s Worth; Body Image

How much is she worth? If she isn’t young, if she has ” Been around” If she carries a few pounds, if she has had a few children? How much is she worth?

Sad and depressing for us women, sad and depressing for young girls.. we are fed this constantly, our virtue, our sexuality, our purity.. or worth based on what others judge as external beauty.. this amounts as to what we are worth.. those things are weighed and judged before intelligence, humor, empathy, talents or any other ability when a woman’s worth is calculated.. My teenage daughters are going through this right now as they reach the cusp, of the transformation of girlhood into womanhood.. and the insecurities mount.. even still I fight them..

I am in my 40s and ageing, I have had babies, I have a c-section scar.. I am into fitness but I have to stand my ground about how I want my body to look; as I don’t think body building is healthy for many reason..or the competing in beauty contest or body building contest.. I find them to be emotionally self defeating.. but people assume because I workout that I am looking to become this ideal..and I am just halfway there.. but I am not. I am competing with myself..

I not ” all that” I don’t think I am ” all that” I know I am very imperfect..but even with writing my book ( The Goddess, an Expression of the Divine Feminine) and doing the photography in the book, being the model and showing my imperfections.. I still have body issues. I struggle with them. I struggle with the imperfections, and doing the self talk of ” I don’t have to be super skinny or super muscular to be beautiful and healthy, I can be my own version of me.” Yet going to the gym I am constantly shown women with this perfect fitness type of body… but many of them don’t seem too happy because it is a constant struggle.. I want to workout for the joy of moving my body and pushing my body to higher and higher limits.. I want to age gracefully.. I want to respect and honor were I am at this time in my life..not fight it or run from it..but honor my journey.. but also I know that age is just a number.. by doing this I am showing my daughters the way to self love and acceptance.. not body hate disguised as arrogance and false pride. I think being in this place of moderation but physical acceleration ( always pushing my limits with in my limits ) is truly healthy, mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually healthy..

 

Like almost all women I have my body issues; of course I am shy about sharing my body with a lover for the first time, showing all my physical imperfections without perfect lighting or clothing to hide the parts of ourselves we all hide away. I have those days were I feel fat and bloated, wrinkled, and tired looking.. and I catch myself in negative self talk.. that is just being human.

The thing is this if women rate other women by looks we are keeping this insanity going; what does that mean ” Strong is the new beautiful or strong is the new skinny” ??? How about healthy is beautiful..being as healthy as you can be with what you are given is beautiful, smart is beautiful, being loving is beautiful, being caring is beautiful.. being talented is beautiful.. being your own unique self is REALLY BEAUTIFUL..

I think that when a woman owns her body, her sexuality, her life .. past any template, or perfected social image..when she owns herself.. that is truly beautiful..and that beauty never ages.

Near Death Experience and the Ego

 

I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.

I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.

In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.

What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pure..so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it created..as all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)

I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..

As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!

But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom

I can tell you this ..as an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything ..it is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within it..to learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.

As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.

Sending out love.. a message in a bottle

 

I have found, through experience, Kelowna BC Canada is a loveless place…

Just seems that no matter how much I have reached out to people I just find I get nothing back. Nothing but empty promises of friendships or an echo of a promise of a potential lover.. So many say that they stand for this or that.. love, courage, bravery, equality, justice.. but it when it comes down to showing it through actions.. it never materializes into reality.. instead they don’t show up, or they remain silent when they should speak up..

Even now writing this I am washing things (memories) recent an old; around in my head thinking ” What is the point to even writing this” selfish people don’t care. I think the most fucked up thing is.. when I have the guts to write about what others don’t have the guts to even dare to think about.. these cowardly people are the the first to attempt to shut me up.. they are the ones who stood by and watched me get bullied out of my old gym.. they are the ones that shut me out of networking events and organizations.. making it impossible for me to promote my book on a local scale.. making it then even harder for me to promote my book on a global scale with out a local platform.. These are the ones that said they were my friends within the local arts community.. who never spoke up for me..when they had the power to make a difference.. because they didn’t want their own personal comfort put at risk with in Kelowna’s social network.. nope they sit and stuff their faces with wine and cheese, take in the local events, network with the organizations that I am not welcome to attend.. yet they know deep within that they are selfish cowards…

Even looking at the men that I cared about.. whom I thought were my friends, whom I thought could be my friends..and a very select few whom I had considered as lovers… they shrank back too.. professing to be about courage, masculinity, authenticity, truth, upholding what is right.. justice.. yet I had nothing to offer them.. no social connections, no money, and of course.. I suppose love and sex was not worth the risk .. of taking a stand for a woman who has been labeled and reputable .. a socially scorned woman..and worse yet a single mother..without family or social status.. why risk their own worth for someone whom society has labeled so worthless?

And yes I know I am not worthless..so don’t be stupid about this.. ( no messages telling me how negative this is.. no messages telling me..” But Gracie your not worthless” I fucking know I am priceless..)

I know that what I did for society was out of love..that my book was written out of love..and that I still write this out of love.. to help others see that they are not alone.. not alone in sending messages of love.. out in bottles.. out into the deep dark sea of unconsciousness.. the unconsciousness of a city… A city that is superficial .. full of people wearing thick masks.. to afraid to do what I am doing for fear of being treated how I have been treated.. using authenticity as buzz word for self promotion.. using spirituality as fucking TREND.. using religion as an excuse to be self righteous hypocrites.. conservative professionals using ” It’s just business” as an excuse to dehumanize. But yet somehow love has to win ..

And strength has to prevail.. through adversity..the dream cannot be abandoned and crushed by the cruelty of greed and cold hearts.. of assholes who only see people as worthy if they have something for them to use.. like social connections, money or some form of status…

Somehow the pureness of heart, the purity of dream has to survive the rough, tough seas of hatred and sorrow, of those who would do anything to stab an open loving heart just for the false power-trip..

Somehow..they say.. love floats.. on hope..

Love floats on the hope..that someone will have the courage to open up .. to actually hear the message, and to share it.. someone.. who has the connections, the heart, the courage.. to make those who chose to be unconscious.. conscious of facing their own inner demons.. so that they too.. can have the courage to send out..

A message in a bottle

 

What if Women Manned up?

 

I tried it..and it isn’t working for me.. I thought I was expressing my inner divine masculine.. trying to be one of the boys..but I am not one of the boys..  I have had to accept that and embrace my Femininity.. not expressing my emotions isn’t tough..it is weak.. a strong heart is brave enough to feel, to care..it doesn’t mean I am to sensitive or that I am taking things to personally..it means I am brave enough to FEEL.. a scary prospect for many people in an overtly masculine society.. as women think they need to man up to be taken seriously in a male based society and professional world..but then we are left with insensitivity, repression and denial of emotions..because women don’t want to be called dramatic and overly emotional in a professional world.. what is professionalism anyway..it was created by male based logical thinking.. it wasn’t created to encompass the female mind.. our minds are based on instinct of nurturing..women read body language more than we read words..we are highly sensitive to other’s moods because our feminine DNA created us to nurture ..to be highly sensitive to an infant’s body language and tone.. because babies cannot use language..and so to not allow the feminine qualities to be seen as valuable as masculine qualities stops humanity and society from the full expression of the human condition.. what do we loose when we deny emotions .. compassion and empathy, intimacy, unconditional love, nurturing, we loose softness, kindness and tenderness..

The rise of the Feminine brings balance back into our world…

I am not going to repress my womanhood anymore..to make others more comfortable.. I am not going to “suck it up” and I feel sorry for people who are to repressed to express their emotions..because if you cannot have compassion for the self, softness and kindness for the self.. you cannot express these things towards others..

Truly men are trapped in their tough guy social conditioning.. I have a son..and I know how much he loves his mother’s softness, tenderness and long hugs.. I think men crave women to be women.. I think he wants someone he can fall apart with ..someone he can fall into that isn’t going to expect him to ” suck it up and be a man”

This tender heart..the heart of compassion is missing in society.. strong women are the ones who are brave enough be fully women and express their emotions..and love their bodies.

To answer the question ” What if women manned up?” The world would become a hard cold place ..barren of all intimacy, love and affection..and we would grieve the mother in every woman.

Life at the gym; I am not fitting in

 

To get to the point, I am going to stop trying to be likable and acceptable at my gym and everywhere else for that matter.. because I don’t fit into traditional patterns of anything.. including how the fitness world views fitness.. including women’s fitness.

How I don’t fit in, in general it is my book, breaking taboos by going topless in the photography and talking candidly and maturely about women’s sexuality and my own broke with tradition.. in my fitness, I don’t fit in to a role..of say just someone coming to the gym to loose weight and be moderately fit, nor am I just doing it for looks.. I actually train like a competitor and or a trainer without being either.. how confusing not to fit into a category ..for those who follow group fitness themes.. but off I go being me, learning and taking from each and every sort of fitness.. that suits me.. because I don’t follow.. I lead..and I lead by example. Many members in my gym have told me that they love what I do and that I inspire them and get them fired up.. but I think .. I know that I make others uncomfortable..

Having the meeting with the management.. were they told me that my book and website were a threat to the gym’s professional reputation and the reputation of the owner of the gym.. put a stigma on to me, as to how the trainers and competitors in my gym see me as a professional threat to them and their professional and athletic reputations. Having it said to me in the meeting that I was spreading rumors..and that they were told by inside information that I was trying to smuggle photography out of the gym by suggesting a fitness calendar be made up.. maybe with me in it with the other fit women and other members in the gym.. only added to making me not trust anyone at the gym.. because who would say such things about me behind my back..but the one female fitness trainer that I told in depth..who then after the meeting posted a post on her twitter..saying ” I feel sorry for myself watching you feel sorry for yourself” when I confronted her about it on social media she told me to ” Drop it like a squat”.. once again I was meet with condescension. And the female competitors that I asked to be in the photography with me.. stopped showing up at the gym at the time I go to the gym..and stopped answering any of my facebook messages.. and stopped making eye contact with me at they gym.. pure avoidance and subterfuge. This is typical behavior for women and girls .. avoidance and then exclusion.. and then to have the photographer that I wanted to do the pics with show up at the time I go to the gym..to take images of women who are competitors and trainers.. to further show me how unacceptable I am..that I do not fit in to what is deemed as acceptable by gym society..

 

Further more.. I realized that I was the one who sent a friend request to all of them on facebook..that I am the only one who has reached out to any of them.. including my gym management and owner..to just be further excluded. I realize that these people are not my true friends.. because I cannot ask them for anything..and they would be embarrassed if I mentioned them on facebook..if I tagged them..and they will not like anything on my facebook.. even my fitness post.. there was only two of them that wished me a Happy Birthday..or hit like on the rare occasion.. I realize that I am giving my power away..by attempting to reach out..and reach out..and be friends with people who really don’t care about me at all.. even though I have seen them looking at my facebook regularly ..as they are up on my most recents list..but it seems I am but a strange and fascinating thing.. or maybe I am just fuel for further gossip.. and so I took them off of my facebook.. my power is eroded by this constant guessing.. by wondering.. but rumors have a way of returning back to the person who is the reason for the rumor..and of course once that happens who is to say what the truth is.. and so this is what I did to get my power back from a battle that I simply cannot win..

I unplugged, I stopped following my gym’s page.. I stopped following any of them on social media.. even the ones that seemed to be nicer than others.. not to be vengeful or hateful..but to be neutral..and to accept that it is what it is..whatever it is..it isn’t my business..

My business is going to the gym to workout..not to fit in and to try to convince others that I am a good person.. if they don’t see that I am then they don’t..

I am just going to workout and find my power in flying solo..

Drama free..

Understanding The Devil

 

I am going to speak to you in terms of psychology.. seeing the devil through the lens of his/her/it’s archetypical pattern or template.

The devil resents fear because fear is repression, repression .. the repression of the shadow self.. meaning the aspects of your personality that you wish to hide from the world..and the self denial that you preach to yourself. We repress when we push something into the unconscious..this is dangerous because then we have not learned coping skills as to how to handle what we have repressed…the devil is the darkness in your own psyche.. the more we restrict ourselves to not acting out on our base natures..the more chained and trapped we become by them.. we become deeply inhibited and locked down to the false personas that we have created in our own denial.

Once we face what we are hiding from ourselves and others.. a healthy positive release takes place..blocks and inhibitions are lifted causing one to bloom and expand..this takes place on an inner level..but of course one’s outer life also becomes free.

The devil does live in every single one of us..the most negative aspects of the devil are greed, addictions, selfishness, and intentionally hurting others..

Yet the devil has much to teach us about accepting and living in our flesh and bone.. the devil can help us see that we must manipulate to make our way with in a world that we have all created.. we must maneuver to find our place and make headway on the game board of life.. is this earthly playing field.. We are all “The Prodigal Son” born to fall and make mistakes.. prone to devil’s play.. to throw caution to the wind.. spend all of our money, having fun and playing games.. having sex for the pure sake of slaking lust.. ” What happens in Vegas..stays in Vegas”  We must all indulge in the lusts of life..fall hard..and then come to asking the self for forgiveness ..as it was ourselves that we had forsaken.. the higher Christ like self..responsible, passive..

But to deny the self of the entire self..the shadow aspects.. or the aspects of high awareness or enlightened thought and behaviors.. is to be in ignorance..

Many on a spiritual path..deny the devil’s lust with in..to have it surface with explosive and destructive behaviors.. when we put ourselves up so high..the fall will be a mighty fall..

To deny the root of ones humanity.. is to lay a path of ignorance and darkness within.. the search for the light being taken over by the ego after all..

And so it is..give room for your devils..sit with them..and have drink.. they are more helpful than you think.

Organic Love

 

I think this is the ideal of love but not the reality of love.. so I am going to do something completely different.. I am going to turn it around.. from a purified, pasteurized love into something realistic, organic, whole and honest..

 

I will not always be patient.. but I will still love you

I will sometimes be unkind.. but I will still love you

I will get jealous from time to time.. but I will still love you

I will brag, be arrogant and forget myself in my ego.. but I will still love you

I will be rude sometimes.. but I will still  love you

I will be selfish now and then.. but I will still love you

I will get angry and loose my temper now and then… but I will still love you

I will tell little white lies .. but I will still love you

I will loose hope and become sad and depressed from time to time .. but I will still love you..

I know that love cannot always endure all things.. like big lies, and affairs.. addictions..and abuse..

I know that loosing trust breaks the bonds of love.. and I understand that is the reality..

That things can be forgiven but never forgotten..and sometimes we have to love each other from a distance..

Sometimes we have to move on and find another to love..

I understand that love is not perfect.. because people are not perfect..

But when we really love someone we don’t hold them up to impossible standards..

We just treat each other the best we can..

Because real love is raw..

It is passion..

It is compassion..

Dirty Old Man..

 

 

 

 

Joel Young
Columnist

jyoung@kelownacapnews.com

Joel Young is passionate about his admiration for entrepreneurs who strike out on their own with little more than a business idea and the willpower to see it become a success, or fail but then get up and try again. Joel is semi-retired, currently involved in his own film production company.

Joel Young is a Member of The Okanagan Chapter of the Kelowna MS Society..

http://www.okanaganentrepreneurs.ca/index.php/joels-articles

I saw an article in The Kelowna Capital News written by Joel Young encouraging new entrepreneurs to join his society..way back in April of 2012.. I had just sent by book off to Balboa Press..  a self publisher.. to have it artistically put together.. I was so happy with the work and art that I had created. I was looking forward to networking with like minded people. I have to say I was innocent to how society would view me and my work..as I am the model in the book. Creating the book, doing the photography, stepping into each Goddess..first in my dreams, then during the costuming and photography and then finally the writing.. I was on cloud nine.. and I thought that my local community would see the dream with me..that I had created..but I was wrong.

I emailed Joel.. but he ignored me. I kept emailing him..he sent me short emails. I explained the book and the concept to him.. and then I sent him the cover shot of the book.. this is the image I sent him

 

He called my cell .. I was hiking alone on Knox Mountain.. it was May and it was beautiful.. covered in those bright yellow daisy like flowers..  Joel said ” I almost wasn’t going to meet with you until you sent me the picture?” I thought maybe he meant that he wasn’t taking me seriously about my work..and he needed the picture to believe what I was saying was real.. I asked him “Why were you not going to contact me or meet with me.” he said ” Women like you are a risk.. ” he then said ” It was nice to wake up to your picture this morning..because..” He said ” Wait for it Gracie.. are you ready to hear what I am going to say to you..?” I said..” I guess?” He said ” IT GAVE ME A HARD ON!”

 

I was shocked.. I didn’t know what to say.. an on and on he went about being a Scorpio.. as to how that was a sex sign and as to how he just couldn’t help himself.. I began to mentally block him out.. it was to gross.. The I said quite clearly ” When we meet for our coffee date, I don’t want you talking to me explicitly about sex, this isn’t about me seducing you or anyone. I am bringing my 5 year old son to our meeting. I want the conversation to be clean and respectful.” I was blunt and to the point.

(looking back I know now that meeting with a man like this was a total waste of my time..and that as much as I wanted to be apart of his organization and to network as freely and fairly as everyone else in society.. a man with this type of sexist attitude would make that impossible.. yet I hung on to hope that I could talk reason into him and turn it around to benefit us both)

We met at The Marmalade Cafe Kelowna.. in May.. (I hadn’t even put up my website yet…)

It went as follows.. I sat at a table in the middle of the cafe.. hoping that it would keep the conversation clean..and on the up and up. I got my son some milk and a cookie.. My son wouldn’t sit by Joel.. I think children are very intuitive.. My little boy wanted nothing to do with this man.. and I soon found out why..

Within about 5 mins.. Joel was asking me ” Did you get into sex because your father molested you? Did your father FUCK you?” I was shocked..and I felt like a deer caught in headlights.. I was dumbstruck ..

The Joel went on and on about how father’s fucking their daughters happened a lot in the native communities..he went on and on about how he and his wife don’t have a great sex life…but he is Catholic..so he has to do what good Catholics do.. he asked me .. ” Why do you want to join my society.. are you hoping to find a rich man?” I asked him if he had read the email that I sent him explaining why I wanted to join his society and explaining how The Goddess Movement is to empower women’s sexuality and thereby empowering them in other areas of their lives.. I asked him if he had read the part about Sacred Sex..that it wasn’t about fucking..it was about love and sex together.. ?

Yet he said ” I didn’t read your email.. it was too long.”

I was so relieved when the meeting ended.. I felt so dirty..and as a mother I felt so guilty.. my son witnessed his mother being sexually harassed.. and I felt angry with myself..that somehow I hadn’t found my legs through my shock and walked out of the meeting with my little boy..before he heard to much.. I think that will always hurt me..as mother.

I confronted Joel with emails..but he denied everything.. I tried to file a complaint through The Human Rights Tribunal .. naming him and the others who had discriminated against me..but they said I hadn’t enough proof..

So this is my vent to help other women see they are not alone.. and to face my bullies.. as only facing them and confronting them will possibly stop them.. and I hope it helps other women know they are not alone..

Joel Young is a good outstanding citizen with a polished reputation.. I am sure this will make no difference..to him.

 

Leadership isn’t just for men

 

The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..

But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..

Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to shine..to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..

Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the abuse..to outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..

The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to lead..to carve a path..

It is the message of my book..of this website..it is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..

Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..

Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..

One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..

Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..

For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..

One woman at a time..

And so ” I gladly offer myself”

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