I just wanna talk about the games that he plays.. how he takes what is whole to break it down.. just because… he is broken..
I wanna tell you how he is afraid to feel.. to face the emptiness he fills with brutality and cruelty.. just so he doesn’t have to cry.. I know why.. I know why.. why he plays these silly games to hide.. to hide from what he feels inside.. it’s so much easier just to fuck than it is to make love… so much easier it is for him.. conditioned as he is… to run away from a gentle touch.. as it hurts so much to look inside and not hide.. not hide from all the fears buried long ago.. long ago when he was a little boy.. and he was told he was a coward when he cried so now he hides behind guns and knives.
He hides behind the steel and the iron that he lifts to make strong on the outside… but inside he crumbles in the night.. alone with his thoughts he cannot hide.. any longer,.. and that is when he cries.. silent tears full of pride.and shame.. so much shame in having a tender heart.. so much shame in feeling everything.. that when he is given love.. when he is given compassion and a hug… he pushes away.. refusing to give way.. least the tenderness inside she should find… for if she did what would he have, to power play..to game her away..
Under all the steel, the bullets and the blades.. through the razor wire .. through the brutality and the mock cruelty is a little boy inside.. just wanting to be freed from the man in the beast..
But the closer that she gets to setting the child in him free the more he shows coldness and calculations to manipulate her away in fear.. he will do whatever it takes… pulling out his bag of tricks and snakes… anything to get her away..and off the path to his heart least it should break.. but little does he know.. and little is he aware.. that if he should let her in the pieces of his heart she will repair.. but he will not relent.. he has to win. .. he is hell bent…because he lives in the hell that he creates by not turning on the light inside of his own soul that only love can make bright..
And so it is he lets his demons out.. hell fire and brimstone .. bullets blazing, knives glazing soft exposed heart.. bruising and abusing her very soul..and her skin… he refuses to let her in… chasing her away with all it takes.. not relenting not giving in or giving her her a break from the storm within him… and so she runs to save herself from him..
And even though she grieves for the little boy inside of him.. she knows she must surrender ..it is a battle that cannot be won by either one..and so he has the field.. the swords all belong to him..and the knives and the horses and all the men.. and all the metals and power.. but even then.. the battle inside rages on inside of him.. as his heart remains broken..
Shattered and torn, red and raw..bloodied and bleeding sorrows uncried least it should shame him as not a man.. as weak as weakling.. as the boy he has abandoned that was abandoned long ago.. he sits alone… all alone..
I am really mad at myself.. because I fell into a mental and emotional trap .. the trap of slut shaming. When I first put up my website and published my book a couple of years ago.. well I was a freer spirit. It was like the fools leap, child’s play, art with absolute abandon.. much like I am in the bedroom, playful, passionate, affectionate and very physical. I am an intellectual, I am experimental and very open minded.. but silly little me I didn’t take into account how many people in my local community are exactly the opposite of me; and I hadn’t really socialized with anyone in my local professional community to know what a bunch of fake and repressed bunch they all are.. and so once I attempted to network within that community I was quickly give a BAD REP.. like they didn’t even know me personally but because I was topless on my blog and because I was talking candidly and openly about sexuality.. I was instant white trash, laughable slut material to them.. to make a long story short it all rubbed off on me.. like invisible blood spatter.. pretty soon I was emotionally, mentally and spiritually downing in this shame.. that wasn’t even mine.. and it began to sink in subconsciously .. after a sexual encounter with a local popular and wealthy business man..who afterwards sexually shamed me by telling me he couldn’t socialize with me but only have sex with me privately… I plunged into celibacy.. like it was over 2 years of being closed off physically and emotionally to men because of him..and the business community. And so I told myself, I was protecting my heart, and I was, but I was also making excuses for not facing my fears.. and my fear was them.. whoever they are.. there are so many of them.. putting their religious and flaky spiritual beliefs into my head and onto my body.. saying to me sex has to be within this or that context or you are nothing more than a slut.. like an animal to be dehumanized by us..and they did just that. And I suppose I must have believed them.. as I purified my blog, taking topless pictures of myself down, deleting blog post, and being sexless myself. It wasn’t me .. that isn’t me. I am not that person; they are, they feared me and so they imposed those fears onto me..becoming my jailers.. that is what happened..and I wasn’t strong enough to stand up until now.
A young man kissed me.. or I kissed him.. and he awakened me.. I was frozen so, cold .. I was deadened.. after he kissed me I verbally said ” Thank you” it was like my subconscious said it.. ” Thank you, thank you for freeing me, thank you for igniting my fire… thank you ”
And I came to realize that sex is pro choice.. that it is my body, it is my sexuality, even when I am sharing my body with another, it is mine. No one has a right to tell me my sexuality or me having sex with anyone else is bad.. even if I write about my sexual experiences in great detail,, if they don’t like it they can fucking move on, they can fuck off. How is it hurting them? Oh they think they can judge me or others as demoralizing society by owning my own body? Wtf? So they think they own the rights to my sexuality? They think that I have to wait for love and marriage or I am whore? Fuckem! I am a beautiful sexual woman, I am not going to stay in a frozen purified state, and shrivel up and die waiting for the right guy to come along.. and what is the right guy? And how the fuck does love start to begin with..but with a healthy dose of LUST..and who says I cannot just want lust for awhile..who says? Prudes that’s who says, people afraid of being free themselves who wish they were as free as I am .. or people with little to no sex drive who wish they has my appeal and stamina.. well that’s their fucking problem isn’t it.. ya it is!
It doesn’t make me shallow, or selfish to want to explore my sexuality with a younger man ( be a cougar ) can if I want to! And when I meet someone I want to be in a long term relationship regardless of his age…can if I want to.
And I know this for sure.. if I was a old lady out of her sexual prime… that had Dr.. in front of my name ( clinical and sterile ) no one in Canada would have an issue with me being about sexuality .. but because I am hot and sexy I am a threat to society.. that is fucking stupid..and I am not going to allow society to sexually sterilize me again.. I will do what I want with my sex, and with walking my talk I can more effectively teach sexual freedom.. cause I am free now.
I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.
I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.
In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.
What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pure..so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it created..as all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)
I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..
As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!
But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom
I can tell you this ..as an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything ..it is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within it..to learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.
As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.
I have found, through experience, Kelowna BC Canada is a loveless place…
Just seems that no matter how much I have reached out to people I just find I get nothing back. Nothing but empty promises of friendships or an echo of a promise of a potential lover.. So many say that they stand for this or that.. love, courage, bravery, equality, justice.. but it when it comes down to showing it through actions.. it never materializes into reality.. instead they don’t show up, or they remain silent when they should speak up..
Even now writing this I am washing things (memories) recent an old; around in my head thinking ” What is the point to even writing this” selfish people don’t care. I think the most fucked up thing is.. when I have the guts to write about what others don’t have the guts to even dare to think about.. these cowardly people are the the first to attempt to shut me up.. they are the ones who stood by and watched me get bullied out of my old gym.. they are the ones that shut me out of networking events and organizations.. making it impossible for me to promote my book on a local scale.. making it then even harder for me to promote my book on a global scale with out a local platform.. These are the ones that said they were my friends within the local arts community.. who never spoke up for me..when they had the power to make a difference.. because they didn’t want their own personal comfort put at risk with in Kelowna’s social network.. nope they sit and stuff their faces with wine and cheese, take in the local events, network with the organizations that I am not welcome to attend.. yet they know deep within that they are selfish cowards…
Even looking at the men that I cared about.. whom I thought were my friends, whom I thought could be my friends..and a very select few whom I had considered as lovers… they shrank back too.. professing to be about courage, masculinity, authenticity, truth, upholding what is right.. justice.. yet I had nothing to offer them.. no social connections, no money, and of course.. I suppose love and sex was not worth the risk .. of taking a stand for a woman who has been labeled and reputable .. a socially scorned woman..and worse yet a single mother..without family or social status.. why risk their own worth for someone whom society has labeled so worthless?
And yes I know I am not worthless..so don’t be stupid about this.. ( no messages telling me how negative this is.. no messages telling me..” But Gracie your not worthless” I fucking know I am priceless..)
I know that what I did for society was out of love..that my book was written out of love..and that I still write this out of love.. to help others see that they are not alone.. not alone in sending messages of love.. out in bottles.. out into the deep dark sea of unconsciousness.. the unconsciousness of a city… A city that is superficial .. full of people wearing thick masks.. to afraid to do what I am doing for fear of being treated how I have been treated.. using authenticity as buzz word for self promotion.. using spirituality as fucking TREND.. using religion as an excuse to be self righteous hypocrites.. conservative professionals using ” It’s just business” as an excuse to dehumanize. But yet somehow love has to win ..
And strength has to prevail.. through adversity..the dream cannot be abandoned and crushed by the cruelty of greed and cold hearts.. of assholes who only see people as worthy if they have something for them to use.. like social connections, money or some form of status…
Somehow the pureness of heart, the purity of dream has to survive the rough, tough seas of hatred and sorrow, of those who would do anything to stab an open loving heart just for the false power-trip..
Somehow..they say.. love floats.. on hope..
Love floats on the hope..that someone will have the courage to open up .. to actually hear the message, and to share it.. someone.. who has the connections, the heart, the courage.. to make those who chose to be unconscious.. conscious of facing their own inner demons.. so that they too.. can have the courage to send out..
A message in a bottle
I am looking at this book through a revolutionary new perspective as I am taking it out of biblical context or out of religious context to see this ancient text for what it was in the first place.. it seems it was a series of love letters written to and from Solomon and his lover Sharon.. I believe religion .. Christian and Jewish used it to regulate sexual activity into the binding of marriage, when both religions were formed they were driven by the need to control mass population through the manipulation of sexual shaming, Governments and religion moved hand in hand to keep track of, and control the masses, one way was through a documented marriage contract through religion and state.. that explains why these love letters were used in both religions to turn this lust and love into something that God had for his people..but it was this lust that was the driving force of this couple’s passion.. so lets begin with fresh eyes.. eyes that see the human condition of sex, love, lust and passion.. as natural not a SIN
The book starts with Sharon..( as she named herself in Chapter 2 verse 1 ” I am the rose of Sharon and the lily of the valleys.” ) Sharon is sitting beside King Solomon at his table and she says ( ” While the king sitteth at his table my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof. A bundle of myrrh is my well beloved unto me; he shall lie all night betwixt my breast.” Chapter 1 ; 12 & 13) she is saying that she is so turned on sitting beside him, thinking of making love to her king that she is starting to smell like her own sex, and that he can smell her.. This is lust.. she may have been nothing more than a concubine to him as stated in ( Chapter 6 verse 7 ” There are threescore queens and fourscore concubines, and virgins without number”) Sharon was a part of the king’s harem ..
Though out the book Sharon brags to the other daughters of Jerusalem about how beautiful and fair her lover is, she brags about their lovemaking though out the vineyards, fields and valleys of Solomon’s kingdom.. in this verse it sounds like she is giving him oral sex.. today this would be called “Tea Bagging” ( Chapter 2 verse 3 ” As the apple tree among the trees of the wood, so is my beloved among the sons. I sat down under his shadow with great delight, and his fruit was sweet to my taste.”)
Yet Solomon and Sharon had lover’s fights, it seemed they liked to fight often.. it was because she was jealous of sharing the king with other women, and because she was mad at him for not making her a priority over his kingly duties ..something that happens to couples today.. In the 3rd Chapter Sharon awakens to find him gone..she goes out into the night to search the city for him ” I will rise now and go about the city in the streets and in the broad ways I will seek him whom my soul loveth” She finds him and holds him close.. I can imagine desperate for his love and affection..and surrounded by his men of arms they go and find a place to make love.. you can see in The Song of Solomon were he addresses her and she addresses him as she calls him ” Brother” and he calls her ” Sister” in Chapter 5 they are ready to become intimate.. he says ” Open to me my sister, my love, my dove.” but then something happens .. Sharon says ” I rose up to open to my beloved; but my beloved had withdrawn himself and was gone, my soul failed when he spake; I sought him but could not find him; I called him but he gave no answer”
Sharon then goes crying out into the night searching for him once more, she is assaulted by the watchmen… she then writes about how much she loves him as she describes him in detail and her deep soulful love for him.. in Chapter 6 Sharon turns to her girlfriends who tell her how lovely she is and how lucky he is to have her.. ( women do this today) .. It seems that in Chapter 6 vs 9 they unite as he says (” My dove, my undefiled is but one; she is the only one of her mother, she is the choice one of her that bare her; Yea the queens and the concubines, and they praise her”) It seems to me that Sharon was the one woman in his harem that had a true chemistry with the king..with Solomon..and that is why he favored her above others..she was his and he was her obsession.. she says to him in Chapter 8 verse 6 & 7 ( ” Set me as a seal upon thine heart, as a seal upon thine arm; for love is strong as death; jealousy is cruel as the grave; the coals thereof are coals of fire, which hath a most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it; if a man would give all the substance of his house for love, it would utterly be contemned.’)
It’s getting easier because I am seeing what is out there in society today. Even at my gym I watch married people flirting ..attempting to carry on ( at the very least ) emotional affairs so that they don’t have to face the responsibility or take ownership of their own integrity in their relationships to their spouses. People want fluff, they don’t seem to want anything deep and meaningful. It seems both men and women don’t understand that the spark ( the Ideal) of the relationship cannot last forever..it usually only last a couple of years ..then the rose colored glasses dim..and you are faced with loving the real person not the ideal that you thought they were..and if you cannot do that..then have the integrity to leave the relationship before side-stepping into another one with someone else.. and then those who flirt with married people.. wtf are you doing? Have the integrity not to allow yourself to be played into someone else’s games.. the game of hide and seek from their own truth.. of not wanting to grow up and face their own problems.. that is what a real meaningful relationship teaches us.. others show us our strengths and weaknesses.. it isn’t meant to be easy .. sometimes it’s damn hell.. It is supposed to be both heaven and hell..as both the light and dark lives in each soul.
Now switching over to men.. this is what I see.. selfish men who don’t actually want a woman that is equal to them..they are macho not masculine.. macho in that they need a woman to fill a role and to complete an emptiness that is inside of them.. that emptiness is caused by men who need a woman to dumb herself down..so that she doesn’t challenge him into evolving into a full manhood. A dumb woman that knows her place in his life.. as a servant to his ego; doesn’t cause him to question his own selfish motives.. What I see are men intently and with greed, accumulating their own social status and toys will giving as little of themselves and their time, their emotions or intellect to a woman as is possible.. They don’t want to be truly intimate, to share their lives or resources..what they want is to get as much as they can from a woman while giving as little as possible.
I see men being boys..breaking a woman’s sense of her self worth by playing her against other women .. making her feel easily replaceable unless she gives herself up to him.. I will not give a guy like this my time, my energy or even a thought.. he isn’t worth it.. he is not worthy..
I see lots of men.. who say the are men, who profess to have courage..but when the the time comes to show courage by action..the use excuses or remain silent, or make themselves scarce.. What I am saying..is that I see boys fooling themselves into believing they are men. I see boys who are afraid, afraid to stand by one good woman, who are afraid to go into emotional depths, who are afraid to invest their hearts into the heart of one good woman.. Instead it is easier to date and sleep with girls who are not real women..because a real woman wouldn’t allow herself to be treated like second best..a second, third or forth place on his list of priorities.. a real woman would make sure she was his first priority, and the he was her’s.. but what I see are people who are settling ..to be treated without dignity or respect..
This makes it easier and easier for me to remain celibate.. I will not be treated with coldness or brutality, I will not be put last on his list, I will not allow selfishness and immaturity into my life.. and I will not show my children by bad example how to be treated with disrespect..
I respect myself .. I respect my kids.. and I respect the good man that is out there somewhere.. I respect him enough not to settle for anything less but him..if he manifests into my life or not.. I am not giving myself away to little men who are not worthy of a good woman. I will do for myself.
I am going to publish parts of the submission as an example and I hope to inspire other writers. I am not sure how perfect or professional my submission is..but sometimes you just have to wing it..
My cover letter..omitting my address, and my publishers address and name..for privacy of course
My sole and soul’s objective is to liberate women. I love how simply that just rolled off the keyboard onto this document. As a young girl it seems I was born knowing that this was and is my life’s purpose; A life time of many lifetimes rolled up into this grand moment; to bring the Goddess back into the forefront of human awareness, she once was (The Queen of the Universe) the beginning and ending of all things. The Goddess is life, and life is the Goddess. In ancient times she was worshipped and respected above all male Gods, as they were born of her. It simply was womb jealousy by the powers that be, way back in ancient Roman times; that usurped her power to gain control over the masses; and so it is that we are still living in Roman times. The (Goddess Rising) or (The Rise of the Divine Feminine) is the (Great Shift) in human consciousness. It is through the ancient archetypes of the Goddesses that women will be restored out and away from the shame of “The original sin”. Bringing forth this liberty and freedom also helps men to become responsible for how they view and judge women and their sexuality; as it ends (The Double Standard).
My book has been self-published by Balbo Press a Division of Hay House Publishers. I have a book signing at my local Chapters Store, on June 8th. I have a website to help me promote my book www.sexassacred.com I have worked very hard at self-promoting using YouTube, Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, google, and Instagram. My book can be purchased off of Amazon.ca
I am very willing to compromise with Hay House; as to the editing of the book; if they should wish to publish it; I know it is a very delicate and controversial topic. It makes me smile and laugh a little as to how, even in our modern day society women’s sexuality is still seen as volatile and taboo; I wish to change that.
Thank you for your time,
Chapter Break Down
The beginning of the book is a short series of small write ups leading into the chapters, meant to captivate the reader by the whimsy of the adventure. The first page is a biography about me the author and then a short write up about my female photographers; Claire Barnard and Joan McEwan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography. Then a write up about the adventure of the photo shoots. I write about what it means to be an artist. I explain why many women are mad about the double standard. I explain the martyr archetype. Lastly I write about the hidden Goddess; how the Roman Emperor Constantine buried the Goddess under shame with the creation of the original sin.
The first chapter is Isis The Star; when the chapters begin in the book the photography burst out as well; as the photography is placed within the chapters that contain the archetype of each Goddess. In a deep spiritual wisdom I have built the Goddesses to represent each chakra. Isis is one of the most ancient Goddesses so I see her as the root of the Goddess. Within in each chapter I include small poems with the written word that describes and expresses her unique wisdom. Each chapter works within this template.
The second chapter is Artemis
The third chapter is Venus
The forth is Athena
The sixth Mother Nature
The seventh The White Goddess
I then do a write up about the Goddess of Light and dark; the demonization of women’s sexuality through explaining Lilith, to cleanse her of her demonization that has been placed upon her archetype by religious dogma. I explain how pornography and purisms have created the duality of women’s sexuality, and what needs to change to heal it.
Lastly I write about The Goddess in Me; I express how each Goddess archetype has moved through me and my life, and I use my own sexuality as an example.
Qualification and Author’s Biography
I have a worthy online media profile; I have my own website www.sexassacred.com, my book has been self-published by a division of Hay House Publishers, Balboa Press and it is available on Amazon.ca and from Balboa’s website. I have over 300 videos on YouTube, I am on Twitter, google, Facebook and Instagram. I have a book signing on June 8th 2014 at my local Chapters Store here in Kelowna BC Canada. The subject matter is highly controversial, so it has generated much attention.
My qualifications would also include “The School of Life” I have self-educated in many ancient magical practices such as the study of ancient symbols; I have learned the tarot in depth, the runess, Angle cards, and crystal reading and palm reading. I was born being able to see auras. I was sort of just born knowing; and it led me to educate myself more deeply into ancient wisdoms; yet ,I just knew. The book is steeped in symbolism ; the book only needs to be 88 pages, as the images are much like the tarot and Angel cards, they speak to the reader much deeper than words, yet the writing and the poetry take them even deeper into their own ancient knowing or wisdom; it is magic, dare I say spellbinding?
Gracie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian house hold; she was taught that women didn’t really like sex and that men liked it way too much. As a girl maturing into a woman, this was very confusing. She thought about boys all the time; she daydreamed about a man holding her in his arms and what the actual act of lovemaking would be like. But she was taught these thoughts were sinful and that touching her own body was gross and dirty. It seemed to her that everything natural was a sin.
Gracie found that the Christian bible was full of contradictions; The Song of Solomon was supposed to be about the Church being The Bride Of Christ; she read it many times because it was so erotic; to her it was about a man and a woman longing for each other above others, finding each other after they had a fight and then having great make up sex! But it seemed to her, somehow when the books of the bible were put together this became a disinfected metaphorical look at the Church being married to God?
In all religions the Goddess or the Feminine aspects of God have been hidden under doctrine and dogma. The root of equality left trampled in the ruins of the ancient temples that scatter the globe; Gracie created this book is to bring her back to her original glory.
This book is to help women love their flesh; their original beauty, to do away with the plastic and the pornographic; real women are organic; their bodies unique; their bodies their own.
Gracie’s dreams led her down this path; because of her vivid, spiritual and mystical dreams she began to study Jungian dream analogy; Jung led her to Albert Einstein; these two brilliant minds could connect the mysteries for her. Gracie understands it is the mysteries that lead us.
It is Gracie’s intention to bring into awareness, sacred sexuality through the God and Goddess archetypical wisdom of healthy, mature sexuality for the sake of love, lust and spirituality.
Writers block for a few seconds.. did you feel the silence?
I am pure because.. hahaha just flipping through my dictionary and it opened up to the word LENT LOL..I was looking for pure.. now going to my SUPER Thesaurus.. hmm I like undiluted, natural and genuine,real..hahaha.. downright thorough, celibate, decent, good, wholesome, moral.. why.. ? To purge.. oh have I purged.. purged my demons on this blog.. brought them downright, thoroughly into the light of my own awareness..we are buddies now..but I had to purge.. expel..cleanse away all the negative people and experiences I have had since starting my blog and website.. so I had to concentrate my energy in on myself..becoming pure unto myself.. it was needed so that I could protect myself from all the negative influences coming at me because of my work on women’s sexuality.. so as far as looking at pure in purification rituals.. I am so purified. My diet and lifestyle have been super clean. The people I allow into my life.. or near me in my daily life ..I have purged those who are toxic to me. My life has been very ritual based..and I have been very strict with myself.. so that I could stay on a clear path.
So here is the but..in the title of this post…but it is wearing thin now..
It is very difficult for me to find a life partner or a man who wants to be in a relationship with me in the town that I live in.. simply because of my lifestyle, and because many men are not mature enough to understand what I am doing with my book and online profile..and many good men are afraid to socially interact with me because they are afraid of how I will affect their social reputations and professional reputations..
I want a man that lives a fitness lifestyle; that is kind and real..that will be a good example for my children. I don’t drink and party.. I want someone who is wants to be with me at home in the evenings cuddling most of the time..but has his own things going on too.. he doesn’t have to understand exactly what I am doing with my book.. just support my dreams..and I need him to protect me from all the outside negative influences coming at me because of the controversy surrounding my blog.. I need a man that can take care of himself financially and who will eventually be willing to pool resources..
I am not looking for Mr.Perfect.. I am just looking and have been waiting for a decent guy..
How sad is it that I have had to wait so long.. and it’s frustrating.. emotionally and physically frustrating.. sometimes when I get out of the shower and look at myself naked..I think ” What a fricken waste!” because no man has touched me in a very long time..and there seems to be no end insight..and I think to myself ” Where the hell is he? I am not getting any younger here!”
But .. ( There is the but again) I have learned not to settle.. I have settled before..and it just turned into intense regret..and being lonely with someone.. it’s better to be lonely alone than with someone..
So I suppose there is nothing to be done about it?
I must say that I am pretty humbled by this epiphany .. I understand now.. what it means be a higher frequency..
I see that I am misunderstood by my local community..mainly the professional community..because I am the living shift of the higher consciousness that they do not understand. I have to be of the higher soul evolution to help birth the souls evolution for creation.. and they have not yet caught up..and so they see my authenticity .. the butterfly, as a strange thing indeed..because to them.. to evolve seems like death..as we have to let the old die back for the new self to be reborn. I am the reborn. I wear no mask. I walk my talk. I am the change..for I have become one with change.. to them this is dangerous.. it means having the courage to go within..turn and face the death of the old ways of being… to them I am their devil or the death of their egos..they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel..they only see the darkness at the beginning of the tunnel..
I brave their hatred.. and I brave their rejection.. because I know it is but an illusion .. they exist were I once was.. I wore the masks of social nice.. that suffocated me slowly … I played their games of pretending not to feel what I was feeling least I should offend someone..and not be liked or accepted by a person, a group of people or an entire community..and like them.. like they all do now.. I lay in bed thinking ” No one really knows me.. ”
But I shed that skin.. she is dead.. long gone..and how glad I am.. to have shed the bad marriage.. to let people really see me..to speak to be heard..to live out loud..and to run outside of the fences of social norms..that turn us grey and invisible..blending us into each other.. making us all conform for the fear of what it means to truly be free..
This is ” The Hero’s Journey” it always has been..the perfect metaphor.. for the leap of faith..
It takes courage,, to let go and be guided by faith.
The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..
But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..
Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to shine..to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..
Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the abuse..to outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..
The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to lead..to carve a path..
It is the message of my book..of this website..it is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..
Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..
Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..
One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..
Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..
For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..
One woman at a time..
And so ” I gladly offer myself”