Archive for the ‘Dating after separation and divorce’ Category

A nightmare date

 

Ok so follow me on this one.. I am going to be digressing and messing around with your ability to keep track of my spastic thoughts..

I was trail running this morning.. being December I was running over frozen mud and patches of ice trying to keep up my momentum without falling on my ass.. and as usual I was thinking. I am always thinking.. it’s exhausting..seriously wish I could take my brain out of my head and put it on ice. I need a vacation from my brain… anyway.. I was pushing myself though the end of my 15 km run..the last 3 km being the hardest..{thinking} bout people that push themselves to finish.. Steve Jobs flashed into my mind..then the poem ” The Crazy One’s” cause I am crazy one.. I was running 15 km in Dec ( she says sarcastically ) .. or < insert sarcasm here > but then I remembered the DATE.. ” Oh shit.. I believed that jerk for this entire time.. that was like 4 years ago..and I am so gullible I believed him up til this flash of sudden fucking awareness” You see he got me all worked up by telling me he wrote that poem for Steve Jobs ..and I believed him.. he went so far as to pretend to complete the rest of the poem..and I believed him.. gawd I am just too innocent and trusting for my own good.. stupid little Polly-Anna!

you can click on the Steve Jobs image to enlarge it if you like…

I thought this guy was a genius… but in a way he was.. very manipulative..smart enough to see that I was new to dating..newly separated and so I was like live bait… *sigh*

He put Steve Jobs in my head.. he was also an older man.. his pictures on the dating site were great..he kinda had a Spock/Steve thingy going on for him. Chatting with him on the site.. he was very intelligent. He said he was in a rehabilitation center for sleeping pill addiction.. that his work caused him great stress.. and I believed him; because my divorce lawyer had gone through the same thing. But my lawyer was a great guy, had his shit together so I figured this guy was in the same league .. I was so wrong. Your going to laugh at how wrong I was. I was wronger than wrong. I must of been insane.

We then talked for hours on the phone. I thought I was in love with his mind. I loved our conversations about physics/ quantum theory .. religion.. politics.. human rights..and sex. Nothing is more attractive to me than a guy with a huge brain; a distinguished-ness.. or class. Within a couple of weeks of texting and talking on the phone I was ready to meet him. He just had to finish his rehab..

He took a bus to meet me because he said he had to renew his licence..but couldn’t since being in rehab..but he couldn’t wait to meet me. I was so excited! I thought I was going to meet the love of my life. I really truly did. I thought ” This it!”  [ I was so fucking dumb ] Oh my GAWD my dumb blond was showing!

I had planned to have him over to my place for dinner. I was going to pick him up from the Greyhound.. then have him over for dinner..than take him to his Hotel.. but this is what happened instead.. brace yourselves..

The man who got off the bus was not him.. it just wasn’t him ( he had used someone else’s picture ) He sorta looked like him..but he wasn’t him .. the guy who got off the bus.. had a hunched back  —I am not fucking kidding— He had warts all over his face and neck..and hands —I am not fucking kidding— his clothes were worn out.. his sneakers.. yes they were sneakers.. looked like they were 20 years old going by fashion. He talked like a girl — I am not fucking kidding— he looked like the kinda weirdo that masturbated in public washrooms. { Ok now I am so ashamed } not only that..but when I started putting things together in my head it dawned on me rather suddenly that he wasn’t in rehab.. and why he didn’t have a car.. because he was a mental patient on a short leave… It was so HORRIBLE!

You are probably thinking. ” How could he be so smart but be ( I gotta say it ) one of The Crazy One’s?”

Because some of the craziest people are very brilliant.. true story..but incapable of living with the public because of chemical imbalances that cause them to be a harm to themselves or others.. he was that..and it was shocking to me how I had been such a tool myself. I was so fooled ..if I only knew then what I know now about dating and online dating..

We sat side by side in the Greyhound terminal for about 15 mins. I told him as kindly but as honestly that I could that he couldn’t come to my place for dinner.. I asked him were his Hotel was..and told him I would drive him to it. He told me he thought he was staying with me..that he didn’t have any money at all; only a 2 way ticket back to his ” rehab” the next day. I ended up putting him up at an expensive Hotel myself because it was one of the few available; because of a sporting even in town.. it was pricey..I paid for my stupidity..

Not only did I pay for my stupidity with the Hotel room and a very rude awakening to my too innocent and trusting nature ( that could get me in serious trouble ) but I also paid in cell phone bills..my phone wasn’t hooked up to .. wifi

So ya… reality bites!

I haven’t been on online dating for a long time.. just started again in the last couple of weeks..got sorta stood up for dinner tonight by a guy asking me to pay because his soon to be ex-wife just emptied the accounts and cleaned off the credit cards.. guess who passed up that?

I think the world is full of BAT-SHIT CRAZY

 

Why it is getting easier and easier for me to stay celibate

 

 

 

It’s getting easier because I am seeing what is out there in society today. Even at my gym I watch married people flirting ..attempting to carry on ( at the very least ) emotional affairs so that they don’t have to face the responsibility or take ownership of their own integrity in their relationships to their spouses. People want fluff, they don’t seem to want anything deep and meaningful. It seems both men and women don’t understand that the spark ( the Ideal) of the relationship cannot last forever..it usually only last a couple of years ..then the rose colored glasses dim..and you are faced with loving the real person not the ideal that you thought they were..and if you cannot do that..then have the integrity to leave the relationship before side-stepping into another one with someone else.. and then those who flirt with married people.. wtf are you doing? Have the integrity not to allow yourself to be played into someone else’s games.. the game of hide and seek from their own truth.. of not wanting to grow up and face their own problems.. that is what a real meaningful relationship teaches us.. others show us our strengths and weaknesses.. it isn’t meant to be easy .. sometimes it’s damn hell.. It is supposed to be both heaven and hell..as both the light and dark lives in each soul.

Now switching over to men.. this is what I see.. selfish men who don’t actually want a woman that is equal to them..they are macho not masculine.. macho in that they need a woman to fill a role and to complete an emptiness that is inside of them.. that emptiness is caused by men who need a woman to dumb herself down..so that she doesn’t challenge him into evolving into a full manhood. A dumb woman that knows her place in his life.. as a servant to his ego; doesn’t cause him to question his own selfish motives.. What I see are men intently and with greed, accumulating their own social status and toys will giving as little of themselves and their time, their emotions or intellect to a woman as is possible.. They don’t want to be truly intimate, to share their lives or resources..what they want is to get as much as they can from a woman while giving as little as possible.

I see men being boys..breaking a woman’s sense of her self worth by playing her against other women .. making her feel easily replaceable unless she gives herself up to him.. I will not give a guy like this my time, my energy or even a thought.. he isn’t worth it.. he is not worthy..

I see lots of men.. who say the are men, who profess to have courage..but when the the time comes to show courage by action..the use excuses or remain silent, or make themselves scarce.. What I am saying..is that I see boys fooling themselves into believing they are men. I see boys who are afraid, afraid to stand by one good woman, who are afraid to go into emotional depths, who are afraid to invest their hearts into the heart of one good woman.. Instead it is easier to date and sleep with girls who are not real women..because a real woman wouldn’t allow herself to be treated like second best..a second, third or forth place on his list of priorities.. a real woman would make sure she was his first priority, and the he was her’s.. but what I see are people who are settling ..to be treated without dignity or respect..

This makes it easier and easier for me to remain celibate.. I will not be treated with coldness or brutality, I will not be put last on his list, I will not allow selfishness and immaturity into my life.. and I will not show my children by bad example how to be treated with disrespect..

I respect myself .. I respect my kids.. and I respect the good man that is out there somewhere.. I respect him enough not to settle for anything less but him..if he manifests into my life or not.. I am not giving myself away to little men who are not worthy of a good woman. I will do for myself.

Pure as fresh fallen snow..but

 

Writers block for a few seconds.. did you feel the silence?

I am pure because.. hahaha just flipping through my dictionary and it opened up to the word LENT LOL..I was looking for pure.. now going to my SUPER Thesaurus.. hmm I like undiluted, natural and genuine,real..hahaha.. downright thorough, celibate, decent, good, wholesome, moral.. why.. ? To purge.. oh have I purged.. purged my demons on this blog.. brought them downright, thoroughly into the light of my own awareness..we are buddies now..but I had to purge.. expel..cleanse away all the negative people and experiences I have had since starting my blog and website.. so I had to concentrate my energy in on myself..becoming pure unto myself.. it was needed so that I could protect myself from all the negative influences coming at me because of my work on women’s sexuality.. so as far as looking at pure in purification rituals.. I am so purified. My diet and lifestyle have been super clean. The people I allow into my life.. or near me in my daily life ..I have purged those who are toxic to me. My life has been very ritual based..and I have been very strict with myself.. so that I could stay on a clear path.

So here is the but..in the title of this post…but it is wearing thin now..

It is very difficult for me to find a life partner or a man who wants to be in a relationship with me in the town that I live in.. simply because of my lifestyle, and because many men are not mature enough to understand what I am doing with my book and online profile..and many good men are afraid to socially interact with me because they are afraid of how I will affect their social reputations and professional reputations..

I want a man that lives a fitness lifestyle; that is kind and real..that will be a good example for my children. I don’t drink and party.. I want someone who is wants to be with me at home in the evenings cuddling most of the time..but has his own things going on too.. he doesn’t have to understand exactly what I am doing with my book.. just support my dreams..and I need him to protect me from all the outside negative influences coming at me because of the controversy surrounding my blog.. I need a man that can take care of himself financially and who will eventually be willing to pool resources..

I am not looking for Mr.Perfect.. I am just looking and have been waiting for a decent guy..

How sad is it that I have had to wait so long.. and it’s frustrating.. emotionally and physically frustrating.. sometimes when I get out of the shower and look at myself naked..I think ” What a fricken waste!” because no man has touched me in a very long time..and there seems to be no end insight..and I think to myself  ” Where the hell is he? I am not getting any younger here!”

But .. ( There is the but again) I have learned not to settle.. I have settled before..and it just turned into intense regret..and being lonely with someone.. it’s better to be lonely alone than with someone..

So I suppose there is nothing to be done about it?

 

I stopped dating because….

 

I can’t handle the bullshit.

I am a single mom with no family to help me; a nasty ex that uses the court system to bully me.. and I am trying to promote a book and website..and because I am a attractive woman talking about sexuality, sacred sex and women’s sexuality.. I have lots of haters..

So I don’t need head games from men..

I am not chasing after a guy like some lost puppy just to feed his ego.

I am not waiting around for him to call me when he gets around to it because he is just being a selfish, self absorbed dick.

I don’t want to compete for his attention with other women.

I don’t want to hear about the girl he never got over that still texts him.

I don’t want to be ignored for his friends.

I don’t want to be ignored for his interest.

I don’t want a fucking little boy.

When I go out to clubs and others social thingys to meet guys.. I get the same shit.. ( the lets just hook up and fuck and see what happens) we all know what that means.. ” I will keep on fucking you until something better comes along.”

Or those guys that brag about all the hot girls they have fucked before they even touch me..and of course after that they don’t get to touch me.. why would I let a guy into my body who sees women as fuck toys?

I can’t handle this shit..and I don’t want to.. It’s just not worth getting all dressed up to have a bunch of creeps treat me like am just one of many treats on the desert table.. please just fuck off.

My logical brain wishes that I could just cut out my heart like I would cut off a bad limp at an accident scene.. just hack out my heart and my sex drive. Or I wish I could go back to being a little girl.. just carefree .. I would just play road hockey with the boys..go fishing and call it day.

Little Black Kitten

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-2U0Ivkn2Ds

 

 

This is the dream I had last night.. I am writing this while drinking my first cup of coffee at 6 am..while my kids are still sleeping.

In my dream I am with my ex husband.. he has a little black kitten.. he carelessly buts the little black kitten by a big hungry dog’s bowl while the dog is eating..the dog starts to growl in protest at the kitten being by his bowl.. I tell my ex to please pick up his kitten before the dog’s instincts kick in and the dog attacks the little kitten.. my ex says to me full of arrogance that the kitten is his and that it will be fine.. just then the dog pounces on the little baby kitten, grabs the little kitten by the scruff of the neck and violently shakes it nearly to death.. I scream and pick up the little kitten off the floor..the baby black kitten has a open wound in the back of her neck.. I can see teeth marks and blood..she is barely alive.. I show my ex what he has done out of his carelessness and arrogance.. he says the little kitten will be fine..and he wants the kitten back.. I run from him crying with the little black kitten in my arms.. I will not give the baby black kitten back to him.. I nurse the little baby kitten back to health.. I take her everywhere with me.. I feed her from a bottle..she sleeps with me at night.. I take her shopping with me in my purse.. she heals and gets stronger.. her fur gets thick and shiny..she purrs all the time..and she wants to play..to get down out of my warm loving arms and play..but I say to the little kitten… not yet little one.. soon though.. your getting stronger..

Then I wake up.. and I remember the dream as clear as this..then fall back to sleep and dream this as my little 6 year old boy sleeps beside me..because earlier in the night he has crawled into my bed to cuddle..

I dream of a little girl of about 5.. I hear her bare feet on the hard would floor..as she patters over to my bed.. just like my son did earlier.. but she is me..at 5.. she has come to cuddle..and I let her in with a big warm hug..

I dreamed these dreams..because last night an old high school girlfriend messaged me..she said she was worried that I was becoming hardened by attempting to promote my book.. from all the adversity that I have faced..all the names I have been called..all the rejection..all of the court cases with my ex.. having my brother and sister reject me..all of the social rejection..she noticed me purging negative people off  my facebook..she noticed me fighting back..and she was worried that they were winning and hardening my heart..

Yes sometimes they do win.. sometimes I have to walk out of my house with a very thick skin..to protect my many wounds..because I am that little black kitten.. I am me taking care of me.. I am that little girl..that no one cuddles but me..and I am a single mother with no family..and I have to keep these pieces of me for my children..to be present for them.. I have not been able to date..because many men treat me like my ex husband..they are careless of my feelings..the will put me in harms way because they feel like I deserve it for my website and book..because I use my own sexuality with my topless Goddess photography to teach about sacred sexuality.. and so I take myself in my arms..and nurture myself..and protect myself from this adversity.. until I am strong enough to brave it and face it alone..again.

But I have learned many do not deserve me..

I Plea Celibacy

 

It wasn’t my initial intention to turn to celibacy .. like many places we find ourselves in; it is the journey of life that takes us there.

I am a very sexual and sensual woman; I am healthy, I have a high sex drive; I am in the prime of my sexuality..being in my forties; but I am a very sensitive, loving woman..and I found that I couldn’t get that back from others.

I have been celibate for over a year..well over a year. I found that the men I was with were very selfish in bed..and out of the bedroom. They objectified me, and expected me to fit into their lives while making no room in their own lives for me; accept for when it suited them. I found myself becoming emotionally depleted, I found them to clutter up my thoughts with their neediness and selfishness; I felt a lack of any spiritual connection ( soul to soul contact) and I was very physically sexually frustrated.

Simply put; sexually I can pleasure myself and satisfy myself without all immaturity and head games of men who really don’t know how to be men.

I would rather go on living my own life then waste my time on men that simply do not deserve me.

It has become a journey of self nurturing and learning how to channel my need for intimacy into being intimate with myself on every level..

But of course I still long for someone who is able to actually be present with me. Someone with similar interest, of health and who is as driven as I am. Someone who accepts me for me, someone to talk to, to cuddle, to share food with,  I long for deep lasting eye contact, and passionate lovemaking .. sometimes it seems like it will never happen again..and I get very sad; but I am not willing to be with a selfish man, I am not willing to hurt myself even deeper by letting myself down..to let someone emotionally injure me just so I can meet a sexual need.

I am not judging others; and I am not saying this should ring true for anyone else..it is just were I am at in my life and were I have been for over the last year..

I pour myself into my workouts and my writing; into mothering my children.. into life.

Professionally I have been called many names because of my website; I have endured so much prejudice and outright hatred ..because I am seen as a whore; I am seen as a woman asking for it; as I put myself out there sexually; even in a professional way, I am not seen as professional because I am a woman using her own nudity to express sacred sexuality..and healthy sexuality and women’s freedom of expressing and living in their own sexuality.. I am seen as asking for abuse by others in my local community..

And so I have to self protect; I have to draw my energy and all my resources into me; to be there for me, because no one else has loved me and protected me..

And so it is I Plea Celibacy.

 

Marriage

It seems like such a sweet thing; two people meet and decide they love each other enough to spend the rest of their lives together. But……

All the old school traditions of marriage seem to seep in.. a little at a time. Oh I started out a free woman, working along beside him at our family business..but then…

We decided to start a family and that is when the tables turned.. all of a sudden he decided he was the MAN..and he started to make decisions without me..and about me..as if he owned me and my womb..because his unborn child resided inside of me.

Soon he started to slack off.. leaving his messes for me to clean up..and all the domestic work became mine..as all of his REAL work was more important.. he was more important..as I needed to slow down due to a difficult pregnancy ..well you know.. he was doing all the real work now..and I was starting to belong to him.

Within a year.. I had no say.. it was like yelling into a dark cave as he took my voice away. He took advantage of the fact that I was busy with a baby; that I had no family, and no one to take a stand for me. He depleted me.

Next he was looking at other women; fit, younger, single, child free women and he was comparing them to me. But when I started back at the gym; when I went to the gym to take care of myself, to get my body back.. I was selfish..because of course he was doing all the real work.. I was just staying home with a baby.

Soon I was expected to let go of my dreams; as writing a book and being an artist was just silly to him; nope my dreams had to become his dreams, my interest his interest, my thoughts about him and what he wanted..and his wants were to change constantly.. there was no keeping up for me.. I was drained.. I was trapped as he had me lost in him.

He disrespected constantly; he undervalued me, he would undermine me .. he took me away from me.

He left me because I wasn’t good enough.. he left me because we had three kids and he wasn’t getting enough attention from me..because he was the biggest, whiniest, wimp.. our children are growing up but he never will…

But when he left me.. he left me to find myself again..

And I did.

What Scares Me About Love

 

When I fall in love.. I fall hard.. it scares me because I want to trust him completely. When I fall in love I am loyal to a fault. I will fight for him, I will let no one hurt him. When I fall in love, I love him; not his money, not his social status, not his things, his friends or his family..  When he falls I want to be the one to pick him up. I want to nurture him.. heal him .. I want to be the one he vents all of his fears and frustrations to..and then I will be the one to keep every one of his secrets.. I want him to know I am safe for him to be who he really is.. I will be his best friend.

The world is so broken to think it is all just about sex and money.. when it is the heart to heart connection that I crave ( it is why I am still alone.. I have not found a man brave enough to let me into his heart ) I have not found a man that can love with the vulnerability that I can.. I have not met my partner.

What I fear the most about love is simply that the world has forgotten about love. The world has made sex so dirty. The relationships between men and women so empty..

I fear being in a relationship just for money.. I fear the control and the coldness..the lack of self respect leading to no respect in a relationship based on finances and sex.. I fear being with the broken down cold hearted majority.. I can not live that way.. I would rather be alone.

The thought to being alone for the rest of my life also scares me..because the ghost of the man I long for would follow me..but like a dream..fade in the light of day.. leaving me longing for what might of been.. this also makes me sad.

But after years of being married to an empty man I can not allow coldness back in..as my heart is finally warming.. filled with passion and life again.

I would rather be alone and dream of the man that would make me feel loved and safe again.. I would rather struggle on my own with lack of money and the finer things.. then let someone else’s ice settle around my heart again..

I would rather be alone and dream of my dream of him than settle for anything less than true love again.

Motherhood is Messy

 

It’s funny that once a dog has puppies she is called a bitch.. It kinda works that way. Once you become a mother your less likely to take shit from people.. you go from maiden to mistress.. in that you learn to own it. You learn to own you body for the first time in your life.. you learn about morning sickness and leaky breast.. you are baptized in poop..those wonderful breast milk poops that come out of your babies bottom like hot squirting lava.. you learn about blood.. you learn that childbirth has been made romantic and dreamy by media bullshit.. in birth you learn it’s a blood bath.. it’s all blood and water..birthing water mixed with blood..shit yes you learn to own your body and you learn that you need to be a bitch to get shit done.. to get your message across to your partner when your so sleep deprived that words escape you.. just a grunt and a point .. ” just hand me the fucking bottle!”

 

My girlfriend and I are both now single mothers; contending with nasty pouting exes.. both of them keeping money and assets away..both of them abusive and controlling .. mine still owns me $24,000.00 My girlfriend is going broke paying lawyers  just to do simple things..  I know that I have to go after my ex without a lawyer because lawyers fees would eat up the entire amount in the attempt to get him to pay what he legally owes. Both of us are concerned for our safety as both of our exes seem to be capable of harming us.. I really am afraid to go after him for the money.. this also is the messy part of single parenting..Divorce and separation of assets..and of course to our exes we are bitches that deserve nothing.

 

Being a single mother on mother’s day sucks.. both of us didn’t want to take ourselves out for a mother’s day brunch or winery tour.. or buy ourselves flowers and chocolates.. knowing that other married mother’s were being spoiled by family was a real downer for us.. we took our kids to the park.. and when our kids were busy playing we got down to bitchen in a good way.

 

Both of us are highly sexed women.. meaning that sex means a lot to us..so guess what we talk about most of the time….?? The lack of good sex. How sex deprived we both were in our marriages .. and how on earth were we going to meet someone worth it? Seriously.. we both just want that guy we want to molest constantly..and the guy that takes pride in giving a woman pleasure… not just getting himself off.. no way! There are so many guys like that..

 

“No overly religious guys” I blurted ” I hate that fucking ..be a good girl and let me be the head of the house shit” My Friend says ” Oh my God.. when they start talking about how God has done this or that.. I run. There is a woman I know that married a guy that was a Muslim..he was so anal.. he made her cover her head and shit.” I laughed ..she said ” I don’t think they believe in divorce.. I would rebel and come home with cum in my hair..” I BURST OUT LAUGHING..the way she said it touching her hair like it had globs of cum in it.. I was rolling on our picnic blanket busting a gut…I said ” Like with cum on your breath?” OMG.. we laughed ” I am gonna pee!” we both said..

 

Then we talked about living with just enough while or exes had all the freedom to work and play at will..while our entire income went into raising the kids..while they traveled and bought new vehicles.. we talked about the endless cycle of housework, cooking and grocery shopping.. about all the responsibility and about how hard it was to find free time to work, to take care of ourselves, to have any free time..and then the mother guilt that the ex husbands didn’t have..

 

Than back to sex again.. and eating watermelon and mango..both sexy foods you know? “What kind of sex do your crave?” she asked me ” I want someone who is physical like me and has my energy..someone who isn’t afraid to explore..and who will like it when I tell him what I need him to do.”  ” What about you” I asked her. ” The same fucking thing!” She said.. I told her ” A man that makes  you feel marked by him.. you know he is so passionate that you couldn’t imagine being with any other guy but him.. like he owns your mind and body..because no one can make you as hot as him.” “FUCKING EXACTLY.. that’s fucking hot..do you think we can find it?” ..” I hope so.” I said depressed.

 

” I am so sexually frustrated..doing the passion parties and reading about great sex and even having someone to re-start a spark with.. you know I am so sick of taking care of my own business.. it has been so long since I have been with a man..and then the last couple of guys that I have been with in the last 3 1/2 years since my marriage ended..well they were a disappointment .. I have been deprived for fucking years!”.. I said with utter frustration..” I think I am just so fucking frustrated.. I am on match.com but it’s just ..like yuck..guys that don’t give a shit about their bodies..don’t have my level of energy..they all seem boring as hell.. my vibrator will do compared to these guys.. no fucking thanks!

 

” Me too Gracie… me too”

 

So what is the fucking point to this post.. the point is mommies are not all sunshine and cookies.. we are that as well but we are also real women.. with real issues and real bodies and real needs.. that’s the point.

 

 

Maybe I will just take a lover

 

I don’t want to get married and I don’t want a traditional relationship.. I don’t want to clean up all his shit.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be and to feel like I am smothered and most of all I don’t want to be his mother.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to wait at home for him to show up late for dinner and then bicker.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

 

I don’t want to dress the same and do the same things with him everyday; I would rather play with him, not like the old fashioned way.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to watch TV in bed with him; I want to make passionate love with him instead.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t need constant attention and I don’t want to use manipulation to get it from him.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I don’t want to be told what to do day in and day out; I don’t want to be told who I am and I don’t want to scream and shout.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

I like to be alone most of the time, I like to have my things to be mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

 

 

He can have his place and I can have mine; we don’t need to be attached at the hip all the time.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

All I need is one good man, a man that is free and in his own power and only wants to sleep with me.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

We can live our private lives out of other’s prying eyes; I will keep his secrets and he will keep mine.

Maybe I will just take a lover.

Links