Archive for the ‘art and culture’ Category

Appropriating Inappropriate

 

I love words, totally love them. And I love to think and be analytical.  Meaning to take something that is complicated and make it simple for others to understand… so here we go.. I have been called inappropriate for my website, book, the way I communicate online by some very appropriate people.. appropriate meaning they see themselves as suitable for the way they chose to present themselves given the occasion.. to them being conservative is the key to professionalism and success.. but of course they are not artist and free spirits.. they are comfort junkies .. a comfort junky is someone who is uncomfortable with risk; especially social risk, they don’t have the dare devil gene; and that’s ok and all; but… they cannot define people like me within their scope of understanding because it is key-holed. Meaning their scope is to see within the box..fuck they are the box! It’s like looking at an eclipse through the hole in a paper box reflected on a piece of paper for the sake of safety… people like me are the fucking eclipse.. we are the show..

 

So I am appropriating my inappropriate behavior as fucking appropriate to me.. meaning I am taking ownership of the fucking occasion because I am the fucking occasion.. appropriating – taking possession of my fucking self.. what does this fucking mean.. it means I define myself.. thanks and your welcome. This means if it helps you to view me through your key-hole to make you feel more comfortable and safe.. that’s your fucking problem.. or if you have it in you to appropriate yourself and become you own eclipse than more power to you..and it is powerful not to walk within the fences and barriers of social norms and shit just to please other people that are just as miserable as you are for not being able to shine and show their true splendor… because they are too comfortable being bored and boring.. and afraid of standing out..

 

But of course.. well I think is obvious anyway.. but I will write it down… the lesson is for women ..as Goddess stuff is what I do.. that you will always be inappropriate if your not a nice well behaved little ding-bat-eyed little mouse. Double standards and shit.. you cannot win being nice.. so ” Damned if I do, damned if I don’t, so damn it I will.” and as we all know ” Well behaved women rarely make history.”.. and if you haven’t noticed I am writing herstory.. and yes I know ” Fuck, Fucking, and Fuck it” are highly inappropriate for a nice girl..but I am a Goddess so FUCK IT!

Near Death Experience and the Ego

 

I was 19 when I went into anaphylactic shock from taking penicillin. I had just enough time to dial 911 before my throat closed. They traced the call and broke through the locked door. I remember coming around once in the ambulance as they had given me shots of adrenaline; but it didn’t last long as I passed out again from the reaction taking over. I don’t remember making it to the hospital, but I remember leaving my body.

I felt a feeling of weightlessness, and it seemed like a surface of liquid light, like a mirror separated me from a different reality. It was like the amniotic sack a baby floats within. I decided to explore that, and with that decision I found myself on the other side of that mirror.. and with that, my ego was left in the old reality with my body. I realized right away my ego was my body, and that all those fears and worries were my bodies way of trying to survive as long as possible within that earthly reality. In this other place I found complete neutrality .. and it was so restful. So peaceful to leave all the stress and suffering, all the striving and all the emotions of the human body behind, across that curtain or veil.. but I became aware that it wasn’t time to leave yet, that I was meant to linger and to learn something in this place for my life on earth that wasn’t quite finished yet.. so I explored it.

In my energy body I could see everything in a more than 360 degree perspective as my perspective was unlimited. I saw and heard conversations throughout the hospital, I saw outside of the hospital, I heard and saw ambulance attendants talking about car crashes, saw the young doctor that was late for his shift in emerg, come rolling in on his roller blades.. I heard staff talking about lottery tickets.. but most importantly I had no emotional attachment to any of it,.. and I let them be in experiencing their own realities.

What I saw was the fabric of life, of how everything is beautifully woven together to create synchronicities .. the synchronicities of the Universe. Like the gears of a clock, time, destiny, fate, free will.. turning together, multiple outcomes, and multiple different realities, layered, just like the cells of a body, speaking to each other, energy on energy.. with a purpose to create, to transpire, inspire, react with purpose.. and the simplicity of the purpose… just to simply be and become better at being.. to constantly evolve.. to let go.. move forward while using what was as a foundation of what will be.. in the beautiful neutrality of being emotionless..of not clinging to any outcomes.. as my ego was gone, I could see the pinpoint, the catalyst.. that creates the reaction of all realities or LIFE.. it it was simply love.. not the love that we know as beings attached to ego.. not a love that we may ever really know living within our earthly bodies.. but a love so pure..so pristine..because it was a true unconditional love.. untouched by the reactions it created..as all catalyst remain that cause the reaction.. this love held no attachments to it’s creations, no judgments, no hope, no hate.. no conditions.. and this love is the BALANCING FORCE… this is the source energy that all goes to and moves away from.. like the very heart within you.. making what was old new again.. making what was new old.. but the intelligence surpassed an emotional intelligence.. as it was neutral..and that is why it created such Genius.. meaning ( To bring into being, create and produce”)

I found myself above my body again.. as they worked on it, shocking my heart, plugging me with needles, saying ” This is going to be close! She is only 19!” But I watched above my body with no emotion, not just because I knew they were going to be successful, but because I was detached from my ego.. but that didn’t last long.. it wasn’t the pain of entering my body that got to me.. it was the pain of the prison of my ego, I felt like I slipped into dirty old socks, after being so free.. it was horrible, yet I knew I had to endure this, yet I knew eventually what had happened to me would change something in this reality to help humanity and all of creation evolve.. I had brought something back with me.. a wisdom..

As I lay recovering..the young doctor who had been late, who had roller bladed into the emerg; sat with me to hold my hand. With a worried face he told me how close it was, how lucky I was to be there with him.. but I felt his ego, he had a lot of ego, this was about him consoling the pretty 19 year old girl, not about my recovery… and then I felt my ego..because I liked the attention.. yup I was back!

But through the years, I have let go of so many things, the most important was religion, I began to see how religion kept us from that place of intelligent unconditional love..from the balancing force of creation.. and I began to let go and let go and let go…and search for wisdom

I can tell you this ..as an absolute certainty..anyone that lives in a human body is not egoless.. there are no real Gurus.. there isn’t not one person living that is at that state of pure unconditional love..because their body is ego..the body is your ego and it clouds everything ..it is your lens or perspective and it is a very human perspective..those who profess to be egoless .. well that in it’s self is pure ego.. probably more dangerous than those who admit to living in their ego..those who are aware of ego can work within it..to learn to temper it.. so beware of those who profess to be egoless they are the most dangerous.

As for death, it comes when it is time, but it is also the greatest illusion.. as is life.

My Submission to Hay House Publishers

 

 

I am going to publish parts of the submission as an example and I hope to inspire other writers. I am not sure how perfect or professional my submission is..but sometimes you just have to wing it..

 

My cover letter..omitting my address, and my publishers address and name..for privacy of course

 

Dear; *****

 

My sole and soul’s objective is to liberate women. I love how simply that just rolled off the keyboard onto this document. As a young girl it seems I was born knowing that this was and is my life’s purpose; A life time of many lifetimes rolled up into this grand moment; to bring the Goddess back into the forefront of human awareness, she once was (The Queen of the Universe) the beginning and ending of all things. The Goddess is life, and life is the Goddess. In ancient times she was worshipped and respected above all male Gods, as they were born of her. It simply was womb jealousy by the powers that be, way back in ancient Roman times; that usurped her power to gain control over the masses; and so it is that we are still living in Roman times. The (Goddess Rising) or (The Rise of the Divine Feminine) is the (Great Shift) in human consciousness. It is through the ancient archetypes of the Goddesses that women will be restored out and away from the shame of “The original sin”. Bringing forth this liberty and freedom also helps men to become responsible for how they view and judge women and their sexuality; as it ends (The Double Standard).

 

My book has been self-published by Balbo Press a Division of Hay House Publishers. I have a book signing at my local Chapters Store, on June 8th. I have a website to help me promote my book www.sexassacred.com  I have worked very hard at self-promoting using YouTube, Facebook, twitter, LinkedIn, google, and Instagram. My book can be purchased off of Amazon.ca

 

I am very willing to compromise with Hay House; as to the editing of the book; if they should wish to publish it; I know it is a very delicate and controversial topic. It makes me smile and laugh a little as to how, even in our modern day society women’s sexuality is still seen as volatile and taboo; I wish to change that.

 

 

 

Thank you for your time,

Gracie Ackerman

Chapter Break Down

 

 

 

 

 

The beginning of the book is a short series of small write ups leading into the chapters, meant to captivate the reader by the whimsy of the adventure. The first page is a biography about me the author and then a short write up about my female photographers; Claire Barnard and Joan McEwan of Miss Sassy Pants Boudoir Photography. Then a write up about the adventure of the photo shoots. I write about what it means to be an artist. I explain why many women are mad about the double standard. I explain the martyr archetype. Lastly I write about the hidden Goddess; how the Roman Emperor Constantine buried the Goddess under shame with the creation of the original sin.

 

The first chapter is Isis The Star; when the chapters begin in the book the photography burst out as well; as the photography is placed within the chapters that contain the archetype of each Goddess.  In a deep spiritual wisdom I have built the Goddesses to represent each chakra. Isis is one of the most ancient Goddesses so I see her as the root of the Goddess. Within in each chapter I include small poems with the written word that describes and expresses her unique wisdom. Each chapter works within this template.

The second chapter is Artemis

The third chapter is Venus

The forth is Athena

The fifth Hecate  

The sixth Mother Nature

The seventh The White Goddess

I then do a write up about the Goddess of Light and dark; the demonization of women’s sexuality through explaining Lilith, to cleanse her of her demonization that has been placed upon her archetype by religious dogma. I explain how pornography and purisms have created the duality of women’s sexuality, and what needs to change to heal it.

Lastly I write about The Goddess in Me; I express how each Goddess archetype has moved through me and my life, and I use my own sexuality as an example.

 

 

Qualification and Author’s Biography

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have a worthy online media profile; I have my own website www.sexassacred.com, my book has been self-published by a division of Hay House Publishers, Balboa Press and it is available on Amazon.ca and from Balboa’s website. I have over 300 videos on YouTube, I am on Twitter, google, Facebook and Instagram. I have a book signing on June 8th 2014 at my local Chapters Store here in Kelowna BC Canada. The subject matter is highly controversial, so it has generated much attention.

My qualifications would also include “The School of Life” I have self-educated in many ancient magical practices such as the study of ancient symbols; I have learned the tarot in depth, the runess, Angle cards, and crystal reading and palm reading. I was born being able to see auras. I was sort of just born knowing; and it led me to educate myself more deeply into ancient wisdoms; yet ,I just knew. The book is steeped in symbolism ; the book only needs to be 88 pages, as the images are much like the tarot and Angel cards, they speak to the reader much deeper than words, yet the writing and the poetry take them even deeper into their own ancient knowing or wisdom; it is magic, dare I say spellbinding?

 

 

Author’s Bio

 

Gracie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian house hold; she was taught that women didn’t really like sex and that men liked it way too much. As a girl maturing into a woman, this was very confusing. She thought about boys all the time; she daydreamed about a man holding her in his arms and what the actual act of lovemaking would be like. But she was taught these thoughts were sinful and that touching her own body was gross and dirty. It seemed to her that everything natural was a sin.

 

Gracie found that the Christian bible was full of contradictions; The Song of Solomon was supposed to be about the Church being The Bride Of Christ; she read it many times because it was so erotic; to her it was about a man and a woman longing for each other above others, finding each other after they had a fight and then having great make up sex! But it seemed to her, somehow when the books of the bible were put together this became a disinfected metaphorical look at the Church being married to God?

 

In all religions the Goddess or the Feminine aspects of God have been hidden under doctrine and dogma. The root of equality left trampled in the ruins of the ancient temples that scatter the globe; Gracie created this book is to bring her back to her original glory.

 

This book is to help women love their flesh; their original beauty, to do away with the plastic and the pornographic; real women are organic; their bodies unique; their bodies their own.

 

Gracie’s dreams led her down this path; because of her vivid, spiritual and mystical dreams she began to study Jungian dream analogy; Jung led her to Albert Einstein; these two brilliant minds could connect the mysteries for her. Gracie understands it is the mysteries that lead us.

 

It is Gracie’s intention to bring into awareness, sacred sexuality through the God and Goddess archetypical wisdom of healthy, mature sexuality for the sake of love, lust and spirituality.

 

Do something every day that scares you…..

 

I am once again showing my readers my journey.. my journey through promoting my book in my local community and in general. I was told by the kind PR specialist from New York to document this letter..and my experience today.. it keeps people honest..and many of my readers and online followers try to give me advice as to how to go about promoting myself.. as you can see I am doing everything that you and I can possibly think of doing.. contacting my local paper and radio stations ..all who have ignored me and or even go so far as to locking me out of their facebook pages.. having the manager of my local radio station 99.9 SunFm ” Mark” call me last spring to tell me that I was not allowed to comment on their facebook page..and that was why I was locked out of it..

Anyway.. I just sent this letter. He hasn’t had time to respond.. yet .. just went through this today..as usual it is very difficult for me to face people and to keep attempting to reach out to my local arts community..but here is to ” Smiling in the face of fear”.. here is ” Mud in your eye”..

 

Hi Mr. Leblanc

My name is Gracie Ackerman; I am a local artist and writer. I am the most controversial artist in Kelowna to date. I suppose it could be something to be proud of..given how unique my work is, but it is proving to be very difficult to promote my work in Kelowna due to religious prejudice.
I was just at the Rotary today; buying a ticket for the Comic Strippers tonight. I stopped and talked to Donna Lee and Lucas who works for the Alternator about the center helping me promote my book signing coming up at Chapters Book Store..here in Kelowna BC. I was asking that my book could just be exhibited and that I could advertise the book signing as a local artist/writer in our local arts center..but Donna Lee told me.. outright that she was not comfortable with my book or with displaying my book due to her religious beliefs. I asked her to repeat herself several times to me in front of Lucas.. and she did. I just couldn’t believe my ears..but at least this time it was being said to my face.. as I have been shown through discrimination tactics that Kelowna’s art world and society thinks and behaves in these prejudiced manners.
I had tons of trouble with Lynda Norman as well ..from Association of Arts for Creative Alliance.. I write about that on my blog..
If my book does hit mainstream media..it will be a damn shame that my own city wouldn’t give me an artistic platform to stand on.. that I am and was outright discriminated against due to people’s religious dogma.. How is this promoting or up holding the arts?
Donna Lee also said that she didn’t want young children seeing my book. I told her she could leave it out of reach and put it up at adult eye level.. although as I walked through the gallery I could see many paintings of nudes???
Below is my query letter that I am sending out to agents. I have had a very well known PR specialist from New York contact me.. I re-did my entire front web page..by his specifications..I think it is because of him that I was able to get a book signing at Chapters..he is helping me by giving me names of agents.

What makes my book different ?.. it is an authentic and realistic approach to spirituality, women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality.

 

How will it help humanity? Women’s sexuality has become lost in a plastic and pornographic world. We are sold one ideal of beauty that enslaves men and women towards constantly buying into an unattainable sexuality that inhibits true intimacy for both the sexes..not only does it inhibit true intimacy between couples but it causes us as individuals to lack intimacy and true love with the self. My book does have full color photographs using myself as the model to express the Goddess.. the book was completely created by women.. I created the concept, wrote the book and choreographed the photography and costumes.. and I employed female photographers to help me create the images.. I used my own money, talent and connections ( spiritual and otherwise ) ..meaning the book was completely created by the feminine for the feminine.. in a

way that no man could possibly conceptualize. The images are raw..they are natural and hardly touched up..as they are to show the true beauty of the natural, authentic sexuality of all women through me. I am not a typical model. I am considered short and chubby by media standards..but by the ancient archetypes of Goddess art.. I am a Goddess, as are all women.. The book will help humanity by bring back natural beauty, intimacy with the self and with couples..the book will help dissolve the shame heaped onto women who express and live freely in their bodies and sexuality..this book is the shift..an awakening..and evolution in human consciousness.

 

“”"How have I promoted my work? I have self published through a BalboaPress a division of Hayhouse. I have my own website and blog www.sexassacred.com that I use to promote the book. My blog is an authentic journey ..the journey of my own life ..trying to promote my book in my city that is very Christian/Conservative..that sees my work as witchcraft,evil and shameful..but the positive to this journey is that it is the story of “The underdog” I have many fans and readers who support me in my cause..people from all walks of life from all over the world..men and women..strait and gay.. ranging from the ages of 17 to 99. I also have a youtube channel..were I sing, dance and give advice. I am on twitter, instagram, linkedin,google.. etc… I have just landed a book signing at Chapters/Indigo Books in my city.

 

I understand that you have stated that you don’t publish full color photography books or poetry books..this book is much more than that..it is like nothing you have ever seen before..I am having trouble submitting to publishing houses because it doesn’t neatly fit into categories..but this is what makes it so special..and this is why I had to self publish the book..because it has to be seen in it’s finished state to be realized for what it is.. a work of art and literature.

 

I am sorry that I am not submitting to you as you have requested. I am hoping that you will go to my website and read the front page..and see a sample of the photography from the book on my site. The controversy surrounding the book is..in some of the images I am topless.. just as the Goddess is traditionally.. in my city,, in the conservative, professional society that I live in..this has been judged as inappropriate..but I know on a world stage this will be seen as brave and beautiful.”"

 

It is my hope that due to your credentials you will be able to look past our local communities religious discrimination to see the bigger picture and the larger scope of what my book and work has to offer..and that you will allow me to show my book in your galleries..

 

Thank you,

 

Gracie Ackerman

A Higher Ferquency

 

I must say that I am pretty humbled by this epiphany .. I understand now.. what it means be a higher frequency..

 

I see that I am misunderstood by my local community..mainly the professional community..because I am the living shift of the higher consciousness that they do not understand. I have to be of the higher soul evolution to help birth the souls evolution for creation.. and they have not yet caught up..and so they see my authenticity .. the butterfly, as a strange thing indeed..because to them.. to evolve seems like death..as we have to let the old die back for the new self to be reborn. I am the reborn. I wear no mask. I walk my talk. I am the change..for I have become one with change.. to them this is dangerous.. it means having the courage to go within..turn and face the death of the old ways of being… to them I am their devil or the death of their egos..they don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel..they only see the darkness at the beginning of the tunnel..

I brave their hatred.. and I brave their rejection.. because I know it is but an illusion .. they exist were I once was.. I wore the masks of social nice.. that suffocated me slowly … I played their games of pretending not to feel what I was feeling least I should offend someone..and not be liked or accepted by a person, a group of people or an entire community..and like them.. like they all do now.. I lay in bed thinking ” No one really knows me.. ”

But I shed that skin.. she is dead.. long gone..and how glad I am.. to have shed the bad marriage.. to let people really see me..to speak to be heard..to live out loud..and to run outside of the fences of social norms..that turn us grey and invisible..blending us into each other.. making us all conform for the fear of what it means to truly be free..

This is ” The Hero’s Journey” it always has been..the perfect metaphor.. for the leap of faith..

It takes courage,, to let go and be guided by faith.

 

Understanding The Devil

 

I am going to speak to you in terms of psychology.. seeing the devil through the lens of his/her/it’s archetypical pattern or template.

The devil resents fear because fear is repression, repression .. the repression of the shadow self.. meaning the aspects of your personality that you wish to hide from the world..and the self denial that you preach to yourself. We repress when we push something into the unconscious..this is dangerous because then we have not learned coping skills as to how to handle what we have repressed…the devil is the darkness in your own psyche.. the more we restrict ourselves to not acting out on our base natures..the more chained and trapped we become by them.. we become deeply inhibited and locked down to the false personas that we have created in our own denial.

Once we face what we are hiding from ourselves and others.. a healthy positive release takes place..blocks and inhibitions are lifted causing one to bloom and expand..this takes place on an inner level..but of course one’s outer life also becomes free.

The devil does live in every single one of us..the most negative aspects of the devil are greed, addictions, selfishness, and intentionally hurting others..

Yet the devil has much to teach us about accepting and living in our flesh and bone.. the devil can help us see that we must manipulate to make our way with in a world that we have all created.. we must maneuver to find our place and make headway on the game board of life.. is this earthly playing field.. We are all “The Prodigal Son” born to fall and make mistakes.. prone to devil’s play.. to throw caution to the wind.. spend all of our money, having fun and playing games.. having sex for the pure sake of slaking lust.. ” What happens in Vegas..stays in Vegas”  We must all indulge in the lusts of life..fall hard..and then come to asking the self for forgiveness ..as it was ourselves that we had forsaken.. the higher Christ like self..responsible, passive..

But to deny the self of the entire self..the shadow aspects.. or the aspects of high awareness or enlightened thought and behaviors.. is to be in ignorance..

Many on a spiritual path..deny the devil’s lust with in..to have it surface with explosive and destructive behaviors.. when we put ourselves up so high..the fall will be a mighty fall..

To deny the root of ones humanity.. is to lay a path of ignorance and darkness within.. the search for the light being taken over by the ego after all..

And so it is..give room for your devils..sit with them..and have drink.. they are more helpful than you think.

Leadership isn’t just for men

 

The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..

But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..

Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to shine..to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..

Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the abuse..to outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..

The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to lead..to carve a path..

It is the message of my book..of this website..it is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..

Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..

Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..

One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..

Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..

For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..

One woman at a time..

And so ” I gladly offer myself”

I Plea Celibacy

 

It wasn’t my initial intention to turn to celibacy .. like many places we find ourselves in; it is the journey of life that takes us there.

I am a very sexual and sensual woman; I am healthy, I have a high sex drive; I am in the prime of my sexuality..being in my forties; but I am a very sensitive, loving woman..and I found that I couldn’t get that back from others.

I have been celibate for over a year..well over a year. I found that the men I was with were very selfish in bed..and out of the bedroom. They objectified me, and expected me to fit into their lives while making no room in their own lives for me; accept for when it suited them. I found myself becoming emotionally depleted, I found them to clutter up my thoughts with their neediness and selfishness; I felt a lack of any spiritual connection ( soul to soul contact) and I was very physically sexually frustrated.

Simply put; sexually I can pleasure myself and satisfy myself without all immaturity and head games of men who really don’t know how to be men.

I would rather go on living my own life then waste my time on men that simply do not deserve me.

It has become a journey of self nurturing and learning how to channel my need for intimacy into being intimate with myself on every level..

But of course I still long for someone who is able to actually be present with me. Someone with similar interest, of health and who is as driven as I am. Someone who accepts me for me, someone to talk to, to cuddle, to share food with,  I long for deep lasting eye contact, and passionate lovemaking .. sometimes it seems like it will never happen again..and I get very sad; but I am not willing to be with a selfish man, I am not willing to hurt myself even deeper by letting myself down..to let someone emotionally injure me just so I can meet a sexual need.

I am not judging others; and I am not saying this should ring true for anyone else..it is just were I am at in my life and were I have been for over the last year..

I pour myself into my workouts and my writing; into mothering my children.. into life.

Professionally I have been called many names because of my website; I have endured so much prejudice and outright hatred ..because I am seen as a whore; I am seen as a woman asking for it; as I put myself out there sexually; even in a professional way, I am not seen as professional because I am a woman using her own nudity to express sacred sexuality..and healthy sexuality and women’s freedom of expressing and living in their own sexuality.. I am seen as asking for abuse by others in my local community..

And so I have to self protect; I have to draw my energy and all my resources into me; to be there for me, because no one else has loved me and protected me..

And so it is I Plea Celibacy.

 

Deliverance

 

Deliver me the light that shines inside of me

Help me give birth to me

Set me free from adversity

My enemies wish to hold me here

In captivity of their ingnorace

Light inside, shine so bright

That all is made known

To them and me

Set us all free

The Hero on Heaven’s Mission

Walks alone,

The path unfolds

Faith made known

The journey walked by the Fool

Light inside shine bright

So all my let go of the fight

To do what is right

The star of hope

I call upon you

Break through

Light of Truth.

Walking The Cosmos

My imagination was and still is my saving grace.. my special place to run when the world has caused me to come undone.. my inner world, were tame becomes wonderfully wild.

My first memories are memories of abuse from my father.. I escaped into books and art.. I walked the cosmos inside.

I walked on stardust.. I danced on moonbeams.. and then I played on soft beams of sunshine.. no one could touch me on the inside.. the journey and the adventure deep within my soul.

I gained this wisdom early on.. it helped me through the death of my sister ..as she died and even after she was gone we walked the cosmos together .. we communicated in this magical place.. she came to me in dreams telling me of her impending death ( transformation) she came to me in the great void to give my heart fair warning.. and there she visited me ..as she died ..we went hand in hand to walk on stardust and moonbeams.. clothed in mystery we found wisdom in death together..and after her transformation..she showed me how to fly.. how to transcend this word .. how to rise above the earth to the temple within..she brought me into the light…a beautiful sacrifice ..  accepting change.

The babies that passed on within me.. they meet me there.. because love lives on and on.. they taught me how to swim in the sparkling sea of brilliant tears..they taught me how to swim through my emotions.. in this inner place of soulful mystery.

As my marriage ended..as he went to another woman to find his fun.. I found my solace here in the inner sun.. I walked the cosmos.. I walked within to find my strength in adversity..and as I walked the earth outside in the sun..crying tears alone .. I felt the cosmos hold me.. as it was within me..

I found my comfort, as I felt the spirit of the stars and planets guiding  me .. the holy and the sacred..saying ” This way.. walk away into infinity.”

And now as I ascend the world from the inner door.. I look down and see how he stayed were he was while I journeyed on and on.. higher and higher .. like an eagle on an upwind.. I rise.. I walk the cosmos..

I walk through the doorway..to this magic place..through my art and self expression.. I find myself.. when I forget myself..

I humble myself.. swim in and through tears.. flow..as I let go of what I thought I had known..facing weaknesses..building strength..

I learned in this place of wisdom.. that the doorway though is deep inside me and you..

You can walk the cosmos.. by just letting go.

Through creativity you create vastness..

Links