The Power of Ritual

The above image is a painting that I created a year ago of The Moon Goddess or Selene.

I have been doing my New and Full Moon ritual’s on my YouTube channel for several months now. I was inspired to do so by going to a few New Moon Ceremonies in my local community that I found to be very unorganized and lacking in depth or meaning by the lack of organization. Ritual’s are very organized by the use of symbols, music and words.. etc, to create intention. Without intention a ritual or ceremony is meaningless and washed out.

Looking at ritual through the lens of psychology .. a ritual is like an affirmation. When we give ourselves repeated affirmations it’s like self hypnosis. Hypnotherapy helps towards wiring the brain down new pathways that lead us towards better or worse behaviors. Many athletes use rituals or patterns of behavior to help them concentrate their energy on achieving the intended goal. A ritual pattern like using a lucky piece of equipment, lacing their shoes a specific way and saying a mantra before competing help’s athletes and all of us to focus internally towards what we wish to accomplish. To give weight to the power of ritual is to see it through common sense not just a spiritual practice. Ritual’s actually calm and comfort the psyche ” soul, mind or spirit” That is why so many recovering addicts turn to religion or spirituality to help them to over come their addiction.. so looking at it factually it isn’t actually God or the gods that they believe in that helps them beat the addiction..but rather it is the ritual in religion or spirituality that helps them to stay calm, centered and focused on the outcome of health and inner peace.

In this post I am teaching you how to create your own ritual’s so that you can set intentions to help you manifest your desires or goals..and so that you can hone in on what it is you need to release or let go of that is holding you back from your goal or optimal health. The Serenity Prayer is a prime example of this wisdom.

” God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.”

Traditionally the New Moon is used to plant seeds of intention so we can manifest or harvest those intentions by the Full Moon..and the Full Moon is about letting go of what no longer serves your greatest good. The moon is a symbol of femininity, the mother and nurturing as well as the mysteries. The word menstruation comes from the Greek word Mene meaning Moon, the Moon represents ancient wisdom, it is associated with the owl,, the bird of wisdom and silver the color that represents the Goddess and so that is why we have many Goddess Circles that create rituals around the moon; as the cycles of the moon represent death and rebirth ..and the mysteries that wait for us upon the death of the flesh. Looking at this through a spiritual lens, rituals are more powerful when they are performed with the cycles of the moon. Using the astrology of were the planets and stars are placed at the time of the full moon further concentrates the intentions, manifestations and what needs to be released by designing a ritual around the energy of the solar system with the cycles of the moon. Thanks to the internet you can go and research the astrology yourself to design your own ritual.

1. A ritual should start by knowing your intentions, what you wish to manifest or what you wish to release.

2. You can start your ritual with a mantra or pray to open up your psyche ” Psyche was a Goddess by the way.” or subconscious towards making yourself susceptible towards suggestion.

3. You must have symbols of meaning like wine, flowers, crystals or candles and have them arranged in way that is meaningful to you. You can use ancient symbols like tarot cards or ordinary household items that are dear to you. You can use these items to concentrate your intentions .. or towards releasing. Like writing down what you wish to release then ritualistically burning it as a symbol of release.

4. A closing mantra or prayer to close the subconsciousness towards further suggestions towards self hypnosis. To return mind, body and soul to it’s normal state.


There are many things that you can use in rituals .. like food, music, essential oils or even Tantric Sex. There are many cultures that use sex or sex magic in rituals.

Here are some examples of what you may wish to manifest { Love, health, money, justice, equality, victory, marriage, children, fame.. etc..}

When I underwent hypnotherapy I was told by my therapist ” You will go inside of yourself and ask your higher self or “Genie” to help guide you towards your greatest wishes and desires.”

Looking at manifesting through a practical lens.. we must not only wish but we must act or take actions towards our goals to achieve them..but setting our intentions and releasing what is holding us back from success is a start towards building a foundation of success and towards staying on the path of success. Because every athlete has had to train many long hours towards winning an Olympic Gold.

The best financial advice for women

When I was 13 my mother died. I went to see a grief therapist who’s name was Dr. Linford. The best over all advice he ever gave me was simply this ” Cover your own ass.”  He then explained himself, he said ” So many girls and women give into the damsel in distress archetype Gracie,and that is how they end up victims of men and society. Never put your eggs in one basket and never leave all your money or property in a man’s hands to do with it what he will. You will be told by society and religion that if you are a ” good girl and a good wife.’ you will trust him to make all the financial decisions and to have the final say with the money.. and that is how you will loose your power. Don’t loose yourself in the role of wife and mother; always have your own passions and money..even if it is just a small part time job..always have something saved away for a rainy day.. that keeps a man in check and keeps him from over powering you. Men are socially programmed to dominate and control women; the easiest and most acceptable way to control women is through the purse strings. To be an equal you must demand and command your equality by covering your own ass.”

I did listen to him. I always had my own income even in common law relationships. I always had other interests other than a man or men in general. I wasn’t boy crazy.. but of course I slipped. When my ex husband and I met he had nothing and his small landscaping business was failing. I helped him up an out of his dept hole by teaching him how to choose better partners, to sell the old business and through my own hard work I was able to get a business grant through the federal government by taking a month long course and writing a detailed business plan.. to get that grant he had to legally sign over 51% ownership of the business { guess the government was onto some guys as I was given the grant for being a young female minority } I had legal signing authority over the bank accounts.. but while pregnant with our second child we moved to a different city and opened up new accounts..and while very pregnant the bank manager asked me in front of my husband while he was holding our toddler ” Would you like a lawyer present for formal legal signing authority over the counts?” My then husband answered for me ” Oh we don’t need that, you trust me don’t you sweet heart?” and so I declined the offer.. my ass was then fully exposed to be screwed over.. and so to make a long story short.. by the time our third child was born he had himself a midlife crisis ” it was my fault of course because I didn’t make like perfect enough for him” he left to Mexico with his mistress and best friends .. and locked me out of the business accounts and drained our personal account to 0.00 balance… point proven right  :(

And then I went through a sexist legal system that didn’t respect my rights and equality in the me not respecting myself enough not to give him full financial authority over me..and so I was denied justice and was cut short by thousands of dollars in the sale of the our house that he thought primarily to belong to women’s work doesn’t matter and as women’s time isn’t as valuable as a man’s time??? Or so he thought and still thinks to this day..but men are socially programmed to believe that women are not as valuable as men..and that is why we cannot fall into the trap of believing that ourselves.

I don’t care how long you have been married or in a relationship; you must have your own source of income, you must have your own car, you must have your own interest, talents or intellect on which you can draw upon to guide you towards making an income for yourself. Many women who become newly single through death or divorce simply focus on finding a new man for financial safety and resources .. when they should be working on their own way to generate for themselves.. we see many women fall into the same patterns of behavior with future relationships and then they wonder why they keep getting financially abused?

These are the realities of the real world.. what do you think would happen to Cinderella if Prince Charming decided she got to old and the parlor maid was to hot to ignore? What happens to her then? Cinderella didn’t own the Kingdom .. it’s all in his name and she is simply an item to discard at his will..

So cover your own ass.. I am now, and I will never make that mistake again.

Why women are afraid to be feminists


I think the image posted above pretty much sums it up. Women are afraid to say they are feminist to men or take on the label of feminist because they don’t want to appear to be less feminine to men, they don’t want men to think that they are ” Man haters” and they don’t want men to think that they wish to emasculate them.

Women, young and old; fear that if they seem too independent, opinionated or forceful { assertive } that they will scare men off..or even worse incur their wrath, and so they will refrain from calling themselves Feminists. Of course women have good reasons towards these fears as they do happen quite often; because feminism has been branded that way overtime. The first Feminist who had to fight for the rights of women to vote, to be educated and not to be men’s property..and to own property in their own names had to be .. what would be considered ” Ball Breakers.”  see..

The Suffragette’s and other movements like this, ready did suffer for all women today, as they were imprisoned and put themselves through hunger strikes.. they were also beaten while protesting. They truly did stir up the wrath of the Patriarchy just so they and all women today could be seen as people rather than property to be owned by their father’s and husbands.

We still do risk the wrath of men today by being denied by some of them { love and protection } but by women not being willing to take a stand for their rights and the rights of the future generations we will be doomed to repeat the same dysfunctional patterns of behavior that has caused our society to be sickened with violence and injustices of all kinds.

Many groups of people are stripped of their basic human rights due to ignorance and prejudice and that is why groups like ” Black Lives Matter.” really do matter and that is why we have ” Gay Rights Parades” to draw attention to the fact that they are targets for abuse, because they often have their basic human rights stripped of them due to sex, sexual orientation or skin color.

There is no need of ” Manists” since they are not asking for equality but rather trying to maintain their power over minorities; this isn’t equality but rather emotional and mental abuse and bigotry.

The point is .. we need to redefine feminism by eroding the stereotype of what a feminist is as a person; I am a feminist and I don’t hate men. I am a feminist and I don’t wish to rule over men but like most feminist; men and women, I wish to be given equal opportunity, equal rights and equal pay for equal work and talents.. or intellect.

What feminism needs to be ultra successful are both equal male and female numbers; in saying that the Gay Rights Movement needs all of us to see that equal rights for everyone are equal rights for all of us.. and we need people of all skin colors to see that we must all stand for ” Black Lives Matter.” to create true justice and equality for all humanity. There is only one race and that  the human race.

As a Canadian I am proud of my Prime Minister Justin Trudeau for calling himself a feminist, thereby encouraging other men to step up and other women to come out of the feminist closet. I am hoping that within time Mr. Trudeau will implement equal pay, equal opportunity and equal rights.. I am sure he is working on it as am I making my voice matter upon writing this blog post.

As time goes on everything changes; as we know better we do better.. our Feminist Great Grandmothers had to be ball breakers as they were breaking out of this Patriarchy Prison; they had to do what they had to do..but things change when circumstances change. Lets all educate ourselves towards breaking free of ignorance towards enlightenment, to create true equality and justice for all.


He was a beautiful illusion


I know now that I needed him .. then..

I was so tired of keeping my guard up and my sword raised against the brutality of the world. I was tired of fighting back burning hot tears of despair and frustration when I met him.. and so I was a willing victim as I just didn’t have the strength to go on alone anymore.

I was tired of talking to myself alone in my room at night. I was exhausted from drinking warm red wine by myself on the dusky summer nights.. so when I met him I dared to believe in him.. and so my sword and shield lowered down in pure exhaustion..

He was a mirage.. all smoke and mirrors.. a knight in shining armor who’s metal had never truly been tested.. not like me..battle weary .. not like me.. craving rescue from a cold and cruel world.. and so was I his victim or was he just what I needed to survive in the moment? I had nothing left to do but surrender to him… and to believe in romance.

To believe in wine bitten lips, and white wedding gowns.. to believe in honeymoons..and sweet serenades and serendipity.. of soul mates and twin flames..and cupid and his arrows aflame ..because I had nothing left..nothing but this place of nothingness.. nothing but being stranded on the the middle of a battle that I just couldn’t win.. that I just can’t win..because I am stuck in the same place in the same day..with the same people, doing everything the same way.. an insane.. insanity … and the clock stands still.. frozen.. like emotions that cannot be expressed in a world that refuses to feel them.. and so I chose to believe in his illusion..

The illusion that gentlemen still exist in world full of illusionist.. for isn’t it all just an illusion of niceties.. of name dropping and opening doors.. and holding hands.. to sweep me off my feet just to do so.. for the sport?

Because they have that in common… to pick the damsel off up off the desert floor just to dash her down once more.. to put you high up on the pedestal .. just to knock you down let you know it was he that put you upon it in the first place..

And so is it survival .. these games we play? Shall I be rescued only then to be abandoned for the next best game?

And so it is that he took me from a nothing to build me up to take me down to nothing again..

And so I take up the sword and the shield again.. I take off my pretty dress.. and let the tears wash away my intricate makeup.. and I become the warrior again.

The illusion falls..but a rest it was from fighting off the injustices .. the imbalances of this world..of a reality that is not and ideology.. but it is what it is..and he is who he is..

It was but a rest in the oasis of wine, and first kisses..

Being Gay and The Divine Feminine

I am reeling emotionally from the events or mass slaughter in the gay night club ” The Pulse” in Orlando Florida. These events directly relate to me because gay men carry The Divine Feminine essence in that they are more Feminine, and by being more Feminine they take on the submissive role. We see in our male based society the fear of the Feminine energy as being weak..and by being weak it must be destroyed to prevent the destruction of a male powered society. We see the feminine sexual energy driven out of society by women fearing to be feminine or to be they will be targeted to be made into victims for asking for it.. we see a male based culture that is totally out of balance causing mass destruction of all that is feminine including gay men.

We see the killer as possibly being gay himself, and because of his Muslim, patriarchal.. male based religion; being internally at odds.. causing him to kill off the sexuality he feared within himself by inflicting that death on 50 others around him. But this internal sexual conflict doesn’t just exist in the killer .. for he is a metaphor for a society that is at odds within it’s self..he is the internal battle that takes up within the souls of many. Many whom have been brainwashed by thousands of years by multiple different religions that claim women’s sexuality and gay sexuality as evil and vile. The Whore of Babylon a abomination to the Church.. The Whore a representation of free female sexuality.. and Sodom and Gomarrah the city of homosexual sin that was destroyed by an all mighty male God.. as you can see all that is Feminine is deserving of death, judgment and torture.. these teachings, or even just metaphors to some.. ingrained deep within each and every one of us subconsciously..and so we are in an internal conflict.. most all of society denying the simple pleasures of the flesh due to fear and guilt. We fear the punishment of others..and so many of us unknowing pass those judgments onto others least we should be judged by others or least we should judge ourselves.. for the Feminine is weak..and we should kill what is weak..and the masculine is strong and knows what is right and wrong.. and if we follow the judgments and dogma of religion..and call others witches, fags and whores, we will be safe from judgement is insane and it is crazy.. but most of it is unconscious even to those who profess no religion or belief system..because it is seeped into media and the Government Systems..

And so we see women who hide behind layers of fat to stay safe.. I am not talking about the curvy women that own the skin they are in and walk in confidence.. no I am talking about the majority of women who use food as sex because it keeps them safe from having sex, liking sex and being sexy.. if you are fat you are less of a target. We see women who are walking bags of bones because they are afraid to have boobs, hips and curves least they should become too sexy and to ripe.. or targets for rape and sexual harassment.. then there are women who dress and act like men in the office or at the gym.. being told that to do so is to respect themselves.. to become like men in a male world is not to bring sexual attention towards yourself…because if you are looking feminine, sexy or beautiful you are asking for that attention.. the attention of being called a whore, easy, slut .. you are not to be taken seriously because sexy women are stupid women.. they deserve it.. and gay men that are openly gay, whom are being feminine are asking for it too.. because they are submissive and like women they like to be penetrated and those that are penetrated are the submissive victims.. and so all that is Feminine in nature is a victim that should be used and discarded at the will of the more masculine ..

And so this is why I have an affection for gay men.. as a woman promoting and being in my Divine Feminine Essence.. I have been made a victim of and then blamed for being a victim for being soft, yielding and open.. as have gay men.. and that is why our culture has grown blood thirsty and cold of heart.. because when the Feminine shines she is shot down in night clubs in cold blood.. when the Goddess rises in dance, in the pursuit of pleasure and all that is pleasurable she is shot down in cold blooded rage by those who are in inner turmoil themselves.. out of balance and out of touch with their own Inner Goddess..

And that is why The Goddess stands with gay men.. because they are an essence of her.



Male chauvinism was studied in the psychoanalytic therapy of 11 men. It refers to the maintenance of fixed beliefs and attitudes of male superiority, associated with overt or covert depreciation of women. Challenging chauvinist attitudes often results in anxiety or other symptoms. It is frequently not investigated in psychotherapy because it is ego-syntonic, parallels cultural attitudes, and because therapists often share similar bias or neurotic conflict. Male chauvinism was found to represent an attempt to ward off anxiety and shame arising from one or more of four prime sources: unresolved infantile strivings and regressive wishes, hostile envy of women, oedipal anxiety, and power and dependency conflicts related to masculine self-esteemMothers were more important than fathers in the development of male chauvinism, and resolution was sometimes associated with decompensation in wives.[14]

I am going back over an old wound now that I have given myself some time and space; so that I can write about this as objectively as possible; there is nothing a chauvinist loves better than to gaslight a woman than call her crazy for her reaction. The image above is a meeting between W. Brett Wilson and Fred Sarkari last summer around August. To recap; I was a member of W. Brett Wilson’s gym and before that I had read Fred Sarkari’s book ( The Courage to be Naked ) I loved Fred’s book and I thought Brett Wilson an outstanding man as I had watched him on Dragon’s Den. Both of these men have put themselves in the public eye with the PR of being kind, supportive, pro women’s rights and equality..both say in written print that they are leaders within our society. W. Brett Wilson proclaims to be a philanthropist and Fred a psychotherapist, and so when I had trouble with professionals in my local society treating me with disrespect..with things such as sexual harassment and slut shaming for my book and work on women’s sexuality.. one would think that either of them would of acted like mature grown men and helped me. But Fred turned a blind eye. I told him about how some of the people that he networks with directly treated me like less than a person and he chose to ignore me. But first he was very charming and told me to ” Follow your bliss.” I told him I was following my bliss but his business associates were being prejudiced towards me, making me miserable. Fred then just chose to ignore me. When I became angry and demanded that he address me he called the police on me.

When I sent Brett Wilson the link to my website he asked me to come and meet with him privately at his gym. Given my previous experience with sexual harassment from other older business men I chose not to meet alone with him. I told Brett online about how his gym manager networked with these people; she was also friends or associates with Fred and that she wasn’t treating me with dignity and respect in his gym. Instead of Brett helping me as a customer and client at this gym.. he let his female manager bully me in a private meeting by telling me that I was bad for Brett’s reputation due to the subject matter of my blog and book..and due to the fact that I wrote about her male friend’s that had sexually harassed me and discriminated against me.. the pressure became so intense by her and other staff members at the gym that I had to leave for my own personal mental health.

It is up for debate as to if Brett expected me to throw myself at him sexually in person or is up for debate as to if his fragile male ego was damaged by my refusal to meet privately with him or not. But going by the fact that he had another blogger write about me as crazy.. well you can conclude that for yourselves? I suppose it could seem crazy to a man that has everything as far as material wealth that I woman wouldn’t just scamper on over when called to do so? And maybe I should of.. do you think my fate would of been much different? If I came off to him like a high priced escort?  Maybe if I had submitted to that prejudice, I would have the financial and social status that goes with that submission.. because it seems in our sexist culture women are damned if we do and damned if we don’t.. and now I am damned because I didn’t.. another age old story.

But back to this picture that was taken and posted in an attempt to gaslight my rage.. that I held back.. and pulled it apart to look at this in a rational and logical manner. I held it in so I could use it to make a analyse the shit out of it to benefit everyone.. maybe even these idiots.

Last year this time I purposefully tested Fred Sarkari’s character. I had an opening to text him without him calling the cops because I had some information that he would want from his ex girlfriend contacting me ( yes that is my shadow-sage was admitted and purposeful manipulation ) I purposefully texted Fred in detail about some personal information about me and Brett Wilson that I knew didn’t incriminate me as it was the truth. I wanted to see what he would do with it. It was a test of his true character and personal intentions towards me.

He made a point of meeting personally with Brett and then posting this picture of them together and then it seems around the same time Brett had the blogger write about me being crazy.

It is quite obviously chauvinistic behavior by the two of them..incredibly infantile. It is smug; it is to say to me..” We hold all the power in society. We hold the power to make or break you woman. You didn’t submit to our charm and entitlement so now we are going to show you how great we are compared to you. We have all the wealth, social status and we are taken seriously.. you are a joke.”

Yet both of these men use women’s rights and equality to promote themselves.. but it’s quite clear that true integrity or the truth of character is found out when they think no one is looking..because for the camera’s they are charming as hell.

The point is they both had the power to help me and by helping me do great things for all that’s what I am trying to do. I am trying to free women of sexual repression and shine alight on rape culture thinking..but as you can see by the emotionally abusive behaviors of these childish men.. we are all in dire straits.

As they say ” absolute power corrupts absolutely ”

Look at these hot-shots .. they sure are something eh?

It’s funny how we never hear from Brett Wilson’s ex wife.. it’s like he erased her..and Fred’s ex girlfriend of 4 years wasn’t ever allowed to tell people that she was actually his girlfriend not just a business associate or friend.. they are used to muzzling women.

She isn’t safe to express her sexuality because….

I was just having a conversation about women’s sexuality with my 16 yo daughter over a dinner of homemade nachos.. she came out of her room demanding to be fed just half hour before..saying ” Mom when are you going to make food?” Teenagers are strange animals. They hide in their rooms until feeding time. ;)

So as we ate we talked about ” The Game of Thrones” about how she and her 14 yo sister are not allowed to watch it because of the almost pornographic sex scenes. Then my oldest said ” We watched people actually have sex in a documentary at school mom; penises and vaginas are not pretty and romantic at all..” then I said jokingly ” It depends on who’s junk it is.” my 14 yo thought that was funny. Then my 16 yo said ” Girls don’t want or like sex as much as guys do mom.” I told her this..

Most women and girls do like sex just as much as men and most women and girls are just as visual as men. Penis size does matter to most women unless she actually does have a lower sex drive .. that does happen to some women and men equally, but most of the time women need an average size penis to be satisfied. The problem with dating or being in a relationship with a man that has a much smaller than average penis is that he will more than likely be very insure and suffer from having a complex. Complexes make people act out, or project their insecurities onto their lovers.

The difference with men and women is due to how society portrays both the sexes sexuality. Men are free to express their sexuality and by watching porn and other media they are taught and encouraged to put women into one of two categories ( Good Girl or Bad Girl ) women are also slut shamed into seeing themselves as being possibly branded by society into ( Bad Girl or Slut.. asking for it..that is disrespect ) if they should express their sexuality as freely as a man would..

For instance a woman is judged for showing too much skin..even at the beach were she is expected to wear a swim suit..but a man can walk out in public topless just about anywhere and not be stared at or glared at.. he will not be given negative body language or told to cover up. A man can freely brag about his sex life and talk openly to others about his conquest ..he is free to adventure into many sexual appetites .. while women are given the magic number of 10.. { There was a movie made about that } if a woman sleeps with more than 10 men in her lifetime she is easy and not respecting herself. A woman is judged as not being respectable by how she does or doesn’t control her sexual appetites ..and so we come to the issue of her feeling safe..

If a woman doesn’t feel safe she cannot mentally give herself permission to be sexually aroused. A women’s sexual arousal starts with feeling safe and secure around men. The problem in our society is that men are given the entitlement through being socialized by religion and media to sexually discriminate against, become sexually violent against ( Rape ) or verbally abuse women whom they deem as disrespecting themselves by how they present themselves to them..and so most women would be just as ready to have sex as most men are, if they had the same freedoms to express their sexual nature in our cultures. Of course the more extreme the culture is against women’s sexual expression and therefor freedoms or personal rights.. the more likely it is that these women themselves are sexually repressed from within due to fear.

My daughter also expressed that the girls in her school that only date girls seem to be freer in expressing their sexuality among themselves .. I told her ” It is because other women are less likely to shame their same female partners whom they are having sex with, because they are women to women; they understand the need to feel safe and nurtured to be turned on. It is also much less likely that another women will beat or rape another women due to using sex as a weapon of control. It is quite possible that, that is the reason most girls experiment with girls or even prefer girls to men.. it is because they feel safe.”

So how do we stop this from happening?

The answer is by me writing things like this; society needs to be educated. Also by women like me walking free in there sexuality.

I had someone ask me today if I do sex work because I told them my book and website are based on women’s sexuality and sacred sexuality.. but do you see how ignorant the question was? To assume that I sell my body because I write and talk openly in a mature and cultured manner about sexuality.. just shows how far the social stigmas have to go before they are broken down.

But if I was a old lady with a million PHDs.. basically not sexy .. it would be acceptable of course.. because society views women’s sexuality as too potent and hot.. too taboo..

How silly is that?

So we have made women world wide stifle their sexuality in fear and then men complain when it’s hard to get some.. oh the irony!

The Goddess in Every Woman


The simplified definition of a Goddess is a woman who lives her life in balance.

The opposite of a Goddess is a woman who is a martyr. A martyr is someone who suffers for others. A woman in her Goddess or who has brought her Inner Goddess to the surface ” made conscious of the fact that she deserves love and respect ” refuses to allow herself to be used or abused. She isn’t going to attempt to save others who are not worthy of her time or energy; she will not give herself or time to others who take her for granted.

A Goddess understands that she needs to fill her metaphorical cup first to overflowing before she can nurture others with her love and time. A Goddess knows that she deserves the first sip of her cup of love; simply because she must love herself first to truly love those around her.

We see society making women into martyrs by socializing women into being nice girls that give and give and give until they are totally depleted, bitter, frustrated { including sexually frustrated } and angry.. an unheard anger that can simmer under the surface as rage.

I have been researching other authors or bloggers post about how they believe a Goddess should be ” She would walk with her heart fully open. She should be full of grace and sweetness. She should give unconditional love. She should be very beautiful. She should always be forgiving. She should be giving always. She should wear light make up. She should look natural. She respects herself by not having sex with multiple partners as she is saving herself for The Divine Masculine man.” etc.. etc.. these so called Goddess attributes or characteristics are not of the Goddess archetype but rather of the Saint or Martyr archetypes .. The Goddess would be considered to be more hedonistic as she has an appetite for pleasure. Yes she is compassionate, loving and beautiful within the right context.. but she is also assertive, strong, powerful and a force to be reckoned with. We must also reason that beauty is in the eye of the beholder .. and so the Goddess is analysed into or organized into multiple templates of archetypes…because yes that is how complicated womanhood is.. she is the trinity; The Maiden. Mother and Crone.. Daughter, Mother and Grandmother.. and she is also

Mawu or Gaia – Mother Earth.. all that is natural

Artemis – Guardian.. huntress

Ishtar – Sacred Whore, lover, Mother and Savior

Sophia – Holy Spirit, wisdom and female God

Freyja – Female Warrior

Kali – The Beginning and the End, the infinite of death and life. The Destroyer!

Maat – Justice and fairness; the Universal Law

Bast – Independent and vengeful

Isis – Mother of Creation and Culture

Vesta – Domesticated house wife

Venus – Love, lust and beauty or hedonist

A woman in her Goddess is authentically who she is with out apology, she is her own beauty in it’s unique form; she is an individual. A Goddess has learned her lessons from the Crone aspects of her own psyche..from the Baba Yaga within her, that has shown her the world is full of beauty and ugliness.. that a wise woman doesn’t leave her heart open to strangers.. first she tests them with riddles and waits upon their responses and actions.. in other words.. you have to earn her total trust..and because she is wise to the ways of the world by trusting her own intuition she trust herself above all others.

As you see it has very little to do with attracting men.. that was another post that I read written by a man. She isn’t enlightened, awakened or walking in her Goddess for a man as his approval isn’t needed..and that is essence is a true Goddess.. Your approval isn’t needed!

A Goddess isn’t ashamed of her body, or her sexuality, she doesn’t hide or make small.. she isn’t here to save your ass.. or to entertain men’s fancies.. she is here to save her own ass. The Goddess will not carry your cross ” Your inner baggage.” nope..she will set it down beside you and leave you to it while she continues on her own path of spiritual enlightenment.. she isn’t Christ or a Saint .. she is Goddess..

She has sex the way she wants to with whom she wants to, and spends her time the way she wants to with out feeling any martyr guilt.. why should she; that’s your shit?

She values herself by knowing her time is valuable so don’t count on taking up space in her head either.. she has better things to do. She knows the value of the moment.

So as you see this is a very realistic definition of a Goddess.. and I think really one of the only true definitions that you will find online..that isn’t flaky and hokey.

Imagine a world were women stopped allowing the world to use them? A world were women’s time was just as valuable as a man’s time? Imagine the balance outside in the world if it was within each and every woman? Imagine her taking time for self care and nurturing? Imagine women satisfied in and out of the bedroom? What a happy world this would be.. but it starts with women drawing boundary starts with women saying ” No! I don’t have endless time and energy to give away.. I am saving some of me for me!” We would all be better off.

Of course we need men to balance their inner Goddess so that she can be a God too.. it’s perfectly acceptable for men to nurture themselves by expressing and exploring their inner emotional worlds. So as you can conclude being of The Divine Masculine and Feminine simply means to balance your inner world or archetypes { Anima and Animus } to find inner peace or enlightenment… this isn’t just flaky spiritual stuff, this is psychology..

So to those who put on the mask of being enlightened .. who call themselves Goddess of this that or the other, or Shaman so and so.. have you really done the inner work?

This isn’t just about just being pretty or sexy .. this is about healing yourself to heal the world..

It all starts within Carl Jung said ” He who looks outside of himself dreams.. he who looks within awakens.”

That is the path of Gods and Goddesses.


You can find my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) on under Gracie Ackerman

When She Own’s It


How many times do I have to write about this topic before it will sink into the collective consciousness of humanity? Women’s bodies and wombs are regulated by government, a government that is male based or strongly influenced by mainly men.. we call that The Patriarchy. The Patriarchy isn’t just in religion as religion is steeped into government mandates or rules and regulations.. hence abortion always being on the table or the mandating of the womb. The control of the hand that rocks the cradle..for as the old saying old saying put froth by the Patriarchy centuries ago

” The hand that rocks the cradle rules the world.” and so it is that men { generalizing here} do everything to control the hand that rocks the cradle. Funny that the word ( Man ) is in ( mandate ) meaning to give over one’s authority to another. And so it is that a woman’s sexuality is only permissible if it passes through the gates of a male lens or certain standard. If a woman own’s it; if she is free with her own sexuality she is labeled as obscene and indecent. Such as the issue of women breastfeeding in public or going topless on public beaches. I suppose we need to mandate this in order to make men feel that they will not loose their sense of freedom by allowing women to have theirs.. did you notice the word ( allow ) and isn’t that just the core of the issue? How do men retain this control of women? It is simply through abuse. It is physical, financial, mental and emotional abuse.. many of these abuses we see present in the average daily relationships between men and women..but wait.. is it all his fault?

No it’s not entirely all his fault as much as it is the faulty way that society has taught all of us to view women’s sexuality through this tainted and unhealthy lens.. because these abusive patterns are rigid belief systems.. such as RELIGION .. stagnate us as the entire human race towards moving forwards to enlightenment or becoming conscious of our unhealthy and hurtful nature towards what is simply natural. A woman’s body will not make a man do evil things, or render him helpless to her sexual power.. that only happens if he tells himself that it will happen.. therefor using it as an excuse to loose power over his own common sense and better judgement not to be responsible for his own behaviors.

Quite simply the abortion and birth control debates are based on fear level thinking..not on fact or science. Seeing the human body as evil and or sinful for it’s nudity rather than seeing it as the natural beauty of art and science is also ignorant fear based thinking.. by those brainwashed by old and outdated social norms that create anything but normalcy. Shaming, blaming, controlling women and girls with the fears of violence, rape ( rape is sexual violence ) and it isn’t her rape to own.. it is his sickness to own .. financial manipulation by controlling a woman’s money .. ( society propels this by not paying women equal to men or making child care affordable.. or abortions legal..or birth control easy to access.. and then of course their is the emotional abuse )

” You crazy slut. Put some clothes on you nasty bitch. Wanna fuck whore.. you must wanna fuck because you look like you are dressed to fuck.” need I say more??? Seems I always have to say more.. falls on def ears.. ignorant ears that see my work about women’s sexuality as {Putting it out there}.. because * SHE SHOULD HAVE SOME RESPECT FOR HERSELF* I want to know how people equate a woman using her body as art in photography as me or other women not having respect for themselves? I don’t understand why you can’t be intelligent enough to catch yourself in your own knuckle dragging ignorance to not be able to see that I am doing this to prove a point here..and that is to expose ignorance and enlighten and educate the ignorant by living the message of women’s sexual freedom by being free.. so if you have half a brain you should be able to put 2 and 2 together by what I wrote above as to why I wrote my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) and as to why I use my own image and story in the book.. let me go over it once again for you ” I am owning it” do you get it now?

And of course because of doing my best to expose turn the light on in the dark ages, to bring about the golden light of intellectualism .. the ignorant zombies came at me x3 fold.. funny how that works.. ” Don’t make us think and evolve it’s painful.. we like our stupid stupor .” And so I have met with sexism and hatred ..with name calling.. being blacklisted and black balled ..even by those who profess spiritual enlightenment, to promote equality, women’s rights and even intellectualism.. but dysfunction dies hard..and to deviate from the norm brings social ostracization .. even if the normal in society is sick with abusive behaviors.. even if society is killing it’s self by not living to it’s full potential by keeping half the gender down and enslaved by sexual shaming and perversions..

As we know women’s sexuality can be sold by men or the Patriarchy within what they deem as worthy of sale..and so with that women are enslaved by chains around the ovaries .. by their body image being sold back to them as an impossible ideal to obtain.. we are either Madonna or Whore..Good Girl or Bad Girl.. seen through the lens of the Patriarchy a woman’s psyche is torn in 2 she is no longer the Earth Mother… the natural nurturer.. she not allowed to move in her full essence and so she is drained of her full power by men who are not true men mature men welcome and relish in the full essence of woman’s juicy ” Owning it.” And  also she is drained by other women shaming her due to socialized patterns of behavior ingrained into them by a sick society, they rob themselves of the Goddess within denying the Goddess in other women.

And so ” When She Own’s it” when she steps into her skin unapologetic.. when she redefines the word ” Bitch” as ” Queen” and that is “”Queen Bitch to you!”" she steps into her Goddess.. and that is what frail men..insecure men are terrified of because once she own’s it, he has to grow up and own his own shit.

So if the pictures that I am using in this post offend you.. it’s therapy .. the question to be asking yourself is ” WHY?” what are your issues?


I am really just an ordinary person who decided to do something extraordinary, but if I can do it so can you. I am writing the story of my fitness journey in the hopes of inspiring others to dare to reach their goals. The first step, is of course, deciding to set the goal, learning how to manage the goal by taking small steps towards obtaining the goal, and then having the tenacity to keep pushing towards achieving the goal.

It was far from easy for me. First off I am a single mom who dared to do something else extraordinary and that was to write and self publish my book ( The Goddess an Expression of the Divine Feminine ) .. previous to that I had my blog ..and I set up my website to promote my book. I had a very tough time in my local community promoting my book.. in essence I was prejudiced against and blackballed by the arts and professional community. I was also sexually harassed by a older male professional ( Joel Young ) I wrote about the experience seeking justice by my community but it only worked further against me. The issue with my book is that I use my image topless as The Goddess to express myself as an artist and a writer. I write about women’s sexuality in an educated voice .. but my community is ultra conservative and frankly, sexually immature. Kelowna is full of some very fake and plastic people.. I am a threat to them because I am too raw and too real. To them the word ” authentic ” is just buzz word.. they don’t have any intention of being real and vulnerable.. it just sounds good on paper. And so because of my book and website I was bullied out of W. Brett Wilson’s gym ( Global Fitness ) and not allowed by him or his manager to have fitness photography like the other members. After I did a YouTube video about it his manager gave me a fake apology and asked me to come to her in a private appointment to ask her again..I wasn’t going to put myself through another round of emotional abuse.. She was always giving me dirty looks and blaming me for bullshit things.. and so I left that gym to go to World Gym in Kelowna.

At World Gym I made the mistake of telling Mark Smith; the manager what had happened to me at Global Fitness.. I didn’t know that Mark was a bully or that the owner Gary allowed Mark to bully members ( as I found out later I wasn’t the only one ) Mark confonted me in the front of the gym telling me that none of the other members liked me and that I should leave the gym..I asked the members on the Facebook page of World Gym if they really wanted me to leave. Mark then accused me of bullying him online and told me by phone that I was no longer allowed in the gym.. he was fired and so a year later I tried to go back into the gym but the manager told me through a staff member that I was still not allowed in the gym. Gary has refused to talk to be directly. Of course this is prejudiced and unfair yet to get lawyers involved would take time and money. Although I would win in court as he broke his legal written contract with me. Yet I still refused to give up and give in. I still went to another gym 6 days a week and worked on my fitness..and that is when Brett Godin asked me to be his client.
Brett asked me a couple of times.. I took my time to think about it because I wanted to make sure I was doing it for me. I wondered if Brett Wilson would of allowed me to have fitness photography in his gym if I was a competing competitor? I wondered if Darcia Fenton his manager would of seen me as more relevant if I had the money to pay to participate in a competition and I asked myself ” Is that why you want to do this? Do you want to prove something to these nasty, mean spirited people?” I rememberend meeting Matthew Cipes at the beach..and he asked me ” Why don’t you compete?” his father is a big wig in the Okanagan..and I fell hard for Matthew that day..and I thought to myself ” Do you want to do it for him to prove to him you are a somebody too?” Matthew broke my heart with his rejection so was I doing it for him? Was I doing it to make myself more relevant in my community that blackballed me as living spam? As Rae Stonehouse told a man who runs an Facebook networking page ” Block Gracie Ackerman, she is just spam.” Was I trying to prove to them all I am a person too? Look at me, I am an athlete? Was I doing it to prove something to Brett Godin?
The answer came up as ” No I am doing this for me. I am doing this to be the best for me and just for me. I am competing against my old self and no one else,” and so it began. Brett sent me the diet via email.

Okay, you will need a food scale!!

current photos — front side and back to be emailed in every sunday with full updates on your week
current starting weight-

updates every sunday include
current weight / last weeks weight
new photos ( front – side and back)
how your week went
did you get all your meals in ..
did you hit your cardio-

coach B
These meals are to be eaten every day

*space roughly 3 hours apart

Meal 1: 500ml water upon waking up

1 whole egg
3/4 cup egg whites
1/3 cup oatmeal
1scoop protein powder
Blend all together and make a protein pancake :)
Coffee with sweetner ( Splenda or stevia)
Splash of ” unsweetened almond milk” NO COFFEE MATE

Water = 4litres per day***

Meal 2
4oz extra lean chicken
4 oz basmati rice
1 cup veggies ( broccoli/ cucumber)

Meal 3: “pre work out meal”
1 hour before training session

3 rice cakes
1 scoop protein
10g peanut butter

Post work out meal” only on weight training days”
1 apple (medium sized)
2 scoops isolate shake

Meal 4:
4oz extra lean chicken
4oz basmati rice
1cup veggies
Meal 5 :
4oz top sirloin steak
4oz cooked yam or sweet potato
1 cup veggies

meal 6: ” before bed”
1/2 cup egg whites
2 whole eggs
10g peanut butter

Condiments you are allowed
Mustard / hot sauce / low sugar ketchup/ soya sauce / any calorie free or low carb (under 2g per tablespoon)
Low carb Canada has amazing dressings
” walden farms”
Unreal !! A available at fuel!!!! Go see Aaron

Vitamin C: 2000 mg per day
vitamin D: 5000 iu per day
calcium magnesium: 2 caps at bed time
Protein isolate of choice.
Gluatmine 5G during work out/ 5G post work out
creatine: 5G during work out
BCAA : 10 G during work out.
Spices as much as you like.

If hungry in between meals snack are veggies only at this time.

Raw measures for oats

Cooked weight on meats and yams/rice

BOOM!!! Here we go

Coach B.

I was so excited and scared as I paid him $600; as a single mom it was hard spending that money just on me. But things got weird with his girlfriend. His off and on again relationship. She started to come to the gym every day I did; where before I hired Brett I rarely saw her, and then she dicided she was going to compete as well. The wierdness was that she started to compete with me for his attention. She was obviously jealous and insecure about me as his client, since I was single and decent looking. I couldn’t get anytime with Brett as my coach, he wasn’t communicating with me, and when I told him his girlfriend was stalking me around the gym he showed her the text messages. I couldn’t handle the immaturity and fired him. Yet it never really stopped. She stalked me right up to the competition even had to stand right smack up against me during qualifying night.. and Brett didn’t give me back any money I had to have the gym, he was working at give me back $600. But I didn’t give up. I refused to give in and so I asked another female trainer returning from maturnity leave to train me. And it worked well at first. She tweeked Brett’s diet plan, I paid her $350 to start and then gave her the other $600 the gym paid me back for Brett’s bullshit. She trained me hands on and gave me some great routines, yet she found a fulltime position and then started to blow me off. She stopped communicating with me. I would text her and it would take days for her to text me back. As the show approached she told me nothing of what to expect. When I started to carb deplete I was getting very emotional. So when she finally text messaged me back I told her what I thought of her lack of communications. Yes I threw a few f-bombs in my text but we are both adults and so I thought she could handle my honesty. But instead she sent me some uppity email telling me how great she was and that actually I hadn’t paid her what she is worth.. and so I let her go. I didn’t need her guilt tripping stress with me at the show. I had to concentrate on facing many people in the fitness community that had treated me poorly as you can read above.. and she knew that..but Beata cared only about Beata..she didn’t contact me after the show to see how I did..because she never really cared in the first place.
Beata also told me to bring wine into a show that was drug tested; I would of been disqualified and not able to compete for 2 years.. and so I wonder at her motives?
I loved the bikini that I bought off my friend Erica; and Erica was a great emotional support to me leading up to the show. She contaced me online to give me priceless adivice on what to bring and expect during the qualifing night and show. She was like my Fairy Godmother although she is younger than me. Erica showed up to the morning show to cheer me on and take a picture of me competing.

Qualifying night was tough. When I saw the women I was up against my heart dropped and with that, reality sunk in pretty quickly. I knew I was in last place and I also knew that many people would pick me appart on stage for not measuring up to these other women. Yet I admired their fitness and they gave me much to aspire toward..and I cheered them on and clapped for them while on stage with them during the final show the next night.
The spray tan was the worst; I told the woman spraying me down that I was a writer and that I was going to write about my experience and she said ” An intelligent bodybuilder.. now that’s refreshing.” we both had a good giggle. And then it was off to make up; the stage makeup had to match the dark spray tan, and it had to be bright enough to see from the stage. I really felt like a plastic doll. My lashes were like branches. But the over all effect was quite stunning really.
I got to the theater super early due to nerves and not knowing what to expect; and so I went home and came back again. There was one of my haters helping out back stage and she openly used her body language to let me know she was gossiping about me to others, yet she just gave me more fuel. I had other competitors help me get my bikini on; the other female competitors were amazing women. There was a lot comradery.
I placed or was given a metal because there were only 5 women in my class; when there are only 5 all 5 move on..and so I did. Was it dumb luck, or was it fate? Yet I worked very hard to be standing with these amazing women.
I was in the gym 6 days a week for 2 1/2 hours a day. Many athelets break up their lifting and cardio, but as a single working mom I had to do it all at once or not at all..and so I would start with 50 min of cardio and hour of weights and then end with more cardio. I was cooking meal prep for myself and cooking separate meals for my kids. And when I wasn’t working or cooking I was sleeping.

As you can see this didn’t just come to me; it was an inner and outter battle. I couldn’t and I still cannot control what other’s do to me; be they coaches, or professionals, but I can control what I do with it..and so I turned the negativity into postivity, by using it as my motivation and fuel.
I think the most dangerous part of competing or being an athlete is allowing it to define you or making it your entire life.. I think it is important to be yourself no matter what. It is important to maintain your individuality ..and that is especially hard in my community.
I was talking to a therapist at my gym today that is from the UK..and she told how conformed Kelowna is compaired to other cultures and how nice it is to meet someone like me here that isn’t trying to be Kelowna Perfect..
And she asked me today knowing that I had just finished and competed in my first Women’s Figure Competition ” How is your Inner Goddess Gracie?” and I said ” She is still herself..she is doing fablous.”
So I am just an ordinary person who dared to do something extraordinary..that took a lot of hard work and determination..
But the moral of the story is that ” You define you… never let other’s put a label on you.”

Will I compete again? That depends on finding a decent trainer. It depends on money and finances because it’s very expensive. The total cost of food, supplements, training and fees came to over $3,000.00 So was once enough to build myself confidence and character? I started this journey to better my health and to learn how to control my diet.. do I have anything else to prove to myself? Because I have nothing to prove to anyone else. So I am on the fence right now..but one thing is for sure and that is I love health and fitness. I did this because I love my body; but I am much more than just the way I look on the outside and in the fitness world many people forget that a beautiful body means nothing if it carries an ugly heart. I want to make sure I am doing it for the right reasons; not to feed my ego but to feed my heart and soul.