I am the woman who came from the wrong side of the tracks.. I was the beaten, poor and starved child. My mother had a serious mental illness, she took her own life when I was 13. I put myself in foster homes ..and I was miserable in them..they were never home.. I was called “white trash” by my friend’s parents and by some kids my own age.. it has always haunted me.
I didn’t graduate with my class.. I was so mature, I just couldn’t relate to kids my age.. I had already been to war and back in my daily life.. I went to the local college to finish my grade 12. I stayed a virgin until I was finished school.. “god forbid I should be white trash and a slut too” I thought.. so was careful not to. I furthered my education..got married a bit later .. we built up a business.. he had an affair while I was expecting our son..anyway through the divorce rip, job ..settlement ( I settled out because he was so nasty) I was able to start this website.. write my book..and so on.
I am not a trained or schooled artist.. so to many artist I am not really an artist.. I am white trash.
I am a single mom..so to many in my community I am white trash.
I am selling sexual content in my book and on my website.. so to many I am white trash and a slut.
I was at a local art show a few months ago..and a artist was doing a painting and letting everyone add something to the painting.. she asked me what I would put on it.. I said “white trash” she laughed..but I told her.. that’s how people see me, because that is how they have treated me..because I come from the wrong side of the tacks..
*sigh* stereotyping at it’s best.. the upper crust of society seeing me as white trash.. I am a good looking woman so it is assumed that I will use men to climb up the social latter..and so I am treated this way by wealthy men..as if I am for sale..I am disrespected as an equal to them..and then to women, I am seen as that possible threat..white trash.
This is the truth as to whom I am.. I put my kids first.. 3 years I have been single.. yes I have dated but my kids never met any of them.. I don’t have strange men passing through my kid’s lives.. I don’t drink ( just on occasion but not to get drunk) I don’t smoke.. I live pure lifestyle..because I love my body and myself.. I am very organized and a bit of a creature of habit.. as I am a single mom with no help at all..but I like adventure..when my kids are at their dads I like doing fun stuff. If I wanted to use wealthy men for money… I would have..but I am self reliant.
The thing is people scare the shit out of me.. I have learned since starting my website and selling my book.. people can be real assholes.
Last year this time I had a real childlike trust.. I gave people my trust first.. I just assumed people would be honest, kind and trustworthy like me.. nope assuming that showed me how many assholes there are in my town.
I took my last two post down because I realized I was trying to impress and trying reach out to someone who hurt me online… then I saw that I was doing the same thing I had done with other people..that showed me they couldn’t be trusted.. and I stopped and took the post down.. I am so sick and tired of reaching out to people only to be bitten again.. I am just not doing it.. I feel this person should have been reaching out to me..since they hurt my feelings..but nope there I go again being an idiot.. as usual he will only see me as white trash as well..as they all run in clicks in my town.. and I am from the wrong side of the track to them.. Ohhh they are so blind.
It’s going to be a very hard 2 1/2 weeks without my kids this Christmas.. 3 Christmases alone.. like I am totally alone..and I don’t feel that I can go to any events or reach out anymore to my town or community.. I am sick of being back bitten by snotty people looking down their noses at me..talking to me like I am a slow child when most of them don’t have half my common sense nor do they have my wisdom.. half of them don’t know what hell they are talking about..
As far as men.. I stopped trying.. no online dating, I really don’t want to go out..and when I do.. I know I am not meeting a good man at a club..forget that..and it seems that it will be impossible to meet the guy for me in this spiritually constipated city!
So I am preparing myself to go it alone.