I Plea Celibacy

 

It wasn’t my initial intention to turn to celibacy .. like many places we find ourselves in; it is the journey of life that takes us there.

I am a very sexual and sensual woman; I am healthy, I have a high sex drive; I am in the prime of my sexuality..being in my forties; but I am a very sensitive, loving woman..and I found that I couldn’t get that back from others.

I have been celibate for over a year..well over a year. I found that the men I was with were very selfish in bed..and out of the bedroom. They objectified me, and expected me to fit into their lives while making no room in their own lives for me; accept for when it suited them. I found myself becoming emotionally depleted, I found them to clutter up my thoughts with their neediness and selfishness; I felt a lack of any spiritual connection ( soul to soul contact) and I was very physically sexually frustrated.

Simply put; sexually I can pleasure myself and satisfy myself without all immaturity and head games of men who really don’t know how to be men.

I would rather go on living my own life then waste my time on men that simply do not deserve me.

It has become a journey of self nurturing and learning how to channel my need for intimacy into being intimate with myself on every level..

But of course I still long for someone who is able to actually be present with me. Someone with similar interest, of health and who is as driven as I am. Someone who accepts me for me, someone to talk to, to cuddle, to share food with,  I long for deep lasting eye contact, and passionate lovemaking .. sometimes it seems like it will never happen again..and I get very sad; but I am not willing to be with a selfish man, I am not willing to hurt myself even deeper by letting myself down..to let someone emotionally injure me just so I can meet a sexual need.

I am not judging others; and I am not saying this should ring true for anyone else..it is just were I am at in my life and were I have been for over the last year..

I pour myself into my workouts and my writing; into mothering my children.. into life.

Professionally I have been called many names because of my website; I have endured so much prejudice and outright hatred ..because I am seen as a whore; I am seen as a woman asking for it; as I put myself out there sexually; even in a professional way, I am not seen as professional because I am a woman using her own nudity to express sacred sexuality..and healthy sexuality and women’s freedom of expressing and living in their own sexuality.. I am seen as asking for abuse by others in my local community..

And so I have to self protect; I have to draw my energy and all my resources into me; to be there for me, because no one else has loved me and protected me..

And so it is I Plea Celibacy.

 

  • Jeff

    GOD bless you Grace….you nailed it…. I feel like you…only, as a man.

    • Gracie Ackerman

      I am so glad that we can see this the same way together..many blessings to you also Jeff :)

  • Paul

    Sorry to hear Gracie that you have only met shallow and
    selfish men that do not understand that a women needs and wants are just as important
    as theirs. Having studied Tantra and Tantric for the last eight years I
    understand the dynamics and spiritual nature of a women/man relationship that
    many women like yourself need from a man but are not getting cause it is not a
    manly thing to do.

    • Gracie Ackerman

      I think that is just it ..men see it as not a manly thing..men who are steeped in macho but don’t understand their divine masculine.. the divine masculine up holds and protects and sees women as equals.. I am glad to know men like you exist ..it gives me hope for men in my area

  • deepthought

    sounds like you are a very conscious person. but also somehow it seems like there might be a trauma and a need that no man can match and i wish you healing for it.
    honestly spoken, when i read this: for me you don’t seem to be born to life on your own.
    but for healing and spreading your light…
    and experience joy and bliss. being fullfilled by men and fullfill men…
    i wish you the very best for the journey your life takes you in…

    • Gracie Ackerman

      Thank you so much; I hope all of us are born to serve each other and love ourselves. I am in need of healing and I have been working on that by nurturing myself. I have experienced deep trauma from attempting to network in my community and by the men I have dated in the past. Thank you for your kindness and wisdom.

  • Clare Nemeth

    Gracie, I came across your website through a post on FB. Gotta love FB, lol. I have read 2 of your articles, bought your ebook and bookmarked your website all in about 20 minutes. I am married to a wonderful man, but due to health reasons can no longer perform intercourse. I am studying kundalini in depth along with The Magdalen Manuscript to bring myself to a higher awareness as I too will remain celibate. I have felt the same as you all of my adult life. Religious dogma and male domination is what drove me away from churches when I became old enough to understand what was truly going on. I wrote this to say you are not alone in your fight. We all have different circumstances, but there are many women who feel the same as you. I will be a frequent visitor to your site. Keep up the great work!

    • Gracie Ackerman

      Thank you Clare for being so open and honest about your life and experiences. Thank you for the positive energy and the motivation to keep fighting the good fight; it is wonderful to know I have other women supporting me.. sending you love, light and many blessings

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