And so it is with great reflection and meditation that I have decided to let go of my delusion, yes it is the illusion..the self-deception that I dig this grave. Yes here it is within this pit that I chose my spoilage.. it will be through this putrefaction that I will experience my purification .. like the delicate bride, dainty, sweet and innocent, I will then again rise..but on this day I die.
For the old me did deceit myself..”The smiler with the knife and cloak”.. I lied.. I lied.. I lied. For you see it was the lying that I hated the most..the ones who hid from the truth but as it is, I soon found I believed the lies because I lied to myself. I knew the truth..deep inside, I hid it within blaming others for my calamities that were mine because I lied that they were not lies..and so it is I come here to purify my soul.. I come to decompose.
This treacherous thing that I once was must once and for all return to the dust..ah yes to resolve the dept upon my soul..to be made once again ” as pure as the driven snow” and so it is that the funeral begins to banish and to exorcise what no longer serves me in this life.. ah yes it has to die.
Like a tree in the the Autumn all must fall away.. the fruit so ripe that it drops, tumbles down to meet it’s reduction on the ground.. ah yes all must descend to meet it’s end..topple, topple down… to decay down to the core as the little vermin disassemble further more the life and energy therein…such imperfection working for perfection. Like the apple so the bone..flesh slowly decomposed as tiny insects play within creating the decrenscendo..bring all to the earth again.
As a blanket, I cover myself with the rich rotting stench of the soil and my dead self.. am not asleep, no just resting here for a while.
I become nothing but the seeds with in the fruit; that is now nothing due to the savage deterioration .. oh the sweet beauty of decomposition.. to purge..to clean the bone so white.. to take what was old and renew it for another life.
Death so sweet so easy to surrender, what was once brutal now so tender.. gentle and humane..we all must die to the self again and again..
Beauty and romance.. in a death that knows it’s time and place..
And so it is I die with grace.