PRESSURE

 

There are many people and influences that work at taking a woman’s voice away.. it’s why I have not written on my blog for awhile.. I have felt very tired. You know it seems like a lot people want Hollywood..that want things perfect; they don’t want reality. I write about reality.. my writing is very journalistic and honest. Many people want to escape reality so they come down on my as a downer. Even those in spiritual circles don’t want to face their own humanity and imperfections..as they believe in pure manifestation of only good thoughts and energy.. while not realizing that to write about darkness brings it into the light of awareness.. it’s so easy to just want to read fluffy, beautiful, positive words.. instead of seeing reality..They think I am broken and negative..they don’t see I am paying my dues.. I am paying my dues.. I am. I am the battle hardened warrior.

 

Having my book accepted into The Erotic Art Show is my first success since self publishing the book in June last year.. I have met with so much resistance and even outright hatred. I knew it was going to be hard. I knew it was going to be a battle..but to this extent..I had no idea. There have been many tear filled nights. I have had many moments of hopelessness and loneliness .. you know I am human. I am a woman and sometimes there is nothing more than I wanted then strong, masculine loving arms around me.. in the night..when all the names that others called me came to haunt me in my dreams..but the men that I did meet this year after starting my website..were cruel and or controlling..and so I have been alone since June..and I have not dated because I need my strength to continue to fight the battle of promoting my book in a society that shames women.. I cannot give my power away to men who only seek to use me.. but how  I do wish for a true partner to love and uphold me..and of course for me to do the same.. I am very much a woman and warm and human.

People don’t understand how difficult it is to rise up every morning and stand my ground and continue on.. to face people in the professional world that would love nothing more than my silence..I make them uncomfortable..I make them mad.. I make them think about what they don’t want to think about.. that they themselves cave to social pressure..and this why they want me to go away..to give up.. because by me standing up and making a difference or at least attempting to make a difference.. I am being their mirror..showing them that they are not..that they are weak because they fear standing out being shunned like me.. and so they shun me, shame me and call me down..so that they don’t have to be reminded of what courage is.

 

So the PRESSURE.. is to stop.. go way. Don’t be the voice of reason and truth. People don’t want to see reality! They don’t want to see the social class systems ..they don’t want to see the inequality for women.. many of us single women that don’t have a man and his money ..his protection to give us the seal of approval from society..I have no man ..and so it is I have no voice.

 

But I am still standing.. I am still here.. I am yelling into the wind

One day someone who will help me make a difference for all humanity will hear me..

At the very least my book and blog will stand as a testament .. of the battle

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