Prejudice

Prejudice- unreasonable unfair dislike of someone or something, to cause a disadvantage to.

I am writing to you about my most recent experiences of being singled out of society because of my work on the Goddess.

When I first started my blog..well I lost about 40 friends on facebook.. many from high school who wouldn’t accept who I grew into.. when I used my sensual photographs on my blog that I posted on facebook.. I was pretty much ran out of the townhouses that my kids and I lived in..because of course I was a (slut)..a ( drama queen) and a ( unfit mother) to name but a few names I was called.. it became like a witch hunt and it started to trickle down to my kids..and so we moved to a house across town.

But it was just the beginning..as I started to ask around town for a place to do the photography for my website.. my emails were ignored, I was shunned, and shamed.. by local Wineries and local Gardens.. I drove up to one Public Garden to ask them face to face why they had not answered my email..before they new it was me that had emailed them they told me they answered their emails same to next day.. when I explained the content of the email.. I was told ” you are not welcome in our Gardens.” right in front of my kids..when I asked if I could pay like everyone else to just take my kids in to look around..they walked away and ignored us..

I was reading the local paper one day and an write up was in it about the local Entrepreneur Society.. with an email so I emailed him..I sent him the cover shot of the book and I told him what the book was about and what the website was going to be about.. I told him about the problems I was having. I told him I thought his society could help me learn how to network better and that I may learn from others how to promote my book.. I gave him my phone number.. he told me over the phone that the picture of the book cover gave him a hard on.. my thoughts were ( fuck not another asshole) but yes he was.. he wanted to meet me at a nice little coffee and tea house.. I told him that I was bringing my 5 year old son with me..I explained to him that although the content of my book is about women`s sexuality and the website was going to be about sacred sexuality.. that with my son with us at the meeting I wanted the talk to be kept clean. No such luck.. first off my son must of read his energy because he wanted nothing to do with this older man.. right in front of my son.. he used the words FUCKING..and he talked about father`s fucking their daughters.. he went on about native people being the worst for this.. ( he was racist) he wanted to know how I had gotten into sex..why I was so interested.. had my father fucked me..

I left the meeting sickened..and feeling so hurt for my son.. who was sitting there eating his cookie and drinking his milk.. my poor little innocent boy watching his mother being totally disrespected and treated like dirt.. I did write him an email after a couple of days.. I was in shock.. this was in May of 2012.. this next email I am including that I wrote to a friend has been what has happened to me in the last 3 months.. I just don`t feel like typing the same thing all over again so I am just including it..as it is my email to her and I am just leaving her identity out of it..

 

To start off, I used the picture of me nude with the runes to show my self naked and stripped of my ego..that was the symbolic intent. It is to show strength in vulnerability.
*sigh* I have been sad.. the post was to show that I have detached myself from the world and society.. here is why.
To start the man on twitter that proclaims himself an Angel.. turned out to be married for 29 years.. in a sexless marriage ( or so he says) he wanted to skype with me when his wife and kids were busy… my intuition was very clear as to he wanted to have online sex with me.. it made me feel so sad and hopeless towards men.. that even a man that seemed so (good) could want to use me.
I have said somethings to the other so called Earth Angel the European guy on his art page but he is also just a man on a power-trip as well.. he just ignores me after telling me that I was the love of his lives.. having him tell me I was his twin flame is to say as much..and so it is that these men.. drain away my hope.
Then a man that held the Bella Dona event that I read the book at.. was pissed off at me for not wanting to be his woman and to write a book with him.. I asked him for help as to contacts here in my city to hold a Goddess Group.. he became very arrogant and temperamental and insisted that he help to run things with men involved as well and that it wouldn’t work any other way.. when I was polite and wished him well and told him I would go on my own way.. he blocked me on facebook after wishing me a good life.. ( meaning go fuck yourself)
Then a very well known man..that is a patron of the Arts here in my city.. got the wrong impression of me .. we were friends.. I made it clear to him that I only wanted to be his friend.. I am not attracted to him physically as he is much older than me.. any way we went out one day to a winery.. and he started to say some questionable things like ” Gracie you are like a black widow.. ” of course this means that I use and discard men.. I think giving him a reason to not respect me..as it seems they always have to find a reason to discredit you to give themselves permission to treat a woman like shit.. after a day of drinking.. I went to his house..when I was putting my shoes on sitting on the stairs.. he came up behind me and pulled my dress off my shoulder and cupped my bare breast while kissing my neck from behind.. I didn’t know what to do.. I don’t know why but for some reason I was stunned and I let him because I was scared.. I don’t know why but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I gracefully separated myself from him and talked my way out the door.. before this I had given him a copy of my book that he had not read yet as I gave it to him at the beginning of the day.. I thought being a patron of the Arts and being an older man that he would be mature and educated enough to understand why I was giving it to him..as I was looking for support in the Arts due to our very repressed city.. but he started to text message me a few days after with intense sexual messages like ” I want to suckle your breast.” Then when I saw him at a local Arts show..he pretended not to know me.. he wouldn’t give me eye contact not even when I touched his arm..as I am a risk socially to a social climber, mover and a shaker.. I felt USED again.. I talked to him on facebook as I was afraid to meet with him..because I didn’t want to be felt up again.. or have to tell him to back off.. He told me I was ” as sexual bully.” meaning a tease of course.. I wished him well as he continued to tell me off..I unfriended him..I did so before he had recontacted me with the explanation of him ignoring me in public.. what a mess.. what a mess.. I have lost hope in men.
But women have been just as cruel.. I was hushed at a reading..the woman that held the party..that hushed me..because I was offending people.. had everyone come inside so it was more private.. everyone else read from their work..and sang and so on.. I was hushed in the middle of my reading and then once inside not asked to read again while all the other woman had their peace.. I was so hurt..she said sorry to me in hushed way..but I was not given room to read anymore.. she never contacted me on facebook after that.. there was a woman there as well that runs a spiritual business.. ran by her alone.. she told me I was too much of a warrior and that basically it was by my own doing that men have treated me the way they have..my 5 year old son was at this gathering with me..as 5 year olds do he was acting up as he was tired.. he was pushing on my tummy ..because that is how high he is..she said he was pushing on my ovaries as a defense because I was a threat to his little masculinity..then without asking me she felt she needed to do some healing touch therapy on my little boy.. It got worse..she invited me to a meeting with her a couple of days later..were she told me I wouldn’t be acceptable to society because of the pictures on my website..she went so far as to suggest that I was not spiritually enlightened unless I abstained from sex ..and that when I met the right person.. I should wait 3 months before even kissing them..and if the sex was not great that we could create intimacy through just cooking dinner together ( she has been divorced 3x) she went so far as to define the word whore to me and the root of the word..she told me that Woman in Business from my city wouldn’t except me as a speaker or a business woman unless I made myself less of a threat sexually by buttoning up in a business suit..she told me that my thoughts about giving birth to my light body .. well were just my thoughts..and that the proof would be in how I stopped living out of my lower chakra..and that would be when I stopped giving off so much sexual energy..and I was not seen as a threat to other women..as a potential husband stealer.
Before she had said all of this ..she seemed very much like she was supportive of me..she asked me what my biggest sin was sexually.. I felt I could confide in her without being judged .. so I told her.. and she proceeded to shame me..
I unfriended both of these women on facebook.. I stopped following Women in Business on twitter and told them why..that she had told me that I was not acceptable to their group.. I have felt so bullied myself.
My Arts Council took my post off their wall.. that I was looking for a male model..they did so without giving me the common respect of an explanation..and so I unfriended them on facebook as well as I feel I am not respected as an artist nor as a person..
I have been so hurt.. that I have stayed out of society.. do not go to any events.. I do not try.. I am not trying.. because I am only excluded.. labeled.. judged..used by men and as a scapegoat by women..
And then when I have the guts to say that I am hurt.. I am once again labeled a victim..and then of course it is all my fault..because having a so called “victim mentality” I bring their actions on to me..by my own manifestation of them..
And so it is I am in this world but not of it.. as I have to remain detached in order to make my own way through the ignorance of others.
I have always been different.. I have never fit in.. I was born an old soul.. that is the label that they gave me.. or what they called me.. I have run into other old souls.. and we don`t fit in because we see the world as it is..we make other people uncomfortable.. I am a minority and I have always known this.. this why I like other people that are different .. what others see as strange I take comfort in.. I like being around people of different cultures and ways of being..ever since I was a child my best friends were the ones who were real and authentic..but that makes a lot of people uncomfortable because if you are real .. it shows them their fake..so you get shunned and shamed.
I have a gift for my City .. Kelowna.. all the names that I have been called ( Victim, Whore, Slut, Seductress, Bad Mother, Unacceptable, Offensive..etc) this is not my shame this is your shame.. SHAME ON YOU.
This is not revenge.. I am not taking part in your victimization of me.. I will not.
Links