Addiction: Chapter 2

Nine months later, I can see very clearly now that our relationship was my addiction; by being so consumed with him and always trying to second guess his needs, I didn’t have to commit myself to this book and to my life’s purpose. I was on the right track before I met him, I had written most of the poetry and had painted some of the artwork. I knew what God wanted me to do; I chickened out, it seemed to big, and insurmmountable for little me. I was lonely and I wasn’t having faith in myself or in my higher power, so when a handsome young man came along pretending to save me, I jumped right into his arms. Little did I know that he was in love with the image of himself saving the damsel in distress more than he could ever be in love with the actual woman in his arms. Months later after I had moved in I told him that I wanted to write a book, he asked me what it would be about, I told him something about my life experiences. He thought it was silly, he seemed angry about it as he told me no one would want to read about my life or oppinions.

A little bit at a time I became less and less. I helped to make the bed; I lay down in it, and for awhile it was comfortable. Then the first baby was born and he knew then that I wasn’t going anywhere; that is when things started to become painful, when the addiction started to take a toll on my entire life. The addiction of this realationship almost ended my life as I was so entrenched in it that I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it, I had to fight for my life, as I was tying not to end it by my own hand.

The next paragraphs are what I wrote before he left me.