Science says that when you wish upon a star..that star is already dead.. that it’s light had to travel billions of light years to reach the earth.. it is logical to reason that the particulate matter from that star has then become a part of the earth’s crust .. and so as Carl Sagan has said ” We are all star stuff ” Not only are you a part of the matter that star consisted of, but you are also a part of it’s energy..so in fact you are the star you are wishing upon.. and so why are you wishing on yourself? Why are you worried? Can’t you see that you have already existed for billions of years.. you have traveled across time and space to be standing right were you are now..and can’t you see that even if your body should parish or become one with the earth again.. you will indeed take up a new form and your energy will travel the cosmos to manifest in multiple different ways; and quite probably different realities.. and so it is that the God/Goddess or the light..the sun ( as it is a star ) is not only within you but is you…and so you are the Christ/Buddha/Majesty .. we are all Christ .. we are holy.. we are all sacred.. we are infinite.. we are not just infinite beings..for we are more than just beings..for we are being for but a small while.. for we are so much bigger than just this time of NOW..so there is much more than the POWER OF NOW..there is the power of the infinite that is also the NOW..as the power of energy is all things in one…and one thing in all things..and so you are the beginning, middle and the end.. and as the infinite; the end is but a new beginning..and so like the star you don’t actually die you just transform, as energy cannot be created or destroyed .. it simply transcends or transmutes .. Yet the light of the star is real to us in our physical bodies.. and so it is to remind of us of our origins..or, our original power.. as it burns from the inside out.. and so the cosmos is within you..the Kingdom of Heaven is through you..as you are the Kingdom..you body is simply a temple that holds the soul’s energy.. just like a candle that holds the light of the flame..
And so when you are wishing upon the star you are asking the star to remind you of HOPE..as the Star is the ancient symbol of hope.. for you have forgotten and lost your way.. you have forgotten your greatness.. you have forgotten your origins and that you are also on an endless journey across the cosmos.. yet you worry and you wish.. but the wish is you.. you are what the star wished for..for it to manifest it’s self in human form to experience a new reality and an new way of being.. and so when you have become weary of your journey ..when you have lost all hope.. look up at the stars..and have them look into you ..and they will say to you.. ” Remember how great tho art ” for we are the art of the infinite.
And so it is that a few thousand years ago.. Wise Men looked upon the heavens..and the star guided them to a child..and the child was the star.. and the star came to remind you .. that you are the star..so seek within and you will find the Christ Child within you.. no matter what your religion.. no matter if you are an atheist or a priest.. it is a simple wisdom to know that we are all star stuff.
My heart will not forget him. I try so hard to harden my heart as his heart is hardened to me.. I tell myself ” What is meant to be will be.” but oh how I miss him..
Spring..a warm day as we sat on the beach.. and I looked into his sparkling, diamond, green eyes.. to see his soul.. a soul so sweet that I was swept off my feet.. and the walls around my heart; they did crumble and fall.. leaving me vulnerable and weak.. oh, how I miss him.
And the words ” I Love you.” they wanted to cascade off my lips like waterfalls of bliss.. but I caught them before they fell.. before they made a sound..but my heart still yelled ” You love him.” and I wondered what it would be like to kiss him..?
I watched his lips then, as he spoke his words then ..and I wondered ” How soft they seem to be.. how sweet and tender .. how would he taste to me ?.” and my heart broke wide open.. weepy and sweet like honey at his feet.. yet he seemed not to believe me..and why should he? So many bitter and broken women had come before me..speaking sweet words that were just candied poison..and so he miss read me.. for my heart is true.. and I am truth.. and I fell in love with the god within him..
And so he cast me off as days went on.. thinking me like the rest.. like the women who whispered of love and passion but hid the blade until he feel upon it.. leaving him bleeding and broken. I saw the wounds .. I felt his pain and with all my heart I wanted to mend them.. to hold him in my arms like a newborn babe .. to give him love to heal them.. to bring him light and love..to bring him joy and bliss..but he thought me to- good- to- be- true..and so he pushed me away from him.. and he did to me what they did to him..and because I understand; I forgive him..because I love him.. like a mother loves her babe.. because I know the soul within him..
So spring turned to summer..and summer to fall..now fall to winter.. under the Christmas moon.. my heart longs for him..and I wonder ” What would it be like to kiss him?” and I felt his soul brush with mine..or was it just wishful thinking.. and I saw him in my imagination.. his fuzzy beard.. his wavy hair..and then I kissed him..
I am just in the mood to share my thoughts on what it’s like to be a single mother that gives a fuck. I give fuck about living a good life, about my kids, my work, my body and my fitness. I give a fuck about spiritual enlightenment and about real people. There are many things I don’t give a fuck about. I don’t give a fuck about shallow, boring people and their bullshit, small talk. I don’t give a fuck about high school drama played out by adults in their mid 20s and up.. grow the fuck up.. until then not one fuck is given by me. I don’t give a fuck about the party lifestyle. I don’t give a fuck about people that make excuses. I don’t give a fuck about pity parties..and I don’t give a fuck about other single moms that put fucking asshole boyfriends ahead of their kids. I don’t give a fuck about weak ass women.,, women who do everything for men ..and nothing for their own sake or the sake of their children. I give a fuck about the things and people that matter.. the things that make you stronger.. the things that cause you to improve… I give a fuck about people who give a fuck about people and things that matter..for the rest; not one fuck is given.. ( and so I ramble ) but I don’t give a fuck because it feels good to speak my mind..and that is why I am still single. I need a man who can take it.. strait up like a shot of 100 proof truth.. I don’t want a man that needs me to become some weak bitch to make him feel like a man he obviously is not.
And so it is, that I don’t have sex and haven’t for quite sometime..but when I become interested in a guy and he starts to put his bullshit and baggage on me.. I don’t think carrying all of his past relationships and insecurities ..is worth the cock .. honestly.. there always seems to be some fucking karma involved and some other stupid girl that stalks his ass..or girls..and I think to myself ” fuck it” Because I love my mind, free and clear.. I love to think about shit like this..about writing on my blog as some rogue bad girl..misbehaving .. swearing like I own my freedom.. screaming out on text like some wild little wolf pup howling into the wind.. this is my voice.. I don’t want to give it up..for some cock LOL ( ha that made me burst out laughing like some crazy thing ) I like being crazy Gracie.. I love it and I love myself.. I don’t want some guy putting me into a box for some cock LOL..it’s just not worth it.. but of course the catch is; I like sex..but I don’t want it to be used against me to own my mind and emotions to feed some guys pathetic ego. Why do guys need to be worshiped? I don’t have the time for that shit..or rather I don’t want to spend my time worrying about if my man is going to stick his cock in that woman that flirts with him.. the one that feeds his ego more than I do..or more than I could ever want to.. I just don’t want to do it.. I want to go to the gym.. I want to write funny shit.. I want to meditate or paint or dance.. but yes it would be nice to have sex.. but why the hell does it have to cost me the freedom of being a free woman? Why the hell do guys think that to be my man he has to take up space in my head.. I feel smothered.. I am an intellect.. an artist, a free spirit.. I just can’t be a nice, well behaved girl just so that he will keep bringing his cock to me..and not put it in other girls who dumb it down just for him..
And then.. young guys or older guys ..or guys my age..
young guys want to party..
guys my age are bitter and mad at the ex wives..
older men ..well they are boring as hell..
Tis the conundrum ..the catch 22.. and because I give a fuck about the stuff that matters ( while not giving a fuck about the stuff that doesn’t ) I give a shit about love.. *Oh* there is just no winning here!
And then guys say stupid shit like ” If women made us step up by having us chase them instead of throwing themselves at us we would date women and be more romantic” I call bullshit on that..stop blaming us for your immaturity..a man needs something to chase.. my ass.. because once he has got it; he is keeping his options open for the next best piece of ass..because variety is the spice of life you know?
I am sorry this doesn’t come off as intellectual banter tonight..but I am a woman and so I have my moods..and tonight I am feeling like just doing whatever the fuck I want..if I had a man in my life do you think I could? Don’t you think he would be looking over my shoulder asking ” What are you writing about babe? Holy fuck you can’t write about that.. you sound like a foul mouthed bitch.. you should take out the swearing.. you should say intimacy instead of sex.. don’t put in a sexy pic either.. I don’t want guys looking at your tits.” so the question is.. is some cock worth it?