Archive for December, 2014

Being a sexy mom


So I have this hater.. her name is Marlie LaMusick@OverAndAround on twitter.. she comments on my Youtube videos.. currently she is hitting all the unlikes that she can. But her thing is this.. because I am a mother expressing my sexuality.. Through the goddess movement.. my book, this website and blog, photography in the book and online..and through my erotic dancing and talks on Youtube..she thinks I am an unfit mother ..she commented on twitter and under my vids that my kids should be taken away from me by social services.. Yes she is a bitch. Yes a mean spirited, jealous prejudiced..slut shaming bitch. An old bitty!

But she is just one of many conservative fundamentalistic jerks that thinks this way.. steeped in religious dogma that teaches us that a woman’s virtue or the worlds virtue for that matter lives between our legs that means you don’t own your own vagina ..society does by slut shamming you into submission..

Question for the old bitch… ” Where do you think babies come from?” That’s right vaginas.. another Question to the old lady that is ancient in her thinking.. quite barbaric actually.. ” Do you think my kids don’t know their mother has a vagina?” Another Question for the old bat ” Do you think that my daughters don’t know they have vaginas and that they came out of my vagina?”

She is so crazy..this thinking is so is so so so so so insane!

To think that once a woman becomes a mother she should button up and go all Mother Teresa? Seriously? That is everything that is wrong with her I am sure of it..has to be.

For me to nun-up you would have to put me in a coffin first..cause that will be the day I die.. I plan on being so sexy.. I leave behind a sexy corpse.. that’s right bite me nasty bitch.

You want your grand daughters to grow up in a world were they are sexually repressed and then blamed for their own rapes..for dressing just a little too sexy ( dressing too sexy or being too sexy is completely subjective to the observer btw dumbass) I mean a woman can look at a man the wrong way or say something in a subjectively sexy tone and be raped for asking for it.. think about it! WTF is wrong with you?

Stupid Stupid Stupid old bitty.. OMG.. it’s a good thing you dinos are on the way out.. extinction is much need here.. you got to go.. if you cannot evolve to better society and the world for the next up coming generations..just die them a favor.. really! You want young men.. your grand sons to not be able to have real intimacy with a woman because they feel entitled to abusing her sexually because of the double standards imposed onto them and taught to them by social fucking norms that are anything but normal.. ya cause society teaches young men through media ( porn ) and just through the mainstream media feed of the objectification of women and GIRLS sexuality that women are be used and discarded at his will.. so because of that.. no real love or intimacy.. I wonder if she is grasping this.. prob not.. soooo time to meet The Grim Reaper.. we are done with your the sooner the better.. like you said yourself you nasty bitch ” No Mercy for her” ya karma takes a bite right? That’s what she thinks as a woman about another woman who is the single mother of three children..that because I express my sexuality ( I OWN IT BABY ) I deserve to hated/punished/shunned/shamed/ harassed/bashed/ and basically treated with all cruelty.. or quite frankly as less than a human being..that’s right I should be..or other women like me..should be dehumanized.. because we are trash.

That is everything that is wrong with the norms ( insanity of society ) it’s fucking crazy..and ya know what..this shit keeps up there will never be women’s equality.. not only with The Feminine Heart in society will be denied and killed off..but so will masculinity..because men cannot be real men if they are not protecting women..if they are raping/murdering/demoralizing/ abusing women in anyway..they are doing exactly the opposite of what real men do.. real men.. love, respect and protect women.. not just the women in their circle but all women.. that’s why we have the whole LUMBER SEXUAL thing going on because men wish for the hero in them to rise up..they miss their masculine romance.. they wish to be the man who has that heart connection with a woman or women.. with shaming the female sex.. the male sex is has also lost it’s balance..and we miss out on love and suppressing the beauty of feminine sexuality..

Our children need us to express the fullness of who we are so that they can also have that to role model after..

I am sure my stalker.. hater didn’t understand I word I just wrote..but I know I  am helping who I am meant to help.. like other moms..and men who want to reconnect with women.. who seek real intimacy through equal partnership.

I dream of Albert Einstein


Me and Albert had a cup of tea and a great chat in dreamland last night.. We set up on the cortex.. he showed me equations .. that I didn’t understand at all.. math isn’t my strength so he very kindly explained them to me..he took me on a ride on the finest cord of golden energy.. yes it was very mind blowing.. this morning I wrote down my dream .. short notes .. see if you can follow it.


His most important concept was that time is just a concept.. he said ” The human mind constructs time to give it’s self relevance ”

This is the meaning of the equations that he showed me in words ” The importance of time and simply to equate. Without time and space the answer always equates out to it’s self – meaning that zero represents the infinite or infinite possibilities. Time and space are simply functions that create reality or realities. Energy shows it’s self in matter using time and space as creative elements. The infinite is shown by the elements making us aware by action of their existence that energy exists through their creation.  Humanity is simply an expansion of this energy as is all matter. Time and space exist only in the realities of form.”

The lesson that he was showing me.. The Universe is a vibration.. we are all simply channeled energy.. there isn’t a beginning or ending.. energy cannot be destroyed or created because it simply always was and always will be.. on this we base our fundamental beliefs on God..or humanity as a whole creates religion on this base line intuition. Because we are all energy experiencing it’s self through multiple layers of different realities.. all woven within one another.. we are Gods. Because we exist outside of time and space ..with that knowledge we can create a new reality.. because..

It is in the knowing that anything is possible.. we can create new possibilities outside of our past understandings..

We can create a new reality buy expanding our minds past what we thought was possible.

A nightmare date


Ok so follow me on this one.. I am going to be digressing and messing around with your ability to keep track of my spastic thoughts..

I was trail running this morning.. being December I was running over frozen mud and patches of ice trying to keep up my momentum without falling on my ass.. and as usual I was thinking. I am always thinking.. it’s exhausting..seriously wish I could take my brain out of my head and put it on ice. I need a vacation from my brain… anyway.. I was pushing myself though the end of my 15 km run..the last 3 km being the hardest..{thinking} bout people that push themselves to finish.. Steve Jobs flashed into my mind..then the poem ” The Crazy One’s” cause I am crazy one.. I was running 15 km in Dec ( she says sarcastically ) .. or < insert sarcasm here > but then I remembered the DATE.. ” Oh shit.. I believed that jerk for this entire time.. that was like 4 years ago..and I am so gullible I believed him up til this flash of sudden fucking awareness” You see he got me all worked up by telling me he wrote that poem for Steve Jobs ..and I believed him.. he went so far as to pretend to complete the rest of the poem..and I believed him.. gawd I am just too innocent and trusting for my own good.. stupid little Polly-Anna!

you can click on the Steve Jobs image to enlarge it if you like…

I thought this guy was a genius… but in a way he was.. very enough to see that I was new to dating..newly separated and so I was like live bait… *sigh*

He put Steve Jobs in my head.. he was also an older man.. his pictures on the dating site were great..he kinda had a Spock/Steve thingy going on for him. Chatting with him on the site.. he was very intelligent. He said he was in a rehabilitation center for sleeping pill addiction.. that his work caused him great stress.. and I believed him; because my divorce lawyer had gone through the same thing. But my lawyer was a great guy, had his shit together so I figured this guy was in the same league .. I was so wrong. Your going to laugh at how wrong I was. I was wronger than wrong. I must of been insane.

We then talked for hours on the phone. I thought I was in love with his mind. I loved our conversations about physics/ quantum theory .. religion.. politics.. human rights..and sex. Nothing is more attractive to me than a guy with a huge brain; a distinguished-ness.. or class. Within a couple of weeks of texting and talking on the phone I was ready to meet him. He just had to finish his rehab..

He took a bus to meet me because he said he had to renew his licence..but couldn’t since being in rehab..but he couldn’t wait to meet me. I was so excited! I thought I was going to meet the love of my life. I really truly did. I thought ” This it!”  [ I was so fucking dumb ] Oh my GAWD my dumb blond was showing!

I had planned to have him over to my place for dinner. I was going to pick him up from the Greyhound.. then have him over for dinner..than take him to his Hotel.. but this is what happened instead.. brace yourselves..

The man who got off the bus was not him.. it just wasn’t him ( he had used someone else’s picture ) He sorta looked like him..but he wasn’t him .. the guy who got off the bus.. had a hunched back  —I am not fucking kidding— He had warts all over his face and neck..and hands —I am not fucking kidding— his clothes were worn out.. his sneakers.. yes they were sneakers.. looked like they were 20 years old going by fashion. He talked like a girl — I am not fucking kidding— he looked like the kinda weirdo that masturbated in public washrooms. { Ok now I am so ashamed } not only that..but when I started putting things together in my head it dawned on me rather suddenly that he wasn’t in rehab.. and why he didn’t have a car.. because he was a mental patient on a short leave… It was so HORRIBLE!

You are probably thinking. ” How could he be so smart but be ( I gotta say it ) one of The Crazy One’s?”

Because some of the craziest people are very brilliant.. true story..but incapable of living with the public because of chemical imbalances that cause them to be a harm to themselves or others.. he was that..and it was shocking to me how I had been such a tool myself. I was so fooled ..if I only knew then what I know now about dating and online dating..

We sat side by side in the Greyhound terminal for about 15 mins. I told him as kindly but as honestly that I could that he couldn’t come to my place for dinner.. I asked him were his Hotel was..and told him I would drive him to it. He told me he thought he was staying with me..that he didn’t have any money at all; only a 2 way ticket back to his ” rehab” the next day. I ended up putting him up at an expensive Hotel myself because it was one of the few available; because of a sporting even in town.. it was pricey..I paid for my stupidity..

Not only did I pay for my stupidity with the Hotel room and a very rude awakening to my too innocent and trusting nature ( that could get me in serious trouble ) but I also paid in cell phone phone wasn’t hooked up to .. wifi

So ya… reality bites!

I haven’t been on online dating for a long time.. just started again in the last couple of sorta stood up for dinner tonight by a guy asking me to pay because his soon to be ex-wife just emptied the accounts and cleaned off the credit cards.. guess who passed up that?

I think the world is full of BAT-SHIT CRAZY


oodles of onomatopoeia

Luv.. sounds like love.. represents it somehow but isn’t quite it.. like the hope of it..but it never quite materializes into the object that one desires.. dating.. it’s fucked.. so you follow?

It’s like you meet someone and everything seems like ” Ya this is the one” it’s like a click and whirl.. a spark and a ” Thing.. thingy..thing” and like wow! ..but it falls before it walks..then it crawls and then you hide..because the whole fucking episode was so fucking disappointing because it seemed to have so much promise {hope} and then you’r like crawling away with an arrow suck in your fucking heart..that you thought was going to be all sweet and romantic like.. ya know what I mean? But it’s a fucking arrow .. and you’r metaphorically bleeding all over the fucking place because that stupid little bastard Cupid got his shit all wrong again.. ” What the fuck kinda drugs does the little retard take?” and you’r like.. ” I would rather be alone.. fuck this shit!”.. Yup that’s dating!


Then you think.. ” Ok I can’t find anyone to be in a relationship with.. just maybe I can handle just having sex with that hot guy/girl.” But no.. no… NO.. that shit never works for anyone.. if they say it does..they are heartless or lying.. cause shit gets messed up when you start messing around with that.. you get emotionally attached to the wrong person.. and they are the wrong person.. yes they are because you cannot find love and intimacy with them.. just sex.. just cold sex. And so there is all that karma** always something ** like** cause and effect.. yup~~~~~ what cums around goes around~~~ and it”s like a bad rumor it comes back at you like a wave that started as a gentle little wave.. just gentle like great sex with no strings attached ( ya know ) but then it gains momentum and like a tidal wave comes crashing down and with a destructive force that creates drama and heartache .. ya it’s good stuff.. sounds like great sex.. ends up a fucking Jerry Springer Show.. so I would rather be alone..

Sounds like cuddles.. but it’s not.. nope it’s just PJs worn alone with some popcorn.. alone..and a movie you watched a million times.. things you have done a billion times ALONE..

Looks like a smart sexy man.. sounds like a smart sexy man..but it’s not.. it’s a messed up loner.. with a boner.. who just wants to get it on and then get gone_ _ _ _ _ hit the road jack and don’t ya cum back no mo no mo _ _ _ _ _ don’t cha cum back no mo!

Sounds like a single dad.. nice single dad.. but nope he bad.. bad.. bad man.. who tells you what you wanna hear when you wanna hear it to >>>>> slip it –  INto – gear – dear

I would rather be alone..

Sounds like adventure.. looks like the exciting type..but nope it’s all hype..  con.. con.. con.. convict! ========= RUN!

Sounds like Youth Group Leader.. seems like caring type.. but he liked his under-age step daughters more than his ex wife… sounds like Youth Group Leader really means child molester….

I would rather be alone at home and like refrain from all the bullshit.

It’s just me and my dictionary.. my vibrator.. chocolate and planning my next training session at the gym.. It sounds like’s just grunting and sweating..well it kinda looks like sex with my clothes on in public sounding like a porn star.. pounding the shit outta heavy metal.. but it’s like not sex..but it’s a good sub for sex..

Cause like at this point.. it’s safer than sex..

Because sounds like luv.. looks like love..but doesn’t end up being love..

And that really is just too gawd damn bad.. fuck.. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!




I am obsessed with my dream and trying to find away through these impasses .. obstacles.. trying with all my might to find the right strategy.. but I am stuck. Tonight I have been watching George Stromboulopoulos’s interviews with multiple different successful celebrities .. trying to learn through them, from their experiences..their climb.. to see how doors opened for them. I am learning that it is simply a matter of fate, timing and life experiences, talents and tenacity that brings them to their victories or revolutionary fame or successes.. success not just being monetary but also and more importantly making a huge difference in the world. I still don’t have the answer. I still don’t have any open doors.. I just don’t.

I don’t have community; I don’t have a platform to speak from.. I have no opportunity as of yet to be heard or noticed.. I have directly the opposite. I have been shunned from professional organizations; I have been shunned from my local arts community.. there isn’t any Government funding or help or organization to help me. I don’t know anyone that knows anyone. Most of all I have been labeled over and over again as crazy for speaking out about the prejudices and inequalities put on me because I am woman without ( proper qualifications ) writing about women’s sexuality.. it’s like I am not allowed to break those rules.. these invisible rules.. that I needed the education’s systems qualifications to write about sex as a woman still in her sexual prime and single .. ( being single and not married as a woman writing about sex and sexuality is a taboo) ” I mean who knew right? Who fucking knew that?” Did you know that? I didn’t know that until I did that..and now I am a crazy for doing that..seems it was social suicide. Because I was supposed to have a PHD.. and have male approval by a husband or a boyfriend to write about sex and sexuality to be socially acceptable and to be given validity .. did you know that? Not only that but I shouldn’t be so sexy writing about sexuality..being single and unmarried because that makes me a threat.. because it makes me seductive and manipulative..because I am obviously ( according to society ) using my sexuality without a licence.. isn’t that just fucked up? But that is what is happening.. yup.. it’s happening..

I am not supposed to talk about it in public because I don’t have the proper when I do and people find out I don’t have the proper qualifications.. it means I am a target for abuse. Like being told that I am a threat to a gym’s reputation .. that I scare people..because I am just too much.. too open.. too different.. I am just too different..and I am doing something too different and revolutionary or controversial.

People don’t like it when you challenge their stupid rules or taboos .. people don’t like change even if is for the better… like leading women out of sexual repression by living outside of the box or the sexual repression by the expression of my sexuality..showing by leading how to do it.. ( sounds so simple..but people are even simpler) saying that very slowly as I type it very slowly read it slowly if you don’t get it..because there are some hateful .. prejudiced people ( lots of them ) that read my blog to leave hateful messages because they cannot grasp the concepts.. they can read that even slower.. they can read this several times but still not pick up on the meaning in the words and vocabulary.. but this is the great part.. they find my spelling mistakes..but not grasp anything else..

Ohhhhhhh *sigh* so how do I create a strategy that can jump, climb over.. under or through this ignorance? Ignorance.. IGNORANCE.. the biggest ..widest.. meanest…nastiest .. barrier of all..

Because you can be rational.. factual.. intellectual.. but you just cannot help people upgrade on how to conceptualize or activate more gray matter.



If George Stroumboulopoulos was my boyfriend


This is of course, hypothetical .. George isn’t going to be my boyfriend.. most guys with ordinary lives who are not celebs don’t want to be my boyfriend once they find out about my book and website because they see me and this as socially unacceptable; many guys that find out about what I do look at me like a wild cat through the scope of gun.. ” I have you on target you crazy, reputation destroying wild bitch.. stay the fuck back” those are the looks I get.. or look like ” She so pretty and cute.. she seemed so nice and normal..then I found out what she does..she is nuts!”

But looking at my life through  rosy colored glasses is so much sweeter.. kinder and loving. So if George was my George what would my life look like?

{My city, my country and the world would see me with relevance and awe.. they would say ” She is really talented, what a great writer, she is brave and beautiful ..she is special and that’s why George loves her.” Everyone that rejected me in my community would be so sorry.. oh how sorry they would be ..because George would bring me to the world stage to tell my stories of struggle of the underdog.. I would tell on them all.. I would tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth..the truth is like a lion.. it would be frightening and bold.. raw and brutal..but it would simply be the truth.. yes they would be so sorry.

They would be sorry for their prejudice and sorry that they couldn’t take it all back.. and it would be my story and my strength their weaknesses.. George of course would say to me ” Gracie be the bigger person and forgive them, let them in now that they have been made aware of their wrong doings.” because George is all about enlightenment and peace..

He would save the day.. because of him he would help save the world by giving me a media platform to unleash my message of women’s equality through the freedom of their sexuality..and all the world would be in wonder of the perfect love story..and of the Knight in Shinning Armour that really came through for The Damsel in Distress..

The media would love it.. even the American media would fall in love with Gracie and George.. fall in love with love and justice. We would travel the world empowering women with the message. George through empowering women through music and me through writing, painting, dancing and other forms of expression.. }

So that is a nice fantasy isn’t it.. ?

It is sad to say that still in this day and age a woman like myself doing something totally different, bold and brave.. breaking glass ceilings.. smashing dogma.. just doesn’t stand a chance in today’s world without male approval or some form of male protection..

I am seen, instead as a lazy, single mother/artist wanna be slutty whore.. “Putting it out there” for male attention and just to feed my own ego by expressing my sexuality .. instead of as a woman bravely burning a new path for other women and society..

Because I am all alone in this.

I just switch into the fantasies to help me cope with the hard cold realities.

And now my haters will put a spin on this that I am an obsessive, crazy bitch for writing this.. isn’t that just crazy?