The problem is that I have taken on their problem.. my attitude to their problem has been to take the job of convincing them that they do indeed have a problem.. that I am not the problem but it is their attitudes about me; as to how they define what is and isn’t acceptable. I am not acceptable due to the fact that I am not like them..but that isn’t my problem so I have to stop taking on the attitude that I must fix them.. problem solved..
When I stop trying to convince them and I stop trying to fix them I can get on with my life purpose and passions in spite of them.. therefore I become the change I wish to see in the world..
It isn’t my problem that they may or may not come to change with the times.. it isn’t my problem that they wish to stay stagnant or in a hamster wheel..because they cannot or will not conceptualize change..
I am speaking about the professional world..but also about society in general..as to the root of the problem that inflicts my attitude of taking on being their savior.. I am not their Christ or Whipping Boy.. I am not taking on their sins.. I am not going to carry their crosses for them.. I will not die slowly for them.. I will not take on their angry, resentful and even hateful energy as my problem.. as the problem is theirs to own or deny.. it’s not my problem which they chose..
By not taking on their problem the problem evaporates.. it looses it’s power..it has no foundation..as it stops being a problem.. for me.
The professional world and society as a whole sees authenticity and open sexuality as threat.. because it shows those whom are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..that they are not authentic and comfortable in their skin..and so they label people like me as trouble makers, whores, ridiculous or absurd.. not to be taken seriously..to be socially shunned or seen as inappropriate …
Yet the new rage in the professional world is to use words like ( authentic ) as self promotion.. but when someone like me comes along who is truly authentic..we blow it up in their faces..
And so I have become aware of my weakness through how they perceive me.. I have let their perceptions of me..rule my mind and emotions..
When the truth is simply this.. I am much farther down the path of authenticity than they.. I am actually leading them..
Maybe one day some of them will catch up..???
I think I chose a really good title for this post .. considering Canada just blew the world away in Men and Women’s Hockey cleaning up all the Gold!
If games are upfront..and center .. it’s fair play.. but when one person isn’t aware that they are even playing .. then it is subterfuge: deceit used in order to achieve one’s goal.
What I is even worse .. when someone shows the are vulnerable.. and the other person who is being deceitful uses it as a springboard or leverage.. that is the cost of being authentic..be it online or in daily life..there are always people out there who are tempted to use it to achieve a one sided goal..
As a woman.. it makes me very sad..and it makes me feel somewhat hopeless towards men in general.. as to..
Is there any fair play???
This is my letter to a guy that I have known for years.. I didn’t use his name..as I am not trying to play a game of vengeance.. I am sharing this as an example of how to PLAY FAIR.. in The Art of Love and Relationships…
“”Now that I have had sometime to think about last night.. and to listen to my instincts .. I really don’t want you to contact me.
I knew when I saw you by the bar that you were watching my facebook.. and that is why you showed up to a place you haven’t been to in years.
I like I told you I have had that happen before. Even before I set up my website or wrote my blog about sacred sex and women’s sexuality..
I know your type well now. You see my pictures on facebook and some sexual content and that is all you are drawn to.. you see a single woman who is craving intimacy thinking that I will fall for a few lines.. be fooled into thinking something wonderful will happen when your just looking to use me for sex.
That became very apparent to me when I played pool with you.. you didn’t even know what my book was about.. yet you have been on my facebook.. probably a couple of years..
You didn’t know about my struggles with the local networking community..with their prejudice against me.. as to why I needed to be online to promote my book.. you didn’t even know why my book was so controversial..
This told me that you didn’t and don’t give a shit about who I am as a person.. all you see is a sex toy.
Being a smart woman has it’s perks.. studying human behavior and psychology has it’s perks as well.. I could see through all of your small talk..as you attempted to make a superficial emotional connection with me..by saying things like ” I hate how fucked up society is too ” I watched you watch me for a reaction.. as you tried to create a false bond,,of fake trust.
I suppose it could be.. that I have lived a few years now..and I can see where this is going ..I can see it around corners now.. I have met many guys like you.. who will say anything to get laid..
I know that you were not “Kidding” when you asked me to go home with you because you won the game of pool.. I know that when you were touching my hair and earrings that you were tying to get me to kiss you..
You can’t blame a guy for trying… But you can call out the game..
If you are just looking to have sex with a woman you should be upfront with that.. don’t tell women what you think they want to hear just so you can score..
You are just recently separated.. so if your just looking for sex.. be honest with women and show some respect for their feeling and needs.. you would be shocked to find that there are some women who just want sex.
Playing me was very disrespectful.
You clearly have no interest in me as a person.. not caring enough to find out about who I am when the information has been made available to you on your facebook for years..
You didn’t even know the title of my book..
I am blocking you for these reasons..
Because their isn’t any point to having a man on my facebook who isn’t intelligent enough to see me as a person past my sexuality..
Boys will be boys..
But I am looking for a man..
I hope you have learned something from this..
Try to pick up less intelligent women.. or man up..
Just being honest.. good luck”"
There is this weird things that some guys do.. a tell-tail sign that they are looking for a reason or an OK.. to treat a woman as just sex.. the ask things like ” Why are you hear?” like asking did you come out to a club to find sex.. I had a guy ask me once ” Why did you move to Kelowna?” I told him ” To get away from my ex and find work or opportunies in a big city.” he said ” I bet your looking for men.” it’s like they are looking for a reason to treat a woman with disrespect..as if to say.. “You have low morals, so I am going to treat you like that.. cause you deserve it.” .. it is to admonish them from being responsible for hurting or using woman..as if to say ” You asked for it.”
All men are not like this of course.. this post is to educate my readers as usual.. to teach people about the conscious and subconscious games that we play..and that we can let ourselves be played by not listening to our intuition.
I think this is the ideal of love but not the reality of love.. so I am going to do something completely different.. I am going to turn it around.. from a purified, pasteurized love into something realistic, organic, whole and honest..
I will not always be patient.. but I will still love you
I will sometimes be unkind.. but I will still love you
I will get jealous from time to time.. but I will still love you
I will brag, be arrogant and forget myself in my ego.. but I will still love you
I will be rude sometimes.. but I will still love you
I will be selfish now and then.. but I will still love you
I will get angry and loose my temper now and then… but I will still love you
I will tell little white lies .. but I will still love you
I will loose hope and become sad and depressed from time to time .. but I will still love you..
I know that love cannot always endure all things.. like big lies, and affairs.. addictions..and abuse..
I know that loosing trust breaks the bonds of love.. and I understand that is the reality..
That things can be forgiven but never forgotten..and sometimes we have to love each other from a distance..
Sometimes we have to move on and find another to love..
I understand that love is not perfect.. because people are not perfect..
But when we really love someone we don’t hold them up to impossible standards..
We just treat each other the best we can..
Because real love is raw..
It is passion..
It is compassion..
“It takes a village to raise a Child.”
Yet we live in a society today were it seems we are left to fend for ourselves..
Women still don’t get equal pay, don’t have equal opportunity .. and are made responsible for the majority of child raising..
If a teenage girl were to get pregnant..chances are she would drop out of school to have the baby, if she was lucky ( many are not) her parents would help her..but chances are she would mostly have to fend for herself.. welfare would be her option until she could work or return to school..then she would have to find suitable daycare..while getting a subsidy from the Government..she would have to prove that she was looking for work or going to school..and then she would have problems finding daycare..as the Government would only cover half the cost.. she would have to work and go to school and be up all night with her child.. if her child was sick.. she would be responsible..
The boy who helped her make the child.. well the Government wouldn’t hold him responsible for the child’s needs..and he could get on with his education..eventually make more money than she ever could with the scales of Canadian justice being turned towards his side.. and so..
She could put the child up for adoption..with intense emotional and psychological scares burning into her soul for life… missing her child forever..wondering forever.. after having her body scared with birthing marks.. her breast being filled with milk..never to know or hold her child in her arms.. because she chose life instead of choosing to abort..
Or she could have an abortion..but to abort in Canada she would have to find the money for the abortion..part of her wanting and abortion would be due to financial hardship.. yet the Government would tell her to find the money..and then she would have to be psychologically evaluated.. to prove that she can handle it.. I wonder..what if she is proven insane..then should she have the child..should she be forced to give birth and adopt the child out by the Government.?.what is the purpose of this evaluation other than to be patronizing to women? Do women not have their own minds? Of course we do..
Lets look at the cost of raising a child to adult hood.. http://www.canadianliving.com/life/money/how_much_does_it_cost_to_raise_kids_in_canada.php
Lets look at child support tables.. if she can even get him to pay support at all http://www.justice.gc.ca/eng/fl-df/child-enfant/look-rech.asp
Lets look at how much welfare mother and child will get to live off of http://www.peelregion.ca/ow/applying/allowance.htm
lets look at the Pro Life organizations that will pressure her into choosing to keep her baby http://www.prolifekelowna.com/
Lets look at an organization in my local area the proposes to be pro choice but is really pro life.. ( edit.. I just spoke to Ruth on the phone..it is the website that is confusing..as it links up to pro life groups.. I talked to Kelowna Community Resources about the problem.. there should be wording that clearly states they offer pregnancy termination information) http://kelowna.cioc.ca/record/KNA0458
What I want to know.. is this.. if religious organizations will pressure women into keeping their babies..why don’t they put their money were their mouths are? Where is the money? $$$???
Why does the Canadian Government make it so impossible for single mothers to get a head ..but make it so easy for single fathers and divorced fathers to bail out on their children.. ???
When will we be the village instead of hypocrites??
Joel Young is passionate about his admiration for entrepreneurs who strike out on their own with little more than a business idea and the willpower to see it become a success, or fail but then get up and try again. Joel is semi-retired, currently involved in his own film production company.
Joel Young is a Member of The Okanagan Chapter of the Kelowna MS Society..
I saw an article in The Kelowna Capital News written by Joel Young encouraging new entrepreneurs to join his society..way back in April of 2012.. I had just sent by book off to Balboa Press.. a self publisher.. to have it artistically put together.. I was so happy with the work and art that I had created. I was looking forward to networking with like minded people. I have to say I was innocent to how society would view me and my work..as I am the model in the book. Creating the book, doing the photography, stepping into each Goddess..first in my dreams, then during the costuming and photography and then finally the writing.. I was on cloud nine.. and I thought that my local community would see the dream with me..that I had created..but I was wrong.
I emailed Joel.. but he ignored me. I kept emailing him..he sent me short emails. I explained the book and the concept to him.. and then I sent him the cover shot of the book.. this is the image I sent him
He called my cell .. I was hiking alone on Knox Mountain.. it was May and it was beautiful.. covered in those bright yellow daisy like flowers.. Joel said ” I almost wasn’t going to meet with you until you sent me the picture?” I thought maybe he meant that he wasn’t taking me seriously about my work..and he needed the picture to believe what I was saying was real.. I asked him “Why were you not going to contact me or meet with me.” he said ” Women like you are a risk.. ” he then said ” It was nice to wake up to your picture this morning..because..” He said ” Wait for it Gracie.. are you ready to hear what I am going to say to you..?” I said..” I guess?” He said ” IT GAVE ME A HARD ON!”
I was shocked.. I didn’t know what to say.. an on and on he went about being a Scorpio.. as to how that was a sex sign and as to how he just couldn’t help himself.. I began to mentally block him out.. it was to gross.. The I said quite clearly ” When we meet for our coffee date, I don’t want you talking to me explicitly about sex, this isn’t about me seducing you or anyone. I am bringing my 5 year old son to our meeting. I want the conversation to be clean and respectful.” I was blunt and to the point.
(looking back I know now that meeting with a man like this was a total waste of my time..and that as much as I wanted to be apart of his organization and to network as freely and fairly as everyone else in society.. a man with this type of sexist attitude would make that impossible.. yet I hung on to hope that I could talk reason into him and turn it around to benefit us both)
We met at The Marmalade Cafe Kelowna.. in May.. (I hadn’t even put up my website yet…)
It went as follows.. I sat at a table in the middle of the cafe.. hoping that it would keep the conversation clean..and on the up and up. I got my son some milk and a cookie.. My son wouldn’t sit by Joel.. I think children are very intuitive.. My little boy wanted nothing to do with this man.. and I soon found out why..
Within about 5 mins.. Joel was asking me ” Did you get into sex because your father molested you? Did your father FUCK you?” I was shocked..and I felt like a deer caught in headlights.. I was dumbstruck ..
The Joel went on and on about how father’s fucking their daughters happened a lot in the native communities..he went on and on about how he and his wife don’t have a great sex life…but he is Catholic..so he has to do what good Catholics do.. he asked me .. ” Why do you want to join my society.. are you hoping to find a rich man?” I asked him if he had read the email that I sent him explaining why I wanted to join his society and explaining how The Goddess Movement is to empower women’s sexuality and thereby empowering them in other areas of their lives.. I asked him if he had read the part about Sacred Sex..that it wasn’t about fucking..it was about love and sex together.. ?
Yet he said ” I didn’t read your email.. it was too long.”
I was so relieved when the meeting ended.. I felt so dirty..and as a mother I felt so guilty.. my son witnessed his mother being sexually harassed.. and I felt angry with myself..that somehow I hadn’t found my legs through my shock and walked out of the meeting with my little boy..before he heard to much.. I think that will always hurt me..as mother.
I confronted Joel with emails..but he denied everything.. I tried to file a complaint through The Human Rights Tribunal .. naming him and the others who had discriminated against me..but they said I hadn’t enough proof..
So this is my vent to help other women see they are not alone.. and to face my bullies.. as only facing them and confronting them will possibly stop them.. and I hope it helps other women know they are not alone..
Joel Young is a good outstanding citizen with a polished reputation.. I am sure this will make no difference..to him.
Bonita and I met at a Goddess Party.. held by a woman who really didn’t understand what it meant to be a Goddess.. turns out the Goddess movement in Kelowna is pretty wishy-washy.. just like Kelowna.. When I read from my book at the party..full of women.. I was hushed..as I was reading a piece from my book about religious repression of women’s sexuality and religious repression against sexuality as a whole.. The Goddess is all about women’s sexuality, exploring women’s sexuality and about women expressing their sex through the archetypes of all the ancient Goddesses.. but not in a bible belt.. in a bible belt speaking about such things is offensive..and so I was shushed.. while the other women went on to sing their songs..and read their writings .. I was hurt and shocked.. at the repression and the immaturity of these grown women.. but Bonita wanted to meet with me..
The next day.. we walked together down the lake front to go and have our dinner meeting.. it was October 2012.. it was a full moon that night.. during our walk I made a joke about loving to be naked..as I am topless on my website.. right away I saw Bonita cringe.. she didn’t get the joke..and she said something as to how it made her uncomfortable.. I could sense the stick up her ass..but my curiosity got the best of me.. I wanted to know what this was all about.. She started to tell me on our walk that other women were uncomfortable with my body language .. that I had a raw sexuality about me that they found threatening.. she told me that other women would fear for their husbands around me.. she said ” See how other women grab onto their men when you walk by?” She said..” You should dress like me, like a professional..than other women will not be offended and men will take you seriously.”
I thought ” This is going to be interesting..and this is getting catty and bitchy… I wonder what she will say during dinner.. ?” I just had to know.. this was fucked up..
During dinner.. she told me that other women she knew ( meaning Kelowna Women In Business) wouldn’t want to network with me with “those pictures on your website” She told me that I was seen as a whore..she then went into the etymology of the world.. going back to German roots.. saying it meant a lewd, prostitute.. VULGAR.. She told me that I was sexually injured.. that my chakras were all lower energy.. meaning I live in my crotch.. that I am not spiritually tuned into the universe like she is.. that I am not as evolved as she is..
She told me that if I wanted to network in Kelowna with women in Kelowna that I had to button up.. wear a dress suite.. be just like them to fit in and not be seen as a threat.. she told me TO STOP WEIGHT LIFTING!!! She said I should have a yoga body like hers..she told me that my muscle is a threat and not feminine to men..she told me I threatened men by my warrior like energy..that I am too strong, my personality is a turn off to men..because I have such a hard body..that women and men are both threatened ..
It became clear to me that she was speaking for Kelowna Women In Business..and it seemed as if Melonie Dodaro had sent her with instructions.. ” Get her to blend or push her out.”
With that cattiness and bitchiness coming at me I intentionally planted a seed.. just to see if it would grow into a rumor .. I thought ” I will give them something to talk about” I have had that mischief in me since I can remember.. it amuses me to tinker with small minds and fearful people.. so I told Bonita that I had slept with a married man.. I told her I did it just to see what the power trip would feel like.. I thought ” If they are so afraid for their husbands this rumor should spread like wild fire.” So I wonder.. did it? I bet as soon as she left me she got on her phone texting ” What a slut..she does sleep with married men.”
Anyway.. I wasn’t root chakra damaged before the meeting with Bonita..but I was afterwards..and I still am.. I hope writing this helps me heal.. I haven’t been with a man since or even really tried to date.. This entire experience of attempting to network with such cruel people.. has made me feel like there isn’t any love in this city..there certainly has been any for me..
I am including a piece from Psychology today about Feminine Foes.. why women do this sort of shit to other women..
“”According to Benenson, a common way women deal with the threat represented by a remarkably powerful or beautiful woman is by insisting on standards of equality, uniformity, and sharing for all the women in the group and making these attributes the normative requirements of proper femininity.
Third, in extreme cases women may guard against potential competitors by means of social exclusion. If a new attractive woman shows up in the neighborhood (or school, or club), all the women in attendance may turn their backs on her, compelling her to withdraw from the scene, thus increasing their own chances with the surrounding males.”" ~Psychology Today