Archive for January, 2014

Leadership isn’t just for men


The above is a very POWERFUL image.. she confronting social convention.. rebelling against social norms.. the norm for women to make themselves small and acceptable for male approval, for marriage, and to avoid the lash back of male violence.. the subliminal message given to men to ” Control your woman!” If she isn’t controllable to the man that is socially asleep or UNAWARE of his social conditioning she is an affront to his so called masculinity ..that is in truth macho behaviors taught to boys by insecure men.. to berate a woman to prove ones own masculinity.. is in essence to disprove that he is indeed a man.. a man upholds and respects the women in his life.. he commands respect by giving respect.. he doesn’t demand or abuse a woman into feeding his insecurities..

But lets look at the other women in the picture..some are in awe of her bravery..others fear for her safety and for their own due to her rebellion .. some wish she would put her confinement back on.. least they should be punished and shamed with her..least they should be abused by association.. you can see the men in the picture.. look at her with disproving eyes.. you can imagine soon they will react ..first with name calling..and then with violence..because they must make an example of this woman to keep the other women enslaved to feed their insecurities.. what she has done is a very dangerous thing indeed..

Yet there she stands in her true power.. her feminine strength.. vulnerable yet powerful in her authentic self.. she will fight them..the men. She will fight them with truth and justice. She is smart, fast and quick on her feet.. her power is truth. Her power is in her ability to stand her ground, to speak out loud.. she doesn’t need social conventions to define her..she is her own definition..

Soon other women will follow..many of them younger women.. those ready to shed the shame.. to be strong enough to take a stand against the outlast, to have the stamina to take the hits for other women who are soon to follow.. But they will stand tall with truth, they will be justice..and so they will have justice and equality..

The message in this image.. is that under each berka ..there is a Wonder Woman…in each woman she lives.. she is meant to carve a path..

It is the message of my book..of this is seen in my actions.. in my life story.. I have lived this image..

Daring to stand out for other women..for the young girls to follow.. who will shed the shame..and stand tall against the abuse..

Because a good leader teaches others how to lead..

One day.. there will be no more shame heaped upon women’s bodies, upon their sexuality..upon their so called virtuous behaviors..

Because we will regain the control over our own bodies by not allowing the abuse..we will own ourselves..

For what you allow continues.. it is time that women stood tall together..

One woman at a time..

And so ” I gladly offer myself”


I asked my cards.. “What is going to get me through this?”.. and this card few out of my deck.. just one said it all

“You need STAMINA”

I  am like “SERIOUSLY?!!” this is the card of the battle weary warrior.. I am weary.. I am tired..since promoting my book there has been no end in sight.. no finish line.


This week I have been called ” Meat, whore, twisted bitch, bad mother, OFFENSIVE.. offensive is one of my old favorites.. deluded, a victim, insecure, slut.. etc…” for posting my book to various groups on facebook..and for contacting so called important people..who profess to want to help people like me….”Ya right!!”

It’s been a over a year and half now… promoting my book and website about women’s issues, and the freedom of women’s sexuality.. A woman said to me ” We aren’t as free as we like to think we are.” Turns out she is a Mormon.. I guess she isn’t and she doesn’t want to be freed least she go to hell or something truly deluded like the idea of hell…but I intend to change that, by exposing the double standard, by standing up for all women.. but the funny thing is..many a Princess fears being a Warrior
or a Goddess for that matter…because it means the bitch has to take responsibility for her own choices.. that is what freedom means.. no excuses, no blaming your man for not buying you what you need..but actually getting off your ass and doing it for yourself with out the excuse of repression. Because if women actually owned their own bodies and sexuality..holy fuck,.. the fucking empowerment would be endless..but many women hide behind religion and other male based power social structures they don’t have to be a Warrior/Goddess and stand up for themselves..their own dreams..or even fucking live their own dreams out..nope lets just stand behind our men, stand behind them not beside them.. Women can have their dreams as freely as he can have his..and they can take responsibility for their own successes and failures..but little Princesses don’t want to take that’s scary.. and it takes to much COURAGE, GUTS and INTEGRITY.. nope just let the man take all the hits.. but.. then he makes all the decisions and runs the ship.. you go and you belong were he says you belong.. Princess..

Many of the names I have been called are from other women..” Little Cindy Whiners”

So sometimes I feel like.. “Fuck it..just Fuck it..why the fuck am I taking all these hits for these insecure jealous bitches..when they just want to stay in the kitchen and have their husband’s make all the decisions.. in the name of fucking God.?”

But I know some women that are real women.. who uphold what I am doing.. I know your daughters want the choose.. to have their bodies belong to have their sexually freed from the label of ORIGINAL SIN.. to be in equal relationships..  not to be smothered to death by religious propaganda..and political propagandist using women’s issues to promote their bullshit.. Many women.. young and old want to do our will.. we want to live our dreams as freely as he lives his…

I know my book is like that small little acorn ..that one day it will be a movement.. springing to life like a huge majestic oak.. I just need someone to see the treasure..I just need someone with big connections and a big brain to see it for what it is worth..

I have to keep fighting the good fight.. even if some women have learned to accept and love their own captivity.. This is fucking hard work.

Fat Shaming vs Fitness Shaming


This is going to be interesting…. because I have experienced both.


When I was a young teen and woman I was very fit.. I started into my first real relationship when I was 18.. the first guy I was intimate with. We lived together common law. I was going to college, working and doing everything around the house, including all the yard work..because the young guy that I was living with was making his way into becoming a drunk. I started eating my feelings and denial. I loved him, but there wasn’t anything I could do for him. I found myself overweight for the first time in my life. It was at the beach that I had my first wake up call.. it was a bunch of young children talking about the “fat lady” ..they were talking about me! Was it fat shaming..? .. or just plain honesty. At the time I thought their mothers should of killed them at birth..but in the next couple of weeks it started to sink in. I left my dunk.. to go and live with my sister ..and I lost the weight. I got honest with my feelings, with my diet and with my activities. It came off pretty fast too..

I went to the gym..and I found my love of pushing myself..but then what I got was the opposite of fat shaming… I got fitness shaming.. from people who just didn’t want to reach for that level of fitness and health.. I was told I was a fanatic ..

In that time I met and married my now ex husband. I was super fit and healthy..when I gained weight in my pregnancies .. my ex turned into a jerk. I was told I couldn’t work out due to my very low blood pressure.. My husband at the time couldn’t stand my weight gain, all though I couldn’t do anything about it. I had to eat tons of salt to keep my blood pressure up, and I would faint constantly. I was bloated and ugly.. and the way he looked at me..and flirted with other women ..told me so.

After having my second daughter, I remember my worse fat shaming experience. I had been on bed rest through that pregnancy. I had morning sickness 3x a day, I was hospitalized for dehydration a couple of times. I was in rough shape at the end of that pregnancy. But off to the gym I went, and that is when I experienced the meanest guy ever. As I ran/walked on the treadmill he loudly made fun of me to the other men at the juice bar. ” Look at that one, trying to run..she is going to shake the entire gym down guys.” I was shocked..and full of nursing hormones. It was really easy for me to cry. I did start to cry, I just couldn’t help it, my hormones took over. I missed my babies at home, it was hard for me to do something just for me. I got off the treadmill and walked up to the man with tears streaming down my face..and I said ” I shouldn’t have to explain to you that I just had a baby, that I was sick in my pregnancy and that is why I look this way.” I noticed that he was not in perfect shape, I saw a bit of a beer belly..and then I said pointing to his belly. ” do you miss your baby too.” It was funny, but the guys around the juice bar were to ashamed to laugh.. I never went back to that gym.. I switched to another one. I never wanted to see that man again. It was fat shaming at it’s worst. You just never know what another person has gone through.

Yet I do know people who smoke, eat fried foods, fast food, drink like fish, do drugs, and sit on their asses all day watching TV and playing video games..that get up my ass for being to into fitness..

At this time in my life; I am very fit. I love the gym, it is my home away from home. I have a gym family, I enjoy pushing myself and learning as much as I can about fitness. My friends say I should become a personal trainer.. I am thinking about it. The whole student loan thingy doesn’t appeal to me..but it is my one of my major passions.

People have said to me in round-about ways that I am shallow for being so into the body..that it is all about looks..but for me it is about is about health, it is about pushing the ultimate fitness..but I get shit sometimes for my fitness post. I get told to slow down, that I am obsessive.. is this fitness shaming?

Lets be honest.. you are what you eat, but sometimes your health can be out of your control..but you can work yourself into a heart failure.. high blood pressure and obesity if your not honest with your lifestyle.

I do get fed up hearing people bitch about how shitty their health is .. yet they still smoke, drink, eat shitty food and refuse to get off their asses..

I see people at my gym who have been in car accidents, had major surgery..yet they refuse to give in..they will be their best self..

As far as the kids that called me fat.. I think they called me only children’s honesty can do..

Is my body perfect? Hell no.. I am I healthy and fit.. hell yes..

Am I ashamed of my fitness lifestyle.. hell no.

If I was a personal trainer and I knew you were bullshitting yourself.. It would be my job to call you out.

I stopped dating because….


I can’t handle the bullshit.

I am a single mom with no family to help me; a nasty ex that uses the court system to bully me.. and I am trying to promote a book and website..and because I am a attractive woman talking about sexuality, sacred sex and women’s sexuality.. I have lots of haters..

So I don’t need head games from men..

I am not chasing after a guy like some lost puppy just to feed his ego.

I am not waiting around for him to call me when he gets around to it because he is just being a selfish, self absorbed dick.

I don’t want to compete for his attention with other women.

I don’t want to hear about the girl he never got over that still texts him.

I don’t want to be ignored for his friends.

I don’t want to be ignored for his interest.

I don’t want a fucking little boy.

When I go out to clubs and others social thingys to meet guys.. I get the same shit.. ( the lets just hook up and fuck and see what happens) we all know what that means.. ” I will keep on fucking you until something better comes along.”

Or those guys that brag about all the hot girls they have fucked before they even touch me..and of course after that they don’t get to touch me.. why would I let a guy into my body who sees women as fuck toys?

I can’t handle this shit..and I don’t want to.. It’s just not worth getting all dressed up to have a bunch of creeps treat me like am just one of many treats on the desert table.. please just fuck off.

My logical brain wishes that I could just cut out my heart like I would cut off a bad limp at an accident scene.. just hack out my heart and my sex drive. Or I wish I could go back to being a little girl.. just carefree .. I would just play road hockey with the boys..go fishing and call it day.