I am worried about the world, I am worried about the state of humanity. I am worried that there isn’t any humanity. I am worried that the entire world has grown cold.
Watching what is happening in Middle East and comparing it to what is happening in my own country and city.. it all feels so hopeless.
Then is weekend with the police ripping through my town house parking lot.. right by the playground teaming with children..to catch a shooter; I was told by them they have the right to make that decision. The decision to risk the lives of school children to catch a shooter. I have had trouble sleeping since, because I realized that I cannot stop the violence from affecting my children or all of the children in the world. The gassing of children in the Middle East, lays so heavy on my heart. While watching my 6 year old little boy sleep sweetly beside me; crawling into my bed at night to take up the entire bed.. I think to myself ” There is a mother somewhere in the Middle East and other parts of this violent world who will never watch her child sleep sweetly beside her. She will never feel the tiny hands reach for her in the middle of the night; she will not calm the nightmares or cool a fever.. her baby is gone forever from her.”
Then in my own personal nightmares; my own personal hell of attempting to enlighten a society on women’s equality and healthy sexuality.. taking the risk of being a man on facebook.. Tom Wills.. being the fly on the wall and looking into Kelowna’s upper society learning though the facebook post of those that reject me as a woman..as an artist.. that the most important things to Kelowna’s society is a well stocked wine cellar. It is so hard not to say ” They” and not reverse the prejudice..to say “THEY” are sleeping.. hiding behind the prestige of ” Wine Country” and the finer things of life.. while others die ” Eating Cake” .. let them eat cake.. let them do as they do while I enjoy my life..
I am judging and I know it.. am I bitter or fed up?
I lay awake wishing sometimes that I could sleep as they do.. loose this reality in spa days, and network luncheons and vanilla vodka strait up on the rocks..but I am painfully awake; my finger on the pulse of humanity..and it weakens.. like my sister’s pulse as she lay dying 6 years ago.. too young to die..and that is humanity..as my sister’s body self destructed by cancer..so does humanity.. it dies by the cancer of greed and selfishness…
In the Middle East millions of families.. yes families are displaced in camps..starving, dying.. pleading to the world for mercy..
Yet we hide our heads.. here in ” Wine Country”..and how can I raise awareness or money.. or run a protest..against this prejudice and violence..
When I myself face it here..when I am shut out and shunned socially..how can I do anything in this clicky society..???
A society that loves to sleep.
Frank had been watching Nancy for quite awhile now; he was a private investigator and she was a murder suspect. Nancy had been implicated in a crime that she had not committed. Now that Frank and the boys on the squad had gotten a confession from the ice queens that actually committed the crime.. he had come to get her confession and then set her free from the nightmare.
His problem was trying to remain professional when he met her face to face.. he had been watching her closely. Watching her daily activities transpire. Every weekend when her ex came to pick up her young sons, Nancy would pour herself some wine, treat herself to good chocolate..and masturbate. Frank had watched her, while doing his job..watching her. She lit her candles; put on her red lace bra to prop her expansive breast up.. while she played classical music in the back ground she oiled up her breast.. rubbing and pinching her nipples.. her blond hair framing her 30 something face.. her big red lips expressing sensual desire and lust… then she would turn on her vibrator. Frank saw her squirt through his binoculars..at first he thought he had imagined it..but then Nancy did it again and again.. liquid fire lit by candle light.. a woman so ripe and ready with no one to please her..
“Gawd DAMIT! I am so fucking hard! Stop it Frank, how the fuck are you supposed to talk to her like this” He thought. Looking at himself in the car mirror; His dark Italian eyes looking back at him full of lust and desire ” Fucking stop it Frank, be a professional for fuck sakes.” He ran his hands through his salt and pepper hair and over his salt and pepper 5-o-clock shadow. He was a good looking dark Italian man in his late 30s.. unmarried and free by choice. He walked in the dark city street to knock on Nancy’s door. He knew she would be alone tonight.. he knew she would of had her wine by now..but he wanted her relaxed. He knocked briskly and she answered wearing a white strappy summer dress. She said hi breathlessly.. he saw her red bra peaking out.. the straps red against the white of her dress..her breast pushed up and heaving with her breathlessness. Her hair was slightly messy, her make up light..her lips stained with red wine. She looked at him with wide gray/blue eyes. Frank flashed his badge and blurted ” I need to come in and speak with you Miss Nancy.” Fear crossed her face as she let him in. ” Please have a seat.” She gestured looking ready to cry..he sat down on the couch seeing the wine glass and bottle.. he tried not to get an erection. ” Miss Nancy I am here to inform you that we know about the murder, we have caught and arrested the guilty parties, I want you to know that we know you are not guilty.” She sat softly on the couch beside him.. an softly started to weep tears of relief. He said ” Your safe now Nancy.” She threw her arms around him and thanked him tenderly. He felt chemistry course through him like lightning . She looked up at him confused; but they shared a look of mutual attraction. She stared at his lips.” I have to remain professional.” Frank said in a flat tone; but his body betrayed him as his muscles tensed..and she felt it. She put her head on his chest and said sweetly ” Thank you for protecting me.” With his heart under her ear she heard his heart beat racing and she knew he wanted her. She ran her finger across his lips..and he smelt her on her fingers..he thought ” OMG she has already been pleasuring herself.” With that he lost it and sucked one of her fingers into his mouth. He then firmly and passionately kissed her. She moaned in his mouth. He tore her dress off to the waist.. kissing down her neck he pulled her full ample breasts out of her red, lacy bra.. he grabbed with his mouth and hands; biting, sucking, stroking.. she cried out her passion ” I am going to cum..” She pleaded..” I am going to come..” as he sucked and teased her erect nipples with his mouth and hands.. he felt her bucking and and grinding as wetness spread across the lap of her dress.. he tore her dress off then.. ripped it off of her with one hand.. she had no panties on.. just the red bra propping up her breast for pleasure. She tore at his suit and tie.. ready to see him nude..to taste the bulge in his pants.
He helped her..” Just leave your tie on.” She said with deep seduction.. helping him strip.. he stood before her.. toned and strong.. erect and ready.. salt and pepper chest hairs and deep dark Italian skin.. as he stood in erect glory..she dropped to her knees.. running her tiny hands down his flat abs..she said looking up at him sweetly ” I want to taste you; I want to drink your cum..I want to pleasure you.” With that she parted her sweet, wine stained lips and sucked him like the hard candy he was..she savored him.. holding his balls gently, running her nails up and down his buttocks.. He came fast and hard. White light flashing behind his eyes.. he wanted to cover her in his semen..to mark his territory over and over again.. he screamed out his release.. weakened by the his pleasure, she laid him gently on the couch..
He couldn’t stop playing with her large full, milky white breast.. ” I want you to cum in my mouth baby.. I watched you squirt from the window.. I want you to squirt all over me.” Frank then stood her above him as he sat on the couch.. erect again.. wanting to please and pleasure her. He took one of her legs and raised it up on to the coach beside him so that her cunt was spread open in his face.. she leaned forward putting her hands over his head to balance on the back of the couch.. he looked up to see her clitoris, nipples and sweet pouting mouth..to Frank the view was pure heaven.. he buried his face into her sweet hot, honey pot..finding her engorged, throbbing clitoris, he licked and sucked her.. she came fast..as she screamed and wimpered..she drenched his salt and pepper chest.. her hot wet cum.. running down his abs in trickle to soak his cock and balls..he said ” I watched you Nancy… you hot, sweet little bitch.. I know you can keep cumming for me.” This made her white hot as he gorged on her clitoris she came again and again..shaking with pleasure and pure bliss..she then pleaded ” Please.. please.. please.” he knew what she wanted..and he was hard and ready.. hard as steel..but he wanted her to beg.. he said ” Please what Nancy?.. Tell me what you want me to do.”..” Please ohh hh ohhhh hh Please Frank.” ” Say it Nancy.” ‘” Please ohhh hhh ohhh ohh Please fuck me Frank.” and with that he picked her up and threw her down on the couch.
He propped her back up on the arm of the couch so her head went back and her breast, still propped up in her lacy red bra when up.. and then he opened her legs wide ..bent her knees so she was totally open.. and then he used the arms on the couch to prop himself up over her.. he then thrust into her with intense force.. she screamed her pleasure.. and then he saw the look of surrender..and with that the chains of professionalism fell off of the beast he was.. and he slammed into her like an animal.. she came again..seeing him lost in her.. claiming each other.. he thrust up harder; with the intention of hitting her g-spot he did.. and she became wild with lust as she squeezed him with her orgasm.. he glared down at her .. into her soul.. he came with such intensity he felt himself explode with the head of his cock..blinded my the fire in his cock.. he fell onto her.. both of them in awe and fully satisfied.. knowing they would claim each other again and again.
Honestly I think that this positive movement can be pure bullshit.. it isn’t normal to be up and positive all the time.. if anything goes against nature it is a constantly cheerful person.. total chemical imbalance,, same as someone who is depressed all the time..
We do live in a world full of denial.. simple denial of reality.
We bury or heads to radio active waist leaking into the pacific ocean..thanks to Japan.
We ignore the fact that all the warring in the middle east is due to the fight over fossil fuels by the worlds biggest power players.
All we want to think about is fucking Lululemon..and other brand names.
Did you get the newest make of iphone?.. we are such assholes.
And then we struggle to be right at all cost..not listening to the truth or seeing the truth or walking in another’s shoes… because it is more important to be right..
If we want to make a real difference in the world.. we can’t just sugar coat everything to make popular opinion .. sometimes you just have to give it strait up for truth to be effective..
Gawd we have become so fake.
Today I feel like giving up.. giving up on my book, my website.. my message.. because..and simply because no one wants the truth.. it is to real..and we have become to fake to be bothered with reality.
I gave up so much doing this; I gave up other’s respect, I gave up my romantic life, I gave up my privacy to be judged and ridiculed by others constantly..
I think sometimes that I have been a certain kind of stupid myself.. to expect a change in society by pointing out the elephant in the room..but instead I am ignored like the elephant or I am hated for pointing out the obvious..
Sometimes I wish for a normal life.. were I have family and loving partner.
I am sick and grumpy today.. I am feeling sad and hopeless today..and in showing my vulnerability you can be sure that there will be some asshole pointing out that I am a negative victim.. because once again.. no one wants to see reality or the elephant in the room..
The constant pursuit of happiness leads to the duality of the soul or the human experience.. because you can’t have light without the darkness..
Deal with it.
Gracie Ackerman is a local writer; the author of ( The Goddess, and Expression of the Divine Feminine) She also has a very active website and blog www.sexassacred.com were she writes in intimate detail about her daily life struggles attempting to network her book; and about women’s issues, sexuality and spirituality.
Her book is available for purchase online; on her website, Amazon.ca and at Dare to Dream in Kelowna BC.
Gracie grew up in a fundamentalist Christian house hold; she was taught that women didn’t really like sex and that men liked it way too much. As a girl maturing into a woman, this was very confusing. She thought about boys all the time; she daydreamed about a man holding her in his arms and what the actual act of lovemaking would be like. But she was taught these thoughts were sinful and that touching her own body was gross and dirty. It seemed to her that everything natural was a sin.
Gracie found that the Christian bible was full of contradictions; The Song of Solomon was supposed to be about the Church being The Bride Of Christ; she read it many times because it was so erotic; to her it was about a man and a woman longing for each other above others, finding each other after they had a fight and then having great make up sex! But it seemed to her, somehow when the books of the bible were put together this became disinfected metaphorical look at the Church being married to God?
In all religions the Goddess or the Feminine aspect of God has been hidden under doctrine and dogma. The root of equality left trampled in the ruins of the ancient temples that scatter the globe; Gracie created this book is to bring her back to her original glory.
This book is to help women love their flesh; their original beauty, to do away with the plastic and the pornographic; real women are organic; their bodies unique; their bodies their own.
Gracie’s dreams led her down this path; because of her vivid, spiritual and mystical dreams she began to study Jungarian dream analogy; Jung led her to Albert Einstein; these two brilliant minds could connect the mysteries for her. She understands it is the mysteries that lead us.
It is Gracie’s intention to bring into awareness, sacred sexuality through the God and Goddess archetypical wisdom of healthy, mature sexuality for the sake of love, lust and spirituality.
“Through her storytelling, evocative poetry and sublime photographs, the ancient and modern are one.
The combination of the deeply personal and the most sacred roots of mythology wash away the plastic, commercialised, over-sensationalised, under-felt world of pornography and commercialisms and puts us directly back in touch with what it means to be a woman.
Not since I read the “The Female Eunuch” and “The Whole Woman” by Germain Greer, “The Secret Garden” by Frances Hodgson Burnett, “The Second Sex” by Simone de Beauvoir or “Revolution from Within” by Gloria Steinem have I been so deeply touched by such an authentic resonance and inspiration as Gracie Ackerman’s journey into the true liberation of female sexuality.
In a time of increasing polarities, with both the Christian right and the Islam fundamentalists taking control of media, this book could not have been better timed because it rises above the noise of religious politics and dogma to an open space where both men and women can rediscover their deepest sacred power. A space where men can learn to love what is missing most in their lives. Gracie creates a trusted space where young girls growing into womanhood can avoid the lies that will prevent them from knowing their sacred sexuality and the divine goddess within.”
Tom Wolfe of San Jose, California
In sexual politics the view of women as either Madonnas or whores limits women’s sexual expression, offering two mutually exclusive ways to construct a sexual identity. The duality implies that women must assume subservient roles, either as madonnas to be protected or as whores to be punished by men.
The term is also used popularly, often with subtly different meanings. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madonna%E2%80%93whore_complex
These are the two categories women fear the most. The Madonna role puts women into the role of servant and martyr or the role of Whore makes a woman trash. Both roles undermine women as they cut out the very foundation of her own personal power. These roles cause women to shrink under the influence of how she will see herself through his definition of her..as soon as he has the ability to define her by her sexuality she is made powerless..because she is both of these aspects in the positive.. meaning, as the Madonna she is the giver of life..a mother and wife; but as the Whore she is a willing and exuberant participant in the bedroom..
It has been shown to me directly within my own city how these roles take center in our Canadian Conservative conventional society; we still stand by these old, outdated social stigmas to control and manipulate women ( over half the population) by shaming and labeling women into these categories out of lack of insight.. ignorance and with some intentional malice ( the intent to over power) and so the stigmas hold fast.
It was shown to me through my experiment on facebook as Tom Wills and anyone with some sense of comprehension can see how society ( Media) has shamed Lori Welbourne for her not so topless youtube video.
Even other women fear to associate with women like Lori and I ..because they fear being tipped over into the Whore category.. by being put into this category is to endure total lack of respect from other’s in society.. hence the absolute control over women should they not fit into this distorted so called social norm..
Why is it that a society run mainly by male based authority fears the fall of the Whore/Madonna complex… because it is the unknown.. it is the fear of chaos..as it is subconsciously believed that she holds the keys to the gates of virtue.. if she was to expose the wholeness of herself..and bridge the gap with this duality.. then so must he grow into the fullness of his nature and take full responsibility for his desires..to learn to control his lust by not being allowed to put her into the victim role of Madonna/Whore.
And so a conspiracy is born..because religion and media has learned how to manipulate the fear of women.. the fear of the good women not to be able to keep her man away from the bad women..the sex symbol vs the virtuous.. and by doing so ..by selling her sex back to her in a more socially acceptable FASHION.. women are controlled and manipulated into feeling that they will never quite measure up to media induced hype of the perfect women..also this causes women to turn on one another ..as we are taught to see other women, who express their sexuality as threat towards seducing our men away..
It will be women; who stop this insanity..as more and more come out of the closet to live in the truth of their sexuality … freely express it. But of course this is a fight..and it takes intense strength and endurance..but women are both of these qualities.