Archive for February, 2013

Never Give Up

I finally was given an appointment to meet a Business Advisor at Women’s Enterprise Center.. below are the questions I emailed to them upon request by them as they said this was their standard.
I was met by an older woman who sounded very much like Barbra Walters.. I was lead to an impressive boardroom filled with a huge boardroom table were I was asked to have a seat. My questions were then gone over..and quite simply this is what our meeting amounted to.. I could not be successful without learning about my target market.. of course I needed to network to do this; and in order for me to educate women and men on the subject to women’s sexuality and equality I had to be able to find speaking venues through these networking organizations that I have been shut out of.. to do this “conundrum” as Dawn McCooey .. my Business Advisor called it.. I was indeed between a rock and hard place and success would not be found for me without these resources that were being denied me. I learned that I did not have enough personal equity I needed 30% down to invest into a loan before I could get one..since I have no resources as I have poured them into my book and website.. I cannot get a business loan through them myself and since I have no family to lend me the equity I am screwed towards getting a loan..also there are no grants available for me. And so it seems as Gloria Steinem has said ” Most women are one man away from a welfare check” meaning that if you don’t have a husband or 2 incomes you as women can’t amount to much financially on her own.. point proven here in my life experience.
I was asked why I had not met these people face to face before coming to the conclusions that I had.. I then went on to tell her about my meeting with Joel Young of the Okanagan Valley Entrepreneurs Society..about how he had asked me..if I came to my book and work because my father must have fucked me. I told her how he had said this over and over to me, in front of my 5 year old little boy who was with us at the meeting .. I told her this trying so hard to cry..but I was not successful … I did weep, but I managed not to go into the ugly cry. I told her about meeting with Bonita Kay Summers of Spirit Kelowna.. how she had defined the world WHORE to me.. how she told me how inappropriate I was for Kelowna Women in Business due to my overt sexuality and pictures on my website..
Dawn McCooey my Business Advisor at this meeting then asked me a question ..she said ” Due to all the personal pain this has caused you are you ready to move on with your life and see this as just a hobby?” She then told me that my book and my work on sacred sexuality and freeing women from social sexual shame were not wanted in my community and that I should think about just accepting that..she told me that Women`s Enterprise Center did not network with Kelowna Women in Business ,,when clearly on their website they name then as one of their networking organizations..
After all of the grief and the heartache and outright bullying that I have been through with these people she chided me like I was a child for questioning their motives towards me.. I questioned if her organization was as prejudice as the others I have dealt with..she asked me if my attitude was getting me anywhere networking as if I was a bad irresponsible child.. I then asked her if she had listened to what they had done to me.. I told her I went into meetings with them innocent and open to being treated like and equal and with the respect that I treated them with from the start..but instead I was abused and prejudiced against due to my work on sexuality..
Of course I am jaded now!
Dawn McCooly did not look at my book..and when I showed her my artistic erotic photography in the book by offering up the book to her myself..she said she thought my book was pornography…
As we concluded the meeting I told her that I had come away with nothing.. no mentorship, no financial help.. no other networking opportunities.. I then told her that the Human Rights Claim that I filed was my only hope as they had offered me none..she asked me how I hoped to network with in these organizations with the bad blood between us.. I told her that it was not about revenge.. I only wanted to be treated as an equal and receive equal opportunity.. and I told her what has happened here and what has been happening all along is exactly why this is not a hobby..this is exactly why I have to pursue this until I am dead.. my story is every woman`s  story of inequality.. I will not give up.
My questions.
1. How do I network in Kelowna effectively when I am shut out by Kelowna Women In Business and Okanagan Valley Entrepreneurs Society. I had emailed KWIB and was ignored. I have messaged them on facebook and have been ignored. I have sent them my phone # and I have been ignored. I have paid online for a full membership to OVES and I have not received an online News Letter as to when and were their events are being held. Rae Stonehouse who is the chairman of OVES also runs Toastmasters he has been exceedingly rude to me via email. It is very obvious that he has no respect for me as a person or a professional.. so how am I supposed to network though these organizations that I have filed a Human Rights Complaint towards..that is still pending?
2. How do you and your organization define networking?
3. What grants, loans or funds are available to me through your organization and how do access them quickly and correctly to maximize my potential in being as successful as possible.
4. How do I make my way through the prejudice in society and through these networking organizations such as yours .. how can I educate people towards a more mature way of looking at, and understanding women’s sexuality.. to help abolish the shame a taboos placed upon women?
5. Where and how can I find a venue to launch my book and Goddess work into our social networks?
6. Can you see me as not being a threat because I am offering and teaching something that is new and different?
7. How long to I have to wait to see a Business Advisor? What is the normal waiting period?
8. How can I make my website and online profile more mainstream?
9. Will you advise me on how to be more professional and business minded? I truly need help.
10. How do I start an organization and group of my own.. to help women become more free and expressive in their creativity and empower women through the expression of their true nature and femininity?
11. Since you network with KWIB do you also find me offensive are you bias in your views of me due to how other networking organizations in our community have treated me?
12. I need a speaking venue to spread the message of my work.. how do I do this in our community if I have been shut out of the networking organizations?
I have contacted by phone message Western Economic Diversification Canada with my concerns.. due to the fact that you network with the organizations that have seemingly black listed me I want to make sure that your organization will be professional upon your dealings with me.

When It Rains It Pours


I don’t even know where to start.. I guess the worst thing is that my son is really sick with a viral infection to his lungs.. he is only 5. It makes my heart bleed to see him struggle to breath and to see him choke on his breath. On top of him being sick my ex husband.. his dad will not switch off weekends , he is insisting on taking him and his sisters this weekend because the next weekend he has plans for him and his girlfriend on Valentines .. It just makes me sick that I feel like I am the only one that truly cares about my children.. Tyler will still be recovering next weekend. If I don’t give him the kids he has said he will not see them for over 20 days instead of change his plans to this weekend.

Tyler woke up super sick this morning and now his big sister Tessa is getting sick too.. on top of that my landlord is breathing down my neck for the rent..that I can afford to pay but there is broken tiles in the shower and a high possibility of black mold,, this maybe what has made Tyler so ill.. we have to move out suddenly.. I told the Landlord I would need him to pay the moving expenses as we cannot live here for the full year and so he should pay the expense of a moving truck that I payed moving in..and I need to keep money for a damage deposit to find a place right away because of the health issues with living here.. he agreed to my face but now that I have not payed the rent he put a 10 day notice on my door while I had to get Tyler to the doctor by cab because my car also broke down today.. The Landlord scared my older girls that I left at home because they were sick too.. he banged on the door demanding that I was home to them.. I am so mad!

My son spiked at temp and he blew out into a red rash all over his face before I took him to the doctor.. I was terrified..and then earlier he was in the car with me when it almost stalled on the side of the road.. he was with me when I went to go look for another place as I felt I needed to even with my sick little boy because the Landlord was harassing me by email and scaring me to death.. It has been a panic filled day.. and I have felt bullied by my landlord.

I am so afraid even with Tyler’s new meds that he might get sicker tonight.. I had emailed my landlord telling him about my car and my sick kids but he still felt the need to stick a Notice to end Tenancy on my door saying if I don’t dispute him he will kick me and my kids out by Feb 14th.

With my Human Rights Claim and now with this and 3 sick kids and a broken down car and an ex husband that is a selfish ass and no family to help me.. I just don’t know how I am going to do it all??

And I think my Landlord is a very cruel person who only cares about money and not doing what is right.

I guess I have no other choice but to dispute him..and to try to take care of my sick kids..and get my car fixed..and find a new place to live..and see my Human Rights Claim to the end..and deal with a nasty ex husband..

I need people to send us happy thoughts, good energy and prayers please