I have been crying
I read a guys book, he was from my town, I told him how much I liked it and studied it at the beach this summer. It was about public speaking, how to be yourself, how to have passion for your purpose, how to connect with people.. I took notes on the beach while my children played around me. I took my time reading it because I wanted to absorb the information…and I really liked and admired the man who wrote it. I never met him, but he is intelligent, passionate and I thought authentic.. so rare in this town. There are so many fake people, so many look the same and do the same, afraid to standout and be different least they should be shamed. They are all very important people… or so they want others to think.. like a small town Hollywood.. lots an lots of expensive cars and fake boobs here.. He seemed different.. I friend him off facebook.. he was happy to hear about how much I liked his book.
But he found out who I was really was, when I posted a happy birthday message on his facebook he took it off..but he kept the very important people’s happy birthday wishes up.. I was shameful I guess as my profile picture was me as Isis topless..and yes I had written about how the woman from Spirit Of Kelowna had attempted to humiliate me by telling me that my website was unacceptable to Kelowna Woman in Business.. how she had defined whore to me.. suggesting that is what the business world thought of me.. ( the woman from Spirit of Kelowna is right..she is the spirit of Kelowna..fake) and I wrote about the man from The Entrepreneur Society asking me if my father had fucked me.. in front of my 5 year old son..as I would have to be sexually fucked up to write about sacred sexuality and have this type of photography done of me.. of course these are his people and I am not.. I am the shamed one.
I told him all that and that I was unfriending him on facebook because of that.. he responded ( do not comment on my fan page – thanks) and sent me the link that I was not supposed to comment on.. I told him he was a fake and that I was throwing his book in the trash.. when I took his very well read book off my book case ( the pages were falling out) I looked at his picture and cried.. the dream shattered of who I thought he was.. his message a lie.. he is a well packged written lie.. but worst of all is this.. this hurts me and cuts me so deeply words can not express.. he is a good looking fit man my age, that loves to work out and is passionate about many of the same things I am ..and he shamed me as a dirty slut ( even when I write that I cry the pain is so deep).. I have had to fight and fight to be heard and not abused in my city..so many rumors going on about what a slut I am.. It has been so long since I was with a man it is like physical pain..because they have all been the same in this town..takers and users.. like sleeping with a person without a soul.. but I am slut to the Business world in my city and that is what he has been told.. or it is his own ignorance.. his own prejudice that runs his actions of excluding me from .. everything..I have no platform to speak from in this town.. I have no family to support me.. I am totally alone with three kids who`s dad is rarely around because he is selfish..
There is nowhere left for me to go in this sexist, ignorant town.. there is nothing here for me but I can move my kids away from their dad.. I am stuck here judged and shunned by people who are kind to their own kind.. I am alone and doing everything I can.. using social media to break my message out of this town..but because this man hurt me so deeply and because I am still crying and picking myself back up.. I am wounded.. I am cut..by him..a man that I admired that cut me down..I disabled my facebook account because my emotions are so raw.. I cannot be effective and I might lash out and hurt others by accident..even on twitter today I said a bunch of stuff I should not have..
I am hiding socially from my town.. no social functions, nothing with other artist.. I feel battered and beat up..and then the rumor goes around that not only am I a slut..but a victim
The seduction is the world, it is the ego telling you your lies are true, it is the ego saying give them sweet lies.. give them words that you don’t live by..and then confuse them by telling them that is how they will find a storyteller; but the entire time it is you..tell them to be kind while secretly you are cruel..tell them to include others while secretly you and them only live for you.. living in a lie, if it is told to a select few it is so easy to do.. give it them with tears in your eyes..being kind to those who don’t need you to..and exclude from your party of fake and phony friends..the real people who need you to extend a hand.. this how you end up in the place were you are.. in a place of the back biting snake den that you thought was heaven but it is really your self created hell. You call them friends, but they only will accept your lies as soon as you try to break free they will be pulling you back in..they will whisper seductions of conformity..they will tell you just to calm down as they like the illusions that you have built with them.. cause you can feast with them, and you can have speaking engagements with them and tell yourself and them it such an important message..that never leaves your circle or your snake den.. you and your fake friends.. no you can never leave magician your caught in your own silky smooth talken..so eat your nice little chief’s surprise..and your specialty deserts.. and stab it with your knives.. and keep living in your sweet seductive lies.. like your bullshit, like your fake friends, like the shiny brass lives you love to lie in.. I would rather die.
On a dark desert highway
Cool wind in my hair
Warm smell of colitas
Rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance
I saw a shimmering light
My head grew heavy and my sight grew dim
I had to stop for the night
There she stood in the doorway
I heard the mission bell
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell
Then she lit up a candle
Ad she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thought I heard them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
Plenty of room at the Hotel California
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
Her mind is Tiffany-twisted
She got the Mercedes Benz
She got a lot of pretty, pretty boys
That she calls friends
How they dance in the courtyard
Sweet summer sweat
Some dance to remember
Some dance to forget
So I called up the Captain
Please bring me my wine
He said ‘We haven’t had that spirit here since nineteen sixty nine’
And still those voices are calling from far away
Wake you up in the middle of the night
Just to hear them say
Welcome to the Hotel California
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely face
They’re livin’ it up at the Hotel California
What a nice surprise (What a nice surprise)
Bring your alibis
Mirrors on the ceiling
The pink champagne on ice
And she said ‘We are all just prisoners here, of our own device’
And in the master’s chambers
They gathered for the feast
They stab it with their steely knives
But they just can’t kill the beast
Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the door
I had to find the passage back
To the place I was before
‘Relax’, said the night man
We are programmed to receive
You can checkout any time you like
To all the fake in Kelowna..fluffy..fluff blowing in the wind.
Executioner, Executioner..fulfilling the mercy kill
Misunderstood, misrepresented the slayer.. The Slayer.. called into action … called to duty.. who is he..the mystery?
The opposite of me.. he comes to clear the way, he comes before me to do the dirty work of the soul..he does what nature does, he clears away the old.
He is in exile.. he is always displaced.. he is the quiet one who thinks to much, he is the one who sees what others never see.. he knows too much…wise with death is he.. wise beyond ..wise from the beyond.. he is the chosen one.
He likes the night, he likes the solitude, others eyes never see between the worlds as he does..
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
He only takes what needs to be taken.. he is justice.. from a time long ago..a King a regal Man.. but you will never understand.
He walks in a cloak .. and inside he carries all he needs.. he is cryptic..he is the secret..ooohhh so transcendental nothing of the world can grasp at him
He makes me lovesick.. he walks into my dreams..he knows me and I know him.. he is my moon.. I am his sun.. he is the darkness, I am the light..he holds me in the night
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
Some call respect fear.. many fear him.. they do not know the God of dreams when they see him, to many he is strange.. to me his my comfort..the sorcerer, the mystic
He is unknowable, he can not be restrained, he can not be harnessed.. a beautiful perplexity such imperceptibility..I crave him..and long for the seer
You pass him by.. one’s of the world..not knowing he is a King..but I am his Queen and I respect his power..as he is killing you softly he makes love to me.
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
He Floats like smoke
Soul life is a mysterious concept; a soul is never born, a soul has always been..as we are all apart of what we understand as God.. we have to label to classify in order to subjectify.. it is how we understand everything and how we ATTEMPT to understand the divine.. so I will classify. Even though all souls are ageless they have different qualifications due to how many times the soul was brave enough to incarnate.. so an old soul is a soul that has lived many life times therefore, graduating to higher degrees of learning in the school of life.. a younger soul, can be seen by one who is fearful, as the veil is still thick for them.. while the older mature soul to a lesser of more of a degree has learned how to see through the illusion of life and death..and so it is that the younger soul.. is very childish.. in that they need their religion, their governments and their lives to be hyper organised because they fear .. loss..they fear death.. while the wise, mature soul.. knows there isn’t either life or death.. all just simply IS.
I have heard the term TREND used by some who consider themselves to be very spiritually enlightened.. a trend means to make something fashionable.. so this trend or that trend in spirituality is seen as the fashion in spiritual circles.. the truth is this.. spirituality with soul is never fashionable as the truth never is.. the truth is bitter.. like really good medicine.. it bites you back.. like good medicine it is hard to take.. and it hurts some.. sometimes it makes you sicker before it makes you better..because the truth makes you face your own crap. But in the western understanding of spirituality it is tied up nice with a shiny white bow.. angels all aglow.. purified.. perfected.. diluted and a little bit of sugar added to make it go down sooth.. only thing is this, it losses it’s effectiveness when it is processed with half truths.. given to you the way you want it for a profit..and guess what DEATH doesn’t sell..
So they say the trend has been to let go.. nope the the ENERGY is DEATH.. The energies are merging to bring forth Balance as the old world dies.. but of course, is it death or birth..and of course letting go of the old makes room for the new..but the DEATH begins with you.
Here comes the BLASPHEME.. in terms understood by the spirit..God created everything.. he/she created light and dark.. negative and positive.. Jesus and Satan ( I am using a christian understanding just for reference..but it will still be seen as blaspheme to some young souls) So it is understood in spiritual circles and in even the biblical understanding that when all becomes one..we have the Christ Consciousness or Christ returning.. but if all becomes one.. than doesn’t this mean that the negative and the positive ..the light and the dark.. Jesus and Satan are one? To understand this in an archetypal or symbolic way.. Jesus and Satan represent the light and the dark in every part of creation including us..the soul; as indeed we are all apart of God’s creations and son’s and daughters, brother’s and sister’s of Christ.. ( in symbolic way, not in the christian understanding) and so it is “every single one of us the devil inside” what I am getting that is this.. for us to assimilate to the new we must embrace our light and our dark.. the shadow is waiting to addressed.
So the question is.. how many dead dead bodies do you have hidden in your emotional swamp? How many lies have you hidden from yourself? The energy that walks now is the energy of the dark.. the energy of Kali..the Goddess that teaches us through death..she is the feminine aspect of this.. the male aspect the Reaper.. she shows you what you have hidden, if you are not honest with yourself ( as it has little to do with others, more than it has to do with you.. in the middle of the night, and your dreams,,as what you lie and hide from comes up to visit you as monsters in the night) she cuts those bodies loose..and like all dead bodies they float erupting up to the surface..bursting open with rotten gasses.. you can no longer ignore you fake masks, your manipulations .. the person you pretended you were to yourself and others.. she shows you everything now..she shows you your shadow, your devil, your ego in the most negative..and her mate.. he gives you a choice.. it is this ( be your truth or die with what needs to die) We are being asked by these dark energies to be all of ourselves, to accept all of ourselves, the shadow, the light merge and they are balanced with compassion and love… the old world has gasped it’s last breath..this is the night of it’s death.. the new world ready to be born..very soon after..as it always is and always has been..but for those who do not wish to assimilate with the new energy..the shall die back as well..but nothing wasted as nothing is in nature.. simply reabsorbed and reused.. you will be given another 2,000 years or so to re-do it all over again..as the new life takes up root and moves in a new direction with out you young soul..but young soul your turn will come around again..as it always does.
Bodies take awhile to decompose.. those lovely bones will take awhile to turn from juicy to dried and cured..and so it is we will see the old world fall back bit by bit..but yes it is dead..and those that move in it’s energy..will seem like the walking dead to those who have chosen the new life.. of balance and oneness.. and so it is.. Earth to Earth ashes to ashes..
Like I said the truth is never trendy or fashionable… to a young soul’s world, Death and Blaspheme will never be 4 sale.
Prejudice- unreasonable unfair dislike of someone or something, to cause a disadvantage to.
I am writing to you about my most recent experiences of being singled out of society because of my work on the Goddess.
When I first started my blog..well I lost about 40 friends on facebook.. many from high school who wouldn’t accept who I grew into.. when I used my sensual photographs on my blog that I posted on facebook.. I was pretty much ran out of the townhouses that my kids and I lived in..because of course I was a (slut)..a ( drama queen) and a ( unfit mother) to name but a few names I was called.. it became like a witch hunt and it started to trickle down to my kids..and so we moved to a house across town.
But it was just the beginning..as I started to ask around town for a place to do the photography for my website.. my emails were ignored, I was shunned, and shamed.. by local Wineries and local Gardens.. I drove up to one Public Garden to ask them face to face why they had not answered my email..before they new it was me that had emailed them they told me they answered their emails same to next day.. when I explained the content of the email.. I was told ” you are not welcome in our Gardens.” right in front of my kids..when I asked if I could pay like everyone else to just take my kids in to look around..they walked away and ignored us..
I was reading the local paper one day and an write up was in it about the local Entrepreneur Society.. with an email so I emailed him..I sent him the cover shot of the book and I told him what the book was about and what the website was going to be about.. I told him about the problems I was having. I told him I thought his society could help me learn how to network better and that I may learn from others how to promote my book.. I gave him my phone number.. he told me over the phone that the picture of the book cover gave him a hard on.. my thoughts were ( fuck not another asshole) but yes he was.. he wanted to meet me at a nice little coffee and tea house.. I told him that I was bringing my 5 year old son with me..I explained to him that although the content of my book is about women`s sexuality and the website was going to be about sacred sexuality.. that with my son with us at the meeting I wanted the talk to be kept clean. No such luck.. first off my son must of read his energy because he wanted nothing to do with this older man.. right in front of my son.. he used the words FUCKING..and he talked about father`s fucking their daughters.. he went on about native people being the worst for this.. ( he was racist) he wanted to know how I had gotten into sex..why I was so interested.. had my father fucked me..
I left the meeting sickened..and feeling so hurt for my son.. who was sitting there eating his cookie and drinking his milk.. my poor little innocent boy watching his mother being totally disrespected and treated like dirt.. I did write him an email after a couple of days.. I was in shock.. this was in May of 2012.. this next email I am including that I wrote to a friend has been what has happened to me in the last 3 months.. I just don`t feel like typing the same thing all over again so I am just including it..as it is my email to her and I am just leaving her identity out of it..
Redemption is so simple
Wisdom always is.. so simple
It is through fear that we complicate what is holy.. what is sacred..we complicate out of fear.
It is just this simple..there is no religion needed to explain this.
Your soul has always existed…and you have lived and died for thousands of years.. to know wisdom to grow love..
You are your ancestors.. you are your great grandparents.. you are one with everything.
Your heart beats as one with all of the Universe.. your heart is the Universe..as you are love.
You can spend many life times running from yourself and your soul.. you can live many bodily life times.. loving or hating.. living in peace or creating strife..
But the truth is this.. once your free to understand this… You are God.. you are a God and Goddess… living out the growth of love..
God is both male and female..and once we become one with our Godlike selves we understand this wholeness.
Those who are ready to face love.. complete the circle and spiral above.. higher and higher .. Royal Souls..
As they make one with the Divine Love.. they become whole.
Those who run into their souls arms.. those who embrace the God’s spark within.. they are home and one with sin.
This is all you need to know.. there is no formula, there is no special prayer, this is no need to meditate here.. this is no trying.
I am empty.. my self interest gone.
I learned this from my sister as she was passing on.
She came to me in deep darkness of the night.. her body miles away in the hospital but still she spoke to me up close and personal.
She showed me in dreams and visions how her ego peeled away as she was being made ready to walk through the doorway.
She was frightened, hanging on.. as she feared the nakedness of her soul.. so vulnerable to be exposed
She came to me in this time..she was letting go of her own story..the story of lies owned by the ego.
The ego like a cloak covering up the true power of the soul…the ego was afraid to die.. as her soul knew there was no death.
Then she came to me in the morning light.. in the Garden of the Souls..as light as light..she told me of real power.
We are so much more than this..we are so much more than what we see.. we are royalty.
And so it is.. in my living body I am attempting to do the same..as she told I would eventually.
This is why she came to me.. to show me how.. to show me how to let go of me and the lies I tell myself.
I prepare to walk through..in this deep dark day and night.. into the light..
I new reality is bursting forth.. lies will be shown..so I learn to carry them no more.
I learn humility and vulnerability of admitting my lie is me.
To Pasteurize sexuality..
Some seem to think it makes them saintly .. I think it is self-denial…as to ABSTAIN in the dictionary means to deny the self.
This state of PIOUSNESS leads to being hypocritical and behaving in condescending way to others as to have a “holier-than-thou” attitude..
What I have found by the actions of those that abstain from sex until marriage or until a relationship is months into being established as “stable” is that they have a higher rate of divorce, mediocrity in their relationships, and years of unhappiness due to a unfulfilled sex life. One partner usually cheats..be it emotionally, sexually or in both ways.. there is almost always a power struggle..as the relationship was not balanced in the first place.
Sex is the foundation of any relationship.. you can have many things in common, you can have an intense friendship and love..but if there is not that spark.. or passion it can not sustain it’s self..as the foundation with in the body is based on the ROOT CHAKRA .. if those roots are not deep within the relationship..the relationship will fall like tree by the intense winds of change and destiny.. both partners must be equally matched in the root chakra for the relationship to be enduring..there is no other way.
But if you have a low sex drive and meet someone that is of the same energy than of course it will work..but to expect someone to stay with you that needs sex..it is selfish and childish..
I am not saying that we sleep with every person that we meet to find out if we are a sexual match..but I am saying to wait to find out after marriage or after months an months of dating is a waist of time and energy.. time and energy you could of spent on your own life and with the right partner.
Those who think that abstinence makes them somehow more pure of spirit are truly only feeding the ego with this saintly persona.. and they use it to control and manipulate other’s due to the fear within themselves of letting go of control and simply understanding the wisdom that LIFE IS THE EXPERIENCE ..they are indeed being cowardly.
Back to the word and the meaning of the word PASTEURIZE..means to sterilize..when we disinfect sex..we take away from it’s organic nature..as we do so in our society and with the very food we eat..we take away from the natural medicine that is inherent in it’s natural state.. we take away the magic.. because we fear contamination.. yet by our fear of contamination we strip away what was natural and good in the first place..the truth is you can not take away risk.. such is the nature of LIFE.
I suggest that you listen to the music above to submerge yourself into this writing.
It is now that we are being asked to surrender ourselves, to dive deeply into powerful emotional, sexual and spiritual waters.. it is now that all the energies are merging into the unification of the sacred marriage of the light and the dark.. it is the time of the New Golden Age as all of the most ancient of memories and wisdoms combine upon us.. and yes it is the Masculine and the Feminine that Unite.. as Mother Earth rises to her Groom.. Father Sky and we are the re-born children of this sacred submission and surrender..as they both..both of these energies surrender and submit in their sacred love to one another.
We are over taken by the flow of this energy as it is like two rivers converging upon each other in a new ocean of divine understanding.. we are taken over by emotions.. by passions..of the need to express love and compassion.. this we do when we ourselves are expressed in the postive.
Those that I am concerned for are those who are living in the negative as the negative expression of this is hate towards the opposite sex.. it is expressed in the need to do harm to other’s or to the self.. this is an important message to those who are heart-sick with bitterness, revenge .. those who live for only money wealth or greed.. it is time to put yourselves in order..as these feelings will only intensify as we approach the middle of this month November 2012.. as all will come to to a climax then.. it is important that you reach a stage of forgiveness as this hatred will not be felt by those you will not forgive but will manifest it’s self 100x within the self.. as it is never those that we hate that feel the hate.. it is only you that feels the hate within your heart.. it is you that will sink under these emotional swells.. these huge waves of intense emotion that are beginning to gain momentum right now.. you must unload your burdens are you will drown yourself.. as all that you carry now must be let go of.. it is sink or swim.. or better yet float with the current..
It is important that we ground our root chakra deep within.. deep roots to maintain balance..take care of body and soul.. as the roots need to anchor you so that you are not swept away in what feels like madness..express your sexuality.. eat healthy..get outside.. move your bodies.. and then go deep within..
This the age of wisdom.. and so it is this month we will feel it rushing in.. those who are sensitive to spiritual energies..will feel down loaded.. we will share our message..we will make new connections..and we will keep connecting out..as the hive of the mind buzzes with new life and new thought..as the DNA is re-connected..and the passages of the mind that have not been of use in the past..will take up life..the will make connections..and a new awareness shall take up like never before..or it will simply be understood by that of memory..we will remember of the time before this time..were we will know our divinity and that we are all indeed Gods..the Christ Mind takes up..all and everyone a divine spark..we come together..and the Divine Fire.. explodes.. THE AGE OF WISDOM.
Wisdom from each and every culture from every understanding upon the Earth..and then the Wisdom of the Heavens shall flood the Earth..
This is the time to set yourself in order..all that needs to be sorted within the self..shall be rearranged; it is now..this is the time of cleansing..
This energy is very sensual..very deep as it takes place in the sign of Scorpio..and then when the cleansing of deep emotion runs it’s course the wisdom of Sagittarius and Mercury takes up.. wisdom with swift movement..all comes rushing in..the new begins..accelerated change..The Golden Age.