Archive for October, 2012




Right now I am picking up this energy ( denial)

By this energy.. I mean an over all feeling of all humanity. I am reading it on facebook and experiencing it in my daily life.. I am listening with my ear to the ground.. my hand on the pulse.

It seems that there is a lot of blame and shame.. it seems that many are having problems with duality.. the dueling inside of the self.

There is the spiritual movement towards only positive thinking and only positive thoughts and emotions..the problem with that if the negative is not expressed.. it goes underground in the heart, soul and mind..and it festers.. yes it becomes an even greater darkness than when it is given room to be expressed.. like an exhalation of old air.. it must be released in order for wholeness and over all health of heart, soul, body and mind.

There are those again expressing that those who have come upon difficult times have done something to deserve their suffering.. frankly I think that they are right were they are meant to be.. It has been through my suffering that I found my strength.. it has been through my suffering that I have found myself.. Like an athlete.. one must endure great pain sometimes for even greater gain.. who is to say.. who is to know another’s spiritual path.. you yourself will not know how truly wonderful your suffering was towards the tempering of your own soul.. it is evolution..growth is painful.. it can be so horrible even but so very necessary to BECOMING.. and if you need to vent your fear, pain, suffering and frustrations.. we should all be compassionate .. and wise enough to know, your pain could just as easily be our own.. we never know when destiny will turn..when the wheel of fate will take a turn for the worst.. but in the end.. if one can can face the terrible winds of change.. one can be TRANSFORMED..

I know.. I know.. I know it is the truth.. I have suffered much..and I have gained much wisdom and compassion for others due to my suffering.

Of course..those who do not use their suffering for transformation..those who chose to suffer for the sake of attention and not taking responsibility for their lives are self inflicted victims..but lets not label everyone a victim who suffers and needs to express their suffering for the sake of do to be selfish.

We mirror ourselves on other’s constantly.. we label others..with our own labels.. sometimes we see in others what we wish we had and so we must call them down as we feel low next to them..and other times, we call other’s weak who speak their truth because we are to weak to speak it or hear it.

My purpose for writing this is simply this.. if we are to ascend.. if we are to rise to a new dimension it will have to be with authenticity, compassion and the merging of duality.. it is to express and to accept.. yes accept.. ACCEPT..that we must merge all parts of the they are apart of all creation.. it is the merger of the negative and the positive..the light and the dark..the ACCEPTANCE of all that is..that we become ONE.

I will always love you




“I Will Always Love You”

If I
Should stay
I would only be in your way
So I’ll go
But I know
I’ll think of you every step of
the way

And I…
Will always
Love you, oohh
Will always
Love you
My darling you

That is all I’m taking with me
So good-bye
Please don’t cry
We both know I’m not what you
You need

And I…
Will always love you
Will always love you
You, ooh

I hope
life treats you kind
And I hope
you have all you’ve dreamed of
And I wish you joy
and happiness
But above all this
I wish you love

And I…
Will always love you
Will always love you

I, I will always love
Darling I love you
I’ll always
I’ll always

Whitney Huston

What if I offered love; with no string attached?
What if I stayed detached from the outcome of that?
Simply stated is this..the world if full of the we all take things so personally..but what if I didn’t attach myself to worldliness?
What if I simply up held love?
What if I simply offered love?
What if I became love?
What if I just had one foot on the Earth, one foot on the Moon..and my hands cupped the Sun for you?
What if I just kept this balance? What if I put my identity aside..for this?
What if there were others too.. who understood that this would shift our reality?
I say to you with my heart wide open.. I say to fight if it is fighting that we have done since reality was put in place of time and space.
Yes we have fought for our place..we have fought for our piece of land in this reality.. ohhh how we have fought for our religion and our identity.. yes we have fought for love..we have fought for love..we have fought for love..
Do you understand that we have killed for love.
We have died for love.
We have murdered for love.
We have hurt ourselves and others for love..
And so it is I say to you… with as much detachment as I can muster up.. I say to you..
We have never understood love as we have been violent in our pursuit of love..
It is simply this.. it is found this is simply this.. it is found this way…
It just is..
Just let it exist.
And so it is
I hold it for you to understand
The Sun it’s in my hands..
Let me pass it to you too..
It is free to give..

His Divinity




Will he remember?

Will he remember?

Will he remember that we knew each other..before time began?

Will he remember his Divinity?

Will he remember the bed were he lays me.. is the Altar?

Will he remember that I am his Queen and he is my King?

Will he remember as I thrust up to him and he thrust into me..that this is the Throne of Royalty?

Will he remember as we explode together..will he remember as we loose identity in each other..that he is divine like me?

Will he remember through the love and the channel the sensuality.. into spirituality?

He who says yes

He who says yes

He is the God..

Ready for the Goddess.

The Injured Masculine



This writing is based on a dream I had last many a wisdom comes to me from this place of spirituality.. or the place of unseen.. of nothing that takes shape in understanding..the vault of WISOM.

In dreams of course.. you are everything that you dream about and everything is you..there is no separation as all is whole.. it is in this..that we learn.

This masculine entity that I was faced with in my dream is indeed the whole soul has both sexes within .. as it is sexless..but then gain it is the Mother, Father and the Child..this entity was indeed my masculine self.. injured.. so let us begin into the land of dreams and the dream it’s self.

I found myself walking in a market place..a timeless market…as it was made of stone.. grey and open.. benches and tables.. walkways .. and such all of stone with trees in between..such as it is in dreams.. a timeless place.

People walked about..going about the things they always do.. and of course being a MARKET place it was full of women ( this word of course… MARKET.. meaning on display and ready for many men who are injured view women)

And so it was that a man grabbed my wrist.. pulling me tight to him..hurting me slightly and putting his MARK on me.. it was meant as a complement there were many women he could chose from.. as I turned into I saw him .. he arose as a giant man..all in black.. ( as it is the subconscious) a cruel look to his face.. a twisted smile.. dark hair and eyes..dark trimmed beard.. dressed like a pirate.. a robber..a thief..a criminal of the heart..

He then told me what he wanted from me… he instructed me ” I want you to cook like my mother, I want you to uphold my dreams and put yours aside for mine, I want you to turn a blind eye as I look at and court other women.. as I need to have the best to remind me and others that I am the best.. I will spend some of my money on you at first.. I will buy you flowers..and nice things and take you to nice places.. I will make passionate love to you..but I will not completely give you my heart..just a tiny piece..but I will take all of yours..and when I know I have you captured.. I will remind you of my I will deny myself to you to keep you close to you are my ego feed.. and I will spend my money on me.. I will have fast cars, I will have my big home.. I will put my work before you and I will use it as an excuse to keep myself from true intimacy from you.. I will say my work keeps you, I will say my work is divine..and that you are selfish if you do not let me ignore you for my identity to my fame and fortune make me a MAN OF THE WORLD.. My identity feeds me.. My identity is my entity.. yes it keeps me from truly knowing me as do women like you.. you are my crutch.. you are my way out of being alone with myself.. I need you to feed I do, my fake face that I offer up to to the world.. I need to be adored and seen as the chosen one.. I need to be seen as the man that holds up everything..and so it must be that I stand over you..and I use you to hold up me”

I looked at him in all of his HUGENESS.. I looked at he was the story he told himself he was.. I looked at him .. A LEGEND in his own mind..The ADVENTURER.. THE PIRATE, THE MAN OF THE WORLD.. THE CASANOVA .. yes this was him to himself..but then I saw the illusion fall as I gave it no notice at all.. and it did fall..

A black dust .. a dark matter.. yes.. he started to I gave him no notice at all..

I turned my back on his lie… as he was the lie that he told himself.. and he was the lie that I wanted to believe.. he was the fantasy.. the fantasy that fell as I gave him no notice at all.

It was then ..with my back to him that he begged me to look at him.. but I declined.. and he said to me ” What is it that you want from me?’

And I said to him ” Nothing that money can buy. Nothing that anyone can give to you.. it is something that you have to give yourself.’

He said with fear ” What is it?”

I said to him ” Love your authentic self.”

I heard him cry..” What else?”

I said to him ” That is all.”

I say to you.. there is nothing more to do… as only the heart.. it is only the heart.. it is only the is all in the heart,

Nothing else.

Never Broken





I thought I was the one that was broken.

I offered you love.

I offered you commitment.

I offered you compassion.

I offered you innocence.

I offered you faith.

I offered you hope.

I offered you TRUTH.

You rejected me.

You lied to me.

You used me to make yourself feel important.

You made me believe that I was weak.

You made me think I had to become what you wanted.

You made me feel that nothing was good enough.

You made me feel that I was never good enough.

You told me I was crazy.

You told me I was broken.

You told me I was like the rest of the damaged ones.

You made me feel damaged.

You made me feel less than you.

You told me I was not enough.

You told me you couldn’t be with me in a relationship.

You made me feel like I was only sex.

But now I know the truth..the truth of you and all the ones like you who did the same to me.

All these things you told me I was.. all these things you had me feel I was..

It was you all along.

Your scared.

Your afraid of love.

You are weak.

You needed me to feel important by making me feel like less.

Fame, social standing and money mean everything to you.. not to me.

You are weak.

You can’t face the truth.

You feel small.

You feel less than me.

You are crazy because you can’t let yourself love.

You just care about sex and you fear true intimacy.

It was never me who was broken.

I was always here and always whole.

I was always enough.

I am enough.

It is you who are broken.

I am brave enough to love.

I am strength,

I always was.



This is for all the men I have dated and who have romanced me. This is my (light) turning on.

The Secret To Love



I never stopped loving them.

I never stopped loving a single one of them.

Those that hurt me those that used me and those that abused me.

Their hearts they turned to stone.

Their hearts they turned cold.

But I don’t want to. But I don’t want to.

I will not turn bitter. I will not turn off my heart.

They can if they want to.

But I don’t want to. But I don’t want to.

Yes I distance myself from them.

Yes I do so they can no longer injure me.

But I never stop loving.

I don’t want to. I don’t want to.

I choose my heart to feel; to feel the pain; to feel the love; red and alive beating hard inside.

I choose to let the wet, hot tears of sorrow burn my cheeks.

I choose to cry at night. I choose to feel to know I am alive.

They can choose the numbing cold.

They can choose  to look down from mountains of loneliness.

They can choose  to  stay in the cold emotional places.

But I choose the passion.

I choose the red pain.

I choose to love fully again.

The secret to love is to let yourself feel everything.

Dark Night Of The Soul





Ego, Ego leave me alone.

I don’t want to hurt others like they have hurt me so.

Ego, Ego leave me alone.

Stop grasping at my heart.

Ego, Ego Leave my alone.

Stop telling me I am all on my own.

Ego, Ego leave me alone.

An Angel I am not.

Ego, Ego Leave me alone.

Perfect I am not.

Ego, Ego Leave me alone.

All the answers I have not.

Ego, Ego, Leave me alone.

Chosen above others I am not.

Ego, Ego Leave me alone.

Stop the torture and the pain.

Ego, Ego, Leave me alone.

I am never what I think.

Ego, Ego Leave me alone.

Stop telling me that I am not loved.

Ego, Ego, Leave me alone.

Stop telling me there is not hope.

Ego, Ego, Leave me alone.

Stop telling me there is not light.

Ego, Ego, Leave me alone.

I just want to go home.





I found myself deep within the darkest, mystery.

I darkness so dark that I can not express it’s depth.

I saw the glowing phosphorescence in the liquid flowing.

Phosphorescent living little things.. rainbows lit within.. in the darkness of this living cave.

Oh the scent it was so sweet, musky and so heavy.. like flowers ripe with dew.

It was then that the walls moved back or was it me that moved?

Soon I found myself out side looking at the crystal labia that surrounded me like the gates of eternity.

It was then that she sat back..she who I was in.. she sat back away from me giving me room as she took up..

He dark black thighs they closed as she rose so high.. oh so high..she rose clothing herself with the night sky.

The stars they glittered in her robe..her robe the velvet night.. she pulled it closed across her breast so full and so round.

I looked up to see her so immense.. so powerful she is.

Upon her head was a crown made up of many stars and constellations.. of worlds, planets and moons.. she IS THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING.. her POWER is the POWER of EVERYTHING.

I looked into her she was darker than the dark indeed her contrast stood out from the night sky..dressed in her robes of glory and dignity she looked down at me..and in her eyes I saw eternity..the moons, the stars.. universes so far away we have never seen.. in her eyes.. space and time.. one and all the same..forever I could see as she looked at me..and this is what she said to me.. without speaking a word.

I give birth to you..this is the life that you take up all yourself that lived before.. this is your is now that I give birth to you.. it is through you that I live through to rise up reborn.

I was overcome by her power rushing in.. I was and I am overcome with such respect it feels like I fear the power of a mother protecting her young..the power of love can be so fierce as she filled me up.. my heart did rush my blood took up my heart did burst as it was filled with a power so strong and so fierce..and I was overcome.

It was then that I awoke within my bed..cold with sweat.. my heart beat hard; fight or flight inside my head.. in between sleeping and awake I saw her there at my bedroom door..watching me..making sure I knew what she had to say.. it was then that I prayed.. please, please are sure it is me? She nodded her head..and slowly like dark velvet rich smoke she drifted away.. to the places in between this place and the next.. the place were words are never spoken but everything is understood..


I am Nothing





Nothing at all

I am just a story that I tell myself

I am not a lover

I am not a friend

I am not mother

I am not the end

I am not a woman

I am not a soul

I am not that I am not and this makes me whole


I am not the savior

I am not the saint

I am not the sacrifice

I am not to blame

I am not the reason

I am not the flame

I am not that I am not and this makes me whole


I am not of this world

I am not of the next

I am not the answers

I am not what you suspect

I am not love

I am not hatred

I am not that I am not and this makes me whole


I am not what you want

I am not what I want

I am not what you need

I am not what I need

I am not what you and I see

I am not that I am not and this makes me whole


I am not what you seek

I am not your dream

I am not what I seek

I am not my dream

I am not the dream

I am not

I am not

I am not




I am


Thief of the Heart



You told me I was the Goddess that you seek

You told me that you saw yourself in me

You told me that you loved me

You loved me

You loved me

Words so sweet

Words so needed indeed


You said the others were but boys

You said you were the man that I need

You said my heart was calling out you

You said your heart was calling out to me too

ohhh words so tender




I opened up my heart and soul

You were the man that could take me as I am

So I showed you my light and dark

I asked of you the same

But instead you ran away

Into the night

into the night

Oh with a fright

you ran with my heart


Leaving me with nothing

as you said nothing