Archive for September, 2012

DESPONDENT

 

 

 

 

Despondent means deeply depressed, filled with despair, despairing, miserable, downhearted, inconsolable, melancholy,forlorn,sorrowful,disheartened,glum,bummed out, heartbroken, down in the dumps,suicidal.

The suicidal part..well I am not going to take my own life but I sure don’t want to be living this life..I wish I had the guts sometimes.

The top reason I am feeling so hopeless is that I have discovered that I can not love again.. not like I did before. It isn’t that I am in love with my ex-husband anymore but rather what happened to me when he betrayed me. I became very suicidal.. I truly had to fight to live for months. To see what he did to our children as well..to witness such intense selfishness was just to much for my soul.. I can not trust a man again. I can not have nor can I let myself be vulnerable in love again..because I don’t know how to love without giving myself to love completely..and because of losing my very will to live..to have had such torture go on inside of me.. invisible as it was to others.. it was a pain like I would never wish to inflict on others. Of course upon reading this.. if anyone does they simply will not understand.. only those that have been in this state will get it at all..for it is like childbirth.. until you are there.. you will never know this pain.

I am not posting this on facebook.. people judge so harshly..I have had such a hard time with men on facebook.. sending me private messages telling me that I will never become anything..that I have not done anything with my life.. I have men on facebook..( saying they are joking) calling me a crazy bitch. I have had men on facebook hound me for sex.. wanting to have me as a trophy.. just to say they ( tapped that bitch)..I have men tell me they love me but they do not mean one word of it.. it makes me hopeless and yes despondent…this has all been in the last couple of weeks.

I am also very forlorn about my book.. it seems it is just to different and just to much.. I was invited to a Goddess Party… I read out of my book only to be shhhhosshed..because some found it offensive. I wanted to leave the party.. right then and their but.. my pride wouldn’t let me. I just wanted to cry..but I stayed and put on a concrete face..and listened while other’s read their full piece from beginning to end..and they sang..nice songs and said nice things..but mine was to raw.

I cried the entire next day.. it was hard to get out of bed as I was shamed..and I thought to myself ” I will never belong..it has not happened yet and it never will” I felt total despair.

I have been so concerned with the world Governments as well..watching it seems world war 3 starting to take form..seeing images and video of dead and dying children..watching human rights violations in the name of what some feel is right.. and I felt shear panic.. I felt miserable and stressed to the max.

At this time.. My car went into the shop and being alone in the world with no family for help.. I felt more panic.. I started to get numbness and headaches and pains.. my entire body went tense..everything hurt.. my kids got sick and needed me..the car was stalling in intersections.. I couldn’t get a strait answer from the dealership..and the mechanics were playing me with prices and parts.. I was a victim.. I was and it had nothing to do with me giving them my power.. how can I be everything and a mechanic?? How can I do everything? How can I raise three kids on my own… how can I fix a car..let alone fix the entire world??

I thought maybe I can help some families..maybe if I do something for others it will help me feel better.. I mean that is what they say help others to help yourself..and so I thought with my local Arts Council..we will get a food drive together.. I talked to the representative and she thought it was a great idea.. one she had been thinking of doing but she didn’t have the time..the food bank thought it was a wonderful idea and we threw ideas around over the phone and I thought to myself ” Finally some hope!” but first it had to be put to the Art’s Council’s Board.. and when I got the email.. it was a NO.

Why had it gone from being such a great idea to a NO? I was willing to do all the work and willing to give them all the promotional credit.. all I could gather is that it was because of me..because my website and book are just to fringe.. I am a risk to their reputation.. just like I was at the Goddess Party.. I offend people I am offensive..and so this leads to even greater misery for me..my confidence is gone.

I am so heartbroken..

I see on my facebook that many think they are ascending..those who are intensely spiritual.. they think they have all the answers I guess?

I don’t think anyone is ascending..not until you can admit you know nothing..that you are nothing better than those around you..that you are just as responsible to some degree or another that you made this mess right along with the rest of us all.

They say the have looked into the face of darkness..really have they looked in the mirror?

Other’s like to feel they are intellectually superior..really? Have we not believed in our bullshit long enough..have we not learned that having to be right above others makes us nothing but very wrong?

maybe I am wrong for ever trying.. maybe I should just accept the fact that we are going to blow ourselves to high heaven with atomic bombs.. because we just can’t get down to reality..we don’t want to hear reality..we don’t want to live reality..and love is reality..it is the only reality..

But I can’t love..so what the fuck do I know

I can’t love because

People hurt people

Even if it is just by turning the other check in the ascending business.. why bother to fix the world if your ascending out of this reality..but is that love because love is reality so how do you ascend out of it?????

Or people hurt people by killing children and innocent families in the name of religion and war..

So people…were is the love??

I can’t love this.

To The Prime Minister of Canada..Stephen Harper

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stephen.. I am going to call you by your first name because as far as I am concerned we are equals and you work for me. It’s my money and the money of other tax paying Canadian citizens that supports you financially. But to be very honest I didn’t vote for you..and to be quite honest I didn’t vote for any of you as I felt none of the choices presented to me measured up.

If I was forced to make a choice I would vote NDP.. quite simply because they have more humanity. If I had to label myself I would call myself a socialist.. I like the ideology of socialism ( a political system which advocates public ownership of industries, resources, and transport) hmm IDEOLOGY now isn’t that what you called feminism? But of course we could also say that democracy is also just an ideal or ideology. We could say the same about human rights as well.. I mean really who are we to be concerned with such matters of government.. you got that all handled right? That is why you and the US Government supports Israel’s infractions against human rights..that is why you support Israel even though it has been proven to be a criminal against human rights..but what do I know anyway I am just a silly little woman. Human Rights is just a silly little ideology that the average citizen believes in and we think that because we elected you and that we support your ass financially that you should uphold our silly little ideologies.. something like that.. I know I am just a silly little woman to you :)

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=o5BOd6ZNX60

The video above shows me how you feel and think about women..

You seem to think that your beliefs in the Christian doctrine and faith should trickle down into your Government Policies..yet we live in a country that is multicultural .. we live in in a country full of different and varied religions and beliefs yet you think you have aright to smother my rights and the rights of others with your religion.. you want to make every woman into your nice little wife. We should not have equal pay, if we do work it should be with children ( this is our place after all) it seems that you wish to push the world backwards and that you wish to control women with money, to control their bodies..by using your religion to dictate to us about abortion. You wish to keep us poor and busy with children. You scraped Universal Daycare..  You hugely cut back on the Status of Women in Canada.. calling feminism an ideology. You cancelled the Court Challenges Program and you axed women’s right to pay equity..and we have to pay for our own abortions. You have appointed fewer women to cabinet than any other previous governments.

You are against gay marriage ( once again a human rights issue) And once again using your religion to control Canadians.

You cut funding to the ARTS.. I think it is because the ARTS promote and develop FREE THINKERS AND REVOLUTIONARIES .. ( like me)

You don’t seem to give a damn about the land we live on as you are planning on running huge oil tankers down the coast line of British Columbia.. just like all Governments you want all of us to be dependent on fossil fuels.. you don’t care about the EARTH only $$$$$

So were are we headed here Stephen? Is it going to be a Global Government that lives off the common people.. will all off our human rights be ignored to support a World Government that does not stand for the people ..that is not a democracy but is a dictatorship calling it’s self a democracy??

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=dvhEjt9IQec

I suspect the real power you wish to repress is the true power of the feminine.. if women stopped asking for permission from a male based society.. if women did start to truly stand up and be counted.. the boy’s club would fall. It is a boy’s club, it is anti-woman. The biggest and most powerful resource in the world.. well you know the answer Stephen.. your trying to repress it.

The people are waking up.. we are aware. The age of information is a powerful age.

The people are rising.

Faithless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=T-Ab3tlpvYA#!

The above video; Carl Jung’s views on death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=7jETVUulGwc

The above; last 5 min of Bill Maher’s Movie Religulous.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I think that both of these men are bang on right.. Like Carl Jung I do not believe death is the end.. having experience near death myself.. I never went to heaven and I didn’t go to hell.. of course it could be debated over if I was truly fully dead or not. What I did experience was becoming one with all existence.. even now it is still hard to explain exactly what that means… It was as if I became the energy that courses through everything.. but still I don’t know much past that.. I didn’t see Angels or Devils.. I did feel peace and detachment from any negativity.. but I was not concerned nor was I afraid .. it seemed that I was ego-less in the fact that I did not retain any identity or personality.. I had nothing to cling to nor did I care.. but I still do not know the extent of death and I can factually entertain the thought that this was my dying brain.. but I came away not fearing death but rather looking forward to the adventure of the unknown.. not that I seek my own death out..but I was given the perspective of entertaining many different points of view.. or ideas without having to cling to anything in fear.

I believe that religion is based on fear..and it is the greatest fear-monger.. Bill Maher is correct.. we bring to us what we fear..we fear the unknown qualities of death..we fear the death of the ego..and so it is we let the fear feeding ego drag us to certain death.

The truth is we are GOD.. Humanity and all existence..the universe or universes.. all expansive existence is GOD.. so we are creating our own DOOM…

Like I have said in different post..we are on the threshold of our own destruction.. we wrote every holy book and bible..we are GOD.. Bill Maher is right….. look at our actions due to religion..and accept what we have done in the name of all and every religion or die..we are stupid children.. there is nothing wrong with being child-like and seeking out the adventure of life..but being CHILDISH.. is stupid.

When I watch Bill’s movie I just can not believe the stupidity and childishness of some believers.. I will remain FAITHLESS .. I have no religion.

But I do know my psyche, soul or energy will never be destroyed in death.. I do know there is a creative force in the universe..I do know that we are all that force.. so it is our choice then what we chose to create or destroy..

I do know there is love, I do know that love heals, I do know that we all need love to survive.. and I will always leave myself open to love..if anything can be GOD it is love.. but I do not believe God lives in religion because it promotes hate.

Embracing The Demon

 

 

 

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JRdpvdvYKz0&feature=related

 

Above is a video of Carl Jung.. he explains his theories about the archetypes and the human psyche.. I am using this video to support this post. Upon watching this video of Carl Jung, his theories supported what I had already reasoned within my own soul, and mind… it is that we have become our own worst enemy by suppressing the darkness within our own souls.

We have become a world wide society that has become deluded by our own lies..and the lie lives in the search for perfection and in the denial of reality..and reality is that there is no such thing as perfection.. on are search for perfection we have gone down the road that denies the sacred..because all that is sacred lives in the shadows of impending death. We seek to suppress aging, we seek to suppress love as we see it as weakness, we see being vulnerable as being imperfect..and so it is by not letting our vulnerability show we build emotional and mental blocks that keep other’s out of our hearts.

We live two lives..the very fake imperfect face that we show the world around us..this is the face we wear at church, to work, to the gym, anywhere when we are out in the public eye..and then we hide our true selves away in private..and this is were we fight our demons. Because we suppress our darkness it comes to us unconstrained in the wee hours of the night.. it comes to us eventually in mental breakdowns.. it comes to us in full on addictions..addictions that we then hide and suppress further.

We then demand of our leaders that they fit the social conditioning of the personification of their position.. we insist that they hold up the mask… we insist that their mask be even more perfect than our own..so that we may feel safe in worshiping this perfection in them..and when they slip.. when their true humanity is expressed by mistake or with intention ..we are relentless in judging them for letting us down with there very human qualities.

We have become a very neurotic society–neurotic-emotionally disturbed, mentally ill, irrational, unstable,paranoid,anxious, obsessive, compulsive,dysfunctional, twisted and warped..because we just can not let go of what we feel is perfect..we are fed by the media.. perfection..we see perfection in our magazines.. every room spotless, everything new and unused, every person plastic and brushed up by computer imaging, we are taught to spend and we are taught that if we can not afford this perfect but very expensive lifestyle that we have failed.

We are fed shame; we are fed shame about sex, money, and our very thoughts are to be shamed if we do not fit into this perfect mold of the perfect citizen that behaves perfectly.. do you want to be cool? Do you want fame and fortune? Then follow along..follow the NEUROSIS – nervous disorder, personality disorder, emotional disorder, ” The result of a conflict between the ego and the id; THE PERSON IS AT WAR WITH HIMSELF” Sigmund Freud.

We are taught that it is shameful to speak out about our reality..to say ” I can’t afford it” To admit to having many lovers..to admit to questioning religion, Government or any social organization.. we are taught to shame and so we split in two.. we become two separate people.. the public face and the private face..and this leads to mental confusion and break down..

A breakdown .. means that when your suppressed material comes to the surface it can explode in your face.. it means that one can become so fearful and so delusional that they will go to the lengths of harming others to keep their delusion.

This is our society now; we are on the brink of our own self-destruction due to our suppression blowing up world wide by the average person and by the very suppressed leaders and Governments around the world. We are killing ourselves daily with creating the pollution that causes cancer and our other diseases.. we have made mass weapons of destruction that we have aimed and we are ready to fire on other counties that do not hold onto the same DELUSION as the other country aiming weapons on them..we are so suppressed..that Governments that call themselves a democracy are nothing more than a dictatorship. The suppression holds use captive right now..the world will have to face reality or face destruction..by our own doing.

It begins with every individual who refuses to follow the delusion. Who takes off the social mask.. it will be the leader that is willing to share and purge their human problems in public.. it will be the public who accepts and forgives such leaders and public figures..

It begins with you reading this now.. stop being a walking advertisement..stop getting into dept to impress others with your so called social standing that is really bullshit the bullshit that makes you bat-shit..that drives you crazy with worry and fear.

Be brave and be you.. no more two faces.. just be .

Heartless

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=llAK2Z3OAwE&bpctr=1347506988

I hate the above video because I can totally relate to it as a woman.. you can see in the video the images of the vultures circling and devouring prey..this is exactly how I have feel I have been treated by men. I thought when I met my ex husband that he was a good guy, but as soon as I got pregnant and became sexually repulsive to him; due to my bulging baby belly, as soon as this happened he started looking for prey outside of our marriage. I came to realize I was just a breeder, for him. Of course the marriage ended with him having an affair … looking for hotter more in shape meat.

My anger stems from hurt. I don’t want to turn into a bitter bitchy woman, but I keep running into men that are exactly that. I walk into each new experience with an open heart and an open mind only to be emotionally drawn and quartered by angry, horny men that seem hell bent on taking out their revenge for their exes on me.

 

 

I told a man that I loved him, he told me not to because he would only hurt me.

I told a man that I wanted to be his friend, he told me that he only wanted to fuck me.

Sometimes I crawl into my bed at night.. grateful to be alone, grateful to have escaped again with a few tears, feeling broken and hopeless but still intellectually intact.

It is so difficult, the world that I have been living in is filled with cynical, mocking and distrustful men..when I show up real and with and open heart I am treated as if I have hidden motives..as if suddenly I am going to grow snakes were my hair once was and turn into Medusa! I have been told that because I am beautiful, because of my website and book that I can not be trusted to true to a man..that I will have to much temptation..they can’t risk trusting and loving a woman like me.

I have be told and treated like the OPTION until a more normal or less risky girl comes along.. I am treated like a whore and a slut. Of course as soon as the attempt is made to turn my into mistress, I have nothing to do with him anymore.

It is fear of course and fear breeds ignorance… that my work, my art and my craft is not seen as such, but only an attention getting scam to round myself up some rich playboy or several.

And so I have been treated like the woman in the above video.

I have not been respected, I am treated like trash, and when I get angry because I am so hurt..and frankly at times quite broken by the pain.. I am called a man hating bitch.

So I honestly don’t go out very often, I am not angry at first when men paw me, but I am hurt.

If you go to youtube and look at the comments under this video you will see how I have been talked to as I try to talk some sense, as I try to open people’s minds..

But I can’t.

I do cry myself to sleep at night..but after being treated this way..I am grateful to sleep alone than with someone that treats me heartlessly.

For the record I am not a stripper and I don’t charge men for sex.. so if your new to my blog I just thought I would get that strait.

For My Son

 

 

 

My Sweet Son;

 

The moment you were born the sun came into my life; as you emerged from the darkness of my womb, with a splash into the doctor’s lap my life became enriched and all the more meaningful. Upon your first cry, before I even had a chance to gaze upon you, my heart swelled and burst with love and pride. As the nurses cleaned your tiny little body, as you screamed out the cry of new life my heart exploded; when they placed you into my arms, I looked into your eyes to behold the wisdom of a newborn soul; I placed you onto my breast, and the feel of my body nurturing you was pure bliss.

I knew your name before you were born, I just knew as a mother knows things that your favorite color would be yellow..and so it is. I felt your athletic little spirit and I knew you would be mischief..and so you are.. today my son you are 5 and what I am writing here are my wishes for you as you grow up, and become the man that you are intended to become.

My darling son, I hope for you this, I hope that you will never fight in a war and I hope that you will never seek out violence. I hope that you question everything, do not take orders from authority that go against your heart or your moral code. Do not fight in war that is war of greed, only fight to bring up the people in need. I hope that you will never grow up in a world were you have to point a gun or use any weapon against another human being.. I hope for you a life of peace.

My son, I wish for you to seek out wisdom and love above all else, seek out wisdom and love over material wealth. I hope the person you compete against the most is simply yourself, I wish for you to become more of the best that you can be in every given situation in your life. Do not compare yourself to others, do not wish to take what others have, only work and work hard to make more for yourself..and then learn to share your wealth .. always give to others. Give your time, your wisdom and your love as well as your material wealth.

Always respect the opposite sex, always make a woman your equal and never let her use you for status or wealth, and do not use her as a trophy, do not use her for sex.. I hope for you a partnership of equals, I hope for you a lover and a best friend. Hold each other up when times are tough and share the joys of life when times are happy. If you decide to have children, be the father that changes many a dirty bum, be the man that cooks and cleans, share the parenting as one. I hope for you a mate that is your equal, so that when you are weak she is the one to be strong as you should be as well. I want you to experience and share true unconditional love with another. I hope you are the father that has the strength to confront his emotional problems so that you can be emotionally available for your loved ones.

My son do not always follow logic but learn to follow your heart. Have the heart of the lion, the heart of true courage, the heart of a man that brings up the weakest ones.

You are in a world that uses and abuses the weakest ones in our society.. I hope you have the strength to blaze a new trail.. I hope my son that you will become and show the world what a real, true and honest man is like.. he leads by example, with love, kindness, wisdom.. and a strength that shines from the inside out. The greatest gift a man can give the world is his heart.

Follow your heart.. my sweet son

Luv

Mum

Dignity

 

 

 

 

 

One commonality through my dating experiences this summer was control. Looking at the word <CONTROL> means to command, rule over, run, DOMINATE, call the shots, DICTATE *be in the drivers seat**rule with an iron hand* MANIPULATE.

This pinpoints every date.

The first this summer with a guy off match.com whom I invited into my house to see the pictures and some writing from my book by emails that my publisher sent back to me. The game of control started with making me feel shamed or dirty for my book and work. Then it started at the gym were he chose to ignore some times and say hello when it suited him.. I tried to be reasonable by emailing him asking him what was going on but it didn’t work.. I regained my dignity by telling him not to bother me at all. No games no problems..keep it simple please. By his hot and cold interactions with me he was controlling my mood and feelings..it was a control game.

Then my next experience with Mr.B.. basically he made me his escort. He had viewed my website and liked what he saw..invited me over knowing in advance that he had no intentions of making me his girlfriend. He ordered up a side of Gracie.. he fed me bullshit about looking for the “ONE” and wanting a relationship knowing that I wouldn’t sleep with him; without that intention. He was manipulating and lying. He planned to feast on me and the nice dinner, and the wine that he had set out for himself. It was very underhanded and undignified of him. He then confused me by email and by text messages manipulating me into thinking that on second thought we could start a relationship..he asked me to send him sexy pictures by text on this precedence ..but of course he only wanted to further manipulate me as to strip me of even more of my diginity.. I regained my dignity by posting his emails on this blog to scare the shit out of him.

Just this last weekend I have had a hell of a time with men..first a man that I had dated back in the spring wanted to have a second chance at me. I had ended things with him on a very angry note as he had stood me up on my birthday. He manipulated me into believing that it was all just a miss-understanding and so I gave him another chance to come to my place. I shopped for and prepared a fancy cheese, chocolate and fruit platter..and he was to bring the wine. When he was supposed to show up he emailed me saying something had come up and he was going to be 2 hours late! My response was simply NO. He then tried to tell me how wrong I was..but I suspected he had simply put me on ICE just for the sake of control and having the upper hand. He has money, and he has told me how he treats his ex girlfriends..offering them a tiny bit of hope.. having them fight over him..and the promise of him settling down with one of them with his money. I just told him.. “you just want to fuck me” ” I am not falling for this crap of chasing after you.. if you want to fuck me then just get over here and do it..stop playing bullshit head games.” but of course he didn’t after I called the game out because the game and the manipulation is the turn on. He loves the fact that he can dictate to a woman or women and have them jump through hoops.. he loves being the puppet master..if I see through it there isn’t the power rush for him…so that was Friday night.

Saturday night I went out to run into a guy that I know has the sweetest loving girlfriend..he is all over her in the clubs when I see them out together and she is all over him..they seemed in love..but as soon as he isn’t with her..he is all over me asking me to go home with him..( fucking jerk).. Like want the upper hand much?

Than another married guy.. yes he wants to go home with me.. yes he has fooled around on his wife before..no he doesn’t want to talk about it or his kids.. I tell him” I have gold body glitter all over me” ..and I ask him ” How will you explain that to your wife..it will get all over you too?” He simply says ” I just say the guys and I went to watch strippers.”.. WOW! I am thinking the wife knows and she has decided to turn a blind eye..but I am also thinking “GET A DIVORCE” ” why live a double lie..why live 2 lives?”

At the club I was giving some people my business cards that have the link to this website..some guys asked me if it was a card for an escort service..and it gave me a brilliant idea for this one guy that was a jerk to me.. He was also off of match.com and he had told me he didn’t want to sleep with me at first only be my friend..then on the second date he did want to sleep with me but he didn’t want a relationship with me… he just wanted to have sex with me until he met the woman he was going to marry. Of course my answer was “NO”..I can’t just sleep with someone over and over again with out developing feelings for them and he would just be using me. So the guy who said he was my friend told me he didn’t want any contact with me at all and he stopped text messaging me.. I regained my dignity this way..

I emailed him off of match.com and asked him if he was still interested in fucking me..and that we just had to reach an agreement first.. He asked me to come over to his place to talk about it.

Entertaining the idea of the escort service in my head and just to see what would happen if I turned the game of control onto equal footing I told him that if he wanted to just fuck me..and not offer me any true intimacy, or any sort of future together that he had to make it worth my while to pay me for sleeping with him..after all my time is worth something I am worth something.. I am worthy of being given something back in return for my services and care to him.. but guess what..he had no trouble with the thought or trying to take the action of cumming in my face..and demanding that he should..but he said that he ” couldn’t let me demean myself by taking his money for sex”

Total dictation and control

Needless to say.. I left his apartment before he knew I was really leaving

I have learned something about sex this summer.. it seems through different men from all different cultures and ages.. control and domination of a woman is central to their sexual arousal.

It seems that attempting to take away a woman’s dignity and pride is a power rush..but I feel it takes away from their integrity and their own dignity it is undignified to lie, cheat, shame and manipulate others for external control..

I hope..and all I have is hope.. I hope to meet a real man one day.

Empowering Humanity

 

 

 

Basically everything I have done has been to empower others. Even as a very young child I could see very clearly through bullshit. It seems that I have always had a very clear direction to finding a path out of suffering. I grew up with a father that was very sexist and controlling. I grew up feeling ashamed for being born a girl, I grew up being taught by the women in my family that my role in life was to land a husband and serve him, meet his needs and see to it that he lived his dream. I was taught that women up held men; that this was our role in society.

I was taught that men could not control their sex drives and that if you behaved and acted in a certain way, that you were asking for it. One of my earliest memories was my dad calling me a slut for wearing a bikini to the beach in August. I was made to feel ashamed and dirty for having a curvy figure and for being big breasted but my brother was taught to get as many women as he possibly could and he was praised for loosing his virginity while I was to keep mine until marriage. I grew up seeing men being paid more than me for the same work. I grew up seeing men get better jobs than me; while we had the same experience and the same amount of education. I have grown up in a society that is run by male presidents and prime ministers..all of them having wonderful wives and mothers that support their dreams, but these women that support and uphold men of power have no real substantial power themselves.

I grew up having Playboy thrown in my face at the local 7-11 stores, and at high school as the boys passed it around behind the teachers back. I grew up listening to all the boys brag about all the sex that they had while all the girls kept their sexual experiences secret least they be labeled sluts. I have watched a male based society damn women if the do and damn them if they don’t. I have watched women’s sexuality used against them time and time again.. we are pressed into a model of what the perfect women should act and look like, we are sold products.. like anti-aging crap, and weight-loss shit that only serves to make us sick.. we are then told on the same magazine cover that we don’t have to diet to loose weight but we can eat cupcakes..and loose weight while we sleep..( JUST BULLSHIT)

Our sex is a sin, our sex is dirty, our sex is sell-able and useable.

I believe in a softer form of rape.. were a woman is lied to by a man, as he tells her he will be in a relationship with her; but he know’s fair well that he has no intention, that he lies to her to steal sex from her and then he walks away feeling smug leaving her broken and hurt. When a man does this to a woman and she looses trust in men, other men label her bitter..there again is the damned if you do damned if you don’t situation placed on women by a society that treats men like children. Men are not children they do have the capacity to tell the truth, to be honest and to control their sex drive.. it once again is societies way of controlling half the population by shame.

I have created this blog, website and my book to bring about a movement for women; a movement that will place women’s sexuality back in it’s rightful place.. women’s sexuality belongs to women. It is not up to a man to tell woman that she must stay a virgin until marriage..even her own father..it is not up to any religion, government or organisation to tell a woman what to do with her body or her sex.. including abortion.. it is her body and so it is her business.

I would like to see and I would like to create a movement for women by woman; I think through writing, photography, art and other forms of expression by women and the income that is earned by this put into an organisation that financially supports women in business and in their personal lives is the foundation of this movement.. I see in the future this movement or organisation called ” The Goddess Guidance Group”.. I see professional counselors involved and other professional women involved. This movement is not just to help women but to help men as well..many men are getting sick and tired of all the macho crap being piled up on them by society.. many man, men that are emotionally mature and open minded will see this as a breath of fresh air. There are many men in the world that are ready to see their partners receive equality..because this will take the burden off of men to retain a false macho identity and it will relieve men from the main bread winner pressure.  A movement of women coming into their rightful power will indeed bring balance to humanity.

Having true equal rights for women will help their children.. I am a single mother myself and I found that the way the government handles parenting responsibilities between parents that have separated or divorced to be far from equal. I found that the separation of the assets to be far from equal. I found that the amount of child support a parent has to pay to be a joke. My ex was able to walk away from 90% of the parental responsibilities, he retains 2/3 or more of his income for himself, he has the woman he left me for living with him helping him with household and daily expenses..if I enter into a common law relationship my alimony is stripped way from me even if the relationship fails and I am left with one income again. I have to take him to Family Maintenance for every extra expense after I have paid for it myself. I have to get his OK for him to put the kids into any extra activities; and of course he will not agree to anything or pay for anything. He is able to walk away with little financial or parental responsibilities while I am left with most of my income going to support the kids and little time for myself. This is the way a male based society treats single mothers, it is very easy for men to walk away from their children..and so it is very easy for single mothers to find themselves financially depleted and physically drained..this is not equality and it affects the quality of life for many children..

In a society based on true equality and equal rights the responsibilities of the children would be shared equally by both parents and the parent that the children lived with on a full time basis would retain a greater share of the marital assets to help raise the children to adulthood.

Women need to uphold women; we should not compete for male attention, we should support each other and be proud of our sex, our sexuality..we should regain ownership of ourselves and our bodies..we should show society through our expression..what we want..who we are and we should lead each other down this new path..

I hope my book..and my future works will inspire other women and men .. strait or gay down this new path to freedom.

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