I was walking down town Kelowna last night after a date that didn’t work out. It seemed that he was really into his money and into sex just for the sake of sex. His business but not what I wanted. It seems so hard to find anyone right for me. It seems sometimes like such a cold hard world.
With my sister freaking out over my website and my up coming book and my ex being a controlling asshole it seems that I am surrounded by assholes. I didn’t include some of my sister’s emails, as she called me a PIG.. and told me I was gross. She insisted that my photographs were highly touched up..and went so far as to say I was wearing a body stocking.. with the words ” repent.. repent!!” ringing in my head I have had enough. She of course put these words on my blog pretending to be a stranger just to mess with my head. Of course she thinks the book will sell as I have done nothing but whore myself. Oh and she thinks the book is about hating men.. she hasn’t even read a word of the book..it is the farthest thing from the truth.. it is about men and women loving each other authentically. But to her I am a sinning whore, and because of her attitude I have been shunned by my nearest family.
My ex decided to bring his girlfriend along with him to pick up the kids for the weekend.. the one he had the affair with.. then he proceeded to try to argue with me in front of the kids over stupid stuff.. she started to yell his name from the car, as neither of them watched our 5 year old son running between cars.. I of course pointed that out ( dumb ass!) My little boy wanted me to get his wallet out of the car for him; it was full of the money that he ” Found” in our house ( too cute!) but I couldn’t get it for him as it would have lead to confrontation between my ex and his girlfriend. So my little boy left for a week without me; mad at me. I am so sad
I only was able to see my girls for 24hrs as they had been in summer camp for a week before I brought them home for the weekend only to leave with their dad the next day for a week. I am so sad
Then just a few hours ago Family Maintenance called me to ask if he had paid the child support as he didn’t go through them like he was supposed to. The reason I took him to Family Maintenance was to stop him from controlling the situation..but I am the one who has to get it strait with them when he doesn’t go through them. Once again he put the check in the door were it can blow away just for the pure sake of the control and the head games.. You know.. Fairway Divorce, did nothing for me. The separation agreement was never followed. He ripped me blind and he is still controlling shit!
I am so sick and tired of being bullied by these assholes that were supposed to be my family!
My dating life has not been much better; it is all about control..why do people do it?!!
I don’t want to be controlled by a man with money! I don’t want to be treated like an object of lust, never to be loved!
I want someone to hold me and love me; someone authentic and real.. down to earth and true.
Well to go back to my walk down town after my date. I walked by a young man sitting on the cobble stones. He was still a teenager; he was dirty, exhausted, and he looked ready to cry… he asked me for money, but I said ” sorry” and I kept walking.. he burst into tears and he said ” WHY IS THE WORLD SO CRUEL? WHY DON’T PEOPLE LOVE ANYMORE? NO ONE LOVES ME”.. my heart melted. Just melted. I felt tears well up too. I asked “How much do you need? What do you need it for?” he told me ” I need $10.00 , $4.50 for bus fare with transfers. I want to go to my Grandmothers house across the lake. I would like the rest to get a sandwich, because I am so hungery I can’t wait to get to her house to eat.”
The thing is this.. I had found $20.00 at the beach a week back, I spent $10.00 on ice cream for my kids at the beach. I had kept the other $10.00 bill for some special reason.. I felt this was it. To help someone who felt hopeless and alone, helpless and unloved. I told him I had $10.00 bill and passed it to him. The look of disbelief was PRICELESS! It was a true miracle to him!
Thing is this.. I know exactly how he feels.. how can I deny him the kindness I long for myself.
Like my 5 year old son says ” The world needs to turn around so that I can grow up to be who I am supposed to be.”
I guess I have always been a little bitch as far as society is concerned. It started really early. I always felt jealous of boys and men, I felt and still feel that because you have a penis you get more opportunity and perks. Even when I was a little girl I would watch all the women cooking Thanksgiving Dinner while the guys went outside to play football. I wanted to play football. Later in my 20s I joined the woman’s Rugby team, but of course most of the funding went to the guys team. It really pissed me off that many of the girls were just their to pick up male players. I just hate that women are supposed to do all the shit work while guys go out and live. My ex husband grew up that way, when our marriage first began we worked at our landscaping business along side each other as equals, but as soon as the first baby came along, my body morphed while he stayed fit as a fiddle and did what ever the fuck he felt like. He told me that when our son was a baby, when I asked him for help. He said ” I am going golfing and there isn’t anything you can do about it.” It was in his culture, it’s what they all did in his family. The women behaved and jumped through hoops while the guys had all the fricken fun. Of course a woman like me turns into an angry bitch when she puts up a fight and tells him to get out. So I am a bitch.
I want to have fun too! I want to do wild and crazy things, I want to live! I guess I am not what would be considered a nice girl; well to bad..suck it!
I am a tomboy! I love adventure, but I still love men I am just very jealous of them. I think like a guy most of the time. I like to be a rebel with a cause; the cause to break stupid rules that society dictates to keep women behaving in the kitchen so men can have all the fun. Nope! I mean to set the women free, to give them the key to the gilded cage. It doesn’t matter how pretty the cage is it is still a fricken cage. I don’t want to be a lady, that means I can’t have fun. It doesn’t mean I don’t have class, I just have class and sass! I am gonna stay that way cause that is how I have always been. God gave me a purpose and it is to show women how to become wild again.. how to run with the boys! Women are over domesticated; it doesn’t mean a woman shouldn’t take care of her home our her family; just means he should help her so they both have time for fun. Just means he should stop making her his mother and accept her as his lover an best friend..and sometime his buddy too!
Secretly guys are in awe of the tomboy.. they kinda like the thought of being tied up and made to behave. They like us a little naughty; a little rebel, but you know what if doesn’t he is a wimp! LOL
I like the kind of men that will gladly kiss my ass when I tell them to..and enjoy the role play!
This is for the tomboys.. yes the inequality pisses us off; being put in corner will not be tolerated.. but ya we like men a lot!
Since putting up my webpage and making some of the photos from the book public, it seems that some men are under the impression that I wish to use my sexuality as a weapon of manipulation. I understand why; it is the archetype of the seductress, she of course has manifested herself throughout history as the woman that uses her sexual powers over men to manipulate and control the most powerful men of her time. This of course is my spiritual lesson; my lesson is to remain humble to not use my sexuality as weapon to gain control over men and society.
Truth be told I am not all that at all; what you see in the images for the website and what you will see in the book are my portraying the Goddess archetype. This imagery is not me in my daily life, yes to some extent it is me in spirit as it is in every woman’s soul to express these spiritual understandings through this ancient wisdom of the symbols in the pictures. But it’s not me. This is the artistry in the work; I get into character for each Goddess, but my true self is back stage, so to speak.
I am a motivated and driven person; I believe that I was spoken to by a higher power, I believe that I chose to be chosen to do this work, to create this book. To create the book, meant to sacrifice my privacy by showing my nudity. The nudity in the book is to show purity and vulnerability, it was not to gain all the male attention in the world for myself. I used money from the sale of my house from the break up of my marriage to buy the costumes, pay for the photography, pay to have the book published and to have the website designed; it has been a great sacrifice. I believe that all this was necessary to bring about true freedom for all of humanity. I believe that even if I live this life penniless, like all great art and all great messages, this will bring about massive change for future generations. True freedom.
As a woman; I am not looking for all the men in the world to want me. As a woman I am very practical; I know I am not all that, I am 42 and even though I take good care of myself I am aging. I know that there are far more beautiful and talented women than me in the world. I know that most of the men that seek me out will seek me out as a status symbol of their own male power. To have a woman that stands out from the crowd is to have social power, we all have egos, and I intend to keep mine in check by seeing and understanding why I am really wanted by most of these men. In truth I am far from perfect, I have had three children, I have a C-section scar, and when I lay flat on my back my breast go under my armpits because I am 42 and they are real. I am not the perfect image that most of these men seek I am a real woman. When the book comes out you will see by the writing and the meaning in the book why this message of being a real woman in todays fake society is so important.
As a person, I can be wild and fun, but also I am very controlled. I work out, and I plan to make my body all it can be. I put my kids first. I live a very healthy lifestyle, I eat to nurture and build my body, I go to bed early and get up early to get to the gym or do my run in the morning so that I have the rest of my day with my kids. I am now working on the promoting my book and at this moment writing this to you on my blog. I am practical, health nut. I do like to have fun but I know my limits and I play within them. I like quiet time, so that I can meditate to hear God within me, to hear the still small voice that guides me. I love to give to others and help others. My book is not about me it is about women and their relationships with men. The book is about the Divine Couple. I just used myself in the pictures.
In my personal life, it will not be a man of worldly power that I want. It will not be a man with tons of money. It will be a man that is driven, motivated, healthy, intelligent, funny and kind.. the man I want is kind. Most of all it is just one specific man that God has for me; and because God made him for me and me for him, I will never want to change him and he will never want to change me.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
T’was Grace that taught my heart to fear.
And Grace, my fears relieved.
How precious did that Grace appear
The hour I first believed.
Through many dangers, toils and snares
I have already come;
‘Tis Grace that brought me safe thus far
and Grace will lead me home.
The Lord has promised good to me.
His word my hope secures.
He will my shield and portion be,
As long as life endures.
Yea, when this flesh and heart shall fail,
And mortal life shall cease,
I shall possess within the veil,
A life of joy and peace.
When we’ve been here ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun.
We’ve no less days to sing God’s praise
Than when we’ve first begun.
Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now am found,
Was blind, but now I see.
I believe in God; in your ignorance you just don’t see, you are blinded by hate but my eyes have been opened by love. I was once blind like you, I was once asleep, but now through LOVE I AM AWAKE AND THROUGH LOVE I TRULY SEE.
I have done the work of the divine, I sacrificed my privacy, I gave up my flesh for the world to see, not an act of the ego but an act of humility. It is only sin you see as shame you cling to in your fear of the hell you live in daily my dear; this hell it is your perception plain and clear.
Your prejudices you cling to, as they give you a false sense of power, like a security blanket that a small child clings to, you cling to age old perceptions that have kept humankind in the dark for centuries. You judge me and call me a sinner, while doing so you sin yourself.. therefor are we not equal, if I sin then so do you.. the point is equality. Ignorance is judgement.. you have no right to judge as I have no right to judge.. live and let live.
This is me in March of 2007, I was eight months pregnant with my son. I was verging on toxic, my liver enzymes were tested at the level of an alcoholic, but of course it was the pregnancy not alcohol that was causing this. I was not allowed to work out as I had lost 4 pregnancies in a row before conceiving our son. I had morning sickness right up to the day I delivered. All of my pregnancies were very hard. My first with my daughter, my blood pressure was very low so I was prone to fainting, so I could not work out. My second with my middle daughter, I had morning sickness all day long, it was so bad I had to be hospitalized to be re-hydrated. Needless to say I gained weight; a lot of weight as I was pregnant or loosing babies for the entire span of our 12 year marriage. I did manage to loose half the weight leading up to my last pregnancy with my son and during that time my husband seemed to love me more; but as soon as I gained pregnancy weight his eyes wandered and I was left feeling helpless and heartbroken.. and UGLY.
It was the way he was raised; his family was very superficial; they loved the way I looked when he first met me. I was a prize then, my ex-husband and I lived together for a couple of years before we were married. I always have loved to got to the gym, run and do yoga and it showed on my body and my face; I thought I could always keep my figure. I envisioned that I would work out through all my pregnancies, only gain about 20 pounds and then loose it fast through nursing and hitting the gym with a day care. But when I did try to go to the gym after having each baby I was bitched at for spending money on my heath even though we had the money. It was a constant ” damned if I do damned if I don’t situation” Once again the way he was raised by a womanizing step father.
I fought a battle against nature and fate to have my son; the doctors told me I could not, my body told me I could not by loosing many pregnancies, but my spirit said ” I CAN” I fought to bring him into this world. I sacrificed my body for each of my children, even the babies that didn’t make it into the world. THE SACRIFICE IS BEAUTIFUL! The sacrifice that every mother makes to bring a child into the world, but worldliness tells us that the marks of birth are UGLY.. that I pregnant woman is fat, that a woman should worry more about getting her figure back to the social norm of beauty, more worried about her looks than spending time with her newborn… that way of thinking is UGLY. It’s ugly that the world doesn’t see how beautiful women are in all the stages of their lives, if it be the maiden; yet to be touched by a man sexually or the mother; full and ripe with child, nursing and nurturing her young or if it be the Matron, teaching the next generation how to love authentically, the Matron sharing her wisdom.. this is truly beautiful.
This was me when my son was just over a year old; my sister had died just a few months before, I was depressed and grieving, it was still hard to loose the weight as my lust for life was stifled by the feelings of guilt.. I felt guilty that I had lived and my sister had died.
This is me after my husband left me to have an affair; it’s ironic that I found more time to myself after he had left us. He was not there to impose his double standards upon me and so I was free to work out at will and I fell in love with being physical again. The need to be active never left me; it was just stifled by him.
This is me now or just a few months ago.. I was never ugly.. even when I was sick and overweight I was a warrior, I was a and still am a wonderful woman and mother.. Like all women I am WONDER WOMAN.
True beauty comes from the inside out; it shines in your actions, it shows in your character, it shows in how you treat yourself and how you treat others. There are many that look beautiful on the outside.. men and woman, but true beauty shows in love of self and love of others.. it shows in service for the greater good. Beauty also shows in humility. It was very humbling for me to show you these images of me from my past; these images of my past are from when I was the most vulnerable, when I felt the most unloved and I was the most unloved by my husband and his family as I was not accepted from the inside out. The only saw the outer me; they did not respect my sacrifice for my children and my then husband would not wait for me to heal from the loss of my sister so that my outer beauty could match my inner beauty.
But it was fate and as fate will have it’s way I am about to fly..
My book will show the world the beauty of a woman’s soul; my service to all woman and the men that truly love them.
My last date was a disaster; I shouldn’t of gone on the date with him, after he called me DUDE by text message, after he had see just some of my boudoir photography that I had sent to him by email. But he was intelligent, good looking, fit and he had a great sense of humor; but by calling me DUDE he was saying I was not attractive to him. I should of listened to my intuition but I was in a lonely place. Most of the time I can handle my loneliness but this time it got the better of me; I told myself that I wouldn’t truly know for sure unless I took a risk and dated him. I could tell he wasn’t keen on the date after calling me DUDE; he stop text messaging me as much and it went from a sexual tone to a more serious tone. But he showed up; I took him to a friends party, he was a really good looking guy and he had a sweetness about him; but he soon seemed to turn bitter as he had a negative opinion about everyone at the party after we left. Not everyone I guess but many.
He had wanted to see my book; as I had some of the chapters on my email from my publisher for me to go over and correct with them. I invited him into my house; but he was hesitant to come in; he even sighed at the idea or the suggestion by me. I told him up front that he didn’t have to if he didn’t want to. He came in and looked at the book and my very sexy pictures that are in the book; he was very closed off towards me, and it seemed as if he was scared of me. He talked about how Kelowna seemed to be full of people who were into loose sex and that he had run into many; he talked about how disturbing it was to him that so many people could just have casual sex. Of course my website and book are to do with creating intimacy through love and healthy lust. I could agree with him that our society had lost it;s integrity. He then went on about how he had heard by someone who worked at a local radio station that there were so many people in Kelowna affected by sexually transmitted diseases; at this point I was starting to feel as if he was grouping me in with these people. I felt as if he was saying to me that because of my work and my writing that I must be sexually perverted.
I asked him to come and sit on the couch and talk to me; we moved way from my computer and I sat on a separate couch as I could see he was not comfortable with me being near him; it was like he was afraid I was going to molest him. My dress kept slipping down and my bra was showing so I kept pulling it up; I caught him rolling his eyes at me, as if to say that I was doing it to get his attention and I was trying to hard to be sexy. No it just kept slipping down and I could see that he was not comfortable with me being sexual at all. I then tested it by sitting be side him and asking him if I could read his palm; he kept pulling back or away from me, he wouldn’t look me in the eye. It seemed as if I was freaking him right out. I was totally insulted. I was so hurt and shocked!
I stood up and we talked some more before he said he had to leave; he hugged me; he was as rigid as board. He seemed very relieved to get out un-raped.
I cried that night; I have had guys try to change me into a good, little, nice girl and guys try to put me into the sex only category but I have never had a guy treat me like a freak before. I sent him an email the next day; he had not text messaged me, and I knew OF COURSE that he was not interested in me at all as it seemed that my sexuality disgusted him. I told him exactly what I am telling you; I told him how shocked and hurt I was; he got mad and I got mad..and that was that.
Then because I just couldn’t make sense of it and of course because I wanted; in some way to prove to him that I was sexually viable I sent him an email saying I was sorry for judging him. I know. I well… I don’t know I guess and I still don’t know if it was wrong or right to try to be his friend as that is what he said he wanted. I added him to my facebook. I had to change to his gym because my gym was screwing up on the daycare and his gym was my my gym years ago and it had a great day care. Anyway I thought cause I was going to his gym that it would be and even better reason to befriend him. I have seen him at the gym once; and seeing him hurt me as it just reminded me of how he made me feel like a crazy tramp. I looked at his facebook to see lots of very exceptionally pretty women as his so called friends. One of them worked out beside me one day; she eyed me up and down constantly, I wondered if she recognized me from his facebook. I thought did he do this to her too? Does he do this to all of them? Is it his way of getting his power back from the ex that cheated on him, by making beautiful women question their sexual worth the same way his ex must of made him question his when she had an affair on him; it must of made him feel as if he was not enough or not sexy?
I knew then that I had to take him off my facebook; every time I saw him online I got a sinking feeling; it has been about a month since I had a date with him and I still haven’t got my sexy back. I don’t even want to touch myself! That is not normal for me at all! I have a high sex drive; but he made me feel dirty. Here I am trying to abolish the shame that society puts on to our sexuality and he made me feel SHAME!
But not only did he make me feel shame; his reaction to me and my body, and my creative, spiritual work, caused me intense heartache; so much so that I have fallen into a mini depression; his reaction to me made me feel hopeless and despondent. His seeming disgust and mistrust of my sexuality and person made me want to give up on men. It made me feel as if no man in the world will ever understand or love me; it made me feel as if men will only use me or want to use me for sex. His reaction to me caused me to cry for days and even still I do not understand it. Even still it makes me sad.
Now that I have taken him off my facebook I can begin to heal and I hope that I can get my sexy back fast; if I don’t feel attractive I will not be attractive.
I know there is a lesson in this and I think it is simply that some people just don’t deserve you; it as simple of accepting that some people just wish to share their pain instead of working through it in a healthy way that doesn’t hurt others. I am sorry that women have hurt him by not being loyal or trustworthy. It is a shame because he really is a good man; he simply isn’t aware that he is putting his rejection and pain onto others.. like me.
I do see myself as separate from my work; because I think the message is bigger than me. I used myself as a canvas and I let the message move through me. I understood that I was sacrificing my personal privacy by using myself in the photography, I understood and understand that the message is a head of it’s time as is any message that brings about change. The world is never ready for a independent, passionate woman; but like most people, men and women that break old, unneeded rules to bring about a positive change; they are never accepted in their time.
Because I do not fit into any of the models for women that exist today; as I am not a bad girl or a good girl, this will make it almost impossible for me to meet a man that can see me as an equal. Quite frankly this doesn’t exist in our society yet; this paradigm is still shifting into shape and because I am this new woman; the new man may not exist for me yet. I maybe so head of my time that he hasn’t incarnated at this moment in time.
I have men try to label me as a bad girl because of my nudity in the book; I have men tell me that they wouldn’t date me because I am too dangerous; that they want a nice girl to settle down with. I have read on the net that a bad girl uses a man for money, she can’t be trusted, she fools around on him. I have read that a bad girl is fun, good in bed and loves adventure. I am the positive aspects of a so called bad girl but not the negative. A good girl is trainable; a good girl is stable and trusting; but she is not good in bed and has lower self-worth. I am not trainable; I run from men who try to manipulate me and train me; but I am stable and trustworthy but I am great in bed. I don’t fit in either label.
When I first met my ex husband after our third date he told me he couldn’t buy me a house; he told me that he was in dept and that he was worried his business would go under; but I saw that he was driven and I told him that we would build his business up together and that we would make our future together and we did. He was the one who decided that he didn’t want to be a full time father anymore; he was the one who had an affair after understanding that no matter how much he hurt me and ignored me I wasn’t going to have an affair. He was the one who forgot on purpose that we had built up our finances together; he was the one who ripped me blind. I was the one that trusted, that held strong, I was the one that wanted to be his equal; he left me because a good girl does what she is told; a good girl puts her man’s needs above her own; and I saw us as equals; this he couldn’t tolerate and as the final act of control was to shame me by having an affair with an employee and to disgrace me by leaving me a as a socially discarded single mother- discarded ( get rid of, someone or something, seen as undesirable )
So as many of you know I went on a inner journey to find myself as desirable once again; I used this blog to work through my pain; I had the boudoir photography done to help me to feel sexy again; as my husband made me feel sexless. This was the start of this journey; I left the good girl behind as she didn’t work for me; and I sought out the bad girl but I did this; I believe in a very balanced way. I have never sold out on my principals; I never let a man turn me into a whore. I never let a man turn me into his mother or little, good girl wifey again either.
There have been many of my guy friends tell me that whoever the lucky guy is that gets me will have the best sex of his life ( true) But just as importantly he will be loved like never before; he will have a loyal, trustworthy woman; a woman that is his best friend and buddy and a woman that doesn’t depend on him endlessly. Many have read me wrong. I am not into using men or being used by them. The man that is meant for me; will be my friend, exercise companion, someone to goof around with, someone to cuddle with, travel with, cry with, and just have quiet moments. Someone who seeks health from the inside out; a man that wants love, with a little fun lust, but a man who is committed and kind.
I will not settle; I will not. I will be alone until I meet him. I not looking for him anymore; if he is here with me now, at this time on this Earth he will show up; but I may just have to accept that he is not; that maybe in the next life time we will meet. But I can’t be with anyone else but him.. whoever he is.
It is my dream.
I am going to explain the reasoning behind my work. I can only imagine that there are some questioning my nudity and the reasoning for it. I am going to have a little fun with this post; I am a bit of a nerd, I love words. I am going to play a little word game with you. I used my Collins Canadian English Dictionary to create a word circle. I told you I am a bit of a geek.
But I am doing this for the men that read my work; men love this kind of intellectual word play, they like logic and so do I. But I also use some intuition in this process as well as I was asking to be guided by a higher power.. so here it goes.
The first word Is Paradigm. Paradigm because of the Universal Paradigm shift that is happening at this time in history. It is astrological fact that we are now entering the center of our galaxy. Our perception and view of our galaxy has changed from our view point on Earth as the Earth shifts to the center of the Milky Way. Scientifically and in myth the Earth is seen as Feminine as the Earth represents the Mother. This shift is know in spiritual circles as The Rise of The Feminine.. get it? The Divine Feminine. This Paradigm- a new model, a transfer, a different place, area or space, a new identity, a state of being or new existence.. as explained in the dictionary.. this is were we are headed.
Now going to the word MODEL we find a Pattern, a PARADIGM is a NEW PATTERN.
I am using the dictionary as a GUIDE..a book of instruction or information to GUIDE YOU.
A GUIDE helps to ILLUMINATE and brings ILLUMINATION as does INFORMATION.. helping to explain.. ILLUSION being a deceptive appearance, what is false. The ILLUSION has been .. ( gonna get to that in a bit..)
ILLUMINATION brings us to the LIGHT-means of setting fire too, ignite; and that brings us back to UNDERSTANDING or grasping.. to DEFINE..
Here comes the INTUITION.. what am I DEFINING.. EQUALITY- evenly balanced, harmony, peaceful agreement and cooperation- harmonize-fit into or go well together.
More intuition as FIT becomes FIX- become firm, stable, secure, REPAIR
REPAIR becomes REPARATION- something done or given as compensation- to make AMENDS.
How does one make AMENDS, becomes HUMILITY- humble, conscious of ones failings- modest-not vain- release of ego or pride.
The key to CONSCIOUSNESS is COMPASSION.. COMPASSION IS THE KEY to FORGIVENESS.. to forgive others is to see them as ourselves; this brings about COMPASSION.
Now I am going to swing the words around a little bit.
FORGIVENESS gives us the ability to make AMENDS to REPAIR the relationship between men and women, this REBUILDING and RE-PATTERNING causes the SHIFT into BALANCE. COOPERATION and the HARMONIZATION of the sexes brings about true EQUALITY by seeing past the ILLUSION ( there is the word ILLUSION again).. the ILLUSION being the lies of the media, politics, religion and all secular organizations.. this is THE NEW PARADIGM SHIFT.
I am now turning the words with intuition.. not just logic.. The word SHAME- Painful emotion, caused to feel SHAME, disgrace; COMPELLED by SHAME; she was SHAMED into helping ( yes it says in the dictionary SHE was SHAMED into helping)
COMPELLED- Forced to BE or do.
AM- being FIRST PERSON or in CONTROL OF SELF.
So was SHE SHAMED into being CONTROLLED; the opposite of CONTROLLED is to BE FREE- FREE- able to act at will not to be COMPELLED or restrained. It is a woman`s sexuality that is the most CONTROLLED in society.
To sum it up;
The nudity in the book and on the website are to show a woman`s FREEDOM; It is to show her BEING.. it is to say for all women I AM.
I AM my own woman.
I AM not CONTROLLED or COMPELLED ( MANipulated) by society.
I AM in my own skin.
I AM my own mind.
I AM in control of me.
I AM not ASHAMED.
I AM not a owned
I AM not an object.
I AM me.
I AM original.
I AM beautiful as I AM.
This FREEING of the female sex and body creates EQUALITY. This ethos causes the SHIFT. When women are FREED so are men.
When women FREE themselves of the plastic figure put before them by a culture that has used women`s bodies and sex for capitalization; as sex sells and the more SHAMEFUL and dirtier the sex the higher the gain. It will be then that the SHAME will be obliterated, the taboo lifted and the ILLUSION ILLUMINATED.
When men stop buying into sex; men stop the unhealthy external power struggles to become the Alfa-Male. The ILLUSION falls, the rat-race for more for the sake of sexual domination fails and falls; this will be when the male race finally finds peace. When men are no longer seen as money making machines, Women no longer treated as plastic objects this is when the PARADIGM SHIFT happens. We begin to experience a NEW EXISTENCE or HARMONY, EXISTENCE changes and a Golden Age begins. We will have found BALANCE..we will RE-BUILD and REPAIR by heartfelt Compassion for each other.
Women and men become a team; together we co-create a NEW REALITY.
The image that I use in this post is HECTATE; she is the Triple Headed Goddess; the Oracle or The High Priestess.. she is in the book as are 38 images of 7 different Goddesses used to express the many facets of a woman.
I used her image her because she is wise.